Wait to talk about it...
Wait to see if we renegotiate our agreement...
Wait to see wait to see if we end our dynamic...
He needs time and space to figure out how, or if, we proceed. His concern is that my disobedience will open the door to challenging Him next time.
I don't see it that way, but it's not for me to see and not for me to decide. I only know that as His slave, I am not afforded the choice to pick and choose the things in which I submit. I submit as He desires and up to this point I always have, even when it has been most difficult.
So what do you when you reach a point when you know you can't, or won't rather?
I guess we all find out if pushed to that point.
Hopefully, there will be a way to work it out but if my continuing to be His slave hinges on my ability to follow through with this one thing, then I guess I have to prepare myself for the dynamic to end.
As sad as it makes me, I don't regret bringing the issue to light. I only regret that it may have damaged the mutual trust we have in each other as Master and slave.
Luckily, our marriage is solid so we will be fine either way but it would just be different to go back.
As of right now, I have been relieved of any and all of my duties and "obligations". My collar is put away and I am free to be my own person.
I cried a lot yesterday and felt like a little lost puppy trying to find ways to occupy my time and keep my brain from spinning in circles.
It seemed weird after almost a year, to actually have the freedom to put on one my one of my beautiful bras but I have so been missing them. So that was the first thing I did with my new found freedom.
Thanks to everyone who reached out with support and encouragement. I will keep you posted.
Sending hugs. I'm here too listen.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your help:)
DeleteOh, i'm so sorry LG. big hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you scarlet. Hugs are good!
DeleteSo sorry your going through this. Bug hugs to you my friend.
ReplyDeletexo
Me too Bonnie. I think we will find our way. Its just going to take some time.
Delete((hugs))
ReplyDeleteThank you Trixie:)
Deleteoh gosh ((((hugs)))) whatever happens and where-ever you end up, I hope this limbo-y transition period passes quickly, they're every so hard :(
ReplyDeleteI hope so too Kitten. We have started talking about it now so that is a good step.
DeleteWaiting is horrible. I hope the outcome comes soon. I'm glad you described your marriage as solid - a foundation is important regardless of what you build on it.
ReplyDeletehugs
DF
I think that it such an important factor. If you try to build a a dynamic on a fragile relationship, you don't have a way to fall back if you need to. Its likely only to make the problems in the marriage worse in the end.
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear this for you. It must be excruciating to wait...my thoughts and hugs for you.
ReplyDeleteslave guenivere
It is excruciating but in the end, i think backing up a bit and really looking at some of the underlying issues will be a good thing.
DeleteI've not been to your blog before...I've only read your last two posts but my heart aches for you. I know all too well the excruciating pain of waiting. Hang in there and hang onto that solid foundation you have. I hope your waiting subsides soon. Hugs.
ReplyDelete<3 Coral
Awww...thank you Coral and I am glad you found me here. I hope you will read more because the last two posts are certainly not the norm. We have had some really good times as well.
DeleteHang in there...I am sure things will work out for the best for both of you - AAF4Us
ReplyDeleteI really do appreciate your encouragemt. Its great to know we have a community for advice and support when we need it most!
DeleteThe solid marriage is so very important, be proud of it, and of your honesty. I so appreciate the honesty in your blogging. Heartfelt post. XOXO Pearl
ReplyDeleteThank you pearl. I really do want people to see the good and the not so good. I think it's an important part of keeping it realistic for anyone reading. Its not always awesome. We all have our own struggles and if mine can help even one person, then i am happy!
Deletesorry you two are going through this time right now. Maybe it's just a little lul and things need to simmer down a little before you turn the temperature back up? Hang in there, and...this isn't really 'advice' but...just because you're 'free' to do as you'd like...maybe you'd like to do some of those things you 'used' to, to show him it meant/means something to you? - hope i'm not stepping on any toes! like I said...it's not really 'advice', just my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteJacy, thank you for your honesty and yes I have thought of that. There are still a few things I am doing mostly because it is habit now. I wish it was a lull but this has been really going on several months. He is very busy and can't help that. He feels that our struggles are mainly related to that. Without being able to give any of His attention to the dynamic, it is suffering. I know we will work through it. Its very important to both of us...its just going to take time to figure out how. You certainly did not step on my toes:)
ReplyDeleteI have no words of wisdom for you, but your blog has been so helpful to me as well as your words of wisdom on my blog and I truly hope you and your Master are able to come to some peace about this, regardless of which direction it sends you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tomsrose. Good to see you back. I definitely think we will find some peace about this and hopefully grow stronger in the process
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