Easy...Unitl It's Not (part 2)

As I stood there, with the tears drying on my face, in a see thru pink tube top with slits He had cut horizontally in the fabric to expose more of my cleavage (nearly exposing my nipples as well), skin tight shorts, and heels, He looked at me and said, That is it! Perfect! 

That was the outfit I would wear to the car wash.

I looked at myself in the mirror and begged Him to reconsider.  I might have even casually mentioned something about going to jail.   

He did agree that maybe it was exposing too much and suggested that He might find a different top.      

Get undressed and get in the bed. 

I asked if I could put my robe on first and take the dogs out for the night.  He followed me outside and stood with me.  He offered a choice, or compromise so to speak.  Who knows...He may have been planning that all along.   ugggg...mind games!

He would allow me to go to the car wash in something more appropriate...if I told Him a story while stroking Him with my hands AND the story had to be "good enough".  If it wasn't, I would be wearing the original outfit. 

Why was He pushing so many of my limits in one night?!

I won't say that I hate telling stories as much as public humiliation but I certainly don't like having to come up with them.  Who knows why telling stories is so difficult for me.  Maybe it's a bit of shyness or fear that He will find my story is uninspiring.  I'll be the first to admit, I my brain is much more analytical and somewhat lacks in the imagination department.    

I mean how many different ways can you be kidnapped and used over and over again by multiple people?

But that's the scenario that turns Him on, so I stick with it. 

We started with me lying close to the edge of the bed, on my back.  He was standing up beside me so that I had full access to stroke His cock.  At first, I had trouble deciding on the setting of the story, but with a little direction from Him, I was able to get started. 

Even though He wasn't using me in the way I had hoped, He did have a new little twist for our story telling time.  He was using the Magic Wand on me and I certainly didn't mind that!  It was a little distracting though.  As my kidnapper was cutting my shirt off and pulling my nipples, Master could tell I was getting worked up so He gave me permission to cum and I actually enjoyed a rather intense orgasm.

Unfortunately, for Him, right after I got mine, we were interrupted by a little one knocking on the door.  It was close to 2 am before we got her back to sleep but I finally had a chance to finish my story for Him. Judging by the large load He deposited in my mouth, the story was "good enough". 

Yay me!! He actually complimented several parts of my story :o

So, even though it wasn't really the evening I had hoped for, it made me feel better to hear Him admit later that it wasn't really the evening He had planned.  We certainly made up for it the next morning, but that's another post! 

Easy...Until It's Not (part 1)

Once again, I find myself away from here far too long.  I was even chastised a bit for my lack of writing.  Too often now, I lack in words or the motivation to relive the small things happening in our dynamic.  I say small things not out of  disrespect, but that is just the reality we are living in at the moment. 

He is so busy these days and I take pride in doting on Him when I can, ensuring that everything is to His satisfaction, and that the house is generally running smoothly.  Submitting to Him as the Master of our home has become quite comfortable and easy.

Then the rare opportunity arises for "playtime".  My feelings should be that of thankfulness for His time and attention.  Hell, I spend all of my days pretty much daydreaming about being behind closed doors, being thoroughly used by Him.   

So, why is it, that as soon as that door closes and we are behind it, I have to fight the feeling of (oh my gosh, I hate to say it)...irritation? 

I am ashamed to admit that this part of my submission has become...not so easy.     

Saturday night was a perfect example.  We had a couple hours without the kids and decided to grab something to eat.  It wasn't too shocking that on the way, He informed me to lose the sports bra.

Then He asked me what I planned to eat.  My response was grilled chicken salad.  Again, not too shocking when He didn't approve of my choice and announced that He would be ordering for me.

After dinner, we had just enough time to swing into the adult store.  Apparently vibrating panties and a new bullet type vibrator were must haves for the evening.    

As we left the store and got in the car, He told me to lean the seat back and get myself off with my new vibrator.  That's the point I could feel myself starting to clam up.  It didn't bother me that He wanted me to do it in the car, that hardly even phases me anymore.  I was upset because I knew my edge would be gone for the evening.  Trying hard to hide my disappointment, I did what I was told anyways, hoping the rest of the evening would go differently. 
 
Later that night when we were alone again, He motioned for me to come upstairs.  When He closed the door and showed me the clothes laid out for me to try on, I had instant flashbacks to the last time. I got myself in a bit of trouble for being, shall we say, less than enthusiastic. If you missed that little story, you can read about it here.  Anyways, I put on a good face and did the best I could to be accommodating. 

But for the second time that evening, I fought overwhelming frustration as I tried on outfit after outfit, while He concocted some horribly trashy outfit that would be (un)suitable enough for sending me to the car wash to clean His car. I held it all in until He had me begin demonstrating the postures He expected me to use when vacuuming said car.   

Tears of humiliation began streaming down my face and I felt as if I might choke on the lump in my throat. Now, unable to make eye contact with Him, I stared at the floor as He scolded me for crying.
 
