Sunday, December 29, 2013

Gotten Soft

Let me start by saying that I am so excited to be making my first post from my very own new laptop.  No more waiting on the computer to be available or having to hide away in the office.  I can now sit right here on the couch and type away!  Thank you, Master, for such an awesome Christmas present.  I think this greatly helps in my motivation to write.

So back to the reason for my post.  It's been a long while since having my ass spanked, much less a good frying. 

But apparently, Master read my last post and felt I was maybe overdue for one.  I did say that I missed them but He wasn't really supposed to hear that. 

Friday night, He walked out of my daughter's room with a handful of hangers and I knew I might have just overlooked getting those out of her closet.  Every weekend, I am to collect all the hangers from each closet and bring them to the laundry room so they are there when needed and not sitting empty and taking up space in the closets.

Damn....how could I have forgotten those!?  Was He looking for a reason to punish me? 

Get to the basement!

As scared as I was to see what He was going to do, I couldn't wipe the stupid grin of my face as He followed me to the basement.

Really...why could I not stop smiling?  I knew I was about to get into trouble.

Get your pants down!

I tried to talk my way out of it but it wasn't working.

Get your pants down NOW!

I pulled my pants down exposing my bare bottom and braced myself for what was to come as I heard the shuffle of the coat hangers as He picked the one He wanted.




He walked up behind me, instructed me to spread my legs, and delivered the first blow.  It was a cross between stingy and thuddy and left me cringing waiting on the next one.  There were 5 and then He stopped and walked back into the laundry room.  I pulled my pants back up rubbing my sore bottom. 

Did I tell you to pull your pants up?

Oh...geez (pulling them back down quickly)

This time, put your hands behind your head.

Five more swats and Damn, I don't remember it hurting so bad!

After He finished, He leaned close in to my face.

So you missed them, huh?  By the way, I read your blog today.  But next time, I won't use the plastic coat hanger.

Is that supposed to be a threat? 

Now let me just say, I am pretty sure I didn't mean for that to come out of my mouth, but oh yes...it did!  I was really serious though.  That damn coat hanger hurt so bad, I wasn't sure if He was trying to say be thankful you got that one or if He was somehow not happy with it is a spanking implement.

Nevertheless, I quickly realized my mistake when He returned with the wire coat hanger and delivered one very deliberate heavy swat that made me jump around like someone had just set fire to me. Ok, plastic really isn't so bad!

One thing I realized is without regular spankings, it's amazing how soft one can become.  I know my ass used to be able to take so much more than that. And I was just a wee bit out of shape for the hour long cock worshipping/sucking that followed said spanking.   


 

Friday, December 27, 2013

Getting Back To It...A Little Early

Guess Master isn't quite waiting until New Years to start getting back in the groove.  Last night, once the house was quiet, He summoned me upstairs with a nod of the finger.  I asked if I could take the dogs out first and promptly received another finger nod and one of "those" looks (you know the one that says you better get your ass over here now!).



Yep, not taking the dogs out just yet!

I quickly greeted him upstairs and was ushered to a pillow that He had just flopped down on the office floor.  Despite His pushy demeanor, there was something so comforting in kneeling at His feet and taking Him in my mouth.  It had been quite a while for this kind of servicing.  But Master wasn't looking for any artistry or worshiping this night, He meant for me to get straight to business.  '

No hands, just pump your mouth the way I have taught you! 

I tried desperately not to shift positions too much but my body was definitely reminding me how long it's been.  My knees were aching, my neck was cramping, my thighs were burning, but the "good girls" and feeling His hands occasionally grab my head kept me happily distracted from any discomfort my body felt.

It wasn't long before I felt Him grow even bigger and harder in my mouth, the skin pulling tight over His shaft.  Knowing that He was ready to explode, I pushed Him far into my throat and was rewarded with the all too familiar but delicious taste of His cum pumping in rhythmic waves down my throat.

Not a bad start to our "reset"!  


 

    

Time for a Reset

I have been trying so hard to pull out of this funk I am in.

Every time I would try to sit and write, my thoughts were so jumbled, the words just failed me.  It was easier to simply close the computer and walk away.   I was at the point were something had to give, and apparently it was my writing.  I have probably 5 different posts that I started but never finished so hopefully I will get back to those.

Privacy...don't even know what that is anymore.  Struggles with our youngest munchkin have left us almost no time to spend together. 
The weeks leading up to Christmas were indeed stressful, especially since I couldn't muster the motivation to get things in order early.  I'm not typically a procrastinator but have I ever mentioned I do my best work at the last minute?  Every year I tell myself that I am going to plan better the next year but our fall schedules just seem to prevent that from happening.   

As hard as it was, we have been trying to maintain some semblance of our dynamic but were both left so frustrated.   I continued to do all the things He asked of me but the physical aspect of our D/s just wasn't there (the training, punishments, spankings, etc.).  I never imagined that I would miss spankings so much.  Shhhh...don't tell Him I said that!

All day every day, I felt so numb and disconnected, like I was just going through the motions.  I wanted nothing more than to count the hours until I could be with Him and doing what pleased Him.  But then left disappointed because circumstances continually dictated that we put ourselves on the back burner. 

We did have a wonderful Christmas though and it's like I have this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  I can finally think more clearly.  All the family functions are over, the presents are put away and my house is back in order.  Something else about me...clutter and mess REALLY makes me anxious.  Yesterday I spent the whole day cleaning out all the rooms and filling up the truck with load after load of stuff to take to Goodwill.  It feels so good to look around and see things so neat and tidy.

Master must be feeling the weight lifted as well because He announced yesterday that come the New Year, we will hitting the reset button.  He intends to get back to training and has already given me some new "resolutions" for the coming year.  This was exciting news but also scary since things have been so relaxed between us lately. 

So...here's to hitting the reset button!! 






    

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Take a Step Back



A question I see often is how can a submissive acknowledge and show respect to her Dom in public without being overly obvious.  

Walking behind is one way that I show respect to my Master.  Maybe not always as far behind as the lady in this picture but you get the idea.

Whether we are out shopping or out for a stroll, I remind myself to keep one step behind to His left side.  Occasionally, He may reach out to hold my hand and I understand that He wishes for me to walk with Him but that is only on His terms and not something for me to initiate.   

As I follow His lead, my eyes, for the most part, remain on Him so if He slows or stops I can adjust my pace accordingly so as to not get ahead. 

It took some getting used to but taking a step back was really such a simple unspoken gesture...

Friday, December 6, 2013

Cold Fries and Cum

Tied to the bed, legs spread eagle and arms outstretched above my head, my body lay exhausted and aching all over, my mind damn near delirious.

The key unlocking the bedroom door meant He had come back and I was so grateful when I heard the sound of the plate being laid on the dresser. 

As He removed each of the dildos filling all three of my holes, He asked how many times, whore?

I think 24, Sir.  I might have lost count.  

My arms and legs were now free and finally after 2 hours on my back, I tried to stand on my wobbly legs.   Stumbling to the dresser, I eagerly looked upon my plate.

