"Crossroads": A Night of Riding the Cross (Part II)

 

For the third time, I was strapped to the cross.  This time facing forward again.  I didn't know how much more I could take if it involved my tits but was quite relieved when Master assured me He wasn't flogging them.  With the blindfold again placed over my eyes, the room is quiet and then I hear the buzzing of a familiar friend...the Hitachi Magic Wand.  Instantly I think, "Oh thank God...this is the good part". 

Well, all I can say is at least I wasn't getting whipped because in the end I cried just as I had the first two times I was on the cross.

 

 

With the stand mounted Hitachi, He begins to torment my pussy by turning it on and allowing me to get close to an orgasm and then turning it off leaving my hips thrusting forward begging for more and continued with this until I was almost insane with need.  All goes quiet for a moment and I hear the familiar sound of the clover clamps.  "That's right" thinking to myself...he didn't promise no clamps. 
On my already battered and tender nipples, He attaches each of the clamps both biting into my flesh almost more than I can bear at this point.  But magically, as soon as He turns the Hitachi back on, it's as if I can't feel any pain in my nipples anymore, only the throbbing need between my legs consumes me.  Again, He tortures me by turning it off each time my orgasm builds.  Now, Master begins adding weight to the chain on the clamps.  With the Hitachi running, He adds a weight so I can't feel it, then as my body assumes that familiar arch so close to releasing turns the vibrator off allowing the pain to flood back to my nipples.  One by one, He continues in this manner until my tears begin to flow out from under my blindfold but not from pain this time...from a complete and desperate need that would not be satisfied.  After removing all the weights and clamps, I am again removed from the cross and directed to my water bowl. 

Almost too shaken at this point to drink any water, He sits down in front of me again, kisses me, and explains that this is the final time I will be on the cross should I so chose.  However, if I chose this final round, I will step up to the cross and beg Him to be strap me on and whip my tits. 

"OH...MY...GOD...He has to be kidding me" was my first thought.  The look in His eyes told me He wasn't.  However, the battle that played out in my mind lasted only a couple of minutes. 

I had come this far. 

I wanted so badly to please Him. 

I trusted Him to only take me as far as I could handle.

I muster the strength to assume my position at the cross.  As I stand there, I look at Him and smile.  "Master...will you please strap me to the cross and I am begging you to whip my tits". 

This time, without the blindfold, He walks to me with the heavy flogger and begins to lightly lash across my stomach first.  It's not often, I get to see Him working.  With just the hint of a grin on His face, He is so handsome and consumed in what He is doing...I can't help but fall in love a little more right now.  It's obvious, He is being easier than earlier but my skin is already on fire.  As He moves to my tits, I pull against the restraints and cry out as He reminds me to breathe.  Finally, He tells me only two more, one on each nipple and I am to thank Him for each.  Staring directly into His eyes as a reminder to myself of why I can endure this,  the flogger lands on my right nipple, and despite the searing pain, I find myself choking out the words, "THANK YOU MASTER FOR WHIPPING MY NIPPLE!".  And the same follows for the left.  Relief floods though me as He unstraps me and pulls me into His arms.  I can feel how turned on He is and He is kissing me so hard and passionately, my body just melts against Him. 

I love being everything He needs me to be...that is where I find my happiness.     

His sexual craving will be satisfied later that night after I have recovered some of my strength but I will be left wanting yet again.  As I said at the start of Part I, today was only the first of many "tests" over the next few days.

"Crossroads": A Night of Riding the Cross (Part I)

All week, I had been mentally preparing and patiently awaiting what was to start yesterday with a mix of excitement and fear.  Master told me that He had several intense scenes planned over a period of a few days that would be meant to challenge my physical and emotion strength and test my commitment and complete surrender as His slave.  The first of these "tests" took place last night. 

He called the scene "At the "Cross"roads".  When all was said and done, this was by far the longest session we have had, at a little over 3 hours and little did I know, would mainly focus on the one thing I fear the most...having my tits whipped.

