Thursday, February 27, 2014

Masterly or Not


I've seen this topic floating around lately on Fetlife.  Does it make your Master or D-type less of a dominant because they participate in certain household duties? 

Well, in my opinion it certainly does not make me feel as if He is less Masterly.  If anything, it is another way that I feel He is always taking care of us. 

In our situation, we both work demanding and high stress jobs.  There is no way I could get it all done by myself and run the kids everywhere they need and want to go.  Well, I could do it, but I don't think I would have any energy left for other wifely duties without His help. 

We have spent years figuring out a system of what works for us, but it wasn't always easy though.  The early years of our marriage were spent battling over who did what, who should do what, and who had it worse.  Finally, I think we came to understand that it didn't really matter.  It's all just stuff that needed to be done.  Eventually, we just became very comfortable that even though our roles seem somewhat reversed at times, it worked and that's OK.

One specific example is the laundry.  He does it all and always has.  He is very specific in how the laundry is to be done (maybe a little OCD even).  Don't get me wrong, I can and will do it when I need to but I certainly don't mind that being His thing.   

I try to do the majority of the maintaining the indoor cleaning like sweeping, mopping, scrubbing, dusting, and vacuuming while He takes care of all the outdoor duties. 

I would say cooking is 50/50.  He definitely has a lot more creativity when it comes to menus and I absolutely love the pride He takes in food and plating presentation.  He even loves to use the crock pot!  I know it seems contrary to the M/s dynamic but He really enjoys putting His heart into cooking and serving a good meal to all His family.

Shhhh....don't tell but I think He really enjoys being completely outnumbered by the females in the house.  Wife, 2 daughters, 3 female dogs...He doesn't stand a chance:)

Now that I mention dogs, being the "Treat Man" is contribution enough for Him.  Unless, I am just completely unavailable, He doesn't deal with the feeding, walking, vet visits, throw ups, or occasional accidents.

While I take care of most of the day to day stuff with our girls, He is a wonderful dad and completely engaged.  Where they are concerned, there isn't anything He won't do if I just ask for His help.  Most importantly, He is always there when they need Him.  They always love His funny stories and most of the time appreciate His sage advice. While my dad was around when I was growing up, He wasn't what I would consider "present".  He had the philosophy that the man's only responsibility was to make a living for the family and the kids were solely the mom's responsibility.  So finding a man that wanted to be part of raising children was a big thing for me in finding a life long partner.

Recently, He's even gotten more involved in the grocery shopping.  He price shops, studies the nutritional info and helps me with the couponing.  Is it scary that He is almost more excited than me when we come across a good deal?

So do I respect Him any less for sharing the load?  Not at all.  If anything I think it has helped us build a healthier respect for each other.  I have no doubt if I stayed at home, it is likely that I would take care of all the household chores.  Actually, I would feel that is what I should do. 

But since we aren't in that situation, it's more productive to share responsibilities based on who might be better at or enjoy that particular task, irrespective of "traditional" household or gender roles. 

What are your thoughts?  Is there anything that your Master or D-type does that could be considered not particularly dom-like?  Does it affect your ability to respect their status?



  1. i agree with you. Everyone's situation and dynamic is different so what works for you or for me may not work or be what someone else wants. We were talking about this awhile ago concerning when Master returns and how TTWD affects our life now and stuff like this. It's just not practical or realistic to say that i need to take care of all of the household responsibilities, be mom and take care of the kids, cook every night, be a student...oh, and be His whore whenever He wants. There are only 24 hours in a day. Shit, He's not even home and i don't have enough time to get everything done! lol. He's going to have to change a diaper, run the vaccum, cook a meal, bus kids back and forth and a hundred other non-domly things. i don't respect Him any less for it. Actually, i think i'd respect Him less if He sat on the couch and watched me struggle and stress to get everything done while He did nothing. He's not just my Master. He's a husband and a father. There are other aspects of our life that need His attention too.

    1. Absolutely! No one person could ever do it all and in a situation where you are raising a family, there has to be contribution from both sides. Not just for us but for the children as well.

  2. I firmly believe that no action is inherently dominant or submissive, it's to do with headspace and intention.

    So my husband does a lot of cooking and we share the housework and childcare fairly evenly. I love the cherished feeling he gives me when he looks after us all!

    And (seeing as we both switch) if I'm the one in charge - I love the way he shows his love by serving me. Conversely, I love to serve him submissively, or look after him with loving dominance.

    What I'm basically trying to say, I think, is that it's all good!

    1. I agree. I love how it feels to know he looks after us so well.

  3. I'm finally catching up on your blog a bit. I couldn't agree more with you. My husband and I share the work and he probably does more of the house work right now given that he's a student and I'm working tons of hours to keep us afloat while he's in school. I think Ds is more about mindset than who does what!

    1. I agree about the mindset for sure! Glad you are getting a chance to catch up. Thanks for reading:)