Monday, September 29, 2014

Who Can You Talk To?

Thank you to one of my readers for sending me some questions to write about.  My motivation to write lately has been in the toilet as I have been spending an over abundance of time researching and implementing a paleo diet for the family.  Well, truthfully, it's mostly for Heron and I.  The kids get to still eat of some of the stuff they like.  But overall, it takes ALOT of work.  Maybe I will post more about it later.

Anyways, this reader was curious about our dynamic in the company of others.    

Well, the short version is that we are almost always in the company of others but mainly family, neighbors, or other parents at soccer events so our dynamic is pretty well discrete.  There may be certain things between us that only we know the meaning but mostly no one would catch on. It could be as simple as wearing my hair a particular way, waiting for him to begin eating first, or walking just slightly behind him.  Regardless of who is around, I always stop what I am doing and greet him.  When speaking to him, or about him, it's always respectful.  Yes, it's possible that someone could pick up on the hints of power exchange between us, but I'm not overly concerned about it because hopefully it just comes off as me being a loving and attentive wife.

Is there any element of D/s when you two go out with another couple?

We have never been much for going out with other couples.  Unfortunately, both of us kind of lost our youths early and because of that, didn't maintain many friendships into adulthood. There have been times through the years it has really bothered me...that we didn't have a group of friends to hang out with, go to dinners or get our families together for cookouts.

We did meet a couple through FL about a year ago and have gone out with them several times.  Even though they are fully aware of our dynamic and are very accepting, they are not in the dynamic themselves, so we have felt it best to keep it low-key in front of them so as to not place them in any uncomfortable situations, other than maybe Him ordering for me. 

Are any of his friends aware of the dynamic? Are any of yours?

I am going to assume that this question is referring to friends outside of the lifestyle. 

Heron does have one friend that knows and has shared quite a bit about our dynamic with him.  In fact, when I first started my blog, Heron gave him the address and he has been keeping up with it since!

I, on the other hand, really don't have any friends that I consider close enough to share this part of my life. I lost touch, way back when with all my friends from school and even though there have been several good friends since then, they have all come and gone out of my life for one reason or another.  As a manager, I am not afforded the ability to make friends and confide in anyone at work.  For the most part, my circle of girlfriends the past decade or so has been the moms of my daughters friends.  And I find I don't really have much in common with any of them. Plus it tends to get awkward the moment when your kids get into a fight or simply outgrow each other and no longer hang out. So, I tend to now steer away from hanging out with them. My dynamic isn't something I would have ever shared with them anyways because they seem to be a gossipy bunch and I certainly would never want my child judged for my activities.

If my little sister was still here, I suspect I might have shared it with her.  She lived her life pretty wide open and would never have judged me for anything.  Knowing her, she probably would have thought it was pretty cool.  I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss having her to talk to. 

Do you have an external confidant that you can bounce things off of?     

Luckily, I do have a couple of ladies that I have met through the lifestyle.  If I needed to talk about something, they would listen and give me honest feedback from their perspective.  Through my blog, I have also made some online acquaintances, both male and female, which have helped tremendously and they are always just an email away.   

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Lick It

You know how well you have been conditioned to obey orders when He makes a shake, takes apart the blender to wash it, and tells you to lick the blade clean.

And the thought doesn't occur until after you have stuck out your tongue (like an idiot)...

What the hell did He just ask me to do?

Of course, He just thought that was so funny!

 


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Lazy Days and Questions About Clothing, Marriage, and the Future

Yesterday was a much needed, lazy day. We accomplished absolutely nothing that we had intended...both kinky and non-kinky. But it was nice...and makes me think about a couple questions that have come up recently about our dynamic.

I was out with some fellow kinky ladies one night last week and one of my friends asked about mine and Heron's relationship. I can't remember the exact wording of her question but it was about the husband/wife aspect of our relationship. She wondered if we ever spent time as husband and wife, outside the dynamic, and were my needs being met in that regard.

Also, I had received an email a couple weeks ago from one of my blog readers asking about my clothing requirements. The question was..."When not at work, do you always abide by your rules of always wearing revealing clothing? Is this a hard-line must have for him".