I shower, fix my hair and makeup, and try to stay calm as I wait for Him to be ready.  As it starts to get dark outside, He finally comes upstairs and tells me it is time as He places a blindfold over my face and leads me to the basement where He takes off the blindfold revealing all that He had prepared.  I quickly scan the room but my eyes focus on the one large object looming in the center...the St. Andrew's Cross.  Candles are lit throughout the room and so many different implements laid.  I also can't help but notice the Hitachi Magic Wand strapped to a stand. 

As I stand naked in the middle of the room facing the cross, He asks, "are you ready to mount the cross".  I nod and He instructs me to step up to it and face Him.  This was the first time I had seen Him.  He is wearing a black shirt and camo pants, bringing a smile to my face because He knows how much I love this outfit on Him during our sessions. Just looking at Him, I know at this moment, I would do anything for this man standing in front of me.  But as He secured my arms and ankles to the cross and put the blindfold back in place over my eyes, I could feel the cold clammy sweat of nervousness on my palms. 

Starting with a light flogger, He begins to lick gently at my stomach, then easing up to my tits and down to my pussy.  I try to relax into it and enjoy the light stimulation as He continues across the front of my body but in the back of mind know that His gentleness will not last.  Gradually, He increases intensity and speed until I hear myself moaning with each stroke contacting my body, caught somewhere between a little bit of pain but also a little bit of pleasure.  Changing to a heavy flogger, He again starts easy and works His way up to harsher, more deliberate strikes, until I am crying out in agony with almost each stroke, particularly the ones that make contact with my overly sensitive nipples.  As my cries turn to sobs, I am still determined to take what He has to give, trusting that He will know how far to push me.  He encourages me to breathe through it, to find my focus...pushing me through the last few more lashes.

As He eases me off the cross, I collapse into His arms still sobbing, shaking, and completely fatigued.  He holds me and assures me of how good I did. And once I have composed myself, He offers me water pointing to the bowl sitting on the floor in the corner of the room.  Knowing what this means, without hesitation or shame, I quickly drop to my hands and knees and crawl to the bowl quickly lapping at the water like a puppy.  When He isn't looking, I glance down at my battered tits to see the welts and lash marks already forming and whimper in pain, hoping that my tits won't have to endure any more for the evening.  Once I quenched my thirst, I assume the kneeling pose as instructed with my face down on the floor and He knows I am ready to resume. 

This time, I am thankful to be mounted to the cross with my backside exposed until He attaches the clover clamps to already tender nipples.  With a dildo mounted to the cross to act as my gag, the licks of the light flogger begin first across my back and shoulders, then my ass.   Again, He gradually increases speed and intensity until changing to a riding crop.  I think during this portion of the session, I was as close to "sub space" as I have ever been as the sting on my ass was beginning to turn from pain to a warm sensation.  But once again, Master pushed the boundary of my pain threshold by switching to the heavy flogger, and had me screaming out in pain louder than I ever have as it connected harshly across my back.  Again, the sobs came but He continued flogging my ass until...well I don't really know when or what made Him decide to stop.

With shaky legs and weak arms, He lowered me off the cross this time and directed me to my water bowl.  As I crawled I was thinking "wow...as hard as He just beat my ass, the only part of me that is throbbing right now is the stripes across my back and my tits".  As I finish taking a drink, He sits down in front of me for just a moment and kisses me, giving me the little bit of encouragement I needed to assume the position, and submit to riding the cross yet again not knowing what He has planned next. 

This journal entry is only the first half of last night's experience...so as they say...To be continued!  


  






 

Just Because He Can

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Dumb Whore for a Day

Yep...apparently I am a dumb whore or at least I was the other night!



Tuesday night started harmless enough with a long overdue blow job for Master.  Real life had gotten in the way all weekend and I had been unable to perform my ritual Saturday and Sunday morning blowjobs.  Dying to get my mouth on Him, the opportunity finally presented itself and it was good knowing He was satisfied.  But I really should know by now to never assume my life as His slave will be that easy.

It had been almost a week and a half since my body had felt His touch.  I was determined to handle it gracefully, meaning no whining or pouting, despite my constant craving but He knows me well enough to understand my needs and of course took advantage by playing a little game. 

I had 3 choices and was to pick one...

1. His tongue on my pussy for 2 minutes

2. His cock in my pussy for 150 strokes

3. Masturbate myself to the edge

AND...If I chose number 1 or 2, I was even free to have an orgasm if it was possible in that short amount of time. 

