Mission Incomplete

Well, I gave it my best but fell short by 9.

Today...it was just not happening. For one, we were busy taking care stuff around the house.  But mainly, I was so exhausted and sore from overdosing on orgasms yesterday, I could have cared less about another single one today.  Pretty much most of the day...not a tingle...nothing...nada!

After we got home from errands and before we started cooking dinner, He took me upstairs and used my mouth and ass for His own pleasure.  It wasn't until He got what He needed and left me wanting that little miss puss decided to wake up and want some for herself.  Again, Mr. Hitachi saved the day and helped me take care of business twice.  But these were the only two and then she went back into hibernation. 

Admitting that I cannot do something is absolutely the worse for me and as much as I hated to do it, I finally admitted that He was right all along.  I told Him there was no way I could get to 50 before the end of today.  He asked if I could accept that and I wholeheartedly accepted my defeat, fully expecting some form of horrible punishment.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when He explained that there was no punishment for failure in this.  He only intended it to be a challenge! 

For once though, I am not beating myself up for failure.  I know I gave it my all and that's all I can do!


 

Sticks and Stones

While out grocery shopping today, I jokingly pointed out to Master that He had grown quite accustomed to speaking mean to me. He simply chuckled and agreed.

Like a little girl I quipped back...

Sticks and stones will break my bones
But your words will never hurt me.

His reply...

Sticks and stones will break your bones
BUT MY WORDS GET YOU OFF!


What am I going to do with Him?

Mission Impossible

So, I mentioned in a post earlier this week that I was assigned a task. 

FIFTY orgasms by the end of Sunday!  

Well, Master and I don't really see eye to eye on the exact end time.  When He presented the task, I was sure He said by the end of Sunday.  He claims to not have specified a time. 

At the beginning of the week, I was knocking them out, no problem.  By Wednesday, things started to slow down ALOT!  Work was beyond stressful the whole rest of the week and I got further and further behind, each day thinking that I could make them up the next day.

Last night while out at dinner, Master asked how many I had left.  I told Him 24 but that I was sure I could finish before the end of the weekend.  He wasn't convinced.  A couple times I tried to explain how hard it's been but His only answer was "It's not my problem". 

I had hoped to take care of some of my business when we got home from dinner but He ordered me to go to bed because I looked so exhausted.  I know I needed the rest but I hated to lose that time.

Needless to say, today I have been busy.  The day's count is 13 for a grand total of 39.  I can assure you my Hitachi was pretty close to overheating and catching fire tonight..as is my pussy!!

Now, I will share with you a few special requirements included in this assignment:

1) One orgasm was to be done while parked on the side of the expressway

Took care of that one today.  I found a safe place to pull over while driving to the hair salon.  I shimmied my shorts down just enough to get the vibrator on my clit and got it done.  I was sitting pretty high in a truck so I wasn't concerned about anyone actually driving by and seeing what I was doing, only that a passerby may think that I needed help and come render aid.  Luckily, that didn't happen.  It was quite intoxicating being out in the open, secretly performing such a dirty deed.

2) One orgasm was to be done in a department store. 

Tried this one also today but no luck.  I spent an hour walking around K Mart trying to figure out how to accomplish this without being seen.  After realizing that there was no way to hide amongst the aisles, I settled for sitting down at the blood pressure machine in a less occupied area of the store.  I had a sweater over my lap, but after the 5 orgasms that I had already had earlier today, it just wasn't happening. 

3) One orgasm was to be in front of someone else.

Uuuuhhhh....yeah?  Not even sure where to start with this one. 


Mission impossible is down to the wire...

I may be completely exhausted and numb...But I'm still hopeful for 50.

As far as the rest of my special requirements, not so hopeful (particularly #3).  I have no idea what the punishment will be for failure in any part of this assignment. Guess we will have to wait and see. 

Well, no more time to write.  I either have to fit in some more tonight or get my rest for an early start tomorrow!

My Corner of the Universe

When I first decided to surrender to my husband, I could have sworn that I possessed a more dominant personality and was merely working to make myself be submissive. 

