Resistance is Futile

Back before the holidays, you might remember I was on orgasm restriction.  I write about it now because at the time, there was so much going on and I just didn't have the emotional energy to invest in writing about anything.  

The first week of my restriction was spent with Daddy tormenting me or making me torment myself.  It was close to the holidays so if you missed that post, you can read about it here or if you happen to remember, I was only allowed a couple of inches of a particular dildo and at one point, I was given the same amount of His cock.  An additional caveat to this was under no circumstances was my clit to be touched, not even accidentally while using the dildo.  Sheesh!! He's demanding isn't He?

Of course, my mouth stayed full of cock on a nightly basis and for the the first week, I stayed on an incredible edge, every minute of the day all I could think about the throbbing and the constant pool of wetness between my legs.

Somewhere during that second week, well, the edge just faded away.  He continued using my mouth almost nightly but it's the same thing that tends to happen whenever my arousal is abandoned for too long.  My body decides it's not getting any, so it just...shuts...down.. It's not like I am even angry or upset, not yet anyways.  I think it's a way of coping and pushing my own desires aside so that I can remain focused on His needs and pleasure.

Then at some point (in this case it was around the end of the second week), sleep becomes more difficult, the stress of daily life builds up, and my resolve begins to crumble...I begin to crumble.  Of course, the holidays were upon us as well which didn't help things either.

I try my best to hide the hurt when it starts creeping in, desperate not to let Him believe my submission is wavering.  Retreating into myself, I get quiet until He forces it out of me.  He knows what's wrong but makes me say it out loud anyways.

I can't help but wonder if you even want me anymore.

Of course He wants me.  After all, He uses my mouth just about every night, doesn't He?

Being a wife and a slave are intertwined roles for me at this point, with the exception of this one area.  As slave, I understand all of it.  But as a wife, I struggle and the ache in my chest brings doubt.  As we laid there and tears rolled down my cheeks, He snuggled with me and assured me of His desire to have me (all of me) and I will see just how much.  I just had to continue waiting until the  upcoming weekend.  I beg Him not to make that type of promise because it always seems that things never work out for one reason or another.  But He holds fast to His promise and in the back of my mind, I know better than to get my hopes up. 
   
Well, it WAS the weekend before Christmas after all.  There was a party to attend and one to host, food to cook, a house to clean, and while I worked on most of that, He had plenty of school work to keep Him busy.  Through no real fault of His own, our time together didn't happen.  There wasn't even time for any of my expected nightly cock worship.  I tried once again to hide how crushed I was, particularly when He didn't say anything about our missed time together.

Monday night came and He climbed into bed giving me the signal to take my usual place of worship between His legs.  As wrong as it was, I had already assumed and peacefully resigned myself to only servicing Him in the same way I had so many nights before.   

Surprisingly, He told me to get my pants off and lay on my back, words that would normally make me get quite giddy.  I wanted to be excited, really I did.  But as He climbed on top and pressed inside of me, I couldn't find a way out of the hole I was in to give myself to Him completely.  All the hurt and frustration was bubbling up to the surface and I was stuck in a terrible place...in my head.  He could feel my resistance but didn't stop.  He tried twisting and pulling my nipples.  He grabbed my throat pinning me to the bed.  He wrapped His fist in my hair, pulling my head back and ordered me to cum around His cock. Normally, any or all of these things drive me wild and send me over the edge, but it wasn't working this time. Nothing was working because I wasn't letting it work.  I might as well have been behind the Great Wall of China.

We talked alot afterwards.  He interpreted my actions (or lack of reaction to Him) as resentment.  I tried to explain that it was simply hurt.  Hurt that He hadn't acknowledged His broken promise over the weekend, and hurt that after weeks of not having Him, He seemed so cold.  We went round and round until there was really nothing left to say.  But my words left Him in a quandary.

Does He alter His actions, possibly allowing me to perceive that I have some level of control?

Or does He continue on in the manner that pleases Him and I adjust my expectations, if need be?

It was wise that He chose the latter because as luck would have it, He took me again a couple nights later...in the exact same way.  And apparently, once the air had been cleared and I actually communicated all the crap floating in my head, I was just fine.  This time when He gave the order to cum around His cock, my body responded to Him the way it should.

But just like I have a tendency to do, I hold on to things far too long, fearing that voicing the types of thoughts I have is somehow contrary to being truly submissive.

One of these days, maybe I will learn...but probably not.

favim.com

 

And The Torment Begins...

A few months back, Heron had instructed me to order a dildo of a particular variety.  I've mentioned this dildo in passing couple times, but out of embarrassment, I've avoided going into further detail. But I figure at this point, what the heck...it's just a dildo, right?

So here goes...

I was to buy one resembling...ahem...a dog cock.  Well, at the time, I was absolutely horrified but I finally got up the nerve and found one online called the Wolfman. It maybe wasn't exactly what He had in mind but it did fit His criteria. A suitable compromise in my mind I thought.