So let me start with the second question first because it is a little more straightforward to answer.

My clothing requirements are very much determined by the situation.  Generally speaking, He likes that I am wearing something somewhat revealing when He gets home but with the kids around, it also has to be kept reasonable,  During the summer it's fairly easy.  Tank tops, sundresses, shorts...all easily meet the no bra and panty expectation without being overtly obvious.  During winter, He is a little more lenient because I am so cold natured and walk around with jackets and sweaters most of the time.     

Now as far as going out, He will tell me if it's the kind of outing that I should be wearing something in particular. (ie. trashy).  But many times, if we are just running out to grab something to eat, He is fine with whatever I am already wearing.  Not every time and every place we go is meant to be a test of my exhibitionism.  Sometimes, He just wants to take me out to spend time together, nothing more.  The key is not to assume.  IF I am in doubt, I will ask if what I am wearing is ok or should I change into something else.     

So, to answer the question...No, it's not a hard-line must have for him every time we go out.

Which brings me to the original question about our husband/wife time together.  I know when writing a blog, much of it sounds so awesomely kinky but the reality of it is, that kink is probably only about 10% of our life, if that.  The D/s is always there, a part of who we have become together, a part of how I view myself, and mostly a part of how I guide myself in thinking and behaviors.  While I am submissive all the time, we are not always engaged in obvious D/s activities.

Now, there are times when the dynamic is more active and stronger than other times, but we are married first and foremost.  And while the D/s has now become woven into the fabric of our marriage, it doesn't define our marriage.  

Yesterday is a great example.  We spent the day together taking a nap, cooking, drinking a night time coffee under the stars, and doing nothing more than snuggling.  Well...ok...there was that afternoon blowjob just before the nap.
 
Are my needs being met as as a wife?

Absolutely and I think more so now than ever before!  Sometimes in my writing, Heron probably comes off as, shall we say, not so nice, and quite frankly during some scenes I haven't thought He was very nice either. But I assure you, He is as equally gentle and romantic as He is sadistic, and quite possibly even more so.  Yes...He sometimes denies me immediate gratification in the physical pleasures that I think are needs, and it aggravates me sometimes, but I realize He does this for a reason and it's always temporary.   

And the tender love making type of sex, well for some reason those are the moments I tend to keep to myself.  I blog about so many aspects of our relationship, I feel like a little part of us should remain private.  But for those of you that might have wondered, we do have those beautiful non-kinky sessions too and they are equally fultilling. I have to admit though, sometimes it catches me off guard and I'm like...is everything OK? Why are you being so nice? LOL

You know, before we ever incorporated this lifestyle into our marriage, we basically "existed".  We were content to function in our own little bubbles, our paths crossing occasionally. But were we happy?  Not really.  I could never shake the feeling that part of me and our life together wasn't being fulfilled.  

Our lives had become so consumed by our kids (and my incessant power struggle over every little thing), we had completely neglected to nurture what brought us together in the first place.  Our love for each other.  I remember wondering so often...would we even like each other when our kids are grown?  Would we even have anything in common?  I couldn't think of anything we liked to do together.  Pretty sad isn't it?

Now, all we crave is MORE time together and genuinely enjoy being in each others company. I think this is the connection we were missing before.  D/s taught us that it can be more...that we can be more.  And all it took was focusing more on us.  We have found so many things that we love doing together.  Get your minds out of the gutter-I was talking about non-kinky things. 

Even though it was a lazy day yesterday, we did manage to get out for a few minutes to run to the grocery store.  We were in the car driving home and I asked Heron what did He think would happen to our dynamic as we grow older.  I worry about that sort of thing.  It has brought us so much closer, what happens as we continue to age and maybe can't indulge in the physical play? Will He be as attentive and happy with me?     

His answer was all I needed to put my mind at rest.

We just enjoy each day for what it is.  And if there comes a point, that all of it has to end, the only thing that I need to be happy...is spending every day with you.

And He was concerned that He said something wrong when I started to cry!

