Thursday, July 16, 2015
Reflections of Last Night
He didn't even let me choose and bring Him the implement this day. This day, He chose the bamboo cane himself. I laid across the bed, bracing for the first strike. It stung and I flinched, but almost instantly, I could feel my body relaxing and my breathing slowly returning to normal. Still counting in my head, the number grew closer to 20 and each strike hurt a little more than the one before. By 25, I was biting down on the pillow and trying hard very hard not to squirm. Daddy noticed and commented on the faintest of moisture beginning to develop in my eyes.
This is where oftentimes He would stop but not this day. This day, He ordered me up and to the walk-in closet. Waiting for Him, I assumed my pose. Facing the corner of the wall, I laced my fingers behind my head and moved my feet just shoulder width apart. I could hear His footsteps across the tile of the bathroom floor as He approached and stood behind me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the wooden spoon in His right hand. He proceeded to paddle me with the spoon, 2 swats to each cheek at a time, finally stopping when the count in my head reached 50.
As soon as He was finished, I turned around to face Him. Dropping to my knees as I am expected to do, I filled my mouth with His smooth, hard flesh. I didn't expect Him to stop me so quickly but He did and pulled me into His arms, wrapping me in His blanket of safety. The tears finally began to slowly flow.
It very much took me by surprise when He turned me around again, grabbing my hands, and told me to place them above my head and brace myself against the corner of the wall.
This is when the hardest of the paddling began. My flesh was already stinging and sore and I hadn't been expecting the spanking to continue, which made it all harder to handle. After 10 really hard strikes, the tears flowed just a little freer. But it wasn't until the next set of...honestly at this point, I don't know how many...that the dam finally broke. Each strike brought harder sobs as I stood there helpless, while His voice coaxed and encouraged me to let it all go.
When the spanking stopped, His body engulfed me, and we stood there together in the closet while my tears continued pouring down His chest.
I think for the first time, I realized and really appreciated just how much I needed that release. I have a really bad habit of stuffing things down, burying the emotions and trying to remain stoic. For what....I don't know, except that I hate to cry.
Of course, you can see by the picture...I had a lasting reminder even into today.