Wings...fries...and an empty dipping cup.  Oh god!  I am so hungry!!

Never mind that there was no ketchup in the dipping cup.  I was too famished to really pay that trivial little detail any mind.  I simply dipped my fry in the ketchup/mayo mixture on Master's plate.

Oh...maybe I shouldn't have done that!

No!  I don't think that's your sauce.

What?  

The look of shock and horror on my face had to be comical. All I wanted to do was continue shoving my face with food but the look on His face told me I better stop.

Now it all began to make sense.  Picking up my plate and staring into that empty dipping cup, I understood all too well.   

I was going to be dipping my fries alright but I wouldn't be using any condiment out of our fridge.  

A slave should be thankful and never let any go to waste!  

Swallowing...definitely not a problem.  Licking it up from various surfaces...not my favorite but I endure.


But with my food?  Really?  


I knelt at His feet, His cock hard and throbbing right in front of me.  While gently stroking His balls with one hand and holding my plate in the other, I patiently waited for Him to deposit His load in my dipping cup.  The whole time, I couldn't make up my mind if this was hot or humiliating. 


Let's just say...

1 starving slave + cold fries + cold cum = fries all gone!





  

Monday, December 2, 2013

Toothpaste Burns!

I like to have fresh breath before going to bed...particularly if I think we may be having some fun.  The other night was no different.  I brushed my teeth, hopped in the bed and my head was quickly ushered down to His cock.

It didn't take long before He stopped me and in no uncertain terms informed me that I would be punished the next time I brushed my teeth BEFORE putting my mouth on Him.

Apparently, the tip of His dick was on fire!

I was so confused...I always brushed my teeth beforehand and then I finally figured out that we had purchased a different toothpaste this time.  It was "Extra Fresh"! 


Oops!  It would have been funny if I hadn't ruined a perfectly good time.

Well, I still giggled just a little to myself of course:)


Sunday, December 1, 2013

A Little Respect


I have always been a people watcher, but it seems even more so lately.  Living in a Master/slave relationship, I find the interactions between couples and their demeanor and body language towards each other is all quite fascinating.

It has also made for some interesting, and eye opening, family gatherings.  I can't help but notice how disrespectfully many of the women speak to their husbands.

There were times that it was so blatant, it even made me a bit uncomfortable, particularly when their husband looked up and kind of shrugged like...oh well.   

I realize they don't live in the dynamic that my Husband and I have so it's not fair of me to judge their actions but I did take a good hard look at myself and was pretty ashamed at what I saw there.   Unfortunately, I used to speak to Him in the same manner.

How horrible it sounded now that I was listening to it as a bystander!    


Behavior in public was one of the things Master addressed with me early on in our dynamic.

  
Never speak disrespectfully to Him or about Him.

Make myself useful to the host/hostess.

Be gracious.





As I looked around, it felt good to know that my actions and attitude were pleasing to Him and served as a positive reflection on us both, even if no one else noticed. 


Thursday, November 28, 2013

Giving Thanks

We will be heading out shortly to visit with my in-laws today for Thanksgiving but this morning started with making Master a lovely breakfast of poached eggs.


I've never made these before but I did some research and He was quite pleased with how they turned out.  He was so pleased even that immediately following breakfast, He thanked me with a mouthful of cock.  

I wish you all a wonderful day filled with family, fun, and lots of good food.  

Happy Thanksgiving!!


Monday, November 25, 2013

Spicy or Regular

And I am not referring to sex...even though I'm pretty sure most of us would choose spicy for sure!

I am talking about pulling up at the Chick-fil-A drive thru the other day and Master says...

Your only choice is spicy or regular.

Well damn...I was actually going to get a salad.  

I simply answer spicy and He places my order for the spicy chicken deluxe combo.  






Food is not something that Master has exercised too much control over.  I have a pretty good grasp of what to eat, what not to eat, and exactly how much.  Sadly though, my relationship with food stems from years of eating disorders.  While sitting in that drive thru line, accepting that He was ordering for me, I reflected on my past and how it came to be that I was lucky enough to recover and how comforting it was, and still is, to give Him the control of something that had controlled me for a very long time.  

Poor self-image and control issues left me battling anorexia and bulimia throughout my teenage years.  When I hit my rock bottom, I was only 85 pounds and very sick.  I began the slow climb towards recovery, only because I knew that if I didn't, it would kill me.  Not long after my recovery, at 19 years old, I met the man I would eventually marry and who is now my Master.  

In the beginning, we were just like any normal boyfriend/girlfriend, learning everything there was to know about each other.  I remember sitting in His car one day and I confessed to my very personal battle with food and eating disorders. 

He sympathized and understood my struggle, but also informed me in no uncertain terms that if He ever suspected a relapse, He would take my ass straight to the hospital.  Since that time, I've always wanted to maintain a healthy weight but never again had any thoughts of turning down that path of self-destruction. Looking back, I think that was probably my first act of submission to Him.  

But twenty years later, my eating habits still tend to drive Him a bit nuts.  When we go out, He usually rolls His eyes and scoffs when I order because it's usually a salad or something on the lighter fare.  It's not that I diet or deny myself any particular food but I am very focused on portion control and shy away from eating junk or fast food.  More often than not, even if I do have a craving for something particularly bad, I will talk myself into the healthier option by the time I place my order.  


So, besides the fact that I think it was just hot and sexy when He ordered for me, I found a certain freedom in not making that decision. I didn't feel responsible for making the "right" food choice.  I ate what He chose for me simply because it's what He wanted and I didn't feel the slightest bit guilty or think oh I shouldn't have

























 

        

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

KOTW: Thoughts on Being Collared



Had anyone told me even 2 years ago that I would be involved in an M/s relationship I would have thought that person was crazy.  I surely would have thought that person even more crazy had they suggested that I would willingly and proudly wear a symbol of ownership, such as a collar.

We began our D/s journey in June 2012 and it all began with a contract.  I know contracts are highly debated and I don't intend to get into that here but it's what worked for us.  At that time, outside of wearing a collar during play, there was no mention of collaring or even developing a Master/slave relationship.

Honestly, when I first submitted to Him, I didn't even know there was even such a thing as collaring.  Once I did find out, I certainly wasn't interested in wearing something that I thought was more appropriate on a dog.  Wearing a permanent sign of ownership...nope...not for me.   

After about 6 months, the D/s lifestyle was iffie for us, we struggled quite a bit.  We didn't want to give up but soon came to the realization that we both needed to make a larger commitment to ourselves and to each other.  Around January of this year, we began shifting into a Master/slave dynamic and I really made a concerted effort to better educate myself in all aspects of slavery.

I had experienced the positive impact submission had on our relationship so my walls and negative perceptions related to being owned had already begun to crumble.  Soon, I wanted nothing more than to be considered His slave and I remember reading something on Fet that sparked my interest in collaring.  The idea of wearing a "day" collar, one that could worn in the vanilla world but carried the same intent, intrigued me.  Master was pleased when I mentioned this to Him because He had apparently already been putting some thought into collaring me.