All I had wanted the whole evening was to be in the comfort of His arms and feel His touch.

Again, I am faced with the fact that these are my wants or desires, or in some cases things I don't want. I try and remind myself that this my issue, not His. Then, somehow I manage to feel even worse because this internal battle or dialogue in my head leads me to believe that I may never be the slave He deserves.

Stayed tuned for the rest... 

"Slave Driver"

A couple weekends ago, Master and I did a kick-ass workout together.  Oh my gosh, it was so brutal!  He pushed both our bodies to near exhaustion but it really felt great to accomplish something like that together.   

When we were done, He told our oldest that she should have worked out with us. 

Her response, "No way...you're a SLAVE DRIVER!"

I couldn't help but burst out laughing.  Out of the mouths of babes, right? 

Ha..ha...if she only knew!!

Filled Holes

Every day this week, you will insert and wear a butt plug in your ass on the way to work.  When you get to work, you will stay in the car and make yourself cum before going in the building.

Every day this week, you will also insert and wear a dildo in your pussy on the way home from work.  When you get home, you will stay in the car and make yourself cum before going in the house.

You will also make yourself cum every time you leave and come back to the house. 

Do you understand?  Repeat the instructions back to me.

This was Master's assignment for me last week.  Ever try to get yourself moving first thing in the morning, fight with getting a butt plug inserted, go sit in traffic (quite uncomfortably I might add), and actually make yourself feel like getting off all before 7:30? 

Not an easy task I assure you but somehow the job got done.  Arousal was pretty hard to come by but as soon as I reminded myself, you are doing this for His pleasure, I began to feel the stirring of excitement. 

OK...so there was also a bit of a thrill in doing something so naught in a semi-public place.  Of course, no one could see me but they were dangerously close. 

Each day came and went with very little mention of it other than an occasional...Did you take care of your assignment today? 

I did find myself pretty thankful to see the end of Friday though, which marked the end of my assignment.  With a sore bottom and an exhausted body, I really didn't care if I had another orgasm for just a little while.  You know it's bad when you start an internal debate in your head over whether you really need to leave the house again or could that errand just wait till the weekend!

When He Walks In

 

A thought occurred to me today when I heard the garage door go up signaling that Master was home from work. 

I fall in love with this man every day when He walks in that door.

I mean He does look really HOT when He walks in still dressed in His suit and tie.  Well sometimes the tie and jacket are already off and His sleeves are rolled up.  Ahhh...sleeves rolled up!  There is something about the rolled up sleeves that really gets to me.  Ok, sorry...kind of getting sidetracked there:)

But it's so much more than that.   

Something so simple that I used to take for granted. 

Greeting Him when He walks in the door.  The connection that is made just in that momentary exchange sets the tone for the whole evening.    

I didn't do that prior to M/s.  In fact, most of the time, I hardly acknowledged His arrival home as I ran around trying to manage the chaos of just getting home from work myself, preparing dinner, and working on homework with the kids.  I hate to admit it but He usually wore the verbal and emotional brunt of my frustration as soon as He walked in.  Nice greeting home...huh?

No more though.  When He comes in, I am usually in the middle of dinner preparations but it doesn't stop me from walking over to Him and offering a kiss and welcoming Him home. 

This ritual, that literally last just a few moments, reminds me how thankful I am that He comes home to be with ME each and every day.

I now feel like one of the kids or dogs...everyone's happy when Daddy's home!

My Master's Point of View

Master and I have done some talking lately about the direction of my blog and He asked me to write this post today.  He intends to begin making occasional posts which I am so excited about not only because He is an amazing writer but I love to hear things from His perspective.

For the most part, He is very a quiet person, a man of very few words.  You probably haven't even seen Him comment here.  So, getting such a rare, personal peek into His mind is quite humbling to me. 

I think He already has some ideas of things He would like to share but feel free to suggest topics or ask questions about anything you that may be interesting in hearing about from His point of view.

So, I would like to introduce you all to my Master.  Feel free to refer to Him as Heron. 

Just When You Think You Have it Licked...

How did I ever have so much time for blogging?  It seems like I can't get 5 minutes these days.  I know one of the things that is keeping me busy is the new workout program Master implemented. 

Yes...He has now officially taken over control of my exercise.  It's not that I wasn't exercising.  I had been  faithfully for months but my main focus is always cardio.  A couple weeks ago, He handed me several printouts with lists of exercises and descriptions of how to do them properly .  They were titled "Slave Sexercises" . 

OK...don't laugh!  I know it sounds corny:)

The first day was fun though because I he insisted that I do all my exercises naked and in front of Him.  

Since then, I've just been on my own honor to do them.  Each day is a different sets of exercises meant to improve strength, tone, and balance.  I am on my third week of this program but the first week...oh my gosh...it was all I could do everyday to get up and walk.  The entire week, everything hurt, including my ass, because apparently a week of maintenance spankings were long overdue as well.  He made sure to keep my backside tender and bruised all week...just because.  

