I definitely try to keep my posts upbeat and informative but today I am just frustrated and need to work it out with my writing.
Before my Master/husband and I committed to this lifestyle choice, our kids were the center of the world. Pretty much to the detriment of our relationship. They always came first and we didn't really enforce them having boundaries and respect for the parental relationship. I am not saying that are not just as important to us, but we are desperately trying to make time for ourselves and getting quite a bit of kick back, particularly from our younger one who always expects to be the center of attention. She is not handling this change of dynamics in her parents relationship at all. She is more clingy than ever.
You know...during the day, I can cope with it but the fact that she will not go to bed at night is killing me. By the time she falls asleep and we can actually have some time to ourselves...it's late and time to go to bed ourselves. If we are really lucky, we might have one night a week when we can squeeze in some time together and it's starting to really wear me down.
I say this in the most respectful of ways, and maybe I am wrong, but I don't feel it affects Master as much as it does me. While most nights I am usually still expected give Him some kind of pleasure, my body is left craving some...any attention. If you have read my previous posts, you know how my Master will make certain assignments that keep me in a elevated state of self inflicted excitement and horniness most of the time with no release. Granted, some of my training involves this kind of deprivation anyway and I really do try to handle it gracefully. But what really bothers me is when He doesn't intend for it to work out this way. It sucks to be prepared all day for something fun to happen only to get to the end of it and...nothing! And this seems to happens all the time.
It's not very easy for me to hide my feelings...I kind of wear them all over my face. So, I trust that He knows how I feel but it's very difficult maintainintg my focus this way. Now that this need has been awoken, I am crawling out of my skin, hoping for just some touch from Him whether it be soft and gently or a hard whack of the paddle. Anything would be better than nothing!
Of course, these are selfish feelings and I do know that I should be coping better so maybe now that I have it out of my system, I can get myself refocused!