Earning His collar would not come easily though.  I would endure months of training, which is another highly debated topic that I don't intend to get into here.  He intended for training to push me, push my boundaries, and mold me into exactly the slave He wanted me to be.  Only then, would I be worthy of wearing His collar.

Collaring Ceremony


The 3 days leading up to collaring were by far the toughest, meant to push my boundaries on many different levels.  After our last session was over and I was dressed and ready to go out to dinner, Master called me upstairs.  My gut was telling me what was about to happen but I didn't want to get my hopes up.  Then I saw the candles lit and the glow of the collar sitting in front of me as I walked into the room.  One of the things I love about Him, is how diabolical and sadistic He can be on one hand, and so thoughtful and romantic on the other.

He had designed this moment so beautifully and it will be one that I will never forget.  He asked me to remove my clothes and kneel at His feel as I felt the smooth metal of the collar locking  around my neck, signifying to us both that I belong to Him completely.

He had something prepared that He wanted to say...some vows so to speak.  The short version is that He promised to guide and protect me, honor my feelings and needs, and tend to my happiness, health, and well-being.  I, in turn, accepted to follow Him on this journey, and to serve and belong to Him. 

Then He began read to me an excerpt from a book and I could no longer hold back my tears.   

The story told of  a man becoming completely "intoxicated" by the song of a Nightbird.  The sound of this Nightbird consumed his thoughts and so "enraptured" him that it consumed his soul.

Choking up as He spoke (which let me say does not happen typically), He whispered to me you are my Nightbird.

This private moment, which was exactly one year to the day of us signing our original contract, was more special and emotional for us both than the day we exchanged our wedding vows 18 years ago.         



The front is engraved with the words..."Owned by Heron"

The back is engraved with the words..."As I Own His Heart".

Obviously, this isn't a collar I can wear in the vanilla world so we went the next day to purchase a Pandora bangle bracelet which I wear every day.  I love the idea of being able to add charms that will have special meaning just for us and of course my first was His birthstone.

What an amazing journey this has been so far!  What an amazing man/Husband/Master I belong to!


  
This is my first writing for KOTW but the topic was so near and dear to my heart, I knew I had to post an entry. I had blogged several months ago about my collaring ceremony so I transferred some of the text to this post. 


   

Monday, November 18, 2013

Just 5 Minutes of Hell



Five minutes of hell is what Master called it.  I could be sarcastic here and say "well I thought that's what the last 3 weeks has been" but my brain to mouth filter is thankfully intact because I would have ruined a perfectly good time for myself.  Little did I know, I was only 5 minutes away from finally being granted what I have waited so patiently for.  

Then I realize that He intends to use the Hitachi.  Oh God!  For those of you that have used a Hitachi, you probably understand five minutes with that vibrator could easily mean multiple orgasms.  As worked up as I have been over these past few weeks, I wonder how the hell I can possibly hold out against that for even 30 seconds.  Immediately fearing another punishment on my horizon, Master quickly clarifies that this is only for fun, no pass or fail.  I wish I could say this was comforting but once He has laid out the expectations for anything I don't want to disappoint, even if it is just for fun.  Damn type A personality!

Just to make it a bit more fair, Master decided if I got close to cumming, all I had to do was say "stop" and He would give me a 30 second break.  I was allowed up to 5 breaks so really I only had to make it through two and a half minutes of vibration time.  I'm a little more confident I can handle that.   

He leads me over to the bed and tells me to lay down, spread my legs and keep my arms down by my side.  The moment He turns the vibrator on and touches my clit a rush of excitement floods my body.  As He softly moves it around my pussy, I fight the waves that are quickly building and make it a full minute and a half before calling for the first mercy break.

I manage to complete the whole five minutes with only 3 breaks but now I am confused because He doesn't stop.  Not only that, I am getting dangerously close to the edge.  I don't really know if I am allowed to ask permission yet but before it's too late, I ask Him to stop.  He keeps going.  Now I am pleading with Him to stop.

NO! is His only response. 

Knowing that there is no way I can hold back anymore, I ask permission and can only hope it's granted. 

Master, may I cum?

Yes, you may!










Sunday, November 17, 2013

Overcoming Sexual Denial

This last few weeks has been difficult, at times I didn't even have words to describe what I was feeling.  Writing was difficult because I didn't want come across as whining or complaining but honestly, I couldn't really put my thoughts together anyways.  I would sit down at the computer and stare at the blank page.  All I could think about was how horny I was...every minute of every day.

I've been denied for periods of time, usually a week or so.  But apparently, being denied to this extent, makes me painfully aware of my how my sexual appetite has developed.  I find myself extremely regretful for the years I regularly turned down His advances while claiming that I just didn't need it like He did.   

After 3 long weeks, I am happy to say that my dry spell thankfully "came" to an end this weekend.  Master did enjoy the use of my mouth almost daily throughout those three weeks but there was no sex, no masturbation, and absolutely no orgasms allowed for me.  The punishment aspect of my denial ended after 2 weeks, but as my luck typically goes, aunt flo made her untimely appearance extending my time without sex by yet another week.

Now that I can actually think with a clear head again, I look back on the weeks and how they unfolded.  My emotions completely ran amok and then somehow a sense of peace and clarity took over.

The first week, I was on edge, extremely moody, and prone to tears very easily.  I can only speculate that perhaps it was too soon for this type of punishment after our recent hotel experience.  Master did provide excellent reassurance and aftercare that day but I think maybe taking away intimacy just days after such an intense experience, left me feeling extremely vulnerable and worried there might be something wrong on a deeper level. 

Throughout the second week I was at height of PMS.  It was a constant challenge to keep my myself in check.  My emotions ranged from complete insecurity with myself ...to hurting so bad I couldn't bear to talk about it...to being pissed because if I did talk about it, He would surely find a way to make me wish I hadn't...to thinking that maybe I wasn't meant for this lifestyle.  The rational part of me kept reminding the irrational part of me that these were all temporary feelings driven by hormones, so I decided it best to work through it with as much dignity as I could muster.  Who am I kidding though?  My facade never fools Master, not even for a minute.  He knew I wanted to crack!

At the start of the third week, I did feel better when He admitted His own frustrations at not being able to have me.  With a sarcastic chuckle, I thought to myself "REALLY!...He has a lot of nerve complaining about His frustration when He's getting His dick sucked almost every day". 

Then my outlook started to change sometime during that third week.  I guess maybe it could have been that the PMS had passed or maybe I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  But I really think it was something more.  I started to feel a shift or transformation taking place in my attitude.  Frustration and self doubt was somehow replaced with acceptance and empowerment.   I stopped thinking every minute of the day on my own needs of pleasure.  Yes...every fiber in my being was still on fire with lust, but that lust was now a desire to please only Him.  On the days that I sucked His cock, it was no longer because I had to.  It was because I wanted to more than anything else.  My desire for intimacy was being fulfilled by meeting His needs.  I found myself craving to be on my knees, proving my dedication to Him, worshiping Him, tasting Him, devouring Him in a way that I don't remember feeling before.

I think Master might have even been a little pleasantly surprised!