Anyways, this was not the point of my post. My original thought was about how easy it is to get caught up in tackling your day to duties and THINKING "oh yeah...I got this...I am in such a good place". 

I should have known better than to think my submission had become easy because here enters the shit storm.

One command from Master + one huffy attitude from slave = realization that slave has grown somewhat complacent and strayed far from her place and didn't even realize it.

So now let me explain.  The other night, it was late.  I was tired and just getting out of the shower.  Master asked that I go through my closet and get out all the trashy clothes I own and model them all for Him.  I didn't really mean for Him to hear the sigh as I continued to dry off, or the clothes hangers that I flung down in frustration on the closet floor because they kept getting tangled as I looked through the clothes.  I suppose it doesn't matter whether He heard all of that or not.  I knew what was in my heart and it was not submissive in the slightest.   

You see, this reminded me that warm weather is upon us, and I assumed would mean the return of a certain kink of His.  One that I do not share. 

Note to self: Presuming to know Master's mind...not a good thing...no not all!

But nothing makes me feel worse about myself than being dressed like a whore and going into public and those are the types of humiliating things He enjoys when the weather is right. I would say that I am fairly confident about my body but I DO NOT like showing it off it places that I don't feel appropriate and He just loves to humiliate me this way.

He let me go about trying on outfit after outfit with my little frowny face, pouty attitude and when I had gotten to the last outfit, He wanted to know what was my problem.  I attempted not to tell Him but decided that was not the right course of action.  These feelings didn't need to fester.  So I explained myself and He explained that it was OK for me to feel as such but not OK to act as such.  So off to the closet He sent me for punishment.  With legs spread wide, He made me bend over and grab my ankles.  No spanking, just left there until He felt I had held that pose long enough, which was until my legs were shaking and tears rolled up my forehead since my head was dangling down towards the floor.

After that, He did have His way with me, using me thoroughly and verbally humiliating me the whole time as He had me turn over face down on the bed and entered me from behind.  With His face right up to my ear, He talked about sending me out into public all sorts of a slutty mess since I presumed to know His mind and all.  I couldn't stop crying and every wall I had wanted to go up. 

However, He took great delight in the fact that when He specifically told me I would be taking a trip to the park at dusk and made to crawl on the walking trail in nothing but my collar and tennis shoes, my pussy decided to flood all over Him. 

The only thing I can say is my brain didn't like the idea but I guess other parts of my body thought otherwise.  Exhausted and tired of fighting tired of fighting the mental battle in my head and my body, I finally let it all go and gave in to Him. 

How easy it is for Him to lead me back to my place again. 

"Working" Wardrobe

Thank you for this question from Anonymous...

 

Your recent post discussed your career and possible new job opportunities. How do you manage your professional life and the standard every day wardrobe (or lack there of) requirements of your master?

10. I cannot wear bra or panties unless permission is granted otherwise.

11. All outfit choices must be approved and unless permission is given otherwise, must be a skirt or dress, and if stockings are worn they must be thigh highs or garters.

 

At first, I thought this would be difficult expectation to fulfill but it just requires a little common sense, communication, and compromise on certain occasions, such as my recent interview or other formal meetings. 

 

Getting permission for certain outfit choices usually isn't a big deal because He typically buys all the clothes I wear anyways.  Each Christmas, He pretty much buys me an entire wardrobe of matching outfits, sometimes with shoes and accessories even.  He makes sure to include outfits for all different occasions, including work.  I know if He's picked it out, He likes it.   

 

I have to admit though, I am glad that you pointed out rule #11 because I realize I have been pretty remiss in laying out my outfit choices in advance for His approval. He hasn't said anything but I might ought to check in with Him on this specific rule:) 

 

With the clothes I have for work, it's fairly easy to hide what's under (or not under) since Master allows me to maintain a professional image as far as the style of clothes I wear to work.  

 

In winter, I have blanket permission to wear pants as I see fit.  When I wear pants, I may also wear panties.  I sometimes wear skirts in the winter but they are always long enough to conceal the fact that I am wearing thigh highs and no panties.  In the summer, I almost always wear skirts and even though I am bare legged with heels, my skirts are still long enough so that no one would suspect my panty-less status. 

 

As far as tops, I pretty much wear the same thing during the winter and summer.  They are usually somewhat conservative and the fact that I don't have on a bra can simply be concealed by wearing a light sweater or cover, which works just about any time of the year considering how cold it stays in my building year round. 

 

My Master does understand the professional position that I am in and tries very hard to make sure that I am not put into any situation that could jeopardize my status.

 

When I had the job interview, He knew I would be wearing my pant suit and I asked Him on that occasion if I could also wear a bra.  The key phrase in my rules is "unless permission is granted".  So it is really up to me to weigh the situation and if there needs to be consideration made for a certain situation, I just ask.