I had to strategize a little (a lot of good that ever does me).  Well, number 3 was out since there was no opportunity for orgasm.  Number 2 would not do because if you read my post Punishment, Earning Sex, and Paying for an Orgasm: Part II, then you will know it takes me over 500 strokes when under that kind of pressure.  My only option and hope was number one.  I could do that...right?   

Well, it was an amazing 2 minutes as He teased my clit and every little fold of my pussy but ended way too fast and left me begging and pleading for more which would cost me.  Now, I was faced with enduring all 3 and my permission to orgasm, revoked.  After 150 strokes of His cock inside me, He withdrew and ordered me to masturbate to the edge and ride that edge for a full minute without coming.  After making it almost the entire minute, I feel Master's hand move between my legs and His finger slide ever so gently inside me.  This was a dirty little move on His part but I guess no one ever said the life of a slave would always be fair.  While pleading with Him to stop, the spasms rolled through my body.  So focused on trying to hold back and caught up in the moment, I again forgot to ask permission. 

Not only was I disappointed in myself but I knew how disappointed He was in me which hurts the most.  I apologized, even though I know it is useless for this type of infraction because it a punishable offense each and every time.  However, I could not wipe the big silly grin off my face because punishment or not, i did just thoroughly enjoy my orgasm.  And since I was already in trouble, Master decided to go ahead and make love to me and allow me to enjoy one more time.  Grinning bigger...until punishment day!     

Punishment Day

At the top of the page, the first of my punishments.  Since apparently I cannot follow direction, I must be a dumb whore, not to be mistaken with a disobedient whore I found out.  Punishment is  much worse for disobedient whores. 

When I arrived at work yesterday, I was to write "Dumb Whore" on my tits and send Him a picture. 

Funny story about this though.  As I am sitting there in the bathroom stall getting ready to hit send on the text, I realize I had written "Dirty Whore".  What?  Where did that come from? Subconsciously, my brain must have been chiming in it's own thoughts on the matter.  Luckily no harm done since I corrected it in time, but I did laugh to myself and think "well maybe you are a little bit of a dumb whore".  Master is always right after all!

The next part of my punishment was to apply the capsaicin (silent spanking) cream to my nipples and clit...(oh yeah...it's going there!!).. every two hours starting at 8:00 am and ending at 4:00 pm.  I have had this on my nipples several times and know what to expect but I had never tried this on my clit.  Master said to use the smallest amount and He was not kidding.  HOLY HELLFIRE and HOT TAMALES!!!!!!  It lit me up instantly like having a hot iron directly on my girly bits.  Dancing around, trying to figure out some way to get that shit off took a good fifteen minutes before I could even think about coming out.  Just a little hint...water doesn't work!  Pretty sure it makes it worse.  I'm sure everyone in my office wondered why I spent the majority of the morning pacing rather than sitting down.  I was even more careful on the subsequent applications making sure to do my nipples first with a thin layer and then just one little swipe on my clit. There was still a nice little fire going on all over my body but it was manageable the rest of the day. 

When Master got home from work, it was time for the rest of my punishment. Stripped naked, with my hands behind my head and marching in place, I felt the sting of His leather belt landing across my ass.  I can't be sure how many times.

When He was through, He grabbed me, turned me around facing Him, and kissed me hard.  I tried to tell Him again how sorry I was as He hushed me with another kiss and told me "Not another word...all is completely forgiven". 

 



The Countdown is ON!

So two more days, and we will be kid free for 2 whole weeks.  Fingers crossed nothing goes wrong, or no matter how far away you may be, you will hear me sobbing my eyeballs out:) 

I know Master has planned a some really intense scenes for our time here at home alone together and I am certainly looking forward to not worrying about being interrupted or making too much noise.  Plus, we are going camping, so here's hoping for some outside scenes and sex!! 

But most of all, I am looking forward to spending plenty of one on one quality time together fishing on the lake, hiking, and doing whatever else we want to do. 

Things continue to be fairly quiet here.  We really have only had a few minutes here and there for a couple of very short scenes lately and I do mean short.  I compared it today to watching the trailer of a really good movie.  Just waiting now for the movie to start. 