Over the past few months, this is pretty much the only one He has allowed me to use.  You know...to add to the whole humiliation factor. Somehow I think He was oddly, but pleasantly, surprised and fascinated by the fact that I didn't mind using it. 

What can I say?  It's huge!  And it didn't take long to realize that the shape didn't really matter but the size sure did! 
 
Well, today, I was to meet Heron at His office for lunch.  But I also was given special instructions to bring "wolfie" as He likes to call it.

Behind the locked door of His 10th floor office, we ate our lunch and then shortly thereafter He asked if I had brought what He told me to.  I retrieved it from my bag, and set it on His desk.  He pulled a ruler out of His drawer, measuring off two inches.  That is all I would be allowed to have.

After telling me to stand and get undressed, He walked around the desk and sat down in the chair where I had just been sitting. He's such a sight in His business attire. It never fails to make me a bit weak.

I was keenly aware of people in nearby offices but when He motioned to the floor, I knew this was the signal to lay down and get to business.

I worked the measly little 2 inches into my pussy wishing more than anything I could have more. But that would not be the case, and in the end, my efforts would be futile anyways. As discussed in my last post, there will be no pleasure for me..

He sat watching with the biggest grin on His face which was a bit unnerving.  I couldn't help but ask, "Why the big grin?Why are you enjoying this so much?"

I wanted to be mad at His reply but He looked too damn handsome. He reached down, taking the dildo from my hands and continued working it in and out, remaining mindful of the two inch limit He imposed.

I'm enjoying this...because you can't!  

Fleeting Thought

This past weekend, I was thankful to feel so deliciously sore and sated.  It had been a couple weeks since feeling Heron's touch or receiving any pleasure myself, other than orally servicing Him of course. So He made sure that I was quite indulged.  Two days in a row even!

But of course, there always that moment when I realize such luxuries come at a price and this time was no exception.  As I laid on the bed, still soaking up His full attention and affections, He explained my impending doom. 

A period of extended denial that would begin at the conclusion of the weekend. Now how long, I don't really know.  I assume weeks, maybe a month.   

I kick myself though because no matter how many times I've been here before, it remains difficult to still my thoughts to this situation. Rather than continuing to enjoy the moment, my mind had already jumped ahead to the "what's to come". But I suppose that's part of what He enjoys...feeling me mentally squirm, watching as the panic sets in while He describes all the ways He intends to torment me in the (un)coming weeks.

Surely, allowing me several orgasms over the weekend would at least help during the first few days of my going without but it is most certainly NOT.  It's not often that I get to enjoy the full pleasure of His body and mouth, and now it's all I can think about.  Then that little voice in my head reminds me that constant craving will not be quenched any time soon.  

My brain is already such a jumbled mess, and even though I'm supposed to be preparing for this week's "story time", I can't put anything reasonable together with the distraction of this throbbing between my legs. 

While pillaging the internet last night, hoping to find inspiration for my upcoming story, I even considered breaking the rules and touching myself.  The pictures really did me in. 

He wouldn't have to know...obviously a fleeing thought, but a thought nonetheless.

I know He's got me right where He wants me.  I'm just not exactly sure where that is and what He intends to do with me.

Not Tonight Dear...

One reader that I have gotten to know pretty well asked me the other day, if I am ever allowed to use the "not tonight pass" if I am tired or not feeling well, particularly after working all day and juggling busy schedules with the kids.   

This is a really good question because we all have days that we are tired and not particularly in the mood, right?

But truthfully, in our dynamic, there is no such thing as a "not tonight pass", at least for me to use anyways.  Regardless of stress, exhaustion, schedules, if Heron requires my service, I am expected to willingly comply.  This was one the first aspects of control that He took from me at the start of our D/s relationship..

Now, having said that, He is also very aware of how I feel and it is quite common for Him to see the exhaustion in my face and insist that I go to bed, even if He is "in the mood".

In fact, this happened just the other night.  One of the things He requires of me is to use my mouth on Him every night, unless He states otherwise.  As usual, I was ready and waiting on the bed when He came in the room.  He took one look at me and said, "you look really tired...just get your rest tonight".  I didn't even try to convince Him otherwise.  I thanked Him for understanding and laid right down.   

My well being is of utmost importance to Him but I think another reason He is more understanding now when I am not feeling up to sex or play is that He no longer has to be concerned with when He might get His needs met.  He can just expect it the next day or as soon as opportunity presents itself.   

Whereas, if we were still in our previous egalitarian relationship and I turned him down, His needs could go unmet indefinitely because it was all about when I wanted it and He was at my mercy to decide when I was willing and in the mood.     