Voila!  Then the light bulb went off.  Well, it really wasn't that easy but I now realize and accept that I was submissive all along.  It just took letting go of some very controlling behaviors to recognize my true nature. 

Let's talk about how this relates to my work.  I spent 15 years trying to climb the ladder, driven to achieve promotion after promotion, ultimately vying for the management position in my office.  I wanted the responsibility, to be in charge, make all the decisions, and do things MY way.

Three years ago, my dream came true.  Except...it's not so much a dream anymore. 

It took a while for me to get to this point but in my home life, I find that I am much happier not being in control and not having to make all the decisions.  That realization has brought about a lot of reflection in how I feel about being a manager.  I can be assertive and make decisions in any aspect of my life that I need to.  The problem is...now I just don't want to. 

If I had to guess, my manager is a dominant, which is probably why we work together so well.  I yield to his authority with no problem.  Not saying that I won't disagree with him when necessary, but ultimately, he is in charge and I am ok with that.   

As for the people that work for me, I deal with a great group of professional people that do their job and do it very well.  They make me look good, so in turn, I support them and make them look good. 

But there are always one or two that just test your patience.  This person continually tries to buck authority and feels their way is always right.  I admit, I hate conflict and I am not a quick thinker when put on the spot.  This makes for some challenging situations.   

I find myself saying more and more....I wish I could just go back to being responsible for my little corner of the universe.

Do you find that submission has changed how you feel in other aspects of your life?



 

Privacy is So Overrated!

Funny thing happened to me today.  Well, at least I think it was. 

I don't intend to give away the details of the task assigned to me this week since I am saving that for another post, but I do have to give a little background information so you will understand why I was doing what I was doing.  

This week I have to achieve 50 orgasms, to be completed before the end of Sunday. 

You can imagine, between work and busy home life, it's a bit difficult to find time to squeeze them all in but who's complaining.  Normally, my orgasms are kept to a minimum, so I am certainly going to take advantage of this opportunity and give it my best try with a smile on my face before, during, and after every single one! 

I was actually going to have some time after dropping my youngest off at soccer to come home and knock out a couple o's before having to start dinner and go back to pick her up.

But NOOOOOOO........just one small little problem.  My oldest had made herself quite comfortable using the exercise bike in my bedroom just before we headed out for soccer.

Urrggg!!!  Ok.  Back-up plan in effect.  I do have the battery operated vibrator in my purse.  So I pull into the driveway and decide it can't hurt to take care of my business really quick right there.  After all, I was wearing a skirt with no underwear. 

Just as things were starting to get pretty nice, I don't know what made me open my eyes but all of a sudden I catch a glimpse of something moving towards  the car.  A little old Asian gentlemen is literally just a few steps from my car.  Quickly, I pull my skirt back down and shove the vibrator under my leg just as he steps up to the window.  I roll the window down and He politely hands me an advertisement for a show at a local event venue.

I don't know what or if he saw anything.  But he continued on his way and I continued on mine.

Who needs privacy anyways!
    

The Pussy Never Lies

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A Look into My Master's Mind

A little while back I posted "Crossroads: A Night of Riding the Cross Part I and Part II".  This was probably, by far, the most intense session we have shared to date.

After I completed my written account, I asked if He would consider doing the same.  We had never talked much about what He thinks and feels during a session, and I finally needed to know.   

I always knew He was an excellent writer but what I got was so much more!  I am completely blown away each and every time I read this.  It is a beautiful reminder of why I have chosen to completely surrender to Him.

He posted this a couple months ago on Fetlife and gave me permission to post it here as well.


Her body is covered in marks. My marks...

---

Her breasts, nipples, stomach and pussy had been kissed softly, teased by the leather. The blows began as tender and soft as a lover's caress. The lash was a snake's tongue flicking, licking over every inch of her, teasing her skin and tasting her, slowly building in intensity until she was moaning softly. Sometimes the soft lashes licked at her nipples and other times brushed the folds of her sex, then trailing softly across her stomach, before once again caressing her tits. Her body responded in kind as she arched herself in desperate need. She wanted...no craved, to feel the lash's next caress.