Sunday, September 21, 2014

As Time Flies

Earlier today, I was sitting drinking my coffee, waiting on my oldest daughter to finish getting ready.

Getting ready for what?...you may ask.

Senior portraits!

And being the sap that I am, I had to fight back tears the whole morning.

It's all happening so fast.  This year is already flying by and I feel paralyzed by the fact that in less than a year, she will be in college.

How can this be?  How can my little baby be such a grown young woman?

How am I old enough to have a child going into college? And let me just tell you, I am really struggling with that one!

The other day, I received an email with a reminder to be visiting colleges while out on Fall Break.  It really felt like a kick in the gut.  Logically, I know we need to be doing this already but it was the reality of it that hit me so hard.  

Holy crap...college applications are due in just a few short months.  We are more than halfway through September.  This year is going to be over before I know it.  

null-entity.deviantart.com

Senior pictures today...

Cap and gown fittings next week...

And soon, all the other joys that senior year brings!

It's all happening whether I want it to or not.

But all I see every time I look at her is the beautiful little girl we brought into this world,  And while I so look forward to seeing what life has in store for her, I just wish time would slow down, even if just for a little while.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

For Your Pleasure

It was time to pay the piper so to speak.  I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, that I had inadvertently neglected some of my chores.  To be more specific, I had not been washing the cars and had not been as diligent as I should about the toilets.

Just to clarify, the cars...well there isn't much I can say except that there never seemed to be enough time and if there was, the weather seemed to be gloomy.  Honestly though, Daddy had been pretty lenient on that and I probably took a little advantage.  Now the toilets...well that was a matter of failed delegation on my part.  Let's just say, you better believe those girls of mine are not going to get me in trouble again.

So punishment came.  I entered the closet, stood facing the wall in display position and took my swift twenty licks of the paddle, not fun ones by any stretch of the imagination.  My cheeks wore the red rounded imprint of the paddle for hours. 

But also in the closet was a strange contraption.  In reality, it was a microphone stand he rigged for kinky purposes.  I don't know how easy it will be to picture in your mind but it stood a little taller than myself  and looked like a large T.  Daddy had looped twine around each arm the T and left a couple feet of twine hanging on both the front side and back side.

My eyes couldn't help but travel to the two ends of twine where the clover clamps were fastened.  

The look of THAT is pretty scary!

Oh, there's nothing to be scared of.

Hmmm...me thinks differently...

As I remained facing the wall of the closet, with my hands clasped behind my back, He positioned the stand right up behind me and brought one of the pieces of twine, with attached clover clamp, down over my shoulder and attached it upside down to my nipple.  Then did the same for my left nipple.  Obviously, I wondered what he would do with the two ends of twine still dangling over the back side of the stand.

Well, that was answered soon enough when I heard the jingle of weights. I tried to remind myself to  to breathe as the twine grew taunt and the full force of gravity pulled down from behind me, pulling  my nipples upwards. I think it's pretty fair to say this was somewhat uncomfortable!

Daddy walked around to my side and placed a ping pong ball against the wall.  He told me to lean forward, my own body weight now also pulling against the clamps, until my nose could hold the ball in place.

I thought He would just have me hold this for a few minutes.  But as He walked out of the closet, He reminded me that the ball BETTER NOT FALL and He would be back to check on me periodically during His workout....and add weight each time He returned.  Gulp

I stood there thinking is this really happening?

Then I heard the sound of the elliptical start up and the squeaking sound it makes while someone is on it and I had my answer.

Yep...it sure is.  I didn't know whether to be upset or think it was hot.   

At first, all I could think about was how my nipples felt like they were on fire and I tried so hard not to move a muscle.  But I also thought how silly I must look with this darn ball.  Eventually, my mind kind of wandered, focusing less on the pain, and more on why I was in this situation in the first place. I thought about how I would try harder and not take any of my chores for granted. 

I had no way to count the time but I figured it was somewhere around 5 minutes when I heard the elliptical stop.  Maybe He was just testing me and not going to put on more weight.  Maybe He was coming in to let me loose.