This past weekend, Master and I attended our first event together which was FUN!  And we went with some new friends so it made the awkwardness of walking into somewhere you have never been before...not so awkward.  We were actually attending a demo on whips.  I admit, I have never been interested in this whatsoever, but I soon as I heard the snap of the whips in the air, I was fascinated. 

After asking the instructor how much they hurt, he demonstrated first on his wife and offered to demonstrate on me.  Of course, I asked Master first and with His permission, the instructor showed me they don't have to hurt at all or they can hurt as much as you like.  Standing with my arm outstretched, he moved about 8 feet away and was able to wrap the end of the whip around my wrist without it hurting a bit...incredible!  He even wrapped it once around my hips which felt pretty sexy.  He then told me to turn my palm downwards and showed how just a gentle snap can deliver a nice little sting.  I was amazed he never missed the intended target!  And I admit...it was really HOT!  

I don't think this is anything that my Master is interested in learning and that's OK.  Just experiencing it was fun.  I am so thankful that He is secure enough to allow, and even encourage, me to experiment with other things and for being there to be a part of it with me.

Hopefully, the next couple of weeks, I will be able to make up for my lack of post recently.  If I know my Master, then I am sure the scenes will be designed to fully test my will and boundaries.  I look forward to it with anticipation and a tad bit of fear because I don't want to disappoint Him in any way. Our one year contract renewal is also coming up on June 29th.  So much to look forward to...I can hardly stand it! 


    

Gagging/Choking on Cock: Another Lesson From Master

Face Fucking: Yes...PLEASE!

Gagging/Choking on Cock....yeah...not so much!

I had been planning a rather generic post on blow jobs but something came up (literally in every sense of the word...I kid you not!) this week that seemed a lot more interesting.  It all started when I added "face fucking" and "gagging/choking on cock" to my list of growing fetishes on my Fet page profile.

Tuesday, while sitting at my desk at work, I received a text message from my Master clearly stating His intentions to "use my mouth and throat" later that night, including a little reference to my new found fetishes.  Just reading the words, without hearing His voice, I could hear the powerful Dom inflection which sent spasms straight to the lower portion of my body and with it a flood of wetness. 

I know I like "face fucking" and thought I had fully experienced "gagging/choking" since I love for Him to make me move my hands right before He comes in my mouth sometimes pushing and shooting so hard in my throat I start to gag. 

Well...unbeknownst to me, He decided that if I was gong to talk the talk, I was going to walk the walk.  Apparently, I needed to be schooled on the true meaning of "gagging and choking" on His cock!

Later that evening, Master was propped up in the bed enjoying a bowl of ice cream I had just brought Him.  "It's time to put your mouth on me", He said so I quickly got undressed and positioned myself between His legs.  "Right now, you are nothing but a piece of furniture to hold my bowl and you better not let it fall while you suck my cock".  As I began licking Him gently, I feel the bowl placed on the top of my head. This only lasted a few minutes but was my first experience being used in this way and I can't say I minded it.

Ordering me to sit up, the clovers were clamped into place on my already erect nipples and I was instructed to bob up and down fast and hard, fucking my own face.  Each of His moans sent shock waves of excitement down my body but this ended all too quickly as He insisted that I again sit up. He quickly hopped off the bed, moving me to where I was laying on my stomach with my head and chest hanging off the bed, nipples and clamps stretching towards the floor. He grabbed my head and pumped Himself in my mouth over and over again like He was using my pussy.  As I said at the start...face fucking...Yes PLEASE!  I was so lost I couldn't even feel the increasing bite of the clover clamps hanging from my tits.

Now, with Him still standing beside the bed, rolling me onto my back with my head hanging over the side, the true lesson begins.  Having full access to my mouth and body, He leans Himself slightly over me, pushed His cock down my throat as far as possible, to the point that I couldn't breathe.  At the same time He began tugging the chain attached to the clover clamps.  After several seconds, panic started to set in, my whole body lurched, and my hands came up as if to push Him away.  I am ordered to keep my hands down with the threat of being tied down if I reacted that way again so I tucked them under my butt and did my best to relax.  He continued in the same manner over and over, each time making me hold my breath longer before allowing me one small gulp of air before plunging back down again.  I gagged several times and sometimes so hard, I thought my eyeballs were going to pop out of my head! 