At first, I thought this rule would be horrid but to be honest, I'm so relieved to not have this power anymore.   First, I started to see that there were plenty of times I didn't necessarily think I was in the mood, only to realize the connection and release (if allowed) was just what I needed.  I also think having more sex and play, leads to wanting or craving more sex and play.  

Not to mention...being used, whether I want to or not, plays right into my of fantasies about  being taken against my will:)

I've spent a lot of time looking back over the previous years of our marriage and I truly regret all the fighting over sex.  I used it as a form of control and had some pretty selfish views.  I don't want to blame my upbringing, but I was just raised to believe there was something wrong with a man who wanted it all the time. 

Even though my husband always had a very high drive, my pleasure was always His priority and I thanked Him for that by constantly pushing Him away and making Him feel like less of a person for the needs He had.  I've just had to accept that some things you can't take back...you can only spend the rest of your life making up for it. 

It's all kind of ironic now though.  As His slave I am only entitled to whatever He chooses, whenever He chooses.  So I have learned to appreciate each and every opportunity presented.   

There's nothing like knowing that you can't just have something whenever you want it to make you want it that much more.

Thank you so much for your question!!

The Woods are Lovely

...continued from A Little of This...And A Lot of That

My bottom had been paddled so thoroughly, I couldn't bear the thought of sitting down as we ate dinner so we stood at the kitchen island enjoying the steak and baked potatoes Daddy had prepared.  I ate just past the point of being full, knowing that I would probably be needing my energy.

After dinner settled, He sent me upstairs to the bedroom with instructions to be ready for more cock sucking.  As I used my mouth on Him, I hoped that He would notice how intensely I wanted and needed Him. As if He was reading my mind, He told me to stop and ride Him til he came.  Knowing this meant I would still be expected to go without, it was hard to keep the hurt and frustration from consuming me.  It's moments like these when I feel most vulnerable...when my desire is so great but my desire to please is even greater.  But as I laid my head on His chest while He basked in the afterglow of His own release, His words stung even more.

"If you do everything right, I may let you cum on Sunday".

Well doesn't that just let the wind out of your sails when you are alone together for a weekend.  I just tried to put on my brave girl face and told Him I understood.

A few moments later, he told me to resume the paddling position.  This time the paddle was almost unbearable.  Maybe it was my deflated ego.  Maybe it was the reality of feeling like nothing more than a play toy for Him mentally and physically.  Maybe he really was paddling harder.  All I can say for sure is that He didn't stop paddling until the tears were freely flowing, and then went just a little longer.  I think it may have been the first time ever that I actually considered yelling at Him to stop.

But again, He must have read my mind.  He stopped and stood me up, folding me into His arms, petting and telling me that I had been a "good girl".  Usually I adore hearing these words but at times like these, that phrase some how just stirs the battle already raging in my head.  If He thinks I did a good job, I should accept that instead of telling myself that somehow I don't deserve that praise...that I somehow I didn't take enough or that I just can't take enough.  I realize now that He wanted to, that night, break down my defenses and whatever walls I had been putting up.  It wouldn't have mattered how much or how little I could have taken, His goal was to simply push until my emotions were set free.

With no time to waste, He sent me off to fetch the two dildos He packed and "entertain" myself for a little while.  Of course, I couldn't enjoy it too much.  Sitting on the edge of the bed, I only half-heartedly rode the two plastic giants. From the other room, He took notice and commented that He expected it to look sexier.  I laid back and allowed myself to get a little more lost in what I was doing.  After probably 30 minutes or so, He decided to up the ante and walked over and unzipped His pants, leaned over me and filled my mouth, my only remaining hole with His cock.

Wow!! Now we're talking:)  This went from just ok...to HOLY HOTNESS in about 2 seconds flat.  I really wanted to cum right then and it only got worse when He shifted down to between my legs and replaced the dildo in my pussy with Himself, leaving the other one still in my backside.  He continued to remind me how I couldn't cum until Sunday and even though I hated the words, I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter.
 
I want you to get yourself to the edge.  Stop holding back.

But I don't think I will be able to pull back.

I said get yourself to the edge on my cock right now!

It didn't take long and I was right there, knowing the moment I asked permission, He would deny me. In fact He had already told me I wasn't allowed and not even to bother asking.  So now, I was really in a situation.

I was scared, not wanting to disappoint Him by going over the edge at all but even more so by not having permission. So as I was almost to the point of no return, I asked anyways, assuming I would be told NO.  Somehow, I shut it down just before I heard the words, "cum you slut!".  Oh, did I miscalculate that one and He was pretty unhappy.

Once you ask permission, if I tell you to cum...you better cum.  If I tell you not to, you better not.  You don't get to decide to shut it down before you've heard the answer.  But you're lucky, I am going to let you try that again. 

