And I am not referring to sex...even though I'm pretty sure most of us would choose spicy for sure!
I am talking about pulling up at the Chick-fil-A drive thru the other day and Master says...
Your only choice is spicy or regular.
Well damn...I was actually going to get a salad.
I simply answer spicy and He places my order for the spicy chicken deluxe combo.
Food is not something that Master has exercised too much control over. I have a pretty good grasp of what to eat, what not to eat, and exactly how much. Sadly though, my relationship with food stems from years of eating
disorders. While sitting in that drive thru line, accepting that He was ordering for me, I reflected on my past and how it
came to be that I was lucky enough to recover and how comforting it was, and still is, to give Him the control of something that had controlled me for a very long time.
Poor self-image and
control issues left me battling anorexia and bulimia throughout my
teenage years. When I hit my rock bottom, I was only 85 pounds and very sick. I began the slow climb towards recovery, only because I knew that if I didn't, it would kill me. Not long after my recovery, at 19 years old, I met the man I would eventually marry and who is now my Master.
In the beginning, we were just like any
normal boyfriend/girlfriend, learning everything there was to know about
each other. I remember sitting in His car one day and I confessed to my very
personal battle with
food and eating disorders.
He sympathized and understood my
struggle, but also informed me in no uncertain terms that if He ever
suspected a relapse, He would take my ass straight to the hospital. Since that time, I've always wanted to maintain a healthy weight but
never again had any thoughts of turning down that path of self-destruction. Looking back, I think that was probably my first act of submission to Him.
But twenty years later, my eating habits still tend to drive Him a bit nuts. When we go out, He usually rolls His eyes and scoffs when I order because it's usually a salad or something on the lighter fare. It's
not that I diet or deny myself any particular food but I am very focused on portion
control and shy away from eating junk or fast food. More often than not, even if I do have a craving for something particularly bad, I will talk myself into the healthier option by the time I place my order.
So, besides the fact that I think it was just hot and sexy when He ordered for me, I found a certain freedom in not making that decision. I didn't feel responsible for making the "right" food choice. I ate what He chose for me simply because it's what He wanted and I didn't feel the slightest
bit guilty or think oh I shouldn't have.