With an already raw throat, He moved my body all the way up on the bed and straddled my face, this time taking my mouth even more aggressively.  I am now gagging with almost every thrust until that moment when we both heard everything coming up...FOR REAL!  I couldn't help but laugh at how fast He jumped off of me and then He too busted out laughing. 

After composing myself, I did finish the "job", but in our usual more traditional manner, just with a brutalized throat and the last little bit of suction I could muster. 

I can't say if I have ever felt my mouth and throat so used and I still feel the effects two days later.  Here's hoping we just stick with "face fucking" from this point forward since I quickly retracted that fetish from my list. 

Yep...another lesson learned the hard way!  Cause that's the only way I learn them:)     




 

Being MY Master's Slave

What does being a slave look like in my relationship?

Surrendering to His will in all things.

This does not mean that I don't have control of certain aspects of my life but He has decided what I am in control of and what I am not.  Amazingly, this has stilled the inner rage and turmoil that I have carried for so long. 

My fulfillment is in seeing Him happy...happy with us and happy with me.

We spent almost 20 years together without me really knowing how to make him happy.  If I am completely honest, I probably didn't care too much.  I was too focused on my own thoughts and feelings.

Even though we have so much going on in our life at any given moment, I put His needs above everything else.

If He wants a drink, I get it.  If He wants His feet rubbed, I do it.  If He wants to use any part of my body for His own pleasure, well, it is His to do with as He likes.

Being respectful and humble to Him and others around me.

My attitude and demeanor is always a direct reflection of His training and guidance.  I conduct myself in a way that brings pride to Him. 

Never telling Him "NO", "I CAN'T", or "I DON'T WANT TO".

Enough said:)

Taking accountability when I have displeased Him.

I do not intentionally make mistakes.  The penalty for that would be way too high.  My goal is to always be the best slave possible for Him.  However, I am human and don't claim to be perfect.  Rather than argue and make excuses for my failure, I have learned to admit it, apologize, and accept whatever punishment He deems necessary, whether physical and/or mental. 

Trusting that His direction and discipline will feed and strengthen my service...continually keeping the pathway open for full communication and a deeper connection and intimacy between us.

The only limits between us are those that He establishes.  He is well aware of any limits and inhibitions of mine, and takes great responsibility with pushing my boundaries to a point that He is comfortable.  While it is always my responsibility to disclose my thoughts and feelings, I must acknowledge when I have said enough and do what is asked regardless of how I may feel.

Taking pride in being His "property".

I unconditionally accept anything Master may chose to do with me.  In doing so, He will see that my needs of safety and well-being are met, my life enriched, and I will be bound to Him through His love and desire.

My Opinion: The Punishment or Funishment Debate

It had been a very stressful day for us both, so that evening after dressing me the way He likes, of course no bra, no panties, and skirt, He suggested we go out to dinner.  His only instruction for me...focus solely on Him for the duration of the evening.  We were really enjoying ourselves, chatting and laughing over a drink and good food at our regular hangout.  My phone had been lying on the table the whole time just in case the kids called, but out of habit, I simply picked it up and checked Facebook.  (Obviously this story took place several months ago because about the only thing I check anymore is Fet)  When I set the phone back down and our eyes met, just a fleeting look told me that I may have just screwed up, but He quickly went back to our conversation.   

After dinner, He turned out of the restaurant in the opposite direction of home and we ended up a few miles down the road at a park.  Meandering to the back of the park where it was completely desolate and dark, the only light coming from our car's headlights, He stopped the car.   He instructed me take my skirt off and get out of the car. Quickly, I do as I am told but start to shake, mostly from the cold but it very well could have been fear once I saw Him coming around the back of the car removing His belt.  I knew that I had disappointed Him and didn't even try to fight what I knew was coming.  He grabbed my arm and led me to a certain distant from the vehicle. 