Relief finally came.  It was intense, almost to the point of painful but that didn't matter.  I was so thankful and completely spent.  After a little recovery, the evening ended with more cock sucking and another paddling.  We finally collapsed in the bed, snuggled up together, and enjoyed the best night of sleep we've had in a long time.  While there was still plenty of sex and paddling, the rest of the trip was much more tame.  Hell, we wore ourselves out in the first 6 hours:)

You know, it's probably a good thing we don't get nights like that very often.  There is something to be said for pacing yourselves!



     

Right Where I Want You

Friday night, amidst the flurry of last minute packing and other such pre-vacation preparations, I stood leaning against the bed, holding that damn dreaded magic wand.  I was still fully clothed and had yet to take care of my daily task.  Just looking across the room at Daddy, knowing I had to torture myself again, made me want to pitch a total fit. 

He must have seen the challenging look in my eyes because He started walking around the bed to where I was, telling me to get the look off my face.  Our eyes were locked and I knew I was pushing it but my emotions were running wild. Not only has it been two weeks of keeping myself on edge but now I was hormonal as well.

As He stood in front on me, all I could do was start laughing and crying all at the same time.  I must have seemed a bit hysterical, hell I felt a little hysterical.  After turning me around and spanking me hard, there was no more laughing, only crying.

I turned back to face Him, with my eyes lowered and tears rolling down my cheeks.  With His hand wrapped around my throat, I had to fight the urge to resist Him as He kissed me.     

Now...I almost have you where I want you.

Where exactly is it that you want me?

Don't worry...I know exactly what you need and I haven't forgotten that you have needs.  

But I don't want to do this again. 

I wouldn't expect you to want to do it again, but you will. 
______________________________________________________________

Later that night, as we were drifting off to sleep I asked Him what it was that He thought I needed.

He didn't give an answer, only saying that we would talk about it later when He was more coherent.

Despite being frustrated as hell, while He was relaxed and content, I eventually fell asleep to the sound of Him already snoring.

_______________________________________________________________

So, yesterday was Saturday and that meant it was finally vacation day.  I decided not to bring the issue back up but while we were driving,  He made another comment about knowing what I needed. 

Please just don't tell me I only need to get off.

Well, I know you need that but I also know you need to be taken from behind with one one of my hands tightly around your throat and my other another hand grabbing a fistful of your hair. 

I couldn't say anything, but the flush in my cheeks said "YES...PLEASE!!"

Hitting the Wall

I haven't completely hit the wall full force yet, maybe just slowly rolling into it but my good attitude and resolve with this whole orgasm restriction thing leading up to vacation is beginning to grow thin.

It all started several nights ago with a single comment.  Daddy informed me that apparently my task was too easy and I should be more challenged.

Seriously?!

In the calmest voice I could muster, I explained that I was working hard not to whine or complain.

Inside I was really steaming. 

Was being good...not good enough?  I'm so confused...

Then the next night, I was told that the number of times I was expected to edge myself would increase daily until we went on vacation.

On top of that, my task would continue while we were on vacation and would still increase daily until we had an opportunity to do "something".

Well, anyone that has kids knows when you are vacation with them, the chances for adult activity is slim to none.  Or at least it is for us.

I guess everything was fine as long as I could go through the motions feeling as if there were defined  parameters with an end in sight.  But changing it up, that threw me for a loop.  Apparently, that is his prerogative though...or so I was reminded.

Plus, the random comments like...We will see how bad you need it and what you are willing to do to get it...aren't helping my nerves any.

Not Til Vacation

Today might be the sixth of July but it also marks the sixth day since the start of my orgasm restriction.  This time has nothing to do with punishment, but it's difficult just the same. 

We leave for the beach in just about a week and will be spending seven glorious days resting and relaxing with the kids and hopefully having some fun of our own.  I guess Daddy decided to build up the anticipation, at least for me anyways.  

So starting back on July 1st, until we are on vacation, I am denied any orgasms. Not only that, but I am tasked to edge myself multiple times daily, each day choosing a different dildo. 

Yes, I am a bit ashamed to admit that I have that many! 

Also, I am to edge myself every night before bed, as well as any other time He commands.  In the meantime, my body, well mostly my mouth, remains available to satisfy His needs.

Now, after six days, other than not sleeping very well, I think I am holding up pretty good. At least Ms. Pouty Pants hasn't made an appearance yet!  Then again, the only day so far that He has really tormented me was the first. 

That night after making sure I had completed the day's assignment, He had me lay out on the bed. 

Under no circumstances are you to cum, ask to cum, or try to pull away from me. Do you understand?

Then He proceeded to taste, ravage, and completely torment me with His tongue.

There were moments I teetered dangerously close to the edge but each time I found a way to steady myself and pull back.  After what felt like an eternity, He stopped only long enough to stand up and push Himself into me.  But this time, He didn't stop. At least not until He took me all the way to the ledge and had me exactly where He wanted...

one thrust away from falling off the proverbial cliff. 