Now, let's just see if I can keep myself out of trouble because as much as I learned from the experience, I am not hoping for a repeat anytime soon (or ever) if I can help it!










Monday, November 11, 2013

Push it to the Limit

A couple weeks back, it seemed that my new experience...

The Note

The Knock

The Slut

The Reclaiming

...sparked a bit of conversation about pushing limits.  The whole experience, from being on display nude and in a bondage situation, being played with in front of someone else, and orally serving another man in front of my Master, was all new territory for us both.  But pushing limits is definitely a touchy subject and can be a double edged sword.  It has the potential to bring Dom and sub closer or if not handled properly, can backfire in an instant. 

I want to back up a little and explain a little about my own personal limits.  When we started down this path, I knew that He would be training me to be His slave and at His request, I agreed to keep a completely open mind.  Yes, there were plenty of things that made me uncomfortable.  Hell, even being tied up made me uncomfortable.  But surrendering completely to Him meant that I had to trust the limits He established for us.  Setting my own limits, meant trusting my own judgement over His, therefore, I would in essence still be holding an element of control.

We do have a very short section in our contract dedicated to limits.  Things like branding, cutting, scarring, and deprivation of oxygen were hard limits even for Him.  I did insist on one thing to be added which I felt may be a physical trigger but have since learned that wasn't the case.

Admittedly, I was quite inexperienced in the realm of M/s, bdsm, and kink and I really didn't take the initiative to learn before making the commitment.  During the last year and a half, many times after a scene I have thought "WOW! Had I known He was going to try that, I would have wanted it added to my limits".  But on the other hand, my inexperience and lack of research really did keep my mind open and in the end I have found a deeper trust in my Master and enjoyed things I would have never considered before.  Not that I am recommending this philosophy, it's just the way it worked out for me.



If you are in an newer relationship, particularly a D/s or bdsm relationship, the other person isn't going to know every intricate detail of your likes/dislikes, and more importantly your potential triggers.  I would think in this situation, it's very important that you have a voice when setting limits.  Then later down the road you can renegotiate once you trust that this person has your best interest at heart.


I do firmly believe that discussion should take place before pushing any limits, but most particularly hard limits.  It is expected that a Dom will push a soft limit when they feel you might be ready but a hard limit warrants discussion and consent to me.   

So, how do you know when you are ready to re-evaluate your hard limit? 
 
Allowing someone to push your limits is really all about trust.  But no matter how much you trust someone, you may find there are some limits which are never meant to be pushed, particularly if you fear a significant personal negative reaction or loss of well being.  You have to be confident, regardless of whether you end up enjoying the experience or not, that you can handle the outcome and if you can't be sure, then you owe it to yourself to stand by the limits you established.   

But the fact of the matter is that limits can and do change over time.  Many times, the limiting factor is simply fear of the unknown.  Once you experience it, you realize, oh that wasn't a big deal.  Then a year down the road, when you love it more than anything, you wonder why on earth that was ever a limit.   


As you gain more experience and find more confidence within yourself, it is natural to want to explore boundaries.  A good Dom will also find ways to challenge you to explore your limits.   He shouldn't cross the line, because this may cause an irreparable breach in trust, but He may skirt the edge a little testing the waters until you are ready.   Maybe...just maybe...the idea of something will excite you when it didn't before.  This...is your mind opening to new possibilities.

Even though I find myself in a situation where the only thing the defines my boundaries are when He has reached His, He still  understands where my fears or insecurities lie.  He knows when to push and when not to push.  But some of that is because we have been together so long.  We have a marriage and a family that have to be considered so He wouldn't make a decision that would jeopardize all that we have.  Where there may be an issue of how I may handle something in particular, He works me there in baby steps, never pushing too hard or too fast.


He has also spent years learning about my fantasies...from the simple to the deepest and darkest.  While I am deathly afraid of experiencing certain things, I never considered them hard limits and  from the beginning, I understood He may eventually begin the slow process of bringing those fantasies to life. 

Well, I have gone on and on much longer than I had planned to but the most important thing to remember is that pushing limits all comes down to one thing and that is trust. 

Trust in yourself to know when you are ready for limits to be pushed and trust in your Dom to be there as your support and to push your limits without pushing your buttons. 




 




Sunday, November 10, 2013

Pump Your Face, Whore!



Don't stop pumping your face, WHORE!

Desperately, I am trying to earn the last 5 dollars of 50 to complete my punishment but He is being particularly harsh tonight, making sure He gets every dollar worth.

As He lies on the bed with my body nestled between His legs, He insists that I not shift position again or stop, only to keep pumping my face up and down on His cock.

Don't move your body again, WHORE!

My shoulders...burning...

My neck and jaw...aching...

My hips and legs...cramping...but I don't dare disobey.

My whole body is trembling from fatigue and wants so badly to stop, but every time the thought comes into my mind, I retreat a little deeper into myself, searching for the strength to continue.

My mouth is only a hole.  A hole that He chooses to use for His pleasure.  

These thoughts continue to serve as a painful reminder that my mouth is the only hole He has used in quite a while but thankful that my transgression exactly two weeks ago will finally be paid in full and absolved tonight.

I fight the urge to give in to tears with His onslaught of verbal humiliation and threats to make me find someone else to suck off to earn my 5 dollars should I make Him come too quickly.

Finally, almost an hour after I started, relief washes over me as my throat is filled with all too familiar taste of His cum.  Barely able to move, my body crumples into a heap at the foot of the bed as He gets up and walks away. 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Rear-Ended...

And not in the good way!

Minding my own business sitting in traffic last night and...BAM!

Amazingly, no one hurt and absolutely NO damage to the car.

My guardian angel...came to our rescue again!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Evening Walks

No kinky stuff to report on recently...still working on earning my 50 dollars. Master was sick for several days last week so I haven't been able to earn my cash (and complete my punishment) as quickly as I would have liked which is a bummer.

I do have to say that I have really come to enjoy our evening walks though.  What started as our attempt to escape for 30 stolen minutes a day, away from kids, pets, and mother, has now turned into a family affair.

The girls started.asking to come with us and begrudgingly we told them alright.  It was selfish...I know! But we get so little time together, we hated to share that time too, this new little ritual that had developed between us. 

However, I have come to love hearing them ask every night after dinner if we are ready to go.  They seem to look forward to putting away their homework, TV, laptops, and just spending some time with us. 

As we walk, my heart melts as I watch the bonding taking place between my Husband and our eldest, who will most likely be leaving the nest next year.  She's a rather quiet type, actually her and her Dad are just alike...both completely content to keep their faces buried in a good book.  But when we are out walking she talks to Him a mile a minute about everything under the sun...from books, to school, to history, to life in general.

Usually, I stay just a few feet behind with the younger one.  She be-bops along...sometimes we sing and sometimes we talk about friends or anything else that strikes her fancy at the moment.  She always has something to say that makes me giggle.  At some point, she may run ahead to hold her Dad's hand.  I shake my head and smile because they walk just alike.

These years are going so fast and I desperately want to hold on to all the precious moments before they are off building a life, a family, and memories of their own.   
 
