What a Year This Has Been

As I look back over this year, I think of how much has changed.

I have changed...

Heron has changed...

We both have changed separately and together. But we have grown. 

The first half of the year seemed quiet and typical. Just the two of us doing our thing.

And then I met Chrysalis, which changed my world completely.

Along with meeting her, I experienced life in a way I thought might never happen. 

Then came my being loaned.

This brought SO many new experiences, all in just a short two day period.

And let's not forget about mine and Heron's photo shoot and visiting a swingers club.

While the middle part of the year was packed full, the latter part has been largely quiet (much like this blog) except for officially becoming part of the slave registry and my pole dancing classes.  

This year has had it's share of ups.  But you know how things go.  With "ups"...there is almost always a "down".   

There has been quite a bit for each of us to process on our own and as a couple.  At times, my mind was just too pre-occupied to write, almost like I had a million things to say but couldn't find the words. 

Thankfully, Heron also finished school so in the quiet time, we have more time to spend nurturing "us".

I think it's been fairly obvious by the few posts recently, that I have been on a path of reflection and introspection.

Sometimes, the "quiet" needs to happen. 

Who knows where the path goes now.  Only time will tell.

But Heron and I would like to close out this year by saying thank you! 

To my friends here that provided advice, kind words, and support...I truly appreciate each and every one of you. 

To my lovely lurkers, I appreciate and adore you too.

To those of you that reached out seeking our advice, we are humbled and flattered. 

I wish you all...Happy Holidays and a Prosperous New Year!

"Striving unto perfection, I give of myself all I am, all I ever will be, all you will ever desire"

While I cannot claim credit for the quote as it was given to me by someone else, it speaks volumes!

 

Coming Home

Continued from The Long Night and the Girl at the Club: this slave's account of being loaned for the weekend.  

Thoughts consumed my mind as I drove home late that Sunday morning.  His instructions were to be home no later than noon and the last thing I wanted to do was displease Him by starting off with a punishment for being late. 

After being completely naked for two days, it almost seemed odd to be wearing clothes again.  Every part of my body, from my jaws to my ankles, ached and was fatigued.  But all I wanted was to be in my Master's arms, to know that I had made Him proud and that everything between us would be okay. 

As I looked at myself in the rear view mirror, I couldn't help but wonder how I was going to hide the large bruises on either side of my neck, the very obvious remnants from a game of "who could leave the largest hickey".  

I then looked down and very gently touched the swollen and extremely tender bite marks left on each of my thighs by the Mistress. They were already bruising but would be hidden more easily than the marks on my neck. 

The faded phrase "Cum Slut", my given name for the weekend, was hidden underneath my shirt.  I thought back to how the group of people in our condo had stood around watching while the words had been neatly written across my pelvis and how I had been required to wear my humiliating name all day Saturday so that everyone at the pool would know who I was.  I felt a bit protected hiding behind sunglasses but apparently that wasn't disguise enough. People still stared and some even asked, "are you the girl from the club last night?"
         
But overall, Saturday was tame by comparison to Friday night, and for that, I was thankful.  I had been unable to fall asleep after all that had happened so I was running on nothing but fumes and the last reserves of adrenaline.

My gut instinct was that she was planning something else big for that night.  I stayed on pins and needles all day and my stomach churned from the lack of sleep and the thought of what was to come. Not only was I afraid of being the entertainment yet again, but this time I feared being used even harder and longer than the night before and with no rest, I wasn't sure I would be able to handle it. 

As luck would have it, everyone else was exhausted too and ended up relaxing for the evening. 

While I spent the day still technically "in service", following protocol and rules, the mood was much more relaxed.  It was nice just spending some time together with the Mistress more as friends.

In case you ever get the chance, playing naked Twister is actually a whole lot of fun!

I was also the afforded the opportunity to provide some pleasure to the Mistress.  A couple of times actually!

And when joining the Mistress and her boyfriend in bed that night, they requested that I put on a little show just for them.  Normally, I would have felt uncomfortable masturbating in front of someone else, especially in such an up-close and personal kind of way. But I guess after everything else I had already done, it just didn't seem like a big deal at that point and was actually quite enjoyable.

Laying on the bed, I played with my pussy as the Mistress required.  After I had been pleasuring myself for several minutes, the Mistress and her boyfriend began fucking right there beside me.  The thought of them watching me, while I watched them, was incredibly erotic and pushed me right over the edge of an earth shaking orgasm.       

All the images from the weekend, both the pleasurable and the painful, played out in my head over and over again as I drove.  Being the perfectionist that I tend to be, I even thought of the ways I could have been better.  But everything seemed almost surreal.  It was quite a lot to process and it was obviously going to take time before I knew how I really felt about it all. 

The house was quiet when I walked in the door.  Looking for Master, I climbed the stairs, my sore legs reminding me of the exertions of the weekend.  I found Him waiting, sitting in the armchair in our bedroom.  As I approached Him, He stopped me with an icy tone in His voice.

I wasn't expecting to see such darkness in His eyes. 

My Idea...Or Is It?

Happy Earth Day

Ever notice how you react sometimes when you are introduced to something new or out of your comfort zone?

