Our Beginning

In the beginning, there was a very loving but sadistic husband...and a completely vanilla, controlling wife.

Needless to say, the first twenty years together were rough.  

Making a decision to change the dynamics of our relationship was not an easy one and nor was implementing it. You know the old saying about old habits die hard....

So why was I so controlling?

I could really go on and here about my past but to sum it up, I had resented being controlled by everyone around me throughout my entire young life. Once I was grown, I told myself, NEVER again would I allow someone else to control my life, including my husband.   

After being married for five years, I believed that mine and Heron's differences were too great to overcome and I left Him eager to pursue a life on my own.  For the first time ever, I was living on my own (except for our oldest daughter).

Thankfully, He wasn't letting me go so easy and fought hard to win my heart once again..  Soon, we were remarried.  Eventually, some of the same sexual issues began to present themselves and this time I thought long and hard about my role in that. 

For years, He had tried to tell me He had certain needs.  But these were needs that I couldn't even fathom trying to meet until finally, I had a moment of clarity.  Completely frustrated with the lack of intimacy in our life, I sat down with Heron sometime around the beginning of June in 2012 and said " I am really ready to try things your way".

His initial reaction, and rightly so, was skepticism.  I had told Him this in the past but only made it through one of two kinky days of sex.  My reaction had always been the same...the lack of control I experienced in these situations, would cause me to either withdraw from Him or lash out in anger.  He was very honest in admitting that He wasn't willing to open Himself up to this type of hurt and disappointment again and I really didn't blame Him.

We continued talking about it for several days and experimented with a couple of fairly mild BDSM sessions.  In these first few sessions, He worked very hard to read my body language, making sure not push me too far.  And this time, I fought to keep an open mind.  It was still difficult for me but I started to accept just how powerful our connection was when I submitted my body to Him.

But something still wasn't quite right for me.  I found it very difficult to be dominant in my job and home life, but the let all that go the moment we got into the bedroom.  This was His moment of clarity.  For me to submit in the bedroom, I really needed to submit myself to Him completely. 

Even though I didn't understand at the time, my Husband certainly understood that basically what we needed was more of a full time D/s dynamic.  

So, He started with just one basic rule. I was told that I could no longer curse.  Breaking the rule usually resulted in, what I would consider now, a mild spanking. 

By the end of June, my Husband had drafted a contract which we both signed and it explicitly outlined each of our roles, rules, expectations, etc.  and clearly indicated a huge lifestyle change.

Over the coming days, weeks, and months, the list of rules continued to grow as did the type of play we engaged in and the forms of discipline used.

It was almost exactly one year later when I became officially collared.

I would be lying if I claimed that it has all been smooth sailing from that point.  We, like most any other couple in this lifestyle, have experienced the highs and lows and still do.