Punishment, Earning Sex, and Paying for an Orgasm: Part II

As He lay on top of me, He gently eased Himself in and the slow, steady thrusts quickly made my blood boil.  Partially lost in the feeling, partially in thought, then I noticed He stopped almost completely. "How many strokes do you think it will take?", He asked.

"What??  I have no idea!!" 

Of course, I didn't say this but the only number my brain could come up with was 500 so that was what I told Him.  I was thinking this would be how many strokes He would allow before He stopped and if I hadn't reached climax by then, it would be too bad for me.  However, He proceeded to explain each stroke represented a minute and each minute represented the amount of time I will spend being humiliated by wearing, or not wearing, what He chooses at the public place of His choosing.  Urrrggg....really I have no idea where He comes up with this stuff!  Nevertheless, I really need to get off so I agree to His terms and try to put it out of my mind for the moment. 

At first, He insisted that I count out loud.  As this was really distracting, He offered to keep count quietly for me.  The first one hundred went by in the blink of an eye.  Between 200 and 400, there were several times when I was very close but He would quicken His pace knowing that I usually cannot finish at that speed.  Pretty unfair if you ask me but then again...who's asking?  LOL When my body finally gave in to Him, the count was...519.  Pretty close to my estimate:)  His orgasm came as He was telling me exactly what He had planned for my public outing the following day.

I quickly started doing the math in my head because I really dislike this form of humiliation above any other that I have experienced thus far.  For those of you not wanting to do the math, 519 minutes is just a little over 8 1/2 hours!!

The next day, which was this past Tuesday, I was told to wear my very short blue jean shorts, tank top (no bra and slightly see-through), slutty heels, big hoop earrings, and whore red lipstick.

If you happened to see this at one of your local stores the other day...it may have just been me;)

 
Once I arrived at the store, I was to text Him so He could give me further direction becasue He was still driving home from work.  The following is out text exchange:   

little girl:  Well, I am here Sir 6:09pm
Master: Walk through the front, then go try something on and send a photo
Master: Must use good posture!
little girl: sent pic, shall I put my clothes back on?
Master: Bring yourself close to orgasm    (this was incredibly exciting...definitely my favorite part)
little girl: Already done Sir   
Master: Get dressed and walk around the gaming section
Master: Strut it!
Master: Move to the sporting good section.
Master: Stop where you are, drop your keys, keep your legs straight, bend over and pick them up.
little girl: I did that Sir.
Master: Go through sporting goods 6:39 pm

After wandering sporting goods trying to distract myself by looking for supplies for our upcoming camping trip, He appeared.  I had a feeling He had maybe been in the store the whole time...especially when He told me to mind my posture and drop my keys.  He was pretty good at hiding because I looked for Him.  When He appeared in the aisle, just the sight of Him put me at ease. 

We spent about 30 more minutes walking around the store before Master decided it was time to go.  But not before, handing me a six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade and ordered me to go pay. 

So one hour of my time has been satisfied but I was to understand that this was to be the most conservative outfit He would chose.  Honestly, the part that bothered me the most was the heels.  The shoes with the shorts screamed stripper, slut, whore...whatever you want to call it.  I tried not to worry about the looks. Some people looked, some looked hard, some looked disgusted, but I was thankful for the ones that didn't look at all!  I don't foersee that I will ever get comfortable with this type of humiliation...it's just something that I submit to because it is asked of me and it pleases Him. 

It's kind of funny and coincidental, I received a message the day after this from someone on Fetlife who kindly reminded me that my embarrassment, degradation, and humiliation are not my responsibility.  Once asked to do these things, the burden of that responsibility rests with Master.  I have heard these same words from my own Master but it was extrenely nice and very timely to have received that reminder. 

Oh, I almost forgot the last and maybe the best part of my assignment...driving home topless!  Surprisingly this was easier than walking around the store.  I will just assume no one was able to see inside the truck since it sits so high and I don't think I caused any wrecks:)

Punishment, Earning Sex, and Paying for an Orgasm: Part I

Summer has started, kids are out of school, and as if finding time for training and play wasn't hard enough before, I fear it is going to be even more challenging in the weeks ahead. 

