Things You Find

So, you really can find a wartenburg wheel at the chiropractor's office!!

Honestly,  I didn't even see it until I stabbed myself trying to get a squirt of hand sanitizer.

Wheel of doom is what these little things are.

Just had to sneak a picture before the doctor came in:)

Question from Anonymous...Vanilla to Full on D/s

The end of March is fast approaching which also means the end of Q & A month but that doesn't mean the questions have to end.  Please feel free to send them anytime.

This one came from anonymous....

Now that you are 2 years into your dynamic, maybe you could describe what the 2 years were like for you 2 prior to committing to be at his service.  Even though you had not resigned yourself that way, did some of your d/s elements still exist?  Did he create scenes for you?  Did you get any punishment for fun?  Did you play with toys and nipple clamps, etc.?  I guess I am trying to get a feel for did you go from very vanilla to a full on d/s relationship one day or was there more of an evolution process where you were seeing some of the d/s benefits without actually committing yourself to that dynamic prior to taking the leap.

Thank you for your question(s).  For those of you that might have missed it, this is a follow up to one that I answered here.

 

This seems like an easy question to answer but it's taken me a while to reflect back on that time in our lives.  I guess as we get older, things in the past all start to run together making it hard to keep the exact time frames accurate.

 

To answer the first part of the question...the only element of D/s that existed well before our dynamic was in the context of BDSM play.  Heron had always wanted control in the bedroom.  He did create scenes over the years that put me in the submissive role and Him the dominant role but I could never embrace it.  There was never any punishment.  We had some toys...fucking machine, dildos, vibrators, rope, cuffs, but no ouchie toys.  It didn't really matter though.  Internally, I fought any form of control He tried to have over me.  Scenes often ended with me in tears and fights between us. If it didn't happen right a way, it usually did a few days later.  

 

I remember one night in particular, probably about 2 years before our dynamic began, give or take a few months.  This night would be the last straw for Him.  After that, He locked that part of Himself away along with the few toys that we had.

 

He blindfolded me before leaving the house and drove me to an unfamiliar place, which turned out to be a mechanical room at His office.  It was after hours so He wasn't worried about anyone seeing us.  I was trying my best to go along with it for Him but I wasn't happy about it at all.  Honestly, I don't know what my issue was except that I wasn't in control of what was happening.

 

With the blindfold still on, He took me in the room, removed all my clothes, and tied me up spread eagle using some of the pipes above my head.  I don't remember what my legs were tied to but I most definitely remember Him sliding the fucking machine between my legs and turning it on.  It was a fairly mild scene, all meant to be pleasurable and it was.  I couldn't stop my body from enjoying it if I had wanted to.  But mentally, I was still fighting it and afterwards, my walls went sky high.  We had the same conversation that had plagued our marriage for years. Why do you need this?

So that was it.  That was when He gave up kink altogether.  Those two years were SO. VERY. VANILLA and it was obvious after a while that neither of us were getting our needs met.  The sex was good, just not very often and lacking intensity.  Blowjobs had never been something I enjoyed so those were once a month, if that.  

 

Really, it felt like we were roommates or very good friends.  No doubt we loved each other immensely, and we got along just fine but there was a fire in Him that I had done my best to extinguish.  I could see it...I could feel it.  

 

As a consolation, I tried to offer some kinky play from time to time.  There weren't many things I liked but I did like the hand spanking during sex, if I was in the mood and in control of offering it.  But He said that wasn't how it worked for Him, which usually caused more fights because I just couldn't understand what He meant by that. I took it to be some form of manipulation. But in reality, to keep the "beast" at bay, He had to keep it under lock and key at all times.  

So we existed...until I was ready.  Submission wasn't something He could force from me. I had alot of things in my past to work through first before I could be ready.  I also had a lot of social conditioning to work through.  I had been taught that allowing a man to have control was weakness. 

 

To answer the last part of your question about going from vanilla to complete D/s...I guess we kind of did.  Even though we had dabbled in BDSM through the years, that two years prior, we were completely vanilla.  And at the point that I told Him I was ready, He required my complete commitment to the D/s dynamic or He wasn't willing to open Himself up to the kind of hurt and rejection I had put Him through so many times.    

   

Scary Things

So I'm sitting here at the kitchen table, still nursing this terrible cold with a nice hot toddy.

While minding my own business, poking around on Fet, Daddy walks up and takes a seat next to me with an excited look on his face, or perhaps it was more of an evil and mischievous grin. Probably all one in the same, anyways!

