Thursday, July 9, 2015

Trust Issues...Who Me?

It's hard enough when you have to yourself acknowledge that you see a flaw in your being.  It's even harder when your significant other knows you better than you know yourself sometimes. 

But what's harder than accepting either of those? 

When your kids are the ones who point out something about your character...a side that you try so hard to hide so as to not jade them in their youth.  The side of you that tries to be positive because you desperately don't want live with negativity surrounding your life.  The side of you that wants to believe people are inherently good but knows that there is so much evil in the world. 

My youngest, out of the blue, the other day tells me that I have "trust issues".  Her and her sister had been talking about it she said.

Gut punch...number 1!

Sheesh...my kids are now at the age where they can not only analyze me but are discussing these things about me.  Unfortunately, I can't say that it's not entirely true.  Hell, it took me nearly 20 years to completely trust my own husband.  I trusted Him with my heart...just not my mind or my body.    

So, I ask older daughter about it during the course of a conversation later that evening.  She said she just felt that I had a lot of bad stuff happen in my life...things that had made me cynical and reluctant to trust people. .

Gut punch...number 2!

Now I am cynical and have trust issues.  Exactly the characteristics I see in my parents that I have tried so hard to overcome.

But it's true and that's a hard fact to face. 

When something unknown or uncomfortable is placed in front of me, my mind jumps to all the possible worse case scenarios and outcomes. This has been one of the biggest hurdles for me to overcome in my submission.   

When I do finally open up enough to truly let someone in...god forbid they break my trust.

And if I even begin to sense that I could be hurt or disappointed, my walls go back up and it seems I don't know how to ever let that person back in.

So now I am left to wonder what example I have set for my kids and how it will impact their outlook on life, love, and happiness.  





   

13 comments:

  1. From the outside looking in reading this, I think it's wonderful that children felt comfortable in discussing this with you, which tells me you have nothing to be concerned about in respect of what example you are setting them.

    I also wonder if perhaps all of us have trust issues in some varying degree, for me its with my mum, for many reasons, and its been an issue in my life that is ongoing and to a certain extent does effect me and therefore my relationship at times.

    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well thank you Tori. I didn't really think of it that way. It is great that they can talk freely, which is something I have never been able to do with my parents.

      We probably do all have trust issues to some degree. It's impossible to go through life without experiencing the disappointment another person or situation leaves with us. I know I have told you this before, but I am really sorry about your relationship with your mom. Mine was pretty good with my mom until she moved in with us.

      xo

      Delete
  2. I know you are being euphemistic when you describe them as gut-punches ... and I know in realtity, you couldn't be prouder of your kids!

    We all have trust issues! From whatever point of view we choose deal with those trust issues, as long as there is growth and progress, we can and do get happier and more trusting. Those issues being revealed to each of us is always an eye-opening thing when it happens and if our pride doesn't get in the way, those are the times that allow us to shape a better life going forward.

    You have a beautiful soul and I believe THAT is the example you are setting for your children.

    Much love!

    XOXO

    SHIP

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh SHIP...that is so very sweet of you:)

      And yes...I am so very proud of them. It just was hard to hear and caught me so off guard. I really didn't know how to respond. I just know that I have some pretty harsh judgments about my parents and I hate to ever give my kids a reason to judge me. But things happen...good and bad experiences that shape is into the people we are.

      Have a great weekend! Much love in return. xo

      Delete
  3. Yes to all with the trust issues....they still find ways to rear their ugly head at times which end up leading to so many other negatives like self doubt.
    But if I have learned one of the hardest things is to hear what character flaws my children have picked up on that I have. When did I go from being the coolest super person on earth to a mere mortal? And I also agree with that I see a great relationship with you and your children. I cherish my relationship with both of mine. The openess and honesty I never had growing up. But they both know I will never be their "friend". Just another lesson for us all little girl...enjoy the learning ...hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha...I know exactly what you mean. In fact, my youngest today one of my friends yesterday that she was the coolest mom ever. Ugg!! I guess that's a good thing though. I am not here to be her friend...at least not until they are grown.

      I didn't have that open and honesty either. In fact, my parents used to tell me if I tried to voice my opinion "you don't have a say...you don't have a voice...this is not a democracy, it's a dictatorship". Nice words to tell your child.

      Hugs to you too. Hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

      Delete
  4. I think a lot of us have this problem, i know i do and it is a struggle but it is something we just have to take day by day. My new blog http://his-fallen-angel.blogspot.com have a good weekend

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Angel. It's so good to see you here. I had been wondering where you had moved to:)

      Delete
  5. You only live in your skin and you can only do it once. The distinction between giving/removing trust as an 'issue' or an exercise prudent self preservation is highly personal. Except in rare cases, kids haven't lived long enough to get burned. It's called innocence. It makes their judgement too trust and imprudent. You started in the same place, I'm sure, but evolved. They will too. Don't take their innocent and willingness to express themselves in the perfect security of your safe and loving home to be realistic or authoritative.

    Even your own introspection is probably a comparison to the idealism you had in youth rather than a measure of the trust other members of society have on some baseline. You may still be more trusting than others but your kids don't live with others. So they can't compare. Their one life in one skin is, luckily for them, with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so right on all accounts. I just hate watching my kids go down a road when I can see clearly what lies ahead for them. It's hard watching them get hurt and helping them to pick up the pieces even though I know it's how they learn and what needs to happen for that learning to occur.

      Delete
    2. Of course but momma birds push the little ones out of the nest for a reason. You can't learn their lessons for them. You are a good mom.

      RS

      Delete
    3. Well thank you RS:) I do my make my fair share of parenting mishaps but I do try!

      Delete