Nevertheless, I was being punished last week for my last transgression...orgasm without permission,  which I wrote about in "My Pleasure is Not my Own".  My Master has a couple of things in His arsenal that He just loves to use above all others, mainly because He is getting a much better feel for my likes and dislikes. Of course, the ones I don't like are top of the list when He is developing some devious punishment scenario.

He informed me that I was to bring myself to orgasm 6 times daily, each time stopping just at just the moment before climax.  Monday through Thursday were fairly uneventful despite my constant aching down below, but I was determined to take my punishment and be thankful it wasn't worse (oh, was I wrong in that assumption).  Some days it was requested that I wait and perform in front of Him...a little more distracting and time consuming, but very erotic I admit. Lying there knowing that my only reason for displaying and touching myself is for His viewing and pleasure has gone from awkward to HOT!  As is always expected, I also worked to ensure His sexual satisfaction by using my mouth on Him whenever He so desired. 

I was in a good frame of mind but by Friday, my resolve was beginning wear thin and by the end of the day had completely fallen apart at the seams.  I could barely tolerate touching myself and stopping my orgasm was nearly impossible a couple of times.  The only thing holding me back was the thought of how harsh that punishment would be.  Early in the evening, our older kid took the younger one to the pool and to my delight Master decided to fit in some training time.  Standing completely naked in the middle of the room, I demonstrated each position I am expected to know, and was swiftly corrected for each imperfection with a smack of the riding crop. 

Ordering me to the bed, He proceeded to use each of my three holes for his own pleasure.  I was in heaven!  After not being touched all week, everything was mind blowing, especially the anal sex (which was by far the best experience to date).  Then, what happens in the midst of it all?  The kids come in from the pool, knock at the bedroom door, and for some reason they want to eat dinner:)  What can I say?  Game over for the time being. 

As the evening went on, my frustrations were starting to build.  I knew my tone was getting just a tad snippy, and when He corrected me the tears came along with the big lump that rose from my chest to my throat.  Damn!  I was so mad at myself letting that happen.  I knew He wasn't happy with my crying and I really tried to stifle it as quickly as I could, apologizing and explaining that I have no outlet for any of my emotions.  I can't scream and yell...that will get me in trouble.  I can't have an orgasm...that will get me in trouble.  I hadn't been paddled or had any other physical release through pain.  I know He understood as He listened but it didn't change the fact that the only thing I would be granted was to swallow his come that night...and the next...and the next.

Now, finally after a full week, on Monday I was given the opportunity to prove how badly I needed  sex but there was also going to be a price I would pay for the privilege to enjoy it fully.  I started by licking and caressing His cock while begging for Him to use me like a "fuck doll".  His response was something to the effect of "Are you ready to earn your sex by enduring a lot of pain?"   Uhhh...Yes...PLEASE!!  Then, He listed the implements that I was to collect and bring to Him for use on my tits and nipples. 

Needle nose pliers
Wire coat hanger
Cable loopy
Clover clamps and all the weights

Oh, this was quite a list and I wasn't at all convinced I was going to enjoy this play, but I wasn't going to risk losing out on my chance.  So, I reminded myself that "He will not give me more than I can handle" and I jumped up to go collect the items requested.  When I returned, He ordered me to get spread eagle on the bed and He shoved a gag in my mouth. Admittedly, I was a bit terrified as He started mashing each of my nipples and clit with the pliers until I let out a squeal behind the gag.  He picked up the coat hanger and I felt several stinging smacks across my nipples and a couple whacks on my pussy.  None of it really was intended to hurt badly but if this was fear play, He was doing a good job. 

Before I knew it, I heard everything being put away, His body pressed on top of mine as He explained that my willingness to endure all that said enough and how pleased He was with me. 

Sigh of relief...Whew!!  There is something to be said for trust:) 

I am pleased to say that I did in fact earn some awesome sex but there was still a little matter of the price to be paid for my orgasm and that part of my story will have to be continued... hopefully tomorrow.

