Thursday, February 27, 2014

Masterly or Not

 

I've seen this topic floating around lately on Fetlife.  Does it make your Master or D-type less of a dominant because they participate in certain household duties? 

Well, in my opinion it certainly does not make me feel as if He is less Masterly.  If anything, it is another way that I feel He is always taking care of us. 

In our situation, we both work demanding and high stress jobs.  There is no way I could get it all done by myself and run the kids everywhere they need and want to go.  Well, I could do it, but I don't think I would have any energy left for other wifely duties without His help. 

We have spent years figuring out a system of what works for us, but it wasn't always easy though.  The early years of our marriage were spent battling over who did what, who should do what, and who had it worse.  Finally, I think we came to understand that it didn't really matter.  It's all just stuff that needed to be done.  Eventually, we just became very comfortable that even though our roles seem somewhat reversed at times, it worked and that's OK.

One specific example is the laundry.  He does it all and always has.  He is very specific in how the laundry is to be done (maybe a little OCD even).  Don't get me wrong, I can and will do it when I need to but I certainly don't mind that being His thing.   

I try to do the majority of the maintaining the indoor cleaning like sweeping, mopping, scrubbing, dusting, and vacuuming while He takes care of all the outdoor duties. 

I would say cooking is 50/50.  He definitely has a lot more creativity when it comes to menus and I absolutely love the pride He takes in food and plating presentation.  He even loves to use the crock pot!  I know it seems contrary to the M/s dynamic but He really enjoys putting His heart into cooking and serving a good meal to all His family.

Shhhh....don't tell but I think He really enjoys being completely outnumbered by the females in the house.  Wife, 2 daughters, 3 female dogs...He doesn't stand a chance:)

Now that I mention dogs, being the "Treat Man" is contribution enough for Him.  Unless, I am just completely unavailable, He doesn't deal with the feeding, walking, vet visits, throw ups, or occasional accidents.

While I take care of most of the day to day stuff with our girls, He is a wonderful dad and completely engaged.  Where they are concerned, there isn't anything He won't do if I just ask for His help.  Most importantly, He is always there when they need Him.  They always love His funny stories and most of the time appreciate His sage advice. While my dad was around when I was growing up, He wasn't what I would consider "present".  He had the philosophy that the man's only responsibility was to make a living for the family and the kids were solely the mom's responsibility.  So finding a man that wanted to be part of raising children was a big thing for me in finding a life long partner.

Recently, He's even gotten more involved in the grocery shopping.  He price shops, studies the nutritional info and helps me with the couponing.  Is it scary that He is almost more excited than me when we come across a good deal?

So do I respect Him any less for sharing the load?  Not at all.  If anything I think it has helped us build a healthier respect for each other.  I have no doubt if I stayed at home, it is likely that I would take care of all the household chores.  Actually, I would feel that is what I should do. 

But since we aren't in that situation, it's more productive to share responsibilities based on who might be better at or enjoy that particular task, irrespective of "traditional" household or gender roles. 

What are your thoughts?  Is there anything that your Master or D-type does that could be considered not particularly dom-like?  Does it affect your ability to respect their status?

   

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Talon Clamps


I am pretty sure that I have mentioned these bad boys before but I haven't gone into too much detail. I cringe when they come out to play, much like the other day when Master told me to pick out my clamps and "surprise" Him.  In case you didn't know, that was actually code for PICK THE TALONS!

Just about the time I got pretty used to the clothespins or other pinchy type clamps, Master came home with these. If you haven't tried them, the pain is so different. Very stingy and needlelike I would say.

The first time He used them, I think they stayed on maybe 1 minute, if that. All I remember is screeching Take Em OFF...Take Em Off!   They are more tolerable now (with ALOT of deep breathing) but I still start sweating almost instantly when they go on.  It's probably a funny sight as I try with all my might not to make any sudden movements keeping them from pulling any harder than they have to.

But the picture up above seems harmless enough, right?
 
 
Haha...wait till those little prongs spring out from the center!! The clamp pushes up through the cylinder and the five metal prongs close over your nipple as your very happy sadist allows the claw to retract slowly, seriously biting down hard on your flesh. The spring loaded action means that the harder you pull against them, the harder they bite.  You might even feel as if your skin is being pierced, but I assure it's not.

Sounds glorious?!  I am not so sure but for those of you that really enjoy clamps, you might like to try these, which by the way, are particularly fun while sucking cock. 

And maybe...just maybe, your Dom will make you drape the chain over His cock so that it's resting at the base of his shaft.  Every time your head goes up and down, you will enhance your own suffering. 

Then to really top it off, maybe he will tell you to stop sucking and instruct you to reach down with your tongue and lick his balls.  Meaning you are going to stretch that chain as far as it will possibly go, pulling your nipples with it. 