It was so achingly painful as He pulled out. I have to wonder...is it possible for women to experience "blue balls"?

After that, I certainly think so!

Anyways, rather than focusing on my own desires and dwelling on what I didn't get, I quickly got up, licked Him clean of my juices and soon swallowed reward.   

Now, He's done similar things to me plenty of times before and often I am left feeling a little empty and hurt. It's usually a short-lived reaction but it's there, nonetheless.

This time was different though. 

The only thing I felt afterwards was extremely humbled.  It didn't bother me to be toyed with, used, and sent to bed. I accepted it and accepted that I have no entitlements.

Now, if I can just maintain that perspective!

Hopefully, the stress of packing and all that goes with getting ready for vacation, compounded with my mounting "tension" and lack of sleep, won't cause me unravel at the seams or blow a head gasket this week!!

 

Overcoming Sexual Denial

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The Note

After meeting for lunch, He slips a note into her hand with a hotel key inside as she gets into her car.  She quickly unfolds this new set of instructions as she watches Him walk away.  The queasy feeling in her stomach intensifies as she reads:

YOU NEED TO HURRY TO GET ALL OF THIS DONE.  YOU HAVE 15-17 MINUTES.  Go to the hotel and go to room 214.  It is on the first floor.  Let yourself in and you will see the clothes you are supposed to wear (plus your boots).  Jump in the shower first and bring yourself close to orgasm, but vocally remind yourself of why you are on orgasm restriction.  DO NOT CUM!  Take a quick warm shower and make sure that you have cleaned your dripping pussy.  Towel off...no lint on your pussy.  Make sure you go to the bathroom, since you may not get many breaks, but don't leave a single piece of tissue on your slutty pussy.  Put on the shirt and shorts and boots.  Place all of the items that you are required to have in your purse on the long table.  Once you are done with that, facing the wall, place your left knee in the seat of the sofa and your right leg over the side so you are straddling the arm.  Rub your pussy back and forth on the arm of the sofa, while you wait for me to arrive.  DON'T YOU DARE CUM!  Do not move once you are in position.  I will take complete control of your body once I arrive.  You have no choice but to do as I say.  You will have control over nothing, so you are free to enjoy.

She quickly drives to the hotel reading the note again on the way trying to see if she can gather any clue as to what's in store for her.  Opening the door to room 214, she sees all that He has been preparing this morning.  Scanning the room quickly, she makes note of the fuck machine, the massage table, and an entire table full of implements.  She grins at the sight of her favorite toy, the violet wand!

With no time to waste, she undresses and rushes to the shower.  For three days now, she has been required to masturbate multiple times daily, but is forbidden to cum because of her transgression last week...cumming during sex without asking permission.  Fondling her already swollen clit in the shower and nearing orgasm, she stops and says out loud as she has all week, "I am not allowed to cum without permission".

After finishing her quick shower, she goes to bathroom and slips into the itty bitty hot pink shorts, cut off wife beater, and black high heeled boots He left neatly on the massage table.  Straddling the arm of the couch...waiting...her heart feels like it's going to thump right out of her chest. 

She hears the click of the door and her breath catches...

Sir...Please Don't Make Me Cum Again!!

Who would even consider saying this?  Apparently, that would be me!  One would think as much as I am built up into a sexual frenzy and denied orgasm for days on end, I would be all too happy to enjoy orgasms as long as they are free for the taking, but frankly I find that too much of a good thing can be just as frustrating.

Over and over again the last few days, I have been tasked to masturbate to orgasm.  The first day was seven, the next day was nine.  Thankfully, so far today has only been two but the day is not over!

I am not always easy to orgasm and am definitely not one of those types of women that can cum and then cum again right away.  Mine are really powerful and then I have to give it a rest for a few minutes or it gets extremely over-sensitive.

On Wednesday, when He first gave me my assignment, I thought...oh this isn't too bad.  I hadn't had much in the way of sex or orgasms lately so I was happy that my constant state of horniness was finally going to be cured!! 

I get to work and sneak away at the times Master designated with my vibrator and take care of my naughty business in bathroom stall, hoping that the humming stayed within the walls of the bathroom but not entirely caring either.  Ahhhh...finally some relief as I blissfully vibrate myself to orgasm four times before the end of the work day. 

The fucking machine and Hitachi helped me along with the next few later on that night when Master could enjoy watching me pleasure myself.  Barely able to think coherently for a good portion of the day, I collapsed in bed late that night completely exhausted but sated.  I did fall short of Master's goal by one, but He wasn't too upset because He knew how hard I tried.  

The next morning, I got to work and sent Master my usual "good morning" email when the unexpected reply came in, "I expect 2 before lunch".  I just stared at the computer for a moment thinking "Oh God, not again today!" 