Regrets and Redemption

There was a thread on Fetlife the other day that struck such a deep chord in me.  I wrote a short reply on the topic but really felt like I had so much more to say.  It was about "regrets" you have had since being introduced to the D/s or BDSM lifestyle.  Unfortunately, I think I could write a book on the ups and downs (well, mostly downs) we have faced through our marriage on this topic prior to my commitment into submission.

I was only 19 when we met in college and I had very little experience sexually, and none that I had enjoyed before Him.   We instantly fell in love but I had just come out of a VERY controlling relationship which ended traumatically.  Unfortunately, the unresolved issues that I would be left to cope with would haunt us for years to come...we just didn't realize it yet. 

Fast forward, a couple of years through dating and wedding.  It wasn't long after we were married that I realized my Master might be bent a little differently when it came to sex.  He was and is really quite conservative and shy.  So, when this kinky side of Him appeared, I really didn't know what to think and quite honestly, it scared me.  I was also angry at Him for not sharing this with me before we were married.  Regardless of how I felt, I tried for Him.  I let Him tie me up, spank me a little, or use clothespins on my nipples.  It always ended up the same way...with me in tears and feeling horrible about myself.  Even just listening to Him call me dirty names left me feeling dead inside for days afterwards.  My fear of being out of control absolutely brought out the worst in me and I began to shut down in our marriage.  The feeling that we could never make each other happy consumed me and after a couple of years, I chose to leave Him.  Obviously, we got back together or that would be where my story ends:) I did come to my senses and return to Him after about a year but it was on vanilla only terms.

After several more years, the topic of kink started coming back into the picture.  I could feel He wasn't completely connected to me physically and we would hash it out every 6 months or so.  It was always the same discussion and it was so painful for both of us.  I needed more attention and affection but He couldn't give it to me.  The only way He could hold back His dominant tendencies was to hold back completely. The sex was still good, but the true passion was missing. 

Funny thing was, at this point, on rare occasions, I actually liked the thought of being spanked and and tied up.  I tried to convince Him that maybe we could do it "when I felt like it" and was hurt when He explained that it couldn't work like that for Him.  This didn't make any sense to me...why did it have to be all or nothing?  This line in the sand left me feeling completely inadequate and angry.  Rather than educating myself of the subject and trying to understand Him better, I lashed out with horrible and hurtful things that made Him feel less of a person...and worse...less of a man.  I told Him that there was something wrong with Him, that what He wanted from me "wasn't normal", and was abusive.  Oh God...it makes me sick now thinking what I did and how horrible I was.  And He loved me anyway!   

But this was case closed for Him and I was assured under no circumstances would it ever be brought up again. 

So, how did we get to where we are now?  Luckily, I was ready to finally let go of my control issues.  My past was just that...my past...not my future.  That lesson didn't come easy though, it was through the loss of someone very close to me.  I was thankful for the good man, family and life I had but the sex left alot to be desired.  So, during sex, my mind started taking me to places I had never been before but I was so ashamed and kept these thoughts to myself for a long while. 

Then, I discovered erotic books and found that my fantasies of being "taken" against my will, being held down and fucked by multiple men and women, and so on and so on...wasn't so abnormal.  Not that I necessarily want these things to happen in real life, but it was a sure sign my inner submissive was screaming to come out!  I also could finally appreciate the fantasies and needs my Husband had all along.  I couldn't get enough...reading story after story.  I don't know if it was the books or if I was just hitting my sexual prime but my libido kicked into overdrive and I was turned on like never before.  I got the nerve to talk with Him about my fantasies and told Him I was really ready to try it His way.  Of course with my previous behavior, who would have blamed Him for being hesitant.  Thankfully, He got on board with the idea pretty quickly! ;-) 

Well, kinky quickly turned into full time D/s and even though we have hit a few bumps in the road, we haven't looked back since.  I think I mentioned it in my post Surrendering Control, the key for me to submit in the bedroom was submission in all things first.  We finally figured out where we were going wrong after all those years!  He just hates that we wasted so much time.  Although, I don't know if, even willingly, I could have handled Him as a younger and much more energetic sadist!   

