Thursday, May 23, 2013

Contracts, Rules, and Slave Training...Is it Necessary

I have done quite a bit of reading on a certain kinky social networking site and can certainly appreciate that everyone has a different perspective and methods for achieving success in their D/s dynamic.

Are contracts, rules, and formalized training really necessary?  Some people say yes, some say no, and some are very adamant in their feelings one way or the other.  Myself...I wholeheartedly believe that having these as part of our life has been one of the keys to our success so far.  Everyone learns differently.  I just happen to be a very analytical person that needs to see and have all the details laid out in front of me. This is what works for me and my relationship and is in no way to imply that one side is right or wrong.   
Contracts and Rules
After telling my Master I wanted to submit to Him, He did quite a bit of research and proposed a contract.  Initially, I thought this was very silly.  It's not like we were strangers...why did we need a piece of paper to guide us?  Me...being the impatient person I tend to be, was anxious and just wanted to get started with the spankings already!  But I humored Him anyways.

I actually was really surprised to see how serious this was to Him.  He drafted a document, presented it to me, and gave me a week to decide if I was in or not.  Looking over it, I was a bit in shock.  Apparently, I had very little knowledge of what submitting in a 24/7 dynamic really meant.  This document would serve to redefine our relationship, expectations of each other, and our actions moving forward.  The part that scared me the most was that it was binding for a year, unless of course my Master chose to end it. 
     Some of the items included within our contract are:
     - Purpose and Duration
     - Submissive and Master Affirmations, Commitments, and Roles
     - Rules of Privacy and Discretion
     - Rules of Conduct (Public, Private, and at Work)
     - Limits and Needs of the Submissive
     - Signatures
     There are also 3 appendices:
      - GeneralRules- conduct, chores (household and sexual), and personal appearance
       - Punishable offenses and types of punishments that can be used
       - Positions (liste with detailed descriptions) I am required to know
                *Note about rules: we started with just a few and it grew from there over time
Believe me, I read long and hard and took my time deciding before putting pen to paper and signing myself to Him.  I started to see how living this 24/7 was going to be a huge responsibility for both Master and slave and would not be something that we should enter into lightly.
Now looking back, this was probably one of the most important preliminary steps we took.  I can never say that I didn't know what I was in for but most importantly, it served as my compass at times when I felt I was losing my way or wanted to give up.  Even though it isn't legally binding, I had signed this document, with my heart, and I didn't want to fail in my commitment to Him.  Taking it one day at a time, almost a year has passed since our signing.  Are there ups and downs?  Of course, but I am amazed how far I have come.  I am looking forward to our upcoming contract renewal and have no doubt that we are on the right course!!

Slave Training
It seems there may be a misconception among some that slave training is similar to that of teaching a dog to sit and fetch. Training, to me, is so much more than that. Admittedly, it has been slow going with work, crazy schedules, and kids but it has been an important part of the process for us. Since we spent almost 20 years interacting with each other in a certain way, these old habits needed to change as much for me as my Master. Not only does He have so much to teach me about how to serve, to guide me in working past my boundaries, He has had to learn to balance his role as Master and Husband. Many times, the soft husband side of Him wants to take over when I actually need to be pushed harder. Training is sometimes intense with discipline for every mistake, but at times it is just light hearted, fun, and a time spent together building our connection.
      Some of the components Master has included in my training:

     -Position training-practicing and perfecting each
     -Pain Conditioning and overall body conditioning/endurance
     -Sexual Training-prolonged sexual sessions, multiple penetrations, etc
     -Orgasm Control and Denial
     -Cock worship training
     -Humiliation training
Not only is training meant to teach me exactly how to please Him, but it is also a preparation for me before venturing out into a more public arena. I want to ensure that my actions make Him proud at all times.



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  2. Just thought I would check in and read your blog. Interesting about contracts and slave training. Sir and I also have a contract as he proposed. I found it useful also and think the annual renewal helps refocus attention on what works and what doesn't work in our relationship. We are coming up on our second renewal and 5th year of our relationship. I wonder what changes he will propose? And I remember Sir telling me early in our relationship he had no interest in slave training. Well the other day I realized he had trained me without really calling it that. I don't think I will mention this to him though.

    1. Yes, probably ought not bring that to his attention;) I have found it's better to weight words or else I may get Michael more than I bargained for!

      Glad you stopped by and congrats on your upcoming contract renewal!

  3. I just found this post. I think I like the idea of having things more specific and having training. I almost feel like a more formal training plan would help us to break into this after so many years of vanilla.

    1. I am glad you found this and commented. I typically don't go back and reread my posts but after you commented, I went back and reread this one for some reason. I do think this helped immensely for us in breaking old patterns of behavior. He was very hard on me for several months until doing as He asked became second nature. However, what we are finding is that maintenance training is just as important.

  4. I think I may need to show this post to Captain. I've been struggling with submitting to him lately. I think our honeymoon period might be starting to wear off!

    1. I hope it helps if you do choose to share it with him. When the honeymoon period ends, it's time to dig real deep and remember all the reasons that this lifestyle meets your needs:)