Nope!  That was not the case. 

At this point, the pain was pretty steady, but tolerable, and actually, I barely felt the additional weight.  I tried to ask Him how much longer and was disappointed when He ignored me and returned to His workout.  While He was gone this time, I thought more about the stupid little ball in front of me.  Toying with it, rolling it around just a little but not enough to make it fall.

Again no words when spoken when He returned, only the rattle of more weight and I don't remember feeling much at that point, in fact, I was getting pretty sleepy.  There were no thoughts, just waiting.

This time when He returned, He spoke.  It was gruff as He told me to back up and turn around.  I winced as the clovers pulled against the direction I was moving so He moved the stand with me.  Once He had direct access to my nipples, He took the ball and shoved it between my teeth.  This ended up being a really good idea because when those clovers came off it helped muffle my screams and sobs.  Wow...did that extra weight make it so terribly painful as they blood rushed back in.

Immediately, He plunged His hand down between my legs...

That's what I thought...

You can stop that crying.

The spanking was your punishment...

The last 20 minutes has been for your pleasure.  

And here I thought the whole thing was punishment!










Tuesday, September 16, 2014

But Am I Really a Masochist?

A recent email conversation with someone the other day made realize that maybe I haven't spent much time discussing my thoughts on the use of pain in our dynamic or exactly how I feel about it.

She, in fact, thought of me as a hard core spanko. Now, I can take my fair share of spankings, but I mainly attribute that to a certain amount of conditioning since they are frequently used in our dynamic.  Not that it stops Him, but I really despise any type of pain inflicted on my tits and other girly bits. 

But her comment has made me really think about what I am or am not...and I am pretty confused. 

The definition of a masochist is someone that derives pleasure from feeling pain and I've read about plenty of writings in which the writer is trying to find understanding in WHY they find enjoyment in receiving pain.  It seems the prevailing opinion is not to worry about the "why"...just go with the flow and accept it for what it is.

The problem is...I can't even say that I like pain.  Heron tells me there is some aspect there that I like since my body responds favorably.

But am I really a masochist?

I can tolerate all types of pain...hell, I had both my children naturally without the epidurals or any other medication.  But I don't LIKE pain and before D/s I would have considered myself anything but a masochist.

When I really think about it, there are aspects of receiving the pain that I like, but I don't believe it's the pain itself.  

To be honest, I am a bit of an attention whore so obviously I love being the center of His attention.  Could it be like the old saying...any attention is better than no attention?

I do love and crave the intensity between us that it creates.  It doesn't take much before my head is clear and my stress is gone, and once He has pushed me to a certain point, it's like the dam breaks and everything walled up inside comes pouring out in my tears.  In those vulnerable moments, the connection and intimacy is undeniable.

Admittedly, His desire to inflict pain runs much deeper than my desire to receive it but I feel a part of myself is complete knowing that I am finally fulfilling a need in Him, a sadistic side that He had buried for a long time because of me.   

And the rare occasions, when He intermixes pain with pleasure does create for an amazingly intense experience!

I am not including punishment in this discussion because that has a whole different end result and I find it in no way enjoyable.    

But does all of this truly make me a masochist? 

That's what I've been trying to sort out.  If not, then why does my body react the way it does? Why does it literally get my juices flowing?  Why do I have amazingly intense orgasms afterwards?

Maybe I am just failing to understand the complexities of masochism. 

I read something recently to the effect of you don't have to enjoy pain to be a masochist, you only have to crave it.  Well I do sometimes crave it, but it's typically a short lived feeling.  Because as soon as He starts, I am usually wishing it would stop.  I don't do well with intense or prolonged pain and I don't experience sub-space,,,I am consciously aware of everything going on and I feel every bit of it.  There are no floaty feelings for me. 

So, am I really craving the pain or is it the connection?

Have I just been conditioned to receive the pain?

A lot of questions...I know.
  
The only thing I can figure is that I submit to the pain, just like anything else that I have given up control over in our relationship and my body's response to it has more to do with my feelings of submission and His exertion of power over me, not the pain itself.