Now each time I sneak away, I am pretty convinced that people in my office either know what I am up to or they think I have one hell of a bad stomach with as much time as I am spending in the bathroom.  With the help of my overworked vibrator and a couple of fingers, I manage the first two in the morning only to be told to do two more after lunch.  Geez...this was like pulling teeth, but thankfully, some pretty wild girl on girl fantasies did the trick. 

With the biggest fattest twat imaginable, I could barely feel a thing anymore but that didn't stop Him from ordering another as soon as I got home from work.  I will admit, I was pretty darn thankful to just not be doing it in the bathroom stall again.  As I walked into my bedroom, I saw the wooden spoon, from the kitchen, sitting on the bathroom counter, apparently left from a previous spanking.  "Hmmm" I think to myself, "maybe a little more stimulation is what I need to get my motor going again".  Some light tapping on my clit, along with the Hitachi, did wonders in no time and was the quickest one all day!! 

Only four more to go that night, which Master requested to watch as He worked out.  This called for all the artillery...Hitachi, bullet vibrator, butt plug, dildo, wooden spoon.  It was no easy task but nine completed by the end of the day!  Now I know why the phrase "cum your brains out"...because I certainly didn't have a thought in my head for almost two whole days.

Before going to bed last night, I very nicely asked, "Please, Master, please can I have a break tomorrow".

Sure", He said.  "Just one in the morning and you can have a break the rest of the day".  What He failed to mention was that only meant I could have a break during the workday!  Since I am now at two for today, I realize my work here is not done. 


 

"Crossroads": A Night of Riding the Cross (Part II)

 

For the third time, I was strapped to the cross.  This time facing forward again.  I didn't know how much more I could take if it involved my tits but was quite relieved when Master assured me He wasn't flogging them.  With the blindfold again placed over my eyes, the room is quiet and then I hear the buzzing of a familiar friend...the Hitachi Magic Wand.  Instantly I think, "Oh thank God...this is the good part". 

Well, all I can say is at least I wasn't getting whipped because in the end I cried just as I had the first two times I was on the cross.

 

 

With the stand mounted Hitachi, He begins to torment my pussy by turning it on and allowing me to get close to an orgasm and then turning it off leaving my hips thrusting forward begging for more and continued with this until I was almost insane with need.  All goes quiet for a moment and I hear the familiar sound of the clover clamps.  "That's right" thinking to myself...he didn't promise no clamps. 
On my already battered and tender nipples, He attaches each of the clamps both biting into my flesh almost more than I can bear at this point.  But magically, as soon as He turns the Hitachi back on, it's as if I can't feel any pain in my nipples anymore, only the throbbing need between my legs consumes me.  Again, He tortures me by turning it off each time my orgasm builds.  Now, Master begins adding weight to the chain on the clamps.  With the Hitachi running, He adds a weight so I can't feel it, then as my body assumes that familiar arch so close to releasing turns the vibrator off allowing the pain to flood back to my nipples.  One by one, He continues in this manner until my tears begin to flow out from under my blindfold but not from pain this time...from a complete and desperate need that would not be satisfied.  After removing all the weights and clamps, I am again removed from the cross and directed to my water bowl. 

Almost too shaken at this point to drink any water, He sits down in front of me again, kisses me, and explains that this is the final time I will be on the cross should I so chose.  However, if I chose this final round, I will step up to the cross and beg Him to be strap me on and whip my tits. 

"OH...MY...GOD...He has to be kidding me" was my first thought.  The look in His eyes told me He wasn't.  However, the battle that played out in my mind lasted only a couple of minutes. 

I had come this far. 

I wanted so badly to please Him. 

I trusted Him to only take me as far as I could handle.

I muster the strength to assume my position at the cross.  As I stand there, I look at Him and smile.  "Master...will you please strap me to the cross and I am begging you to whip my tits". 

This time, without the blindfold, He walks to me with the heavy flogger and begins to lightly lash across my stomach first.  It's not often, I get to see Him working.  With just the hint of a grin on His face, He is so handsome and consumed in what He is doing...I can't help but fall in love a little more right now.  It's obvious, He is being easier than earlier but my skin is already on fire.  As He moves to my tits, I pull against the restraints and cry out as He reminds me to breathe.  Finally, He tells me only two more, one on each nipple and I am to thank Him for each.  Staring directly into His eyes as a reminder to myself of why I can endure this,  the flogger lands on my right nipple, and despite the searing pain, I find myself choking out the words, "THANK YOU MASTER FOR WHIPPING MY NIPPLE!".  And the same follows for the left.  Relief floods though me as He unstraps me and pulls me into His arms.  I can feel how turned on He is and He is kissing me so hard and passionately, my body just melts against Him. 

I love being everything He needs me to be...that is where I find my happiness.     

His sexual craving will be satisfied later that night after I have recovered some of my strength but I will be left wanting yet again.  As I said at the start of Part I, today was only the first of many "tests" over the next few days.

My Pleasure Is Not My Own

Will I never learn this? 

