I've talked about the "game" several posts back. If you just joined and haven't read that far back, it's a little game Master started. I have 3 baggies. One is filled with slips of paper with the names of 30 different spanking implements, one is filled with numbers in multiples of 5 (ranging from 35-100), and the other is filled with different body parts that can be spanked (tits, nipples, ass, pussy, clit). I pull a slip from each bag and that dictates the play of the day.
This game has been going strong, minus a few days here and there because of busy schedules, but I haven't bothered to provide a day by day update. Frankly, there wasn't too much to say because literally, every day, I was pulling the "tits" or "nipples" slip.
If I hadn't checked the bags myself, I would have been convinced He was rigging the game!
Well, oddly enough, the exact day I posted 50 Dollars, and called my you know what the very worst of names, my draw for that evening was just about the worse imaginable.
Seriously...are you shitting me?
Honestly, if this didn't suck so bad, the irony of it would be hilarious.
Now keep in mind, I am also on orgasm restriction as a punishment right now so it's just a wee bit sensitive down there. Laying on the bed with my legs butterflied, He begins to lash at my pussy with the rope. Not devastatingly hard but it certainly doesn't feel good either. The tears begin to flow somewhere around 30 and continue all the way to 100.
To make matters worse, after He gets to 100, He decides to "kiss" it to make it better. Obviously, this is just torture and the tears continue falling with the knowledge that I will be denied any release.
Then the not so good part of our night starts. I feel like it's important to share this because no matter where we are all at in this journey, we all have days that we struggle...and times that we will all make mistakes. Constant reflection for both the D and s is crucial.
Master had been at a work function late, hadn't eaten, and was apparently not in the best of moods when administering said pussy spanking.
His reaction to my tears was odd, not His usual reaction. To me, the tears are natural...it's a purging and cleansing, a way to release all the pent up stress. It's also sometimes my bodies reaction to over stimulation, which was probably more the case in this situation.
Rather than wiping away my tears and providing the reassurance I needed in the moment, He simply told me to get it under control. Immediately, fear set in that I had somehow upset Him or done something wrong. For the rest of the night, the more I tried to squash the tears, the more I wanted to let them out until the dam broke and I couldn't stop crying.
The old me would have simply thrown up my wall and been pissed and shut down for days. Isn't it amazing how differently we perceive and handle situations when we have truly given ourselves to someone else, exposing our complete vulnerability?
The good thing is we did talk and He admitted that it was His mood and I had done nothing wrong. I am not sure if He completely realized before now just how much everything I am is wrapped up in how He views me. Frankly, I'm not sure I realized it...at least to that extent.
After that, I was able to let it go. Another example of why communication, by not only the sub but also the Dominant, is so important. Had I known that He was at that level of irritability, I might have handled the whole situation differently and not taken things so personally.