Oh, don't get me wrong...there are times when they frustrate me to no end and it's on these days that Master reminds me that one day I will wish for it all back.  
   

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Funny...And Then Not So Much

First of all, let me send my apologies for my last post, 50 Dollars.  Apparently it is the pussy who had the last laugh!

I've talked about the "game" several posts back.  If you just joined and haven't read that far back, it's a little game Master started.  I have 3 baggies.  One is filled with slips of paper with the names of 30 different spanking implements, one is filled with numbers in multiples of 5 (ranging from 35-100), and the other is filled with different body parts that can be spanked (tits, nipples, ass, pussy, clit).  I pull a slip from each bag and that dictates the play of the day.   

This game has been going strong, minus a few days here and there because of busy schedules, but I haven't bothered to provide a day by day update.  Frankly, there wasn't too much to say because literally, every day, I was pulling the "tits" or "nipples" slip. 

If I hadn't checked the bags myself, I would have been convinced He was rigging the game!   

Well, oddly enough, the exact day I posted 50 Dollars, and called my you know what the very worst of names, my draw for that evening was just about the worse imaginable.

Rope...100...PUSSY   



Seriously...are you shitting me?

Honestly, if this didn't suck so bad, the irony of it would be hilarious.

Now keep in mind, I am also on orgasm restriction as a punishment right now so it's just a wee bit sensitive down there.  Laying on the bed with my legs butterflied, He begins to lash at my pussy with the rope.  Not devastatingly hard but it certainly doesn't feel good either.  The tears begin to flow somewhere around 30 and continue all the way to 100. 

To make matters worse, after He gets to 100, He decides to "kiss" it to make it better.  Obviously, this is just torture and the tears continue falling with the knowledge that I will be denied any release.

Then the not so good part of our night starts.  I feel like it's important to share this because no matter where we are all at in this journey, we all have days that we struggle...and times that we will all make  mistakes.  Constant reflection for both the D and s is crucial. 

Master had been at a work function late, hadn't eaten, and was apparently not in the best of moods when administering said pussy spanking. 

His reaction to my tears was odd, not His usual reaction.  To me, the tears are natural...it's a purging and cleansing, a way to release all the pent up stress.  It's also sometimes my bodies reaction to over stimulation, which was probably more the case in this situation.

Rather than wiping away my tears and providing the reassurance I needed in the moment, He simply told me to get it under control.  Immediately, fear set in that I had somehow upset Him or done something wrong.  For the rest of the night, the more I tried to squash the tears, the more I wanted to let them out until the dam broke and I couldn't stop crying.

The old me would have simply thrown up my wall and been pissed and shut down for days.  Isn't it amazing how differently we perceive and handle situations when we have truly given ourselves to someone else, exposing our complete vulnerability?      

The good thing is we did talk and He admitted that it was His mood and I had done nothing wrong.  I am not sure if He completely realized before now just how much everything I am is wrapped up in how He views me.  Frankly, I'm not sure I realized it...at least to that extent.     

After that, I was able to let it go.  Another example of why communication, by not only the sub but also the Dominant, is so important.     Had I known that He was at that level of irritability, I might have handled the whole situation differently and not taken things so personally.     



Monday, October 28, 2013

50 Dollars

This is what I get for being amused at reading His Slut's post, Letter from His Slut's Mind.

Yes...we have all talked about how our pussy is a snitch and she tells on us all the time for enjoying things that we should otherwise should be hating  Well, my pussy must have heard me laughing and agreeing with His Slut and decided to exact her revenge, getting us both in trouble in the process.

If you have read through enough of my posts, you know one of my rules is that I have to ask for permission to cum, which Master may accept or deny at His discretion.  Not only that, but He also tends to ration out my orgasms like MREs during the coming (haha...no pun intended) Zombie Apocalypse. 

Of course last week I was being punished for forgetting in the heat of the moment to ask permission altogether, the most dreadful of offenses!  I certainly wasn't going to make that mistake again on Friday night when He had me splayed on the bed in my garters and fishnet hose pleasuring me with His mouth and teasing me with His fingers, which is my total weakness by the way.

Only this time, when I asked permission (TWICE I might add), silence...no answer!

OH SHIT!  Too late now, she said.

OK...I will accept the responsibility for maybe waiting one millisecond too long to ask but I swear I desperately tried to stop her.  There was absolutely no fighting the finger trick though.  Deciding to have her own fun and disobey her Master, she had just committed the second deadliest of sins and knew exactly how much trouble she was going to get me in.

For this she is a C-U-N-T!  Oh...I hate that word but in my opinion she doesn't even deserve to be called a pussy right now.

Thanks to her I get no more orgasms until I collect 50 dollars.


How are you going to collect 50 dollars?...you might ask



Well, the answer to that is...I will earn 5 dollars from Master for each blowjob I give Him.  Not only that, each one is to be initiated with the following statement:

Master, I am a cheap whore and my price is 5 dollars.

Yep...she's a C-U-N-T alright, and with only 15 dollars in my purse at the moment, she has a lot of damn nerve to tell me she is horny! We are in for a long week a-head (pun intended!).

   










Sunday, October 27, 2013

Reclaimed


After my mouth was well used by our visitor, Master and I were finally left alone in the hotel room and thoughts immediately began to bombard my mind.

Oh god...was He upset?

Had I done everything He expected?

Had I done too much...not enough?

I could barely look at Him at first, for fear that I would see hurt or disappointment on His face.  We talked for several minutes while He walked around the room putting away all of the toys.  It was obvious that He had some of His own thoughts and emotions to process.  He admitted to me in a later conversation that this experience pushed His boundaries as much as it did mine and while He was  prepared for me to enjoy it, He was caught a little of guard by how receptive I became in the heat of the moment.

With all the toys finally put away, He walked over to me sitting on the edge of bed and held my chin so that my eyes met His.

You did everything I asked.  You have nothing to feel bad about or to worry about.

He undressed and laid down on the bed, inviting me to join Him.  I couldn't wait to devour every inch of Him, taste Him, have Him in my mouth and inside of me.

Since this experience was a first for both us, I don't know if it's a natural part of the process but this overwhelming feeling came over me.  I wanted (no...NEEDED) Him to make me His again.

As I knelt on the bed between His legs, He began the process of reclaiming what was His.  After worshiping His cock for a while, He demanded to know if I enjoyed having two dicks in my mouth in the same day, His voice stern and cold.   I could only moan and nod my head, yes.

Several minutes later when He began fucking me, I couldn't help but notice His eyes were as hard and cold as His voice.  He started calling me a "worthless whore" and insisted that I lie there with my mouth gaping open while mocked me for how slutty it was.  The more He degraded me, the wetter and hotter my pussy got. 

You know you still aren't allowed to cum.  Tell me why!

Because I am being punished for cumming without permission, Sir.

Thinking to myself, how after all this can He still deny me?  I wanted to be mad at what He was saying but I couldn't.

He must have felt and been by pleased my inner resignation and acceptance because He stopped and propped Himself up above me, our bodies still one.  His eyes and voice now softer.