But whatever you do, I highly recommend avoiding the "downtown" with these.  Nope (shaking head)...not fun!  Refers back to "Take Em Off...Take Em Off"

Monday, February 24, 2014

Where to Start

There is really so much to say but I honestly don't know where to start.  You know like when you have to clean up a huge mess and you just look at it wondering what to do first?  Completely overwhelmed, you go grab a snack and turn on the TV, deciding to take care of the mess later. 

That's about sums it up for me.  My focus is just off.  I suppose mostly because we just have so many irons in the fire right now. 

Master is in school so generally after He gets home from work and eats dinner each night, He works out and then locks himself away for studies.  This doesn't bother me.  I get that there are things He needs to work on for Himself right now and in the end, it will be beneficial for our family.  But for the time being, it means that I am pretty busy juggling everything else from the time I get home from work until I go to bed.

Let's not forget about the kids being out of school the last couple of weeks for snow days and then winter break. Geez...I was so happy for them to get back to some semblance of a normal routine today.

The younger one's sport(s) season is also getting into full gear so plenty of practices and competitions already.  By the way, ever been to a cheerleading competition?  What an experience! I had NO idea.

We also had a family situation that required us to be out of town for a couple days. 

And I kid you not.  Just in trying to write what I have so far, I have gotten up three times to take the dog out.  Apparently, even her over-active bladder is attempting to stifle my writing.

Anyways, you name it...it's been going on lately.

Last Monday, I actually had a post all typed out.  A good one too.  While putting the finishing touches on it, one keystroke on the laptop and somehow I deleted over half of it.  Poof...GONE!  Seriously, I was so mad and tired, the only thing I could do was to close the laptop and walk away...very, very slowly

I even mentioned to Master while we were out of town that maybe my blog had reached it's end but He didn't agree.  Honestly, I didn't really like the idea either. Besides, I would really miss the interaction with all the people that have come into my life through this blog.    

So, thank you all for bearing with me while I get my shit together and find my focus.



 



    



Thursday, February 13, 2014

Snow Days

 

What better way to spend another day snowed in the house with kids that have spent far too little time in school this week. 
 
 Making lots of Valentine's cookies!
 
Hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow with your loves!!
 
 
 
 




Wednesday, February 12, 2014

A Decision Made



I've been sitting on this decision for almost a week, even though I knew deep down my answer was yes.  I would accept His offer of compromise. 

So what was taking so long for me to come out and say it?

I kept asking myself...

Is it that I am afraid to fail again?

Am I scared of the punishment lying ahead of me?

Do I worry that He still won't have the attention to devote to us right now? 

Well, I have to thank mc kitten over at Pillow Talk for her post about Pride.  It couldn't have come at a better time!  As soon as I saw the title in my blog feed, that one word spoke volumes.

My ah-ha moment!  I don't know why I didn't see it. 

The only problem was my own pride.  It was preventing me from truly humbling myself.  In just that short amount of time of not being in service to Him, my own sense of self had begun taking hold and along with it, some of my previous behaviors.  Actually, it wasn't shocking once I figured it out.  I'd seen it creeping into my attitude and other aspects of our lives the last couple of weeks.  And I'm ashamed to admit, I didn't much like what I saw there.  Now, it's not like I went off the deep end, but I just started to notice my level of tolerance for everyone and everything had somehow gone out the window.  

So today was the day.  Today I found the courage to put my pride aside and humble myself.  It no longer mattered who was right or wrong.   

Shyness overwhelmed me as I stood in front of Him, slowly removing all of my clothes, and kneeling at His feet.  For days, I hadn't been sure what I would say to Him when the time came so I just started talking, letting the words flow without overthinking it.  I apologized and asked to be considered His slave again.  I also told Him I accepted and would submit to whatever punishment He chose.  gulp!

Are you sure this is what you want?

For a year and half I have been sure.  I only feared when you so quickly suggested ending our dynamic after one mistake, that you might not want it anymore.

Reaching down, offering me His hands, He pulled me into His arms and assured me that it was still what He wanted.

However, I was also reminded that even though He hasn't determined when, I should know that my punishment will be coming. 

Afterwards, I enjoyed spending time worshipping and sucking His cock.  Nothing like a bit deep throating and gagging to make all right with the world:)  

Yep...it feels good to be back to normal.   


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Can't Blame a Girl for Trying


 
 

Me: (joking around in my sweet innocent voice) Well, since we both admit we made mistakes...can't we just consider it a wash and forgo the punishment?

Him: (chuckling) No...that's not the way this works!
 


Saturday, February 8, 2014

Mending Fences



It kind of goes without saying that this has been a week of reflection for us both.  We have spent quite a bit of time just being...relaxing together, catching up on the new show True Detective and talking about things a little at a time.

It upsets me that recent events threatened to unravel the fabric of our dynamic, but sometimes as unsettling as it can be, re-evaluation is necessary and in the end, hopefully helps us both to grow.