Maybe I'm talking myself in circles here. I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences.  

   

Monday, September 15, 2014

A Tale of Three Implements

So Daddy implemented a new expectation, or rule if you will. Well, actually, it's not completely new. It was something in my list of rules already that had been put on hold. He has made a slight modification and it is now back in force.

The Rule:

Before performing any sexual services, I am to present Him with one of three, somewhat quiet, implements.

The switch...

The fly swatter...

Or the loopy! (oh how I hate the loopy)

A couple of conditions though:

The same implement shouldn't be offered twice in a row...

And He may or may not intend to use it but it still must be offered.

These have all been tucked away between the mattress and box spring on my side of the bed, so they are ready at a moments notice

So I know it's probably going to happen, but here's hoping I don't forget. I thought maybe writing it down here would help commit it to memory.

Of course, this must have inspired Him to take a more thorough look-see at my rules, I presume to jog His memory on things I am supposed to be doing and make some other minor updates.

Darn if He didn't point out a couple things I have been neglecting, not purposely I should add. But yeah, I don't have much in the way of reasonable defense. Not that having a good defense matters. It's supposed to be done....period. And I didn't communicate that I was having problems completing said tasks.

So....now I am to remind Him to take care of those infractions tonight.

 Yikes....guess I will have knots in my stomach the rest of the day!

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Not Tonight Dear...

One reader that I have gotten to know pretty well asked me the other day, if I am ever allowed to use the "not tonight pass" if I am tired or not feeling well, particularly after working all day and juggling busy schedules with the kids.   

This is a really good question because we all have days that we are tired and not particularly in the mood, right?

But truthfully, in our dynamic, there is no such thing as a "not tonight pass", at least for me to use anyways.  Regardless of stress, exhaustion, schedules, if Heron requires my service, I am expected to willingly comply.  This was one the first aspects of control that He took from me at the start of our D/s relationship..

Now, having said that, He is also very aware of how I feel and it is quite common for Him to see the exhaustion in my face and insist that I go to bed, even if He is "in the mood".

In fact, this happened just the other night.  One of the things He requires of me is to use my mouth on Him every night, unless He states otherwise.  As usual, I was ready and waiting on the bed when He came in the room.  He took one look at me and said, "you look really tired...just get your rest tonight".  I didn't even try to convince Him otherwise.  I thanked Him for understanding and laid right down.   

My well being is of utmost importance to Him but I think another reason He is more understanding now when I am not feeling up to sex or play is that He no longer has to be concerned with when He might get His needs met.  He can just expect it the next day or as soon as opportunity presents itself.   

Whereas, if we were still in our previous egalitarian relationship and I turned him down, His needs could go unmet indefinitely because it was all about when I wanted it and He was at my mercy to decide when I was willing and in the mood.     

At first, I thought this rule would be horrid but to be honest, I'm so relieved to not have this power anymore.   First, I started to see that there were plenty of times I didn't necessarily think I was in the mood, only to realize the connection and release (if allowed) was just what I needed.  I also think having more sex and play, leads to wanting or craving more sex and play.  

Not to mention...being used, whether I want to or not, plays right into my of fantasies about  being taken against my will:)

I've spent a lot of time looking back over the previous years of our marriage and I truly regret all the fighting over sex.  I used it as a form of control and had some pretty selfish views.  I don't want to blame my upbringing, but I was just raised to believe there was something wrong with a man who wanted it all the time. 

Even though my husband always had a very high drive, my pleasure was always His priority and I thanked Him for that by constantly pushing Him away and making Him feel like less of a person for the needs He had.  I've just had to accept that some things you can't take back...you can only spend the rest of your life making up for it. 

It's all kind of ironic now though.  As His slave I am only entitled to whatever He chooses, whenever He chooses.  So I have learned to appreciate each and every opportunity presented.   

There's nothing like knowing that you can't just have something whenever you want it to make you want it that much more.

Thank you so much for your question!!


Thursday, September 11, 2014

My Introduction to Breath Play


Something new...So exciting and just a tad scary!!

