|Happy Earth Day|
I don't know about you, but sometimes my initial reaction on the inside is to fight it. I find it interesting how some things Heron insists on me doing anyways. Sometimes it's because He knows I will end up enjoying it. Sometimes, He knows I won't and that's OK with Him too. While other things, He simply plants the seed and waits patiently, watching it grow until it almost seems like my own idea.
Recently, someone commented in an email to me about my apparent breast implants Well, I don't go around announcing that they aren't real but it's probably no secret. Many, many years ago, I complained about my small chest and the toll that having children had taken on what little I did have. And being that Heron is most definitely a boob man, I was even more self-conscious. He was always quick to assure me that He loved my body. But when I would complain, He would say that if it would make me feel better about myself, I should have something done about it. Which translated in my head to...I want you to get something done about it.
My immediate reaction was to scoff at the notion, feeling insulted that He would even suggest such a thing. But that was me being silly because He would never have expected me to do something so drastic to my body if I wasn't comfortable doing so.
Truth be told, the main reason I didn't want to do it was fear. Which seems to be the case with so many other things I chose not to pursue in this life. Heron will attest, I am going to over think it and convince myself of the worst case scenario happening every single time.
So for years, I assumed that I would end up getting some botched plastic surgery and hate myself for it. Well, that didn't happen...I've been perfectly happy with the choice I made.
All of the same can be said for our dynamic. He wanted it but wasn't going to push me into something I didn't want. With my heels dug in for years, He waited patiently while that little seedling took root. It took a really...really long time but eventually I came around. And guess what? I've been perfectly happy with the choice I made.
I've learned time changes things and opens the mind to new possibilities, if one lets it. Sometimes there is an impetus that helps me see things differently and sometimes it just takes the right circumstances to present themselves.
But once my mind is open, curiosity is bound to overcome the fear that resides there.
This new development in my life is just another example, except this time the seed didn't really need to be planted. It was there all along, hiding deep down in a place where I could deny it's existence. With plenty of encouragement, He brought it to the surface where it could finally reach the sunlight and grow.
This is a big step...a huge leap of faith...all sorts of scary and exciting. And I'm fighting just about every insecurity I have as a woman. But I'm ready and I know I wouldn't be able be in this position if it hadn't been for a wonderfully supportive and patient man.
Sometimes pushing boundaries can be so subtle, you don't even realize it's happening!