He sat down with a pad of paper and a pen and started to sketch something. I couldn't tell at first what it was.  Then, He said hang on, let me draw it from a different angle.

Oh....THIS...I knew what this was!!

He then wrote down two things that I need to buy, when I get better of course.

(2) 4x4 wooden posts
(2) 1x4x10's.

As quickly as He had sat down, He was off again, leaving me wondering whether to laugh (you know...the crazy, insane, hysterical kind of laugh) or cry!

Any brave souls who want to guess what it might be?  I'm not sure I have the courage yet to admit what it is. 

Anticipation

My tension had been mounting for a good couple weeks. Not surprising...but before leaving for our weekend, I had been on orgasm restriction yet again.  This time with explicit instructions to bring myself to the edge a total of 100 times during the last week before we were scheduled to leave.  I had dutifully completed this assignment, but found myself none too happy out it once I got past about 50. 

I was damn near a wreck.  It had been a terribly stressful couple weeks at work and I felt horrible, completely worn down, sick to my stomach, and every day battled horrible headaches.

It could have been that I really was fighting some type of illness, but oddly enough, I felt great once all the spankings and sex began.

Most likely, I just needed to recoup and recharge my batteries but I teased Daddy claiming that it must have been all the toxins building up in my body.  Seems like a rational explanation, right?

Anyways, Friday arrived and even though we were worried the little one's illness might throw a monkey wrench into the plans, she seemed a little better, so we decided to make a go of it and started packing.  I sat on the bed, almost in a stunned silence as I watched Him pack almost our entire arsenal of "stuff" into bag after bag. We were only going for less than 48 hours!

"Holy cow, what have I gotten myself into!?" went through my head more than once. 

We finally managed to get everything situated on the home front and set out on our drive to the mountains.  It was only about an hour away, but since neither of us felt that great, it was a pretty quiet ride.

As we turned onto the small gravel path, we were greeted by the cutest cabin nestled amongst the trees. 

We couldn't wait to get out and take a look around the place, not even bothering to unload the car just yet. We walked up to the porch and could hear faint music playing.  The key was in a lock box by the front door, so we retrieved it and into a perfectly romantic lit living room and music already playing in anticipation of our arrival.

It was like stepping into another world...one where nothing else mattered except the two of us.   

After we took a quick tour and unloaded the car, Daddy turned to me and said "Alright, you need to take off all your clothes.  In fact, from this point forward, as long as you are inside this cabin, you are to be naked".

And with that, I stood in front of Him, removed all my clothes, and...

Quiet Drive Home

So it's the end of our vacation. and we are in the process of making the long trek back home.  Everyone is so exhausted there has barely been a word said the entire trip except the occasional "How much longer", "I'm hungry", or "I need to pee".  

It's been a really fun and memorable week but I think we are all ready to return to normalcy.  We miss our own home, our beds, and the kids miss their dogs.  Notice I didn't include myself in the last part of that statement.  I love the dogs but they do drive me a bit crazy, mainly because I am the only one that takes care of them.

Work..urggg!!  I also don't miss work and am definitely not ready to get back to that grind. 

While it's been quiet here in the car, I have been sitting here trying to think of future blog topics and I thought of one I have been meaning to write about for a while now.

Don't ask me what brings this to mind now, maybe it's because we are traveling.  But it does have the potential to be funny in a morbid kind of way.  There was a question a while back ago on Fet about toys and equipment.  I am paraphrasing here but it was something to the effect of...

...If something happened to you and your partner, do you have a plan in place and someone designated to come in and remove all the kinky toys and equipment before family finds them?

Well, I don't know why but this particular situation had never occurred to me before and it really got me thinking...and a little worried.   

First of all, we don't have anyone, in or out of the lifestyle, that we are good enough friends with to do this for us.  Not to mention, with my nosy mother living with us, I can only assume between her and our kids, everything would be found pretty quickly anyways.

I asked Daddy had He ever though about this and did it concern Him at all.  His only answer was, "We wouldn't be here anymore...so what would we care?"

Well, I guess that's one way to look at it. They all would either be scarred forever or think it was pretty damn funny.  Maybe both!! 

It's not the implements that worry me so much.  It's the larger equipment like the St. Andrews Cross and fucking machines.  Not so sure I want everyone seeing that stuff!  Although I am pretty sure the pest control guy encountered the cross hiding in our closet the other day!  Whoops...didn't think that one through ahead of time:)
 
So, just curious...does the idea of your family finding your kinky stuff bother you at all?