I could only marvel at her beauty and the beast inside me shook, eager to escape. The beast is the very essence of me, of what I am. It is that which takes over and guides me when she is like this...naked, bound and trembling. The beast recognized her helplessness, her desire, and her passion. She looked up at me, straining towards me, a wanton slut. Her delicate frame struck a seductive pose on the cross, teasing me. The beast strained at the leash, raging to get out. I set it free!

The heavy flogger began its work and the gentle flicks of the snake's tongue turned to the bites of the beast...my beast. As the flogger struck with a mind of its own, the beast was finally unleashed. She groaned helplessly as the lashes bit at her and what was once pleasurable had soon began to test her limits. She cried out as the cruel blows struck at her tits and bit at her nipples. Over and over blows landed until she could only sob in agony and yet she still continued to offer up her body, testing both her limits...and mine.

---

Breathing heavily, I stared at her form. Welts were on her tits, across her stomach, her thighs, and the mound of her pussy. I only watched, satisfied for the moment. Her body hung limp as she sobbed.

Then I smelled her, or at least the beast did. The scent that only she has...her shampoo, vanilla from her body-wash mingling with her sweat. When I am near her, it is a scent that drives me, and the beast within, wild. Her smell caused my heart to pound and my eyes opened wide, like I've taken a hit of an exotic drug. The beast lunged forward hungrily and I brought the lash up to work her over again.

---

She hung limply from the cross, eyes glazed. Her beautiful body glistened with sweat, reflecting the candlelight. Her body shook softly as she sobbed. Her tears trailed down her face, her mascara running like new paint in the rain.

I lowered her from the cross carefully and cradled her in my arms. I traced the tears on her face with kisses. I held her tight, giving her time to come down. I stared at her and whispered "I love you."

She kissed me and whispered back, "I love you."

Finally, I guided her eyes to mine. I stared at her, lost in her gaze. I may own her, but she owns my soul, you see.

Sated, the beast within me slumbered, if only for a little while.

Don't Make a Mountain Out of a Mole Hill

Now that I have recovered from my overabundance of self-induced bliss last night, there is one thing that stands out most to me when I reflect on my conversation with Master yesterday. 

The conversation went something like this...

Me: I feel like I am doing everything that I am supposed to do but I don't see that any of my needs are being met.   I know...I know...not one of my finer submissive moments

Master: Are you sure about that?

Me: What do you mean?

Master:  Are you sure that you are doing everything possible?

Me:  (Now in a puddle of tears)  Why would you say that?  What am I not doing? 

Master:  I didn't say that there is anything that you are or aren't doing.  Don't over analyze what I just said.

Me:  Well, what am I suppose to think that meant?

Master: What I am trying to say is don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.  Just evaluate yourself as I am evaluating myself as your Master.


Being the perfectionist that I am, these words crushed me.  But once I stepped back and thought about it, I am not perfect in anything, not even my submission. 

Isn't there always room for improvement?  Hmmm....definitely gave me something to ponder on.

 

Change of Plans

I had intended to write a post about how last night's plans to play just went all wrong. 

Wow...I didn't really handle His change of plans very well and even much needed sex this afternoon didn't seem to alleviate my frustrations and insecurities. 

Master did his best to listen and understand but I am pretty sure at some point He got tired of me "communicating" about it.   

So after dinner, I sat down in an attempt to get my thoughts out here.  Apparently, He had other plans.  He ordered me to masturbate and cum for His entertainment until He told me to stop. 

Ten orgasms later, with the help of Hitachi and dildo...I can't really remember what exactly I wanted to say!!

Maybe that was point?!

Why I Love to Suck Cock

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Hidden Desires

This is going to be by far the hardest post I have written but Master said I have been putting it off for long enough and tasked me to complete it this weekend.  It's so much easier for me to talk about what happens day to day, how He uses me, and how it makes me feel.  But discussing my inner most desires...that's uncomfortable.  Then again, pushing boundaries and taking us out of our comfort zone is part of being a sub/slave, right?

So, here goes...

Honestly, I am little embarrassed because I feel like I may be one of the only people in this kinky world that somehow missed out on this experience.  I have eluded to it very superficially in some of my other posts but being with a woman has been a part of almost all of my fantasies for as long as I can remember.   

