Now that I have recovered from my overabundance of self-induced bliss last night, there is one thing that stands out most to me when I reflect on my conversation with Master yesterday.
The conversation went something like this...
Me: I feel like I am doing everything that I am supposed to do but I don't see that any of my needs are being met. I know...I know...not one of my finer submissive moments
Master: Are you sure about that?
Me: What do you mean?
Master: Are you sure that you are doing everything possible?
Me: (Now in a puddle of tears) Why would you say that? What am I not doing?
Master: I didn't say that there is anything that you are or aren't doing. Don't over analyze what I just said.
Me: Well, what am I suppose to think that meant?
Master: What I am trying to say is don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Just evaluate yourself as I am evaluating myself as your Master.
Being the perfectionist that I am, these words crushed me. But once I stepped back and thought about it, I am not perfect in anything, not even my submission.
Isn't there always room for improvement? Hmmm....definitely gave me something to ponder on.
Sometimes the mountain is unavoidable.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, it is good to take a step back every once in awhile to see how we can improve.
Thanks Misty. Yes, sometimes it is unavoidable...we are only human. I have to remind myself that no matter what, I can't just turn off whatever I am thinking and feeling.
DeleteIt's just all a matter of how we handle it.
Making a mountain out of a mole hill is what I do best.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I have learned. What I read and see does not make me less of a submissive. Sometimes we see what others are doing and compare ourselves. What we fail to realize is that each D/s journey is different. We are all different. What our Doms/Masters are different.
Ask yourself, am I allowing outside influences to question my 'perfection' or is at that I feel I can do more because I know that is what I have to offer. If the latter, ask yourself if you are growing from it, learning from it, or just trying to prove something to yourself. This is what your Master means "are you sure you are doing everything possible?". He wants you to look deep inside your soul to answer why you feel the way you feel. What needs do you need filled? Are they needs or wants?
If you are in constant turmoil that you aren't giving enough, but cannot pinpoint what you feel you can possibly do more of, your submission is going to start to falter.
Thank you HS!! I think some of this I really needed to hear. I don't think it is outside influences but I think there may be something to your comment about having to prove something to myself.
DeleteAnd yes...once I step back...I realize that it's my wants talking and not necessarily my needs.
I am always in "mountain" mode. My communication skills and horrible command of words get me in so much hurt with my Dom. I try to take a step back and realize I need to work harder... for me it is what it is.
ReplyDeleteI certainly understand. I used to just spew whatever not realizing how hurtful or destructive it was. I have to dig really deep sometimes to stop myself from saying what's really on my mind or think of a way to say it that is more constructive.
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