Yesterday was a much needed, lazy day. We accomplished absolutely nothing that we had intended...both kinky and non-kinky. But it was nice...and makes me think about a couple questions that have come up recently about our dynamic.
I was out with some fellow kinky ladies one night last week and one of my friends asked about mine and Heron's relationship. I can't remember the exact wording of her question but it was about the husband/wife aspect of our relationship. She wondered if we ever spent time as husband and wife, outside the dynamic, and were my needs being met in that regard.
Also, I had received an email a couple weeks ago from one of my blog readers asking about my clothing requirements. The question was..."When not at work, do you always abide by your rules of always wearing revealing clothing? Is this a hard-line must have for him".
So let me start with the second question first because it is a little more straightforward to answer.
My clothing requirements are very much determined by the situation. Generally speaking, He likes that I am wearing something somewhat revealing when He gets home but with the kids around, it also has to be kept reasonable, During the summer it's fairly easy. Tank tops, sundresses, shorts...all easily meet the no bra and panty expectation without being overtly obvious. During winter, He is a little more lenient because I am so cold natured and walk around with jackets and sweaters most of the time.
Now as far as going out, He will tell me if it's the kind of outing that I should be wearing something in particular. (ie. trashy). But many times, if we are just running out to grab something to eat, He is fine with whatever I am already wearing. Not every time and every place we go is meant to be a test of my exhibitionism. Sometimes, He just wants to take me out to spend time together, nothing more. The key is not to assume. IF I am in doubt, I will ask if what I am wearing is ok or should I change into something else.
So, to answer the question...No, it's not a hard-line must have for him every time we go out.
Which brings me to the original question about our husband/wife time together. I know when writing a blog, much of it sounds so awesomely kinky but the reality of it is, that kink is probably only about 10% of our life, if that. The D/s is always there, a part of who we have become together, a part of how I view myself, and mostly a part of how I guide myself in thinking and behaviors. While I am submissive all the time, we are not always engaged in obvious D/s activities.
Now, there are times when the dynamic is more active and stronger than other times, but we are married first and foremost. And while the D/s has now become woven into the fabric of our marriage, it doesn't define our marriage.
Yesterday is a great example. We spent the day together taking a nap, cooking, drinking a night time coffee under the stars, and doing nothing more than snuggling. Well...ok...there was that afternoon blowjob just before the nap.
Are my needs being met as as a wife?
Absolutely and I think more so now than ever before! Sometimes in my writing, Heron probably comes off as, shall we say, not so nice, and quite frankly during some scenes I haven't thought He was very nice either. But I assure you, He is as equally gentle and romantic as He is sadistic, and quite possibly even more so. Yes...He sometimes denies me immediate gratification in the physical pleasures that I think are needs, and it aggravates me sometimes, but I realize He does this for a reason and it's always temporary.
And the tender love making type of sex, well for some reason those are the moments I tend to keep to myself. I blog about so many aspects of our relationship, I feel like a little part of us should remain private. But for those of you that might have wondered, we do have those beautiful non-kinky sessions too and they are equally fultilling. I have to admit though, sometimes it catches me off guard and I'm like...is everything OK? Why are you being so nice? LOL
You know, before we ever incorporated this lifestyle into our marriage, we basically "existed". We were content to function in our own little bubbles, our paths crossing occasionally. But were we happy? Not really. I could never shake the feeling that part of me and our life together wasn't being fulfilled.
Our lives had become so consumed by our kids (and my incessant power struggle over every little thing), we had completely neglected to nurture what brought us together in the first place. Our love for each other. I remember wondering so often...would we even like each other when our kids are grown? Would we even have anything in common? I couldn't think of anything we liked to do together. Pretty sad isn't it?
Now, all we crave is MORE time together and genuinely enjoy being in each others company. I think this is the connection we were missing before. D/s taught us that it can be more...that we can be more. And all it took was focusing more on us. We have found so many things that we love doing together. Get your minds out of the gutter-I was talking about non-kinky things.
Even though it was a lazy day yesterday, we did manage to get out for a few minutes to run to the grocery store. We were in the car driving home and I asked Heron what did He think would happen to our dynamic as we grow older. I worry about that sort of thing. It has brought us so much closer, what happens as we continue to age and maybe can't indulge in the physical play? Will He be as attentive and happy with me?
His answer was all I needed to put my mind at rest.
We just enjoy each day for what it is. And if there comes a point, that all of it has to end, the only thing that I need to be happy...is spending every day with you.
And He was concerned that He said something wrong when I started to cry!