Monday, May 20, 2013

My Pleasure Is Not My Own

Will I never learn this? 

I keep telling myself that my pleasure is derived from pleasing my Master, and most days, I am accepting of that fact.  Then, I have days like yesterday, when selfish thoughts start to consume me.
"When will He touch me?"

"When will He set aside playtime?"

"When will He decide that I have been good enough to enjoy the feel of Him inside me and possibly release all my built up tension?"

I shouldn't say these thoughts are selfish, because we are all human and have needs.  It's taken me a while to realize that being a slave, doesn't mean that I can just turn off these basic human desires.  For obvious reasons, these days usually manifest themselves when I have been deprived for what seems like an eternity but is really only a week.  The problem is that I work myself into a sexual frenzy in serving Him.  Every time I touch His cock I feel ready to explode...only to be told "good night" when He is satisfied. 

He thinks I am pouting...I call it withdrawing.  It's my defense mechanism because I try so hard not to say anything.  I am His slave and isn't my place to question the course of events or training that He chooses.  But I guess maybe that's why I am still in training without my collar.

Yesterday, He knew that my head was in a different place.  Once again, driven so wild with need and desire with no release, I was craving any attention but scared to open my mouth.  I had just been scolded the other day for being too forward with my affections so I kept thinking it best to wait for His advance. 

However, as any good Dom should, He forced me to talk about it anyways.  It was a good talk.  He validated my feelings, admitted that He had been struggling with His focus due to work stress, and thanked me for being honest about my craving for more playtime and intimacy. 

His quandary now was between roles as Master versus Husband. Should He be the Master and take it under advisement but leave me continuing to wait in order to prove a point or as a husband should He give me the intimacy I deserve as His wife.  His decision would ultimately be a combination of both. 

Later in the evening, playtime began with some loopy treatment to my tits and pussy.  It stung but any feeling to my body was welcomed and delightful.  After clamping my nipples, I eagerly sucked His cock, worked His balls with my tongue, and was completely surprised when He ordered me on my back...thinking He was going to put himself inside me but instead having my face straddled.  Oh, this was new and good too!  I was loving every minute of it. 

After I mounted His cock and began to ride Him is when He dealt the hand He intended to play.  He would play with me, use me, make love to me, give me the intimacy I desperately needed, but there would be no release for me.  This would continue everyday until He decided otherwise.  In the back of my mind, I was chastising myself for opening my big mouth but my body was falling prey to His torment.  Forcing me off, He ordered me to bring myself up to His face and continued torturing me with His tongue, then forced me back down to His cock.  Ordering me to rub my clit against Him harder, I could feel my orgasm starting to build and apparently so did He.  Instead of letting me stop, He grabbed my hips and was equally matching my thrusts, driving Himself deeper into me.

I went over the edge with no way to stop, even forgetting that no matter what, I should ask permission.  Although, it wouldn't have been granted, my forgetting will double my punishment at best.  His orgasm comes (oh...yes pun intended!) as He informs me that my punishment will not be in physical form, since I am starting to enjoy that a little too much.  It will be humiliation....because He knows that is something I do not enjoy at all.

For the time being though, I couldn't wipe the stupid grin off my face.  Yeah, you know the one..."I just got it so good!"  So, I may have gotten what I needed, but in the end, will it be worth it?  Probably not...but all I can do is wait patiently and see what devious plan He comes up with. 

Hmmm...possibly another blog post topic in my near future:) 

I am also interested in knowing what are some punishments you have given or been given for "non-authorized" orgasms?

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