Standing beside me, In His most stern voice asks, "Do you understand why you are being punished?" "Yes, Sir" was all I could manage to say.  Asking for no further explanation, He ordered me to start walking with my hands clasped behind my head and count each smack of His belt out loud to ten.  I took the first step and felt the hard sting as the leather connected with the cold bare skin of my ass.  Almost instantly, tears sprang to my eyes but with a shaky voice I called out "ONE".  Another step...another smack of the belt..."TWO".  It only took a few before the pain was so intense I could hardly move.  But the penalty for stopping was starting back over at one.  Dragging me by the arm back to where we started, I had no better luck enduring the second time, now sobbing to the point that I can barely keep my balance.  Again, He started back at one.  Somehow on the third try, despite crying hysterically, I made it all the way to ten.  Once I knew He was done, I just wanted to run and get back in the car but His arms were around me now and His tongue forcing it's way into my mouth.  We stood there for a long time as He continued to kiss me deeply and grope my body proving that all was forgiven so my guilt could be absolved.      

Looking back, I can't describe how hurt I was in the  moment when it was happening, both physically and emotionally...I would have done anything to make it stop.  Any type of physical pain for me when given as punishment is almost unbearable primarily due to my guilt for disappointing Him. 

Honestly, before I started reading posts and forums, I had never even heard of the term "funishment".  As our M/s relationship evolved, I just understood there was a distinct difference between the giving and receiving of pain to intensify pleasure and pain meant for corrective action.  And the same activity could in fact be used for both.  I would never mean to imply a right or wrong way.  I believe whatever works for two people is what is right for them.  However, I do firmly believe that just about anything that can be pleasurable can also be turned and used as punishment (not "funishment") when necessary and when performed with the intended purpose.  For me, not once has physical punishment evoked any enjoyable feelings and usually I will be crying like a baby as soon as it starts.  On the other hand, I have read where people feel they would get angry if punished by physical force.  I completely understand because that used to be my reaction as well.  Now, I only feel frustration with myself for failing Him in some way and needing the cleansing only punishment can provide.  That change, I attribute to my shift in mindset from submissive to slave.   

Just using spankings as an example, one of the ways Master ensures that I don't derive any pleasure throughout a physical punishment is keeping me out of head space.  He does this a few ways:

-Spanking begins at a shockingly high intensity rather than gradually increasing through a warm-up.

-He will not tell me how many licks I am getting. I work well when focusing on numbers so He takes that away from me.

-He keeps me speaking in some manner, whether it is to count or apologize with each smack.

-Use of stern/angry voice


Thankfully, those types of punishments are a pretty rare occurrence now.  Even though I never intentionally messed up, maybe subconsciously I was still testing the waters.  It didn't take but a few times before I realized that He meant business and I was going to need to work harder.  So I quickly learned my boundaries, focused my efforts on doing what was pleasing to Him, and followed His leadership to guide us and our family, making a more peaceful existence for us all.  Not saying that I don't make mistakes, but He knows how hard I try which goes a long way.   
 
 

Master-baiting or Masturbating?

There is really very little new going on in our lives right now.  Like I said, with school being out, there is always something going on that doesn't involve us having much fun of our own. However, in a few short weeks, we are going to have the house to ourselves for 16 days, but really, who's counting!  Can you tell I'm excited?  People keep saying..."you won't know what to do with yourselves".   I just jokingly reply, "Oh, we know what to do!"  Ha-ha. If they only knew:)

Yesterday, I did attend my second munch, which was an even better experience than the first.  There were so many people to talk to and it was great meeting some new friends in person that I have spoken with on Fetlife.  You know who you are:)

More and more, I just feel myself finally finding where I fit in.  My early years, as well as pretty much my entire adult life, have been pretty devoid of friends.  Even though I am extremely social, I just couldn't connect with people when it seemed fake or forced. It's very hard to find a group of individuals where you share something in common.  Kink is amazing in more ways than one!

I thought since I didn't have much new to report, I might provide some entertainment with pictures Master enjoyed taking recently.  We chose some shots of me masturbating because quite frankly this is one of Master's favorite things to watch me do.  Well, I am sure it comes a close second anyways to getting His cock sucked.  I'm not going to lie...I enjoy the picture taking as well.  And OK, I enjoy the cock sucking too.