You know there is NOTHING that you could ever do to make me stop loving you...

You are mine and you will always be mine... 

I want to feel you cum...you have most certainly earned your it!

These words set me on fire and almost immediately, all of the excitement of the day released as my orgasm washed over me in wave after wave.

No matter what, my heart, body, and soul will always belong to Him. 

 





 



 



 

Friday, October 25, 2013

The Slut

She wonders who is crossing the room with her Master.  Is it a man or woman?  

Something tells her that it's a man, then she starts to listen to the sound of his breathing and is almost 100% sure.  She's also partly sure that she knows who it might be and that puts her at ease.  Her Master instructs him to take a seat on the couch while He provides a demonstration of the violet wand.  Making small talk about the different attachments and intensities, she thinks how smart He was to pick this toy.  Not only is it one of her favorites but it is sure to take her nervous and self-conscious mind to a different place.


Her palms are sweaty and because she can't move anything else, her fingers begin tracing little circles nervously on the massage table.  She hears the wand start up but still jumps when it first touches her leg.  As He continues moving it over her body, she focuses less on the fact that someone is watching and slowly lets the sensations wash over her.  She is in a good place, that is until He pauses the wand over her pussy, delivering a zap though her shorts strong enough to make her arch as far as her tied down body will allow and yell 'Owww!". Definitely too loud for a hotel room unless you want more visitors so He gives her a firm warning.  Despite her best effort to stay quiet, she yelps even louder the next time.

Now with the ball gag in place, He invites the visitor to come take charge of the wand for a moment. So many conflicting thoughts should be going through her mind, but she feels pretty relaxed and doesn't mind as the wand travels over her leg, around her pelvis, and finds it's way to her breasts. 

Once the wand is back in her Master's hands, she hears Him ask, "Could you remove that?".  Before she even realizes what He means, the thin little cut-off wife beater is being gently torn down the middle, allowing her tits to completely fall free.  With a little chuckle, she accepts her fate and reminds herself that she has proudly shown them all over the internet!

It wasn't long though before she felt hands on bare flesh...different hands than she is used to.  Her mind is so lost as her nipples are massaged to stiff peaks and she can't even be certain but thought clamps might have just been put on her.  She realizes later, when they come off that they are, in fact, the clovers.   

Funny that her nipples didn't hurt, but her big hoop earrings were becoming rather uncomfortable getting caught between her neck and the table so she kindly asks Master to remove them, not thinking that her request would come at at price.  You asked for something...now I am expect something in return.  Using scissors, He cut her shorts up each side, leaving just a thin piece of fabric over her pussy.

As He resumes playing with the wand, He sees how she is desperately struggling to retain her covering (and dignity), refusing to move her lower body too much.  He uses the wand to zap her inner thighs over and over, laughing and commenting when she finally gets the message to spread her legs wider.   She now realizes that the last piece of fabric has fallen away and is no longer protecting her.  

Then the vibrators!  Oh God the vibrators!  Really it is almost more than she can bear but certainly takes her mind off being exposed.  The two men work her with the Hitachi on the outside and a smaller one on the inside.  She knows she is dripping wet, but doesn't care and is absolutely dying to cum.  They refuse to let her though, stopping every time she gets close.  Apparently, she was wrong in ever thinking that it would be difficult getting off in front of someone else.  Under the right circumstances and given the chance, she most definitely could! 

Now, she hears her Master shuffling around trying to move the fuck machine onto the table.  She thinks it's His visitor's hands that are on her again, this time spreading her open for the extra large dildo attached to the machine.  As it begins to move in and out of her slowly and rhythmically, the visitor moves her right hand and places it on his dick so that she could feel it bulging through his pants.

The caged slut begins to emerge from whatever deep recess she was banished to so long ago and  responds without hesitation, immediately taking his cock in her mouth when he untied her hands.   Shifting her head over to the side of the table, he continues to fuck her face.  One would think that she would have flinched or fought it at this point, but no...not her.

She still didn't fight it as her legs were untied and she was led off the table to kneel at his feet.  She continued sucking while her Master knelt down beside her and spanked her ass and pussy with a switch.  Not only was she moaning and gagging on the cock in front of her but she was flooding with wetness and desperately wanting more.   

She had found complete acceptance in her position and quite possibly...finally found her sub-space!

And as usual, despite all her previous reservations, the way her body responded told her dark secret.  Not only did she accept it, but she was thoroughly enjoying it!






 





        





 

Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Knock




She climbed on the massage table and laid down on her back, waiting patiently while He tied her arms and legs down securely.  No light could penetrate the double blind fold and every sound in the room became oddly intense. 

However, she just couldn't quite shake the unsettled feeling as several thoughts/questions rolled around in her brain.

"Isn't it odd that I am still somewhat clothed?"

"Who was just on the phone before He walked in?"

"Why the recent discussions about His Changing Needs and expectations for my complete submission?"

"What was meant by the last instruction in The Note?"

"No! It couldn't be...not here...not today!"

She attempted to push those thoughts from her mind, but it was all adding up, and apparently she knows her Master very well. Once He finished tying her down, He leaned over and gently whispered in her ear that there would be someone joining them for a short time today.

Words could not form on her lips.  Her heart raced and the excitement she had felt turned to fear and panic. As she fought the urge to either laugh or cry, He calmly reassured her.  Stroking her arm, He reminded her that He took great care in planning for their safety and privacy, He promised not leave her alone, and she should be free of any burden as this was out of her control.

With several deep breaths and a resolve she didn't realize she had, she slowed her breathing and calmed down by solely focusing on doing what was expected of her.  At that moment, she let go and placed her complete trust in Him.  After all, it wasn't like this was a complete surprise. Her Master had made it clear from the beginnings of their D/s that this boundary would be tested and He has been preparing her in baby steps.

Some may ask "Why?  Why this road?", but not her.

She understands, accepts rather, that this furthers her objectification/humiliation and He knows her better than she knows herself.  Despite anything she may say, ultimately, she will enjoy it. 

Her hesitancy isn't born from fear of serving another or concern that she won't be capable of following through.  She knows all too well that she can and will, and possibly, that's what scares her most.  You see, her pussy and mouth tend to be a bit of a slut with a mind of their own, but that's a part of her past that she locked away a very long time ago...or so she thought.

She is drawn from her thoughts, back into the moment, when she hears a text come in on His phone, quickly followed by a knock at the door.  Any last hope she may have had that this was her Master's greatest mind fuck ever was quickly tossed out the window as she heard His footsteps leave her side and go to answer the door. 

