Thursday, January 1, 2015
As I sit here on the morning of yet another new year, I think about about where I've been, where we've been, and where we are going. Each year, has brought new struggles, frequent chaos or drama in daily life, but somewhere in all that...we continue to find ourselves and each other.
Despite the craziness of the holiday season (or maybe because of it), I've had more time to be inside my own head than I really care for. Daddy has been extremely busy with school work which leaves plenty of time for thinking, which I always say can be a good thing and then sometimes, not so much.
Things have been fairly vanilla, not completely, but comparatively speaking anyways. And I'm ok with that. At least I did finally get that orgasm in December.
You see, the one thing I have come to realize is that I don't need the "active" D/s dynamic (and all the rules/expectations that come with it), the spankings, or the kinky sex to be happy or fulfilled. Yes, kinky sex is fun and the dynamic keeps our home running smoothly. But in the couple of years that we have been doing this thing we do, I've think I've learned how to be a more attentive wife, how to communicate my emotions in constructive ways, and for the most part, I've learned what it is that pleases Daddy. I do my best to stay mindful of all of these things whether the dynamic is in full force or relaxed just because I want Him to be happy and make His life a little bit easier. Of course, I'm still prone to the occasional screw up but honestly, it's never intentional.
Now, I'm not going to claim that being a slave or submissive is what I was always meant to be or that it even makes me happy, personally. To constantly put someone else's needs and wants above my own is sometimes downright difficult and causes more frustration and angst than I would like. I can't even claim that submission makes me a less selfish person because eventually all those what about me thoughts start to surface. And while I may not grumble out loud, the voice in my head sure does.
But the reason I say that I don't need this lifestyle, is because it's not something I do for me. There are all sorts of reasons that people choose to submit. And personally, I chose to submit for Him and for us, because I want our life together to be as frictionless as possible.
For my own happiness, all I really need is for us TO BE together, to look forward to a long life full of happy memories, and to know that I am loved and wanted. And honestly, I would have these things whether we had ever discovered this lifestyle or not.
So here's to another year! And to all of you that continue to read and follow our adventures, I want to thank you and wish you all great things to come in the New Year!!