Now, since I spent the first 20 years being a complete ass about His needs, I only hope to spend the next 20 years making up for it by being everything He ever needed me to be...the best submissive possible.  That will be my redemption:)

       

Contracts, Rules, and Slave Training...Is it Necessary

I have done quite a bit of reading on a certain kinky social networking site and can certainly appreciate that everyone has a different perspective and methods for achieving success in their D/s dynamic.

Are contracts, rules, and formalized training really necessary?  Some people say yes, some say no, and some are very adamant in their feelings one way or the other.  Myself...I wholeheartedly believe that having these as part of our life has been one of the keys to our success so far.  Everyone learns differently.  I just happen to be a very analytical person that needs to see and have all the details laid out in front of me. This is what works for me and my relationship and is in no way to imply that one side is right or wrong.   
 
Contracts and Rules

 

After telling my Master I wanted to submit to Him, He did quite a bit of research and proposed a contract.  Initially, I thought this was very silly.  It's not like we were strangers...why did we need a piece of paper to guide us?  Me...being the impatient person I tend to be, was anxious and just wanted to get started with the spankings already!  But I humored Him anyways.

I actually was really surprised to see how serious this was to Him.  He drafted a document, presented it to me, and gave me a week to decide if I was in or not.  Looking over it, I was a bit in shock.  Apparently, I had very little knowledge of what submitting in a 24/7 dynamic really meant.  This document would serve to redefine our relationship, expectations of each other, and our actions moving forward.  The part that scared me the most was that it was binding for a year, unless of course my Master chose to end it. 

 

     Some of the items included within our contract are:

 

     - Purpose and Duration
 

     - Submissive and Master Affirmations, Commitments, and Roles
 

     - Rules of Privacy and Discretion
 

     - Rules of Conduct (Public, Private, and at Work)
 

     - Limits and Needs of the Submissive

 

     - Signatures

 

     There are also 3 appendices:

 

      - GeneralRules- conduct, chores (household and sexual), and personal appearance

 

       - Punishable offenses and types of punishments that can be used

 

       - Positions (liste with detailed descriptions) I am required to know

 

                *Note about rules: we started with just a few and it grew from there over time

 

Believe me, I read long and hard and took my time deciding before putting pen to paper and signing myself to Him.  I started to see how living this 24/7 was going to be a huge responsibility for both Master and slave and would not be something that we should enter into lightly.
 

Now looking back, this was probably one of the most important preliminary steps we took.  I can never say that I didn't know what I was in for but most importantly, it served as my compass at times when I felt I was losing my way or wanted to give up.  Even though it isn't legally binding, I had signed this document, with my heart, and I didn't want to fail in my commitment to Him.  Taking it one day at a time, almost a year has passed since our signing.  Are there ups and downs?  Of course, but I am amazed how far I have come.  I am looking forward to our upcoming contract renewal and have no doubt that we are on the right course!!

Slave Training

 

It seems there may be a misconception among some that slave training is similar to that of teaching a dog to sit and fetch. Training, to me, is so much more than that. Admittedly, it has been slow going with work, crazy schedules, and kids but it has been an important part of the process for us. Since we spent almost 20 years interacting with each other in a certain way, these old habits needed to change as much for me as my Master. Not only does He have so much to teach me about how to serve, to guide me in working past my boundaries, He has had to learn to balance his role as Master and Husband. Many times, the soft husband side of Him wants to take over when I actually need to be pushed harder. Training is sometimes intense with discipline for every mistake, but at times it is just light hearted, fun, and a time spent together building our connection.

      Some of the components Master has included in my training:

     -Position training-practicing and perfecting each

     -Pain Conditioning and overall body conditioning/endurance

     -Sexual Training-prolonged sexual sessions, multiple penetrations, etc

     -Orgasm Control and Denial

     -Cock worship training

     -Humiliation training

Not only is training meant to teach me exactly how to please Him, but it is also a preparation for me before venturing out into a more public arena. I want to ensure that my actions make Him proud at all times.