The issue was servicing others or being "loaned out" and it's not something I take lightly. I constantly struggle with the idea of it and always worry about any risks that could be introduced into our marriage and cause permanent damage.  While I had done it once in the past and did enjoy the experience, this time, the circumstances felt all wrong. I think He realizes that now as well.  Had I respectfully expressed my concerns at the time, He would have understood and agreed.  

Now, I don't consider myself at all bratty. He would never tolerate that. However, I admit to requiring a bit of affection and attention along with A LOT of reassurance.  Without proper attention given to the maintenance of our dynamic, the lack of intimacy and connection over the past few months have left me frustrated and feeling neglected, only working to steadily fuel my self-doubt and insecurities.  Rather than talk to Him about these issues, I withdrew into myself, hoping not to burden Him further.

I knew the moment He issued the order, I was far from the appropriate headspace and following through might very well have put my mental state in jeopardy.  Besides being angry, my first thought was he's too busy to want or need me for Himself so He is casting me aside and sending me elsewhere.   I needed Him and the security only He could provide me, not to be given away.

So, where are we now?

We know this isn't something that we want to give up.  It's not just something we do, it's who we are now.  We haven't been able to go about our days without feeling like something was just...missing.
 
He is determined to make more time for us so that our dynamic is fed and maintained because I need to feel His ownership.  It wouldn't be fair to expect me to meet all His needs, if I am left feeling that mine are not being met. 

We have discussed the issues I have with expectations of servicing other men and while I am not completely off the hook, He has offered me a reasonable compromise.

At this point, the ball is in my court.  The choice...whether I will accept the terms of my surrender with the understanding that if I disobey again, it will most definitely be the end of the dynamic.

 
Oh but there will be a little matter of punishment that I am due. Yikes...scary thinking how bad it's going to be, given that I stand accused of committing the cardinal sin in His book!

Decisions...decisions 

                


Sunday, February 2, 2014

Now We Wait

 
 
Wait to talk about it...
 
Wait to see if we renegotiate our agreement...
 
Wait to see wait to see if we end our dynamic...

He needs time and space to figure out how, or if, we proceed.  His concern is that my disobedience will open the door to challenging Him next time. 

I don't see it that way, but it's not for me to see and not for me to decide.  I only know that as His slave, I am not afforded the choice to pick and choose the things in which I submit.  I submit as He desires and up to this point I always have, even when it has been most difficult. 

So what do you when you reach a point when you know you can't, or won't rather? 

I guess we all find out if pushed to that point.

Hopefully, there will be a way to work it out but if my continuing to be His slave hinges on my ability to follow through with this one thing, then I guess I have to prepare myself for the dynamic to end.

As sad as it makes me, I don't regret bringing the issue to light.  I only regret that it may have damaged the mutual trust we have in each other as Master and slave.

Luckily, our marriage is solid so we will be fine either way but it would just be different to go back.     

As of right now, I have been relieved of any and all of my duties and "obligations".  My collar is put away and I am free to be my own person.   

I cried a lot yesterday and felt like a little lost puppy trying to find ways to occupy my time and keep my brain from spinning in circles. 

It seemed weird after almost a year, to actually have the freedom to put on one my one of my beautiful bras but I have so been missing them.  So that was the first thing I did with my new found freedom. 

Thanks to everyone who reached out with support and encouragement.  I will keep you posted. 



 

Saturday, February 1, 2014

The Slippery Road


This has been one crazy week!  One that everyone in my city will be talking about for decades to come.  You've probably seen it in the news. The southern city that fell to it's knees and came to a grinding halt on Tuesday from a little bit of snow.  I can't even describe to you what it was like...hours of being on the road only to realize you were never getting home.  Many people had no choice but to either stay in their cars for 24 hours or more or to abandon their cars to find shelter in nearby offices, stores, and restaurants.

Master and I were lucky enough to at least have been together.  Our kids were some of the lucky ones that actually made it home from school but we couldn't get there.  The farthest I could get from my office was a few miles away to His office where we made the decision to stay put for the night.  We would have never made it home and it was better knowing that even if we were separated from our children, we were all safe and warm.  The scenes unfolding around us were mind boggling and I don't think life has completely returned to normal for any of us just yet.   

Other things have been happening this week too, other not so good things.  I guess you could say my submission is on as thin ice as these cars.  I slid out of control, causing a huge traffic jam in what we do.

It started when I told Him "NO".  He was disappointed in my disobedience.  I've voiced my concerns about this one thing for a while, but to Him, it's non-negotiable.  Looking back, I could have handled it differently but I would have just been kicking this issue down the road.  We would have had to address it at some point. 

So, now we find ourselves at a impasse. 

It's clear that my unwillingness or inability in this expectation is a game changer for Him.

All of a sudden, things got muddled and I seem to have lost my way, slid down the hill and am stuck at the bottom.   I am confused, hurt, and totally unsure of where we stand at this point.