The door opens and closes.  Now, there are in fact two sets of footsteps returning.  This is really happening and she is now completely helpless and on display...    



to be continued

 



 

   

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Note

After meeting for lunch, He slips a note into her hand with a hotel key inside as she gets into her car.  She quickly unfolds this new set of instructions as she watches Him walk away.  The queasy feeling in her stomach intensifies as she reads:

YOU NEED TO HURRY TO GET ALL OF THIS DONE.  YOU HAVE 15-17 MINUTES.  Go to the hotel and go to room 214.  It is on the first floor.  Let yourself in and you will see the clothes you are supposed to wear (plus your boots).  Jump in the shower first and bring yourself close to orgasm, but vocally remind yourself of why you are on orgasm restriction.  DO NOT CUM!  Take a quick warm shower and make sure that you have cleaned your dripping pussy.  Towel off...no lint on your pussy.  Make sure you go to the bathroom, since you may not get many breaks, but don't leave a single piece of tissue on your slutty pussy.  Put on the shirt and shorts and boots.  Place all of the items that you are required to have in your purse on the long table.  Once you are done with that, facing the wall, place your left knee in the seat of the sofa and your right leg over the side so you are straddling the arm.  Rub your pussy back and forth on the arm of the sofa, while you wait for me to arrive.  DON'T YOU DARE CUM!  Do not move once you are in position.  I will take complete control of your body once I arrive.  You have no choice but to do as I say.  You will have control over nothing, so you are free to enjoy.


She quickly drives to the hotel reading the note again on the way trying to see if she can gather any clue as to what's in store for her.  Opening the door to room 214, she sees all that He has been preparing this morning.  Scanning the room quickly, she makes note of the fuck machine, the massage table, and an entire table full of implements.  She grins at the sight of her favorite toy, the violet wand!

With no time to waste, she undresses and rushes to the shower.  For three days now, she has been required to masturbate multiple times daily, but is forbidden to cum because of her transgression last week...cumming during sex without asking permission.  Fondling her already swollen clit in the shower and nearing orgasm, she stops and says out loud as she has all week, "I am not allowed to cum without permission".

After finishing her quick shower, she goes to bathroom and slips into the itty bitty hot pink shorts, cut off wife beater, and black high heeled boots He left neatly on the massage table.  Straddling the arm of the couch...waiting...her heart feels like it's going to thump right out of her chest. 

She hears the click of the door and her breath catches...

The Scene is Set

With a set of instructions left for me this morning, I prepare myself and am now heading out to meet Him with a mix of nervousness and excitement.

What is planned for today?  My mind is buzzing!

He has taken care of all the details and all I have been told is where to be, what time, and what to wear. 

How, after 20 years with this man, can I be so nervous? 


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Need A Quick Workout?

Friday night...date night because the kid is at a birthday party.

After dinner decision...there is only time for our nightly walk or rush home for a quickie.

Actually, not such a tough decision after all!

But what to do about the workout?

Master has been so good about using Digi-fit and His arm band monitor to track heart rate and calories burned during exercise.

Then the thought hits us both at the same time.

The moral of the story is 367...that is how many calories He burned in 35 minutes of fairly vanilla low intensity sex with really no time for foreplay.

I say it was a win/win!

And burned as much as about a two mile walk.

Admittedly, it was a little comical seeing the arm band blinking out of the corner of my eye and got a good chuckle about having to shut the volume off on His phone so it would stop telling us which heart rate zone He was in.

But obviously, we are quite comfortable with each other and enjoyed ourselves anyways:)


Sunday, October 20, 2013

Safety First

 

I realize there is something I have been somewhat remiss in discussing...that is SAFETY in what we do.  Not only are there safety considerations that need to be made in planning and executing scenes but you have probably read in my posts on more than one occasion that He has dressed me quite inappropriately and sent me into a public places. This poses a different type of safety concern and without proper explanation of how this is accomplished, at least for us, it could most certainly cause concern about one's well being. 

My Master knows that I despise this type of attention, which is why He does it. While my preference is to dress sexy, He insists on trashy because it makes me uncomfortable, therefore achieving the desired effect of humiliation when ogled by random strangers.  Plus, this is part of who He is and part of His own kink.  He just plain enjoys showing me off. 

The downside to this type of play is that it could potentially jeopardize mine or anyone else's safety that chooses to engage in this type of mental game. 

It's important to clarify for anyone that may looking for ideas and contemplating doing something like this with their sub, it is not something to take lightly.  Use common sense because the safety of your partner is so very important.  They may be willing to do something that takes them out of their comfort zone but that is done with the understanding that you will protect them. 

If you are the sub, the same goes for you if being asked to do something of this nature.  Use good judgment and don't put yourself in uncontrolled situations.  When it comes to your well-being, don't place trust in those that haven't completely earned it.    

Some of the ways He ensures my safety is that I do not go alone on these "adventures".  There have been times that I haven't seen Him or known where He is but, He is there, lurking somewhere.

Even if I have been given instructions to drive there by myself, I am required to text Him when I arrive and am given specific instructions on where to park.  He doesn't say specifically, but I know this is so He can watch as I walk in and walk out.  While in the store, He will continue to communicate or provide instructions by text and at some point our paths cross...even if He pretends not to know me.  Sometimes, I am within a few feet of Him the whole time.  It just depends on His mood.     

I should also say that the area you live in is really important.  Bad things can happen anywhere but we do live in a fairly small suburban area with very low crime.  Obviously, you have to take the overall safety of your area into account.

We talk about my safety all the time.  I communicate with Him if I have concerns and He takes all this into account and does everything that He can do help me feel at ease.  But I can only willingly submit to these situations because of one thing...TRUST.


Wednesday, October 16, 2013

A Little Humiliation and a Coat Hanger Goes a Long Way

80 licks with the coat hanger to the tits...that's the lot I drew Monday evening...
After cleaning the dishes after dinner Monday night, Master informed me that we needed to run to Walmart to return something.  Innocent enough I thought...we were just getting out of the house alone for a few minutes.  That is until we get in the car and He presents the clothes that I am to change into before we go in.  Have I mentioned that this type of public humiliation is not my favorite?  Pretty sure I have...LOL!
 
Anyways, we pull up in the parking lot and He leaves me in the car to change while He goes ahead into the store.  Quickly I strip my nice work clothes and put on a pair of black cheerleader style shorts (and I am not kidding when I say that my ass completely hangs out) and a cut off black t-shirt (with no bra and showing my belly).  The real kicker was the black high heeled boots.  I mean seriously, who goes shopping like that?  I wouldn't be surprised if my picture doesn't pop up in one of the emails with the People of Walmart
 
It's time to go in and I don't even make it half way through the parking lot before I am already objectified by perfect strangers...and quite mortified.  A man in a truck pulling out of his parking space yells at another guy trying to walk to his car, "If you don't stop looking at THAT, you are going to get run over!"  And that wasn't even the half of it.  Literally, there were people that walked by me only to turn back around and walk by again as I went through the store trying to find a couple of the new implements that Master is adding to His arsenal for this new spanking "game". 
 
As soon as we got back home, He took me upstairs for a my destiny with the coat hanger.  Actually, I was pretty thankful that this implement was drawn first because it is definitely the one I dread the most.  While standing in the display position, He started with a few light taps to each tit and then gradually increased the force until I started to cry, yelp, and dance in place which was somewhere around 50.  He debated whether to stop, but ultimately decided that I drew 80 and that's what I would get but He did take it much easier the last 30. 
 