I don't know about you, but sometimes my initial reaction on the inside is to fight it.  I find it interesting how some things Heron insists on me doing anyways.  Sometimes it's because He knows I will end up enjoying it.  Sometimes, He knows I won't and that's OK with Him too.  While other things, He simply plants the seed and waits patiently, watching it grow until it almost seems like my own idea. 

Recently, someone commented in an email to me about my apparent  breast implants  Well, I don't go around announcing that they aren't real but it's probably no secret.   Many, many years ago, I complained about my small chest and the toll that having children had taken on what little I did have.  And being that Heron is most definitely a boob man, I was even more self-conscious.  He was always quick to assure me that He loved my body.  But when I would complain, He would say that if it would make me feel better about myself, I should have something done about it. Which translated in my head to...I want you to get something done about it.

My immediate reaction was to scoff at the notion, feeling insulted that He would even suggest such a thing.  But that was me being silly because He would never have expected me to do something so drastic to my body if I wasn't comfortable doing so.

Truth be told, the main reason I didn't want to do it was fear.  Which seems to be the case with so many other things I chose not to pursue in this life. Heron will attest, I am going to over think it and convince myself of the worst case scenario happening every single time.

So for years, I assumed that I would end up getting some botched plastic surgery and hate myself for it.  Well, that didn't happen...I've been perfectly happy with the choice I made.  

All of the same can be said for our dynamic.  He wanted it but wasn't going to push me into something I didn't want.  With my heels dug in for years, He waited patiently while that little seedling took root.  It took a really...really long time but eventually I came around.  And guess what?  I've been perfectly happy with the choice I made.  

I've learned time changes things and opens the mind to new possibilities, if one lets it.  Sometimes there is an impetus that helps me see things differently and sometimes it just takes the right circumstances to present themselves. 

But once my mind is open, curiosity is bound to overcome the fear that resides there. 

This new development in my life is just another example, except this time the seed didn't really need to be planted.  It was there all along, hiding deep down in a place where I could deny it's existence. With plenty of encouragement, He brought it to the surface where it could finally reach the sunlight and grow.

This is a big step...a huge leap of faith...all sorts of scary and exciting.  And I'm fighting just about every insecurity I have as a woman.  But I'm ready and I know I wouldn't be able be in this position if it hadn't been for a wonderfully supportive and patient man.

Sometimes pushing boundaries can be so subtle, you don't even realize it's happening!

Reflections

As I sit here on the morning of yet another new year, I think about about where I've been, where we've been, and where we are going.  Each year, has brought new struggles, frequent chaos or drama in daily life, but somewhere in all that...we continue to find ourselves and each other.

Despite the craziness of the holiday season (or maybe because of it), I've had more time to be inside my own head than I really care for.  Daddy has been extremely busy with school work which leaves plenty of time for thinking, which I always say can be a good thing and then sometimes, not so much. 

Things have been fairly vanilla, not completely, but comparatively speaking anyways.  And I'm ok with that. At least I did finally get that orgasm in December.

You see, the one thing I have come to realize is that I don't need the "active" D/s dynamic (and all the rules/expectations that come with it), the spankings, or the kinky sex to be happy or fulfilled.  Yes, kinky sex is fun and the dynamic keeps our home running smoothly. But in the couple of years that we have been doing this thing we do, I've think I've learned how to be a more attentive wife, how to communicate my emotions in constructive ways, and for the most part, I've learned what it is that pleases Daddy.  I do my best to stay mindful of all of these things whether the dynamic is in full force or relaxed just because I want Him to be happy and make His life a little bit easier. Of course, I'm still prone to the occasional screw up but honestly, it's never intentional.   

Now, I'm not going to claim that being a slave or submissive is what I was always meant to be or that it even makes me happy, personally.  To constantly put someone else's needs and wants above my own is sometimes downright difficult and causes more frustration and angst than I would like. I can't even claim that submission makes me a less selfish person because eventually all those what about me thoughts start to surface.  And while I may not grumble out loud, the voice in my head sure does.
   
But the reason I say that I don't need this lifestyle, is because it's not something I do for me.  There are all sorts of reasons that people choose to submit.  And personally, I chose to submit for Him and for us, because I want our life together to be as frictionless as possible.

For my own happiness, all I really need is for us TO BE together, to look forward to a long life full of happy memories, and to know that I am loved and wanted.  And honestly, I would have these things whether we had ever discovered this lifestyle or not. 

So here's to another year!  And to all of you that continue to read and follow our adventures, I want to thank you and wish you all great things to come in the New Year!!


     

All In My Head

I still have a little more to write about our cabin adventure, but I just thought this was too funny not to share.  

 

 
I don't know about all of you fellow bloggers, but sometimes I do my best blog writing in the car.  I can have an entire post laid out in my head while driving from one place to another.  Now whether or not I can remember it all when I finally sit down in front of my computer is an entirely different issue.  You know...the whole getting older thing really sux! 

Today, I had to be somewhere at 4:30.  As I exited the freeway, I was right on time.  I turned left crossing back over the freeway, needing to take a quick left just over the bridge.  Well, apparently I was off in la...la land somewhere in my head thinking about a blog post and turned left too early, putting myself right back on the expressway.  I had to go three miles down, turn around and try it all again.

Needless to say, I didn't make it on time!