           

My Pleasure Is Not My Own

Will I never learn this? 

I keep telling myself that my pleasure is derived from pleasing my Master, and most days, I am accepting of that fact.  Then, I have days like yesterday, when selfish thoughts start to consume me.
 
"When will He touch me?"

"When will He set aside playtime?"

"When will He decide that I have been good enough to enjoy the feel of Him inside me and possibly release all my built up tension?"

I shouldn't say these thoughts are selfish, because we are all human and have needs.  It's taken me a while to realize that being a slave, doesn't mean that I can just turn off these basic human desires.  For obvious reasons, these days usually manifest themselves when I have been deprived for what seems like an eternity but is really only a week.  The problem is that I work myself into a sexual frenzy in serving Him.  Every time I touch His cock I feel ready to explode...only to be told "good night" when He is satisfied. 

He thinks I am pouting...I call it withdrawing.  It's my defense mechanism because I try so hard not to say anything.  I am His slave and isn't my place to question the course of events or training that He chooses.  But I guess maybe that's why I am still in training without my collar.

Yesterday, He knew that my head was in a different place.  Once again, driven so wild with need and desire with no release, I was craving any attention but scared to open my mouth.  I had just been scolded the other day for being too forward with my affections so I kept thinking it best to wait for His advance. 

However, as any good Dom should, He forced me to talk about it anyways.  It was a good talk.  He validated my feelings, admitted that He had been struggling with His focus due to work stress, and thanked me for being honest about my craving for more playtime and intimacy. 

His quandary now was between roles as Master versus Husband. Should He be the Master and take it under advisement but leave me continuing to wait in order to prove a point or as a husband should He give me the intimacy I deserve as His wife.  His decision would ultimately be a combination of both. 

Later in the evening, playtime began with some loopy treatment to my tits and pussy.  It stung but any feeling to my body was welcomed and delightful.  After clamping my nipples, I eagerly sucked His cock, worked His balls with my tongue, and was completely surprised when He ordered me on my back...thinking He was going to put himself inside me but instead having my face straddled.  Oh, this was new and good too!  I was loving every minute of it. 

After I mounted His cock and began to ride Him is when He dealt the hand He intended to play.  He would play with me, use me, make love to me, give me the intimacy I desperately needed, but there would be no release for me.  This would continue everyday until He decided otherwise.  In the back of my mind, I was chastising myself for opening my big mouth but my body was falling prey to His torment.  Forcing me off, He ordered me to bring myself up to His face and continued torturing me with His tongue, then forced me back down to His cock.  Ordering me to rub my clit against Him harder, I could feel my orgasm starting to build and apparently so did He.  Instead of letting me stop, He grabbed my hips and was equally matching my thrusts, driving Himself deeper into me.

I went over the edge with no way to stop, even forgetting that no matter what, I should ask permission.  Although, it wouldn't have been granted, my forgetting will double my punishment at best.  His orgasm comes (oh...yes pun intended!) as He informs me that my punishment will not be in physical form, since I am starting to enjoy that a little too much.  It will be humiliation....because He knows that is something I do not enjoy at all.

For the time being though, I couldn't wipe the stupid grin off my face.  Yeah, you know the one..."I just got it so good!"  So, I may have gotten what I needed, but in the end, will it be worth it?  Probably not...but all I can do is wait patiently and see what devious plan He comes up with. 

Hmmm...possibly another blog post topic in my near future:) 

I am also interested in knowing what are some punishments you have given or been given for "non-authorized" orgasms?

I'll Take Vanilla Today

Today, I am not writing about sex, spankings or anything of the like.  Today was just one of those days when Master and I spent the entire day just being us.  We both took the day off work because He had been planning something challenging and kinda kinky but the plans fell through.  Maybe it will happen at a later time and I can write about it then.

