Playing Alone

Wednesday night I could feel all the tell-tale signs.  Certain parts of my body would soon be out of commission for Daddy's use.  As I happened to be showering off after our walk, He came in, pulled open the shower door, and took in a glance. 

When He closed the door and started to walk away, I squirmed around trying to find the words. 

Just so you are aware, I think come tomorrow, I might be wearing my red necklace. 

Anyways, my not so subtle hint seemed to go fairly unnoticed until I was standing naked in front of the vanity mirror and drying my hair.  He came back in the bathroom and patted my butt.  Leaning close to my ear, He told me not to bother coming out of the bedroom until I had given myself five orgasms.

Not really the direction I was expecting but who's complaining...right?  He closed the bedroom door behind Him and disappeared to the office, leaving me to my business.

I was aroused, but not really 5 orgasms aroused, so I started plundering through the toy cabinet looking for the heavy artillery that could help me get the job done. 

Well...He didn't specifically say anything was off limits!   

Daddy got quite a surprise and chuckled out loud when He came back in the room.  At that point, I had only gotten through number 4 and there was chaos all over the bedroom. 

Towel on the bed...

Magic wand attachment lying on the nightstand table...

Kong well used and lying in the sink...

And I was sitting on the exercises bench looking sheepish, holding the magic wand, with a wooden spoon lying beside me.  I'm a little embarrassed to admit what I actually was doing.  Let's just say at that point...I needed a little extra stimulation if number 5 was ever going to happen. 

I have to give mc kitten over at Pillow Talk credit because her recent post and some of the follow-up comments made me reflect back on this task of masturbating alone.  I really admire those who are more comfortable doing this in the presence of their significant other.

Certainly, I prefer that He is an active participant because I need and crave that emotional connection and let's face it...it's just more fun that way! 

But this isn't always how He wants it.  Sometimes, He just wants me to touch or please myself. Possibly, it's for His own entertainment. At times, it's for my own build up or relief of sexual tension. But I venture to say, in most cases, is just because He can. 

Maybe I'm a bit odd, but I actually would rather do this alone.  Of course, I will "perform" for Him if asked but I don't know...I just feel so awkward and self conscious, particularly if He is just watching and not participating.

As long as we have been together, it really doesn't make sense and I don't understand why, but I do know this shyness ultimately inhibits my own exploration and overall experience.

In thinking about why I prefer it this way, I realized there is a positive side in that I have probably stretched some of my own limits when experimenting by myself, particularly when tasked with multiples orgasms like the other night. Multiples, for me, don't come (pun intended) easily so I have to push myself further, both physically and mentally.

Maybe Daddy understands this, and uses it as just one of His many ways to nudge me...

deeper into my own dark desires and fantasies...

to a place of acknowledging and accepting their existence.