Wednesday, February 12, 2014

A Decision Made



I've been sitting on this decision for almost a week, even though I knew deep down my answer was yes.  I would accept His offer of compromise. 

So what was taking so long for me to come out and say it?

I kept asking myself...

Is it that I am afraid to fail again?

Am I scared of the punishment lying ahead of me?

Do I worry that He still won't have the attention to devote to us right now? 

Well, I have to thank mc kitten over at Pillow Talk for her post about Pride.  It couldn't have come at a better time!  As soon as I saw the title in my blog feed, that one word spoke volumes.

My ah-ha moment!  I don't know why I didn't see it. 

The only problem was my own pride.  It was preventing me from truly humbling myself.  In just that short amount of time of not being in service to Him, my own sense of self had begun taking hold and along with it, some of my previous behaviors.  Actually, it wasn't shocking once I figured it out.  I'd seen it creeping into my attitude and other aspects of our lives the last couple of weeks.  And I'm ashamed to admit, I didn't much like what I saw there.  Now, it's not like I went off the deep end, but I just started to notice my level of tolerance for everyone and everything had somehow gone out the window.  

So today was the day.  Today I found the courage to put my pride aside and humble myself.  It no longer mattered who was right or wrong.   

Shyness overwhelmed me as I stood in front of Him, slowly removing all of my clothes, and kneeling at His feet.  For days, I hadn't been sure what I would say to Him when the time came so I just started talking, letting the words flow without overthinking it.  I apologized and asked to be considered His slave again.  I also told Him I accepted and would submit to whatever punishment He chose.  gulp!

Are you sure this is what you want?

For a year and half I have been sure.  I only feared when you so quickly suggested ending our dynamic after one mistake, that you might not want it anymore.

Reaching down, offering me His hands, He pulled me into His arms and assured me that it was still what He wanted.

However, I was also reminded that even though He hasn't determined when, I should know that my punishment will be coming. 

Afterwards, I enjoyed spending time worshipping and sucking His cock.  Nothing like a bit deep throating and gagging to make all right with the world:)  

Yep...it feels good to be back to normal.   


13 comments:

  1. Well - I'm glad I sort of helped!

    It's so lovely when things feel right side up again after an upset xx

    good luck with the punishment..

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    1. You really did. And it is nice to finally have some resolution. I'm with you though...biting my nails too. Just wish he would get it over already!

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  2. ehh, pride. As much of a bitch as the traitorous pussy. So happy for you that you made a decision and that things will be getting back to normal...though i'm really nervous about this punishment and it's not even mine!

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    1. 'though i'm really nervous about this punishment and it's not even mine!'
      yes me too! waiting is the worse... *bites nails*

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    2. Thanks Scarlet. Haha...well I will certainly have something to write about when it happens!

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    3. Egh, i have a punishment of my own to write about if i ever get around to it. Apparently 3 classes and 3 kids makes for lots of opportunities for me to step out of line.

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    4. Oh boy! Sorry to hear that! That is alot on your plate and I am sure quite difficult to always mind your p's and q's. Hope it went ok:(

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  3. Pride is such a difficult emotion - we need just enough so that we are strong in who we are but not too much that we stand in our own way. Happy that you finding you equilibrium ava x

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    1. Ava...that is so true. There is a certain amount that we need to have but too much prevents us from being able to serve in our best capacity.

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  4. Given how inventive your Master is when it comes to punishments.... my thoughts are with you.
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Oh gosh. That is so true DF. I will need all the thoughts I can get for sure. But I can't say that I didn't know what I was getting into:)

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  5. Clearly I need to read back and see what I've missed here. Pride is nearly always at the root of my issues with submission! And I will be on edge about your punishment also!

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    1. Glad to know I am not the only one battling the pride issue. Hopefully you have had a chance to get caught up but if you haven't, I told my Master that i would not do something. I knew better but acted at the moment out of panic. I am on edge too. I feel like the kid who is waiting on the other parent to get home.

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