I'm a bit of a guy when it comes to pornos.  Please, no need for the cock and pussy scenes...just fast forward to the all girls stuff.   Thinking about it and seeing it makes me cum almost instantly.

But DAMMIT...now these thoughts are invading my dreams and it's always so HOT! 

The feel of soft sweet smelling skin on mine...

The gentle, at times maybe not so gentle, exploration of our bodies...

Tasting every part of her...

Feeling the flick of her tongue on me...

Oh, these thoughts drive me wild and are always at the forefront of my mind while pleasing myself. 

Maybe, one day the opportunity will present itself.  However, casual sex is definitely not my thing.  If the situation develops organically, so be it.  But at 40, is it reasonable to think this will just happen? 

Admittedly, self doubt and fear play an important role here as well.

I am not a forward person at all.  For some reason, I have always found more comfort in convincing myself that people, male or female, could not and would not be interested in me whether it be with respect to friendships or relationships. The only explanation I can come up with for this behavior is merely to protect myself from being hurt. 

Also, I have spent so many years with just one man.  There's such comfort in knowing that without a doubt, I have learned exactly what pleases Him. What if I completely suck at pleasing a woman?   I have read before, a woman knows a woman's body...just do what you would want done.  Is it really that easy?  I tend to believe it's not. 

But my biggest fears of all...what if it isn't everything that my mind has made it out to be all these years? 

OR WHAT IF IT'S BETTER?!







 

Ladies Night Out

The kinky ladies were getting together for dinner last night.  This is a wonderful group of ladies from all around our city that get together once a month and usually enjoy Sunday brunch together.  This was to be the first "Ladies Night Out". 

After spending 9 hours at work and fighting traffic both ways, I just wasn't feeling it.  Well, to be honest, I hadn't been feeling a whole lot of anything except stress this week so I had already made up my mind, I was sitting this one out.   

Then I sat there in the car on the way home from work thinking this is exactly what's wrong with me!  I am just full of excuses! 

So, I called my husband and explained my quandary.  I really wanted to go but was tired and didn't feel like I could break out of "mommy mode" with all the stuff going on right now. 

"That is exactly why you need to go.  I can handle things at home.  You go have a good time", He said.

Somehow hearing His words made all the difference.  I thanked Him for encouraging me and was already excited as I hung up the phone.      

I got home, jumped in the shower, and ran out the door to go meet the ladies. 

Talking, laughing, sharing food, and sipping on a martini was most definitely what I needed.  It's amazing how reenergizing it is to just get away for a couple of hours!   

Flipped Your Crap Lately?

Nope...this is definitely not a post about scat play. This is a just a pretty humorous account of a day in the life of our crazy home and my attempt to stay calm under all circumstances. "Flipping your crap" was a cute little phrase my teenager used one day and it just kinda stuck.  So whenever anyone in our family gets mad or upset, we giggle and ask if they "flipped their crap". 

Now, we all have THOSE days, right?  The ones where everything seems to spinning out of control in a world of chaos, everyone is pulling at you from different directions, and you just want to hide from it all.

Yesterday was definitely one of those days, and had I been the old me, I would have definitely "flipped my crap" and regretted it.  That is, my ass would have regretted it. 

Maybe I am a little hormonal this week but it really seemed the stress of work, kids, dogs, and everything else was making me a bit crazy.  OK..more like ALOT crazy. 

My younger daughter was in the most horrible mood, pissed at the world for pretty much everything and most of all for having to do homework.  As she huffed, puffed, and pushed her papers around all over the kitchen, I calmly kept cleaning the dinner dishes staring out the window wishing to God for a moment's peace and quiet. 

If I said anything, it was probably going to spew like poison coming from a witch's tongue so I thought it best to keep my mouth shut and keep scrubbing that same damn pot!

My thoughts were soon distracted by my daughter who had now decided to calm herself down..."MOM! Can you help me?" whinny voice

Me:  "Sure, what do you need help with?" so calm I wondered if it was in fact me speaking

Dogs: Scratching at the door to go outside.

Me:  Sure dogs, I will take your f'ing assess out!

Older daughter: "MOM! Will you listen to my presentation?"

