Wednesday, February 12, 2014
A Decision Made
I've been sitting on this decision for almost a week, even though I knew deep down my answer was yes. I would accept His offer of compromise.
So what was taking so long for me to come out and say it?
I kept asking myself...
Is it that I am afraid to fail again?
Am I scared of the punishment lying ahead of me?
Do I worry that He still won't have the attention to devote to us right now?
Well, I have to thank mc kitten over at Pillow Talk for her post about Pride. It couldn't have come at a better time! As soon as I saw the title in my blog feed, that one word spoke volumes.
My ah-ha moment! I don't know why I didn't see it.
The only problem was my own pride. It was preventing me from truly humbling myself. In just that short amount of time of not being in service to Him, my own sense of self had begun taking hold and along with it, some of my previous behaviors. Actually, it wasn't shocking once I figured it out. I'd seen it creeping into my attitude and other aspects of our lives the last couple of weeks. And I'm ashamed to admit, I didn't much like what I saw there. Now, it's not like I went off the deep end, but I just started to notice my level of tolerance for everyone and everything had somehow gone out the window.
So today was the day. Today I found the courage to put my pride aside and humble myself. It no longer mattered who was right or wrong.
Shyness overwhelmed me as I stood in front of Him, slowly removing all of my clothes, and kneeling at His feet. For days, I hadn't been sure what I would say to Him when the time came so I just started talking, letting the words flow without overthinking it. I apologized and asked to be considered His slave again. I also told Him I accepted and would submit to whatever punishment He chose. gulp!
Are you sure this is what you want?
For a year and half I have been sure. I only feared when you so quickly suggested ending our dynamic after one mistake, that you might not want it anymore.
Reaching down, offering me His hands, He pulled me into His arms and assured me that it was still what He wanted.
However, I was also reminded that even though He hasn't determined when, I should know that my punishment will be coming.
Afterwards, I enjoyed spending time worshipping and sucking His cock. Nothing like a bit deep throating and gagging to make all right with the world:)
Yep...it feels good to be back to normal.