I keep telling myself that my pleasure is derived from pleasing my Master, and most days, I am accepting of that fact.  Then, I have days like yesterday, when selfish thoughts start to consume me.
 
"When will He touch me?"

"When will He set aside playtime?"

"When will He decide that I have been good enough to enjoy the feel of Him inside me and possibly release all my built up tension?"

I shouldn't say these thoughts are selfish, because we are all human and have needs.  It's taken me a while to realize that being a slave, doesn't mean that I can just turn off these basic human desires.  For obvious reasons, these days usually manifest themselves when I have been deprived for what seems like an eternity but is really only a week.  The problem is that I work myself into a sexual frenzy in serving Him.  Every time I touch His cock I feel ready to explode...only to be told "good night" when He is satisfied. 

He thinks I am pouting...I call it withdrawing.  It's my defense mechanism because I try so hard not to say anything.  I am His slave and isn't my place to question the course of events or training that He chooses.  But I guess maybe that's why I am still in training without my collar.

Yesterday, He knew that my head was in a different place.  Once again, driven so wild with need and desire with no release, I was craving any attention but scared to open my mouth.  I had just been scolded the other day for being too forward with my affections so I kept thinking it best to wait for His advance. 

However, as any good Dom should, He forced me to talk about it anyways.  It was a good talk.  He validated my feelings, admitted that He had been struggling with His focus due to work stress, and thanked me for being honest about my craving for more playtime and intimacy. 

His quandary now was between roles as Master versus Husband. Should He be the Master and take it under advisement but leave me continuing to wait in order to prove a point or as a husband should He give me the intimacy I deserve as His wife.  His decision would ultimately be a combination of both. 

Later in the evening, playtime began with some loopy treatment to my tits and pussy.  It stung but any feeling to my body was welcomed and delightful.  After clamping my nipples, I eagerly sucked His cock, worked His balls with my tongue, and was completely surprised when He ordered me on my back...thinking He was going to put himself inside me but instead having my face straddled.  Oh, this was new and good too!  I was loving every minute of it. 

After I mounted His cock and began to ride Him is when He dealt the hand He intended to play.  He would play with me, use me, make love to me, give me the intimacy I desperately needed, but there would be no release for me.  This would continue everyday until He decided otherwise.  In the back of my mind, I was chastising myself for opening my big mouth but my body was falling prey to His torment.  Forcing me off, He ordered me to bring myself up to His face and continued torturing me with His tongue, then forced me back down to His cock.  Ordering me to rub my clit against Him harder, I could feel my orgasm starting to build and apparently so did He.  Instead of letting me stop, He grabbed my hips and was equally matching my thrusts, driving Himself deeper into me.

I went over the edge with no way to stop, even forgetting that no matter what, I should ask permission.  Although, it wouldn't have been granted, my forgetting will double my punishment at best.  His orgasm comes (oh...yes pun intended!) as He informs me that my punishment will not be in physical form, since I am starting to enjoy that a little too much.  It will be humiliation....because He knows that is something I do not enjoy at all.

For the time being though, I couldn't wipe the stupid grin off my face.  Yeah, you know the one..."I just got it so good!"  So, I may have gotten what I needed, but in the end, will it be worth it?  Probably not...but all I can do is wait patiently and see what devious plan He comes up with. 

Hmmm...possibly another blog post topic in my near future:) 

I am also interested in knowing what are some punishments you have given or been given for "non-authorized" orgasms?

Dildo and Traffic

So, you may be wondering what the two words in the title of this blog post have in common or maybe you already know exactly how this story goes.  Well, if not...it's simple.  It has to do with the task Master assigned for me this week.  Now, let me back up for a minute.

After a weekend of nothing but blowjobs for Master, last night was an amazing night of pleasing and teasing Master with first my mouth, then my pussy.  While having me in down dog position and taking me from behind, I had the pleasure of not only feeling His cock in me but also a dildo in my ass.  Honestly, I can't remember if He has ever done this to me but it was awesome!  You have no idea how those weekend blowjobs have me so fired up, completely swollen and dripping with desire.  Thankfully, He granted me permission to come.  You have no idea how much I have come (haha...no pun intended) to appreciate my orgasms as they are so few are far between right now.  I never thought I would actually thank Him afterwards, but I find the words come very easily now. 

Anyways, after He finished with me, He informs me that I will be back on orgasm restriction the rest of this week...with some caveats.  First, I will in no way have His cock back inside my pussy this week.  If I am lucky, I will have the privledge of having it in my mouth or my ass.  Next, NOTHING (not even my little pinky finger by accident) is to touch my clit, or face my worst punishment yet. 

Here comes the good part.  Each day, I am to drive to work and drive back hom with a dildo inside me.  I am under no circumstances to allow myself an orgasm!  uurrggg...... this is going to be another long week.