Me: "Sure, after I finish helping your sister."  still calm but choking on my words

Dog: Chewing on the dining room table leg

Me:  Walking over to make her stop.  WTF is going on here today!

Younger daughter: "Mom, will you fix me a snack?"

Me: "Sure, is there anything else you need?" Yep...my sanity just left the building!  But it keeps on...

Older daughter: "MOM!  Listen to this other paragraph I just wrote."

Me: I just love when the two girls are playing a game of tag team with my attention!! 

Dog: Now gnawing on the base board.

Me:  Hiding in the bathroom to take a one minute pee.  Whatever you do...stay calm...STAY CALM and DON'T FLIP YOUR CRAP!

Younger daughter: Bursts in the door. "Look at this video on YouTube"

Me: Still sitting on the toilet, "Holy Cow...can I NOT even take a pee!"

Dog: Under the table ripping up papers from my daughter's book bag.

Phone rings: In-laws are dropping by!! Geez...is this night ever going to end???!!!

Knock at the door:  Dogs going crazy, barking, and trying to run out the front door.  Mother-in-law tries to catch the puppy, falls and tears up her knees, hands, and face in our front bushes!! 

Me: Can I just start crying now??

Finally, after the evening calms down and we are getting ready to go to bed... 

Master: "Are you OK?"

Me: "I'm fine"  Yeah, believe that!

Me:  Finally thinking of something respectful to say..."Maybe I should have just come and asked you for help."

Master: "Yes, maybe you should have.  I wasn't doing anything...just laying in bed."

Me: Me and my ass know better than to say anything!


So, what has made you lose your cool recently or how have you successfully managed to not to lose your cool?  I would love to hear your story!

Bitten by a Dragon

 

 

Recently, Master and I attended a dungeon demonstration.  Before leaving we stopped in the "toy" store and His eye was quickly drawn to this fun little instrument.  It's called a Dragon Tooth, and I'm not really sure what makes it different from a Dragon Tail or a Dragon Tongue except maybe the material it's made out?   

It's about 30 inches long including the handle and the shaft is a not so flexible piece of twisted rubber coming to a thin point at the end.

Just looking at this toy as it hung there on the rack was intimidating and since bringing it home and incorporating it into our play, I have since developed a love/hate relationship with it.

The tip of can deliver a delicious stinging bite if the stroke is quick and sharp, the feeling similar to that of being snapped with a towel.  I love, love, love the feeling of Master playing this across my back and ass, sending tingles down my legs and other places.  Instantly, perfect red triangular marks appear which are always most pleasing to Master and always make me feel a little proud. 

However, I do tend to get a bit nervous once He tells me to turn around so He can play with my tits.  Several times this week, He pulled it out to practice specifically on my nipples.  Yeah me! 

Holy Hell...it hurts and DAMMIT for super-sensitive nipples!!

Oh...but the other day, Master found another way to inflict torment with the Dragon Tooth once my nipples have had enough.  Using the broader area above the tip, He struck at the sides of my tits, delivering more of a hard slap, as opposed to the sting. 

The evil grin on His face and the growing bulge inside His pants showed me just how much He was enjoying Himself while alternating blows to the outside of each tit and watching intently as each strike caused my tit to rise and then fall back into place. 

Just when I thought He was done, He walked up to me, grabbed my pony tail with one hand, and yanked my head backwards.  My knees instantly buckled slightly and my back was arched so that my tits automatically thrust into the air.  With the other hand, He brought the hard rubber shaft of the Dragon Tooth down squarely across both tits and nipples at the same time.

"Oh, I think my little slut likes this", He said as another blow landed across my chest and another and then another.  And the truth is, I am a little slut that liked it.   

Also, I would love to hear what toy it is that you love to hate or hate to love.
 

Never Tell Your Dom..."You Missed"

 

If you find yourself standing on display in the middle of your bedroom

 

Hands clasped behind your head, tits arched up, and legs spread wide

 

And your sadistic Master playfully swats at your pussy with a belt but actually catches the inside of your thigh

 

 

 

 

Do not...and I repeat...DO NOT giggle and tell Him "You Missed!"

 

That is unless you want Him to prove 25 times that He will not miss that perfect little target between your legs!