He typically plays this little game, forcing me down on Him until my airway is blocked and then tells me when I can come up for a brief moment of air.  Up until the other night, this had been my only touch of experience with breath play.

But the other night was different and oh...so yummy!!

I can't say that I got off on not being able to breath but I certainly responded well to the control Daddy was exerting over me.   

It all started while I was lying on the bed, flat on my stomach.  With my feet crossed and toes pointed, my arms down by my side and palms up, and my head turned to the side, He straddled my legs and pushed Himself inside me from behind, using the full weight of His body to render me immobile.  Not that we practice gorean, but for those of you familiar with the gorean positions, the best way to describe this is a cross between "belly" and "bara", with my arms and hands in the "belly" position and my legs in the "bara" position.

This is absolutely one of my FAVORITE positions by the way...feeling the weight of His body on me, not being able to move...His mouth on the back of my neck...His hands grabbing my hair and pulling my head back...His voice right in my ear...

ahhh....oh my goodness...

oh wait...back to breath play!!

This time, though He pulled the pillow in front of my face and pushed my head down, telling me I wasn't allowed to breath until He gave me permission.

This was ok, but I failed to mention to Him that I could still kind of breath through the pillow.  Nevertheless, I felt the moisture running down my legs and we both knew He was on to something. He did that a couple times, each time letting me up for a quick breath before ordering my face back down into the pillow.

Just when I thought it was over, He turned me over on my back.  As He continued to move inside me, He told me we were going to try it again.

Keep your mouth closed tight.

Being face to face was quite different.  I could see the intensity in His eyes as He reached up and pinched my nose closed.  This time, I really couldn't breath AT ALL.  And I started to panic after just a few seconds.  My body began bucking, my arms started flailing around and I had to gulp in a breath.  I'm pretty sure this wasn't one of my sexier moments:) 

One more time and don't breath until I tell you to.

This time I didn't fight it.  I started counting in my mind kind of like I do with spankings and stayed focused on relaxing my body.  When He did see that I was starting to struggle, He counted down a few more seconds before letting me breath.

So, all in all, I guess the case could be made that I liked it.  Of course, as usual, He claims that certain parts of me LOVED it!


Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Just A Hug

Who doesn't love a great big hug?

Well here's a reason to get or give even more of them.

Did you know that the simple act of hugging has actual health benefits?

Maybe you already knew that but I didn't until recently.  I remember this one day in particular a few months back.  It had been a really stressful kind of day.  The kind where you just want to curl up in a ball and wish it all away.

When Daddy came home from work, He just wrapped me in His arms and told me that I needed a hug.  It was a long hug.  The kind where after a few minutes you get kind of squirmy and uncomfortable, especially when you aren't really in the mood.  When He let go, He explained that He had read a study that claimed hugging actually brings down elevated heart rates and can reduce blood pressure.

He hugged me again and told me just to focus on His heart beat.  For the first time that I really can recall, I just allowed myself to melt into His embrace and focus on the slow beat of His heart between us.  This sounds crazy but it didn't take long before I relaxed, my breathing slowed and I could feel my heart slowing down and now beating with His.  

I know...I know...too gushy.  But that's not my point here.  My point is that it took less than a minute and I felt truly calmed and centered. 

The great thing is...it actually works for both people in the embrace.

For those of you that don't know, I am a scientist so I take very little at face value.  I will research just about anything to find the "facts".  I NEED data!!  And this was no different.  I had to find out why this worked. 

What I found is that this is a proven phenomenon.

Just ten seconds of hugging can lower blood pressure. 

Levels of oxytocin (yes, the same chemical used to induce labor), often referred to as "love hormones" increase, while the amounts of stress chemicals, including cortisol, decrease.  While oxytocin's role in the body is still pretty complex and unclear, it does seem to have a variety of benefits, both in helping people create positive social interactions and in combating stress. 

A long hug also increases the serotonin levels in your body.  Serotonin is a chemical which can elevate our mood, combat depression, and can actually play a role in our overall cardiovascular health. 

