Friday, December 27, 2013

Time for a Reset

I have been trying so hard to pull out of this funk I am in.

Every time I would try to sit and write, my thoughts were so jumbled, the words just failed me.  It was easier to simply close the computer and walk away.   I was at the point were something had to give, and apparently it was my writing.  I have probably 5 different posts that I started but never finished so hopefully I will get back to those.

Privacy...don't even know what that is anymore.  Struggles with our youngest munchkin have left us almost no time to spend together. 
The weeks leading up to Christmas were indeed stressful, especially since I couldn't muster the motivation to get things in order early.  I'm not typically a procrastinator but have I ever mentioned I do my best work at the last minute?  Every year I tell myself that I am going to plan better the next year but our fall schedules just seem to prevent that from happening.   

As hard as it was, we have been trying to maintain some semblance of our dynamic but were both left so frustrated.   I continued to do all the things He asked of me but the physical aspect of our D/s just wasn't there (the training, punishments, spankings, etc.).  I never imagined that I would miss spankings so much.  Shhhh...don't tell Him I said that!

All day every day, I felt so numb and disconnected, like I was just going through the motions.  I wanted nothing more than to count the hours until I could be with Him and doing what pleased Him.  But then left disappointed because circumstances continually dictated that we put ourselves on the back burner. 

We did have a wonderful Christmas though and it's like I have this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  I can finally think more clearly.  All the family functions are over, the presents are put away and my house is back in order.  Something else about me...clutter and mess REALLY makes me anxious.  Yesterday I spent the whole day cleaning out all the rooms and filling up the truck with load after load of stuff to take to Goodwill.  It feels so good to look around and see things so neat and tidy.

Master must be feeling the weight lifted as well because He announced yesterday that come the New Year, we will hitting the reset button.  He intends to get back to training and has already given me some new "resolutions" for the coming year.  This was exciting news but also scary since things have been so relaxed between us lately. 

So...here's to hitting the reset button!! 






    

10 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you have been having such a hard time lately. I think we all go through rough patches when the words just won't come. Hope your youngster is doing better and things can fall back into order now.

    Yay for the reset button and something to look forward to in the new year!!!

    I'm glad your back!

    xo

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    1. Hi Bonnie! Thank you for the encouraging words. I am looking forward to getting back to "normal".

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  2. Maybe the reset button came with an easy button too? That would make the transition better.

    Even with our separation...the holiday crush and lots of craziness seemed to make TTWD almost impossible the past few weeks. Every task, training, even some conversations we had to fight for. Unfortunately for us, i've got three classes next term so the new year isn't going to grant us a reset, it's just going to make it harder...good luck to you! Looking for forward to hearing about those new resolutions!

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    1. Nope...don't think it ever comes with an easy button! I wish though:)

      Glad to know that we are not the only ones that struggle to maintain during the holidays. Funny you say that about classes, my Master is going to be starting classes as well. I do expect that it will be an added strain but He said He is committed to making it all work.

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  3. I'm so happy to hear this! I've missed your posts.

    I think times like this helps you appreciate things more...

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    1. Awww...thanks Misty. It's good to be back!

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  4. Holiday times are always hard for us as well... Here's hoping things feel better soon x saffyx

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    1. Thanks Saffy...I think things are definitely looking up!

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  5. The new year is a good time to start afresh and reboot - I think we all need this from time to time.

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    1. I think it's an important time of reflection and growth. It's impossible to maintain at such a high level all the time. There has to be some time back up, relax and reboot as you said.

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