Hidden Desires

This is going to be by far the hardest post I have written but Master said I have been putting it off for long enough and tasked me to complete it this weekend.  It's so much easier for me to talk about what happens day to day, how He uses me, and how it makes me feel.  But discussing my inner most desires...that's uncomfortable.  Then again, pushing boundaries and taking us out of our comfort zone is part of being a sub/slave, right?

So, here goes...

Honestly, I am little embarrassed because I feel like I may be one of the only people in this kinky world that somehow missed out on this experience.  I have eluded to it very superficially in some of my other posts but being with a woman has been a part of almost all of my fantasies for as long as I can remember.   

I'm a bit of a guy when it comes to pornos.  Please, no need for the cock and pussy scenes...just fast forward to the all girls stuff.   Thinking about it and seeing it makes me cum almost instantly.

But DAMMIT...now these thoughts are invading my dreams and it's always so HOT! 

The feel of soft sweet smelling skin on mine...

The gentle, at times maybe not so gentle, exploration of our bodies...

Tasting every part of her...

Feeling the flick of her tongue on me...

Oh, these thoughts drive me wild and are always at the forefront of my mind while pleasing myself. 

Maybe, one day the opportunity will present itself.  However, casual sex is definitely not my thing.  If the situation develops organically, so be it.  But at 40, is it reasonable to think this will just happen? 

Admittedly, self doubt and fear play an important role here as well.

I am not a forward person at all.  For some reason, I have always found more comfort in convincing myself that people, male or female, could not and would not be interested in me whether it be with respect to friendships or relationships. The only explanation I can come up with for this behavior is merely to protect myself from being hurt. 

Also, I have spent so many years with just one man.  There's such comfort in knowing that without a doubt, I have learned exactly what pleases Him. What if I completely suck at pleasing a woman?   I have read before, a woman knows a woman's body...just do what you would want done.  Is it really that easy?  I tend to believe it's not. 

But my biggest fears of all...what if it isn't everything that my mind has made it out to be all these years? 

OR WHAT IF IT'S BETTER?!