Hugs also help by boosting your immune system. The gentle pressure on the sternum and the emotional charge this creates can stimulates the thymus gland, which regulates and balances the body's production of white blood cells and white blood cells fight infection, keeping you healthy and disease free. 

So, you see, we may need sex, spankings, and other kinky stuff for our mental and physical health but sometimes...we just need a hug!!

Thank you Daddy for hugging me every day and knowing just the moment I need one the most.

“We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” - Virginia Satir


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2230972/Embrace-hugging--good-you.html#ixzz3Cq4VxMuc
http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/serotonin
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5756/10-Reasons-Why-We-Need-at-Least-8-Hugs-a-Day.html

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Keeping Track

Starting back in April of 2013, Daddy had required that I keep a dedicated page here in my blog of "statistics" so to speak. For those of you that have been readers, here for a while, you probably remember what I am talking about.  This page was titled S.S.S (Sex Slave Statistics). I always thought it was rather silly, but it's what He wanted so who am I to judge, right?

Anyways, for those of you who aren't familiar with what I am talking about, I was to numerically keep count of each of our orgasms, and to some extend, what type.   His purpose, was simply for both of us to be able to keep track of what was going on sexually. 

Well I did this faithfully for at least a year but somewhere along the way, I lost track.  I didn't mean to but once I did, I admit, I couldn't get the motivation to either resume or restart the count.

Daddy had mentioned this a couple of times in passing and I explained what had happened.  I was expecting to get in trouble or be told to immediately get it corrected but that didn't happen.  The numbers eventually got so far behind, I put the page back into my draft folder...pretty much forgetting about it. 

I don't know why but this morning, I woke up with the overwhelming need to get that resurrected.  It's something He expected for me to do and while I am thankful that He didn't make a big issue of it, I know I should have been making the effort all along.  I apologize to Him for not making it a priority.   

So the clock has been "reset" and for those of you new here, you will find this page in the links along the top of my blog or if you on the mobile version, you will find it in the drop down menu. Or, you can click here!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The Woods are Lovely

...continued from A Little of This...And A Lot of That

My bottom had been paddled so thoroughly, I couldn't bear the thought of sitting down as we ate dinner so we stood at the kitchen island enjoying the steak and baked potatoes Daddy had prepared.  I ate just past the point of being full, knowing that I would probably be needing my energy.

After dinner settled, He sent me upstairs to the bedroom with instructions to be ready for more cock sucking.  As I used my mouth on Him, I hoped that He would notice how intensely I wanted and needed Him. As if He was reading my mind, He told me to stop and ride Him til he came.  Knowing this meant I would still be expected to go without, it was hard to keep the hurt and frustration from consuming me.  It's moments like these when I feel most vulnerable...when my desire is so great but my desire to please is even greater.  But as I laid my head on His chest while He basked in the afterglow of His own release, His words stung even more.

"If you do everything right, I may let you cum on Sunday".

Well doesn't that just let the wind out of your sails when you are alone together for a weekend.  I just tried to put on my brave girl face and told Him I understood.

A few moments later, he told me to resume the paddling position.  This time the paddle was almost unbearable.  Maybe it was my deflated ego.  Maybe it was the reality of feeling like nothing more than a play toy for Him mentally and physically.  Maybe he really was paddling harder.  All I can say for sure is that He didn't stop paddling until the tears were freely flowing, and then went just a little longer.  I think it may have been the first time ever that I actually considered yelling at Him to stop.

But again, He must have read my mind.  He stopped and stood me up, folding me into His arms, petting and telling me that I had been a "good girl".  Usually I adore hearing these words but at times like these, that phrase some how just stirs the battle already raging in my head.  If He thinks I did a good job, I should accept that instead of telling myself that somehow I don't deserve that praise...that I somehow I didn't take enough or that I just can't take enough.  I realize now that He wanted to, that night, break down my defenses and whatever walls I had been putting up.  It wouldn't have mattered how much or how little I could have taken, His goal was to simply push until my emotions were set free.