So today, I get in my car to go to work.  Pull the dildo I have neatly wrapped in a bag, and insert it and head on my way.  It was a little uncomfortable at first, I think because I was so well used last night.  But honestly, I am barely awake in the mornings until I have had my coffee so it didn't really do much for me one way or the other...it was just there.  I pulled up in the parking lot at work, took it out, put it back in my bag, and cleaned it up in the ladies room. 

Now this afternoon was a little different story.  I pulled out of the parking lot and as I am leaving, realize oops, gotta get the dildo!  At the first stop light, in it goes.  Good thing for the skirt and no panty rule:)  Well now, doesn't this feel pretty good and just the thought of doing something naughty and dirty is exciting!  Really, I surprise myself at the wanton slut I have become.  I made my usual call to Master and told Him how much I was enjoying my ride home and He reminded me not to enjoy it too much.  All the way home, which is usually no less than a 40 minute ride, I had plenty of time to rock back and forth on it just because it felt so good pressed deep inside.  I could even press down harder on the seat to make it go in further and feel the vibrations of the car reverberating inside me.  Of course, then the random thought would cross my mind, "How embarrassing would this be if I was in a car accident".  But I would just go back to distracting myself again with more rocking.  So, for those of you who can't stand being stuck in traffic, maybe a dildo would make it more bearable:)

Oh and one more thing.  Going over the speed bumps in my neighborhood never felt so good!!

Damn Hairclip!

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Promises Made for an Orgasm

This was my birthday weekend and a busy one indeed.  If you read my last post "Frustration Through Orgasm Denial", you should know that I was on orgasm restriction all last week.  I had been tormented and brought to the edge constantly.  Thankfully, Master finally allowed me what I so needed and wanted yesterday before I hurt anyone too badly...LOL! 

However, Master pointed out that it was not because I had earned it.  You see, I had missed Master's Saturday and Sunday morning blowjobs (refer to My Rules page).  It was because I didn't want to do it.  Life just kept getting in the way all weekend.  I knew being busy was not an excuse and I didn't even try to argue like I might have in the past.

I had so been looking forward to finally being fucked and releasing my pent up frustrations but this wasn't going to happen so easily.  To make up for my missed tasks, Master wouldn't fuck me until I convinced Him how badly I needed to come.  I was to lay out exactly what I would do this week in exchange for an orgasm...and it had to be GOOD!  He lay there quite a while letting me worship His cock while I threw out just about every humiliating thing I could think of to do to myself.  Every idea was met with "OK" but He wanted more.  I knew that one of the things He will soon have me do is to find a lonely man in a bar, let him buy me a drink, and then repay him with a blowjob.  Just the idea of this stirs a bit of anxiety in me, but I went ahead and begged for it...and so many other things.  By the time He was satisfied with my offerings, I thought to myself, "WOW...this is a really expensive orgasm!".  But I knew better than to say anything or risk being on restriction for at least a week longer. 

In the end, Master wanted to see just how far I was willing to go.  Since He plans for this week to be physically challenging enough, I will be fulfilling all my promises but not all in this week.  However, I will be sucking cock tonight and tomorrow night to make up for the two I missed but will do so gladly:)

Frustration through Orgasm Denial

This has not been a week of physical trials, no spankings or pain so to speak, but it has certainly been a test of my mental strength.  After receiving what was my worst spanking yet on Sunday, my Master instructed me to masturbate in front of him.  Just as I was ready to orgasm and asked for His permission, He said "NO".  Those are the words all of us subs probably hate to hear right at the moment of release.  He leaned over me and asked in a whisper if I needed to come.  My mind was searching for an answer but all I could come up with was "I can wait if it pleases you".  Well, I assure you, I understand now, that was the wrong answer.  He sat back and said "well, then you will wait until next Sunday". 

Seriously?  

That night and almost every night since He has used me in all sorts of ways.  He has licked me to edge of orgasm several times, made me worship His cock almost every day, and used my mouth and pussy for His own pleasure.  As if that hasn't been enough to keep me swollen, dripping with desire, and going out of my mind wanting to come, I have been required to masturbate myself to the edge of orgasm daily.  And not just once or twice.  The number of times I am to do it each day is the number of letters in that day.  As soon as He gave me this assignment, in my head I immediately started counting the number of letters in Wednesday.  What?...9 times!!

I didn't think I would be able to make it but it is Friday now and I am almost there.  I have done my best to handle it with poise and grace.  Something interesting I have noticed, with each day of masturbation, and my increased desperation, my visions and fantasies have grown more wicked and kinky...even wishing for pain.  I am guessing that is part of the thought behind denial of orgasms.  Not only is it important for your Master to control when and how you release, but you and your body become more willing to comply.  In this frenzy, all you want is to release and will do almost anything to get it.

I will say this...next time Master asks me if I want to come, I will make sure to let him know how badly I need it.