Rarely do our schedules allow us spend an entire day, just the two us, but the kids were off at school and we were going to make use of our time.  After taking care of some business this morning...wink wink, we did some shopping, ate lunch at the mall, went to see a movie, and took a drive to the lake.
We even had the older kid babysit and continued our day long date by going out to dinner!!

Even though He told me we going to be in a relaxed mode, I didn't feel right not honoring my submission in some way.  So I surprised Him by putting my hair in pig tails the way He likes, wearing my big hoochie hoop earrings, and asking permission to wear a butt plug which I happily kept in the majority of the day:)

The whole day, I kept looking at Him and thinking about how much I completely love this man.  It is too easy to get caught up in the day to day schedules, routines, kids, activities.  Add to it the stress of incorporating the D/s lifestyle, it's all so much that you easily forget how much you enjoy just being together like it was back in the beginning.

I realize that I not only love Him as my husband and the father of my children, but I see Him in such a different light now.  My submission has deepened my love because He has gained my respect and a trust that no other person has ever earned from me.

I love Him for knowing me in a way that no one else does or ever will.
I love Him for accepting everything about me, the good and the not so good. 
I love Him for knowing me better than sometimes I know myself. (which I don't like to admit)
I love Him for knowing what makes me happy.
I love Him for introducing me to and guiding me through this new path in our life together.
I love Him for inspiring me to better communicate my thoughts and feelings.
I love Him for building my confidence in a way that I so desperately needed.
I love Him for always being my rock in this crazy world.

Most of all I love that I never have to wonder where I stand.  There are no silly little games or questions in my mind.  I belong to Him and He adores me.

These are all the reasons I am able to willingly submit my everything to Him.

Why Maintenance Spankings Help

I guess seeing the pictures of my bruised ass this week has caused some questions about how I can tolerate the pain.  One answer...MAINTENANCE SPANKINGS! 

My introduction to this concept was around month 2 of our D/s relationship.  I can't even begin to describe how nervous I was that first day, instructed by my Master's text to be waiting naked in the corner of the bedroom on my knees with a wooden spoon in my mouth.  As I heard His footsteps thumping across the wooden floor, my pulse quickened and a lump rose in my throat.  At His direction. I stood and assumed my position...legs spread, hands clasped behind my head, and rotating my hips in seductive circles, which tend to become not so seductive after being spanked hard for a while!

Maintenance spankings always begin with a warm up of light tapping.  He likes to see my ass get rosy pink and then he gradually increases force.  The spanking that first day was a mere 46 licks with the wooden spoon.  They were meant to sting but not really hurt.  My Master determined the number of licks based on my age at the time which was 39 plus the day of the month which was the 7th. 

The next day was a different implement (a paddle) and the number increased to 54  The day after that was 63 and fairly uneventful except my butt was definitely feeling the effects of being spanked several days in a row.     

Ah...Friday, I am up to 73 but Master tries a different position.  This time I am face down and spread eagle on the bed.  Unfortunately, after failing to keep my hips rotating and earned myself 20 more licks and He chose the loopy for those, which is an spanking implement I never, ever find fun!

Saturday's spanking was a total of 84.  Because I was a bit sore, He started with 64 for the warm up and reserved the last 20 for intensity.  It was a good thing because today's implement was a belt and 20 of those was more than enough.

So, Sunday was to be the end of my maintenance spankings for the week and for a while in general but He had warned me it would be a tough one.  After warming my ass well, He chose the large plastic slotted spatula from the kitchen which hurt like a you know what and actually made me break out in a sweat.  But no tears, no break in form, and I am really starting to enjoy this special time of bonding between my Master and I.  The total count for that day...100!

Just some quick tidbits:

My Master always tells me the number of licks when He is doing maintenance spankings.  This allows me to get into a rhythm, focus, and achieve sub-space.

The warm-up is so very important and I cannot stress this point enough.  I can tolerate so much more when the intensity is gradually introduced. 

Punishment spankings are treated much differently. There are fewer, but they are more intense, and without warm-up. He will not tell me the number of licks beforehand because I am not meant to achieve sub-space.  Also, because they are more intense, he may have to determine how many based on how I am handling it.   