As soon as He was done, I was ordered to get on my knees and suck His cock, which was already hard with anticipation.  Sucking as vigorously as possible, He continued to humiliate me by asking if I enjoyed my attention from the "coat hanger".  I tried to answer NO but He continued to ask until I nodded YES.  He finally pushed my mouth away from His cock and finished Himself, only using my mouth to deposit His load.
 
Helping me up from the floor, He then guided me over to the bed.  Thinking that I may finally receive some attention from Him, He delivered the crushing blow that if I needed release I may do it myself.  I couldn't even control myself at this point...tears instantly welled up in my eyes and continued to stream down my face as I laid there using my fingers to massage my clit to orgasm while He simply watched. 

Now I admit, my attitude hadn't been the best lately, feeling that somehow I was not getting enough attention from Him.  After all was said and done that night, I was still a little upset.  But honestly, by the time I woke the next morning, I found I was in a better frame of mind, more focused and emotionally settled,  than I had been in several weeks. 

The message was received loud and clear.  While I may ask for attention, Master maintains control over where, when, how, and by whom it is given.  .

By the way, just in case you ever wondered...a toilet bowl brush (unused of course) on the tits is now feared just as much as the damn coat hanger!  All those little pricks from the bristles sting like hell the next morning in the shower.  Two nights in a row to the tits...and then tonight I was (un)lucky enough to draw 75 to the nipples with a fly swatter. 

Only 3 nights down and so many more to go...

   
    

Monday, October 14, 2013

When You Ask For Attention

Last night we made some updates to my rules, I presented my new mantra, and then Master explained a new little "game" that begins tonight.  It's not really a game...I just don't know what else to call it.    

Below is a picture of 3 bags:



Bag 1- contains the 5 slips of paper each labeled with tits, nipples, ass, clit, or pussy



Bag 2- contains 30 slips of paper each labeled with a different spanking implements.


Bag 3- contains slips of paper labeled with numbers (in multiples of 5) between 35 and 100.



Until He tires of this game, each day I will draw one slip from each bag and that will be the "activity of the day". 

Just to clarify, this was NOT really the attention I was hoping for when we talked the other night.  And I really wondering how some of the larger implements are going to actually spank such a small target like a clit. 

Why do Doms have a wonderful way of listening and then coming up with some devious plan to make you wish you had never said anything?

Nevertheless, I really am going to try and keep an open mind and tell myself...this could be fun...this could be fun...

But just in case it's not, wish me luck cause I just might need it! 

UPDATE: Just pulled "Tits" "Coat Hanger" and "80"...yep need luck!




Sunday, October 13, 2013

A Good Talk and Renewed Focus

My post yesterday, Changing Needs, created a much needed talk between Master and myself last night while out on our date.  He had read the post and wanted to clarify that He does still enjoy doing all the wonderfully sadistic things to me and assured me that it's been our lack of time and privacy that has put a damper on these things, not a change in how He feels about me or our dynamic.  I have been feeling pretty unwanted lately so hearing this was quite a relief! 

During the discussion, I was able to tell Him (through my tears of course) that even though I work hard to complete all my necessary tasks and duties, I am missing the connection with Him that we once shared, particularly during our training, and feared that our dynamic would begin to crumble if we continued in the same direction.

Despite how difficult it was to talk about this, He agreed that we had probably reached a point where a certain amount of complacency had crept in and He promised that we will find a way to refocus on each other no matter how difficult with the demands of our everyday lives.

So, for starters and not particularly the direction I was expecting, we will be reverting back to a micro-management style of D/s for a while.  Even though I feel I know what needs to be done and how to do it, He firmly believes this will help us both to get back in-tune with each other.   

Also, we are going to sit down and review our existing rules. It's probably time to change things up a little.  Some of them are just really hard to adhere to given the family dynamic.

We talked a bit more about my servicing of others and He understands my concerns and hesitancy.  While it doesn't really change anything, I do trust that He will know if, and when, the time is right for both of us.     

In the midst of conversation, He asked me had I been performing my mantra each morning, which unfortunately, I had to admit that I had fallen off that wagon probably a couple of weeks ago.  He created my mantra last year and while it was quite appropriate at the time, I simply no longer feel a connection to it.  I think I have grown so much in my submission since then and it just doesn't seem to reflect where I am currently.  So, He is giving me an opportunity to create my own which I must present to Him before the end of today. Definitely got to work on that because I don't really have one in mind yet! 

Lastly, we decided to take a day off from work together, not this week but next.  YEAH!!  I am super excited about this.  While driving home from dinner, He drove by a particular hotel and told me to keep that in mind for our day off together. 

Also on our way home, He decided to take a bit of a detour, pulling in behind a closed shopping center and had me get our of the car.  We were like sneaky little teenagers while He had me posing for several topless pictures out in the open.  I haven't downloaded them yet but if any of them turned out good enough, I will maybe post them tomorrow. 

So...today I have certainly felt the shift in the air.  The day started with an amazing throat-filled cock sucking.  Despite retching all over Him a couple of times, I could feel my own juices dripping down my legs by the time I was done and I was horny as hell.  But after swallowing His load, I was dismissed to go clean all three bathrooms from top to bottom.  So cleaning is how I spent the majority of my day, making sure everything would stand up to the micro-management test.  Not really the type of "connection" I had been hoping for but it certainly reminds me of my status.   



   

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Changing Needs

Last week, I decided to gently broach a topic with Master that had been on my mind for a little while.  While our D/s dynamic is still intact, the BDSM aspect of our relationship has sadly almost ceased to exist.  Now, our life is definitely busy and we have little to no privacy, so logically I know these things are partly to blame.  But I have begun to feel as if feeding His sadistic "beast" is not a pressing need for Him like it once was.

We were out for a walk the other day and I asked Him if inflicting pain was a need for Him anymore and was kind of caught off guard by His response.  He said that He still enjoys it to an extent but with our life the way it is right now, His hunger in that regard is somewhat diminished.  I can't remember His exact words but He also mentioned something to the effect of...everything He wanted to do to my body has now been done and admitted that His needs are now manifesting in other ways, such as furthering my public humiliation and having me service, and be used, by others.  For Him...this would be my ultimate submission.  Gulp...  

It's not like I didn't know this time would come.  He never pushed the issue but it's something He made me well aware of from the beginning.  I just can't be sure that I am in the same place He is at the moment.  Hell, I don't know if I will ever be there mentally.  Ultimately, I have committed to trust in His decisions and obey; however, I still find myself worrying about where that road will lead us for a variety of reasons. 

Up to this point, offering my body to Him was by far the biggest and hardest step in my surrender.  Even though there are plenty of times I don't necessarily like the pain in the moment, I worked hard to let go and find connection, intimacy, and even pleasure in these experiences.  Now, I am conditioned to it and crave it.  Since it is not so much a part of our daily life, I find myself deeply missing that connection with Him.

Is it possible that I can find the same connection with Him by being humiliated and submitting to servicing others?  I don't know...I just wish the mental tug of war in my head would stop.  What I do know, is it may not be today or tomorrow but the time is coming and I have to find a way to be at peace with it.