 

That's all I have to say about that!!

Today's Lunch Special: Warm Buns!

Since Master and I only work about 10 minutes from each other, we meet for lunch almost every day.  This has pretty much become a ritual for us since developing our D/s relationship.  For years, we worked close together but both of us content to exist in our separate little worlds and spend our lunch breaks with co-workers. 

Now, it's become this special part of our day to re-connect, talk, and just enjoy some alone time which is so very rare for us.  Some days we visit our favorite restaurant, some days he eats at my office or I eat at His, and sometimes we take our food and sit in the car at the park just down the road.

Today I heated our food and He picked me up, only this time we ended up not at the park but at the parking deck behind His office.  Hmmm...I thought.  This was suspicious.  We usually don't fool around during lunch...just not enough time and never a private enough spot.  I would soon find our today would be different!

We have both been at our wits end the last month or so.  Life has been really busy and thrown us a few curve balls recently, leaving us with too little time together, almost no play time, and certainly not enough sex.  Honestly, I think we both suffered a severe "drop" after having the two weeks alone together over the summer and are still struggling to recover.  Not being able to have that time and connection on a more regular basis has kept us both completely frustrated.

Anyways, I digress.

We both finish eating our food and He moves the car into the fairly deserted parking deck and pulls into a space in a dimly lit corner.  Immediately, He says "take off your clothes now!"  I feel my heart skip a beat and the little flip flop in my stomach as I quickly slide my heels off, unbutton my blouse, and slip out of my skirt.  Undressing is so much easier when you don't have a bra and underwear to deal with:)

He asks me for the hairbrush that is supposed to be in my purse at all times and tells me to move to back seat of the super duper pimp mobile, otherwise known as a mini-van.  Hey...at least it has tinted windows! 

He already has the middle seats down in the stow-and-go compartments so there is plenty of room as I make my way to the bench seat in the back.  He also climbs into the back and sits down in the middle of the seat.  Without any hesitation, He tells me to lay across His lap and I now understand His intention.  I lay my completely naked body across His suit pants and a little spasm ripples down my legs when I hear Him say, "I need this as much as you do".

Alternating between cheeks, each blow of the unforgiving plastic hairbrush lands with a thud on my ass delivering a sting so intense I can't force myself to relax.  He realizes that my body is fighting  "letting go" so He continues to paddle me faster and harder, coaxing and whispering "just let it go".   I lost count, but my best guess it that somewhere around 100 is when the tears began to well up and spill down my face one by one.  He continues until a steady stream was flowing.      

He pulls me up and into His lap, kissing me and fondling my body with one hand and pulling fistfuls of my hair with the other. My body can't help but respond to His frenzy and feeling the firmness bulging through His pants, I kneel down at His feet, unzip His pants, and free His cock so I can take it in mouth.

After several minutes of feeling like we are crazy kids again and can't keep our hands off each other, He decides it best if we save the rest for the evening so I get dressed, straighten my hair, and wipe the mascara stains from my face. 

Riding back to the office, my thoughts drift to how amazing that something so simple as a spanking re-centers you and puts your world back into a certain harmony and balance. 

With a smile on my face, I return to my work day quite stress-free and peaceful. 

He, on the other hand, was definitely suffering from a nice case of blue balls.  

Waiting...

Waiting for acknowledgement as He walks through the room.

Waiting for the feeling of His strong body wrapped around mine in a hug as our paths cross in the stairwell.

Waiting for a gentle, or not so gentle, love pat as I am preparing dinner.

Waiting for His touch of affection as I sit on the floor while He watches TV.

Waiting for His hands to be locked in my hair as He kisses me like He has to have me NOW.

Waiting for Him to use this body that He owns for His own sadistic and sexual needs.

For me, nothing replaces the need for His attention, affection, and touch. 


It's no secret that I struggle with my own selfish desires, fighting the doubt that eventually attempts to invade my mind.

"Maybe if I do everything perfectly He will see fit to reward me."

"Maybe He doesn't want me."

Maybe this...maybe that!  But these are all really non-constructive thoughts!

As His slave, I am only to wait...because it all happens in His time.