We go back over the maintenance spanking ritual every few months.  The last time, day one started at 100 and had progressed to 400 by the last day of the week!

Maintenance spankings are cathartic and stress relieving for me.  I feel like everything is washed away after it's all over...amazing how that works:)

Before last week, I would see pictures of other people's bruised bottoms and think..."NO WAY...  that's way too extreme...I could not take that".  Apparently my maintenance spankings prepared me better than I thought!!

 

The Not So Gentle Reminder...I am His

Last night began so tender and gentle without any intentions of sex or play.  We were both tired and it was nice just to lay in the bed and snuggle up next my Master's side.  I was enjoying the gentle caress of His fingers tracing lines up and down my back.  However, it wasn't long before He said, "You need to be stroking me".  I eagerly began worshipping His cock with the same gentleness.  Using the shaft and head of His dick to trace the side of my face, feeling it twitch if I blew on it ever so softly, and hearing Him softly moan each time I put Him in my mouth was driving me wild.  All the while, He was still gently stroking my body.  Ever so slightly touching each of my breasts and tracing around my nipples, down my side, and sending shock waves not just to my pussy but to my core. 

How silly it was of me to be fooled by such gentless but I did enjoy it while it lasted.

 

He then asked if I had brought my switch to bed, which of course I did because this is one of my new rules.  Each night I must have it available should He choose to use it and this was the first night He asked for it.  Nervously, I reached down under the mattress and handed it to Him.  He instructed me to move to His right side, continue sucking His cock with my feet pointed towards the head of the bed and lay my body out flat.  The taps began on my ass, light at first and gradually getting harder.  I can't be sure but I am pretty sure there was a pattern...about 25 quick and light swats, and then 25 more intentional, harder blows.  I found sub space easily for a while by just bobbing up and down in unison with the switch but as the strikes became more painful, I worked through it by deep throating.  I was corrected quickly for flinching or whining and the last thing I wanted was to disappoint.  So the harder He hit, the harder I deep throated.  In all, I have no idea how many swats my ass took but I know it was several hundred. 

When my Master was satisfied with His work, He ordered me to get on my back and as usual, regardless of the pain, I was wet and ready for Him.  He could tell I was uncomfortable and trying not to rub against the bed very much so He ordered me to move my ass and push hard into the mattress, as He plunged deeper inside of me.  As our bodies moved together, and He began to softly kiss me, the pain disappeared and I became lost in my thoughts. 

"I willingly submit my body and soul to Him"...

"He owns every part of me"...

"I am His"...

These thoughts sent me over the edge as I asked permission for my orgasm and He softly commanded "Yes, come for Me, baby".

Admittedly, I am not only proud of my marks but I am proud of how well I tolerated the pain.  I am still a bit swollen, very sore, and will probably be wearing the bruises for a while, but they are my reminder...I am His:)

More Fucking Machine!!

"You're such a whore", Master whispers in my ear and then kisses me, my body still floating in post-orgasmic bliss.  Being called a whore used to bother me, but when He says it now, I hear the passion in his voice and it makes me melt.  He turns the Magic Wand back on and tells me that I may have another.  This time, I ask if we can try the fucking machine again and I promise not to tense up and push it out.  He kindly sets it back up and begins making sure that the entire 9 inches is burying itself deep enough that it can't be pushed out.  It doesn't take long before the first orgasm hits me but the spasms keep wracking my body.  I was begging out loud for mercy nearly hysterical because my pussy was so sensitive but He knew me better than to stop.  Eventhough, I do not typically have back to back orgasms my body was responding differently to this.  The feeling was unlike anything I have experienced, almost like my first orgasm never completely stopped and I was building back into another.  This time, when it hit me, it was with such power that it seemed it would never stop.  Wave after wave moving through me completely until tears came to my eyes.  Whoa...that has NEVER happened. 