With no time to waste, He sent me off to fetch the two dildos He packed and "entertain" myself for a little while.  Of course, I couldn't enjoy it too much.  Sitting on the edge of the bed, I only half-heartedly rode the two plastic giants. From the other room, He took notice and commented that He expected it to look sexier.  I laid back and allowed myself to get a little more lost in what I was doing.  After probably 30 minutes or so, He decided to up the ante and walked over and unzipped His pants, leaned over me and filled my mouth, my only remaining hole with His cock.

Wow!! Now we're talking:)  This went from just ok...to HOLY HOTNESS in about 2 seconds flat.  I really wanted to cum right then and it only got worse when He shifted down to between my legs and replaced the dildo in my pussy with Himself, leaving the other one still in my backside.  He continued to remind me how I couldn't cum until Sunday and even though I hated the words, I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter.
 
I want you to get yourself to the edge.  Stop holding back.

But I don't think I will be able to pull back.

I said get yourself to the edge on my cock right now!

It didn't take long and I was right there, knowing the moment I asked permission, He would deny me. In fact He had already told me I wasn't allowed and not even to bother asking.  So now, I was really in a situation.

I was scared, not wanting to disappoint Him by going over the edge at all but even more so by not having permission. So as I was almost to the point of no return, I asked anyways, assuming I would be told NO.  Somehow, I shut it down just before I heard the words, "cum you slut!".  Oh, did I miscalculate that one and He was pretty unhappy.

Once you ask permission, if I tell you to cum...you better cum.  If I tell you not to, you better not.  You don't get to decide to shut it down before you've heard the answerBut you're lucky, I am going to let you try that again. 

Relief finally came.  It was intense, almost to the point of painful but that didn't matter.  I was so thankful and completely spent.  After a little recovery, the evening ended with more cock sucking and another paddling.  We finally collapsed in the bed, snuggled up together, and enjoyed the best night of sleep we've had in a long time.  While there was still plenty of sex and paddling, the rest of the trip was much more tame.  Hell, we wore ourselves out in the first 6 hours:)

You know, it's probably a good thing we don't get nights like that very often.  There is something to be said for pacing yourselves!



     

Monday, September 1, 2014

Digging it Deeper

One of these days I am going to learn!

Maybe? 

OK...on second thought...probably not.

But I do try.

The other night as I was going to bed, I walked into the office where Daddy was working and asked if He was coming to bed or if He intended to keep working. 

He thought for a few seconds but then decided to send me on to bed. However, before I walked out of the room, He handed me a bill and said that it needed to be taken care first thing the next morning. 

Since I was already upstairs, I carried it into the bedroom and laid it down on the dresser.

You already see where this is going, don't you?
 
Actually, I already found out the next is really your eyesight!

What makes this whole story even worse is that when I got into bed, I thought...Self, you should really not be lazy.  Just go ahead and take that downstairs and put it in your purse because you are going to FORGET it.  Self said "nah...we'll be extra sure to remember in the morning."

Well, just as I suspected, I was sitting at my desk about mid-morning when it hit me. 

Oh gosh...I forgot!!

No, problem though.  I would just wait for one of the kids to get home from school, call them and have them read the phone number and invoice number to me over the phone and then I would call and get that thing taken care of.

I even gave myself a little pat on the back for my super ninja problem solving skills!

Haha...that is until I got that lunch time phone call.  You know the one.  It's the one when your significant other, calmly and casually, inserts into an otherwise completely normal conversation that you are in trouble. 

Oh crap...He must have seen it laying on the dresser when He was getting ready for work.   

I launch into my explanation about how I was going to handle it and at some point I just stopped mid-sentence.

Wait...did you already take care of it?

Yes.

Shit <squeaky voice in my head>

But I really did have a plan to take care of it.  I promise I was going to...blah blah blah. 

Oh, hell...I might as well face it.  This wasn't working.  The only thing I heard from the other end of the line was Him smiling as I continued to dig this hole 6 feet deep. 

I finally just admitted I screwed up. 

Next time, someone please remind me NOT to listen to that devious little voice in my head, the one that wants to pretend I don't have a shit memory.



We'll see how much this one costs me!