Afterwards, my Master and I got a little chuckle because my pussy muscles had unscrewed the dildo from the rod of the machine...lol!   I grin everytime I think about Him saying that the machine was supposed to fuck me, not the other way around.  Anyways, He put it back on and insisted that I try for one more.  It didn't take long for me to come again after He went to the drawer, pulled out the clover clamps, and put them on my nipples.  "A little incentive", He said.  It wasn't anywhere near as good as the others but who's complaining...right?  Lying there, in what I am sure is sub space, I was completely spent and everything around me seemed like a blur.  

I was sure He was done with me after He untied me from the bed but I noticed He didn't take off the clover clamps.  Instead, He instructed me to get on the floor on my hands and knees.  If you have been reading my blog, you probably know by now how much I dread those darn things but I am so lost at this point, they didn't even hurt.  Well...that is until He started adding weight to them and ordering me crawl around the floor and then adding more weight.  Not moving fast enough is met with quick little smacks from the switch until I am moving at an acceptable pace and putting the pain of the clamps and weight out my mind.  From there, He removed the weights and we moved into several other forms of training!

When all was said and done, I actually had 4 orgasms which is almost how many I had for the whole month of April so for that I am thankful.  And...He was pleased!  So pleased in fact that He hinted that I may be earning what I am working so hard for...my collar:)

By the way, have you noticed how my Sex Slave Statistics has been increasing lately?  I thought I might include that in this post but it really deserves to be a post of it's own so I will work on that for tomorrow...:)

The Fucking Machine, Phone Call, and Finally an Orgasm

Wow...I don't even know where to start except that yesterday turned into quite an interesting day.  Unfortunately, it began with me being really frustrated (probably and understatement) and pretty bitchy.  Ok, let's call it what it was.  I was having myself a grand old pity party.  I did keep enough control so that I wouldn't get myself in trouble because inside the inner rage was at a maximum boiling point.  The last thing I needed was to earn a punishment!

Moving on to the next part of my day, I attended my first Munch!  Admittedly, I was very nervous.  I guess mainly because I didn't know what to expect and how I would actually fit into this group of people I had never met before.  I am a typically a fairly social person and enjoy getting along with everyone so I usually don't have a problem making myself at home.  This really ended up being a great experience.  So many wonderful women and men able to open up and share thoughts and experiences with each other.  I felt empowered to be around a group in which I could embrace this lifestyle rather than trying to find ways to hide it.  No judgment...only listening and offering honest opinions.  For those of  you still skeptical about going to one, I encourage you to DO IT!  I met some awesome people and even if you don't connect with anyone in the group on your first try, there are plenty of others to try out.  You will fit in somewhere. 

But you aren't really reading my blog to listen to me gush about my munch experience are you?  So I will move on to the surprise my Master had planned for me when I returned home.  One of my frustrations has been that we seem to have literally no play time and Master definitely agreed after reading my post yesterday.  So He gave the kids some money and sent them to the movie (benefit of having a kid that can drive).  Not long after they left, He ordered me to come to the bedroom and quickly undress. I couldn't understand the urgency but did as I was told with a smile on my face.  The smile got bigger I think when I saw the fucking machine already waiting on the bed, the restraints peeking out from under the mattress, and the blindfold lying neatly on the bed. 

I quickly hopped on the bed and assumed the spread eagle position as I was told.  Again...He was in such Dom mode, I asked if I had done something wrong.  He said "No" but that we were on a limited time schedule and I needed to be quiet so He could focus.  Geesh...the kids were going to be gone for 2 hours which is like 4 times the amount of time we usually get.  Each of my arms and legs were securely strapped down, the blindfold was placed over my eyes, and He was quickly making adjustments to the fucking machine to make sure it was going to hit all the right spots.  I could hardly stand myself while I just waited and was pretty giddy when I saw the Mac Daddy dildo again (refer to Interrogation Final Scene).  OH YEAH!!  That is until I heard the crackled sound of another person's voice, I am sure on the cell phone.  OH YEAH...now turns to OH SHIT!  I know exactly what He has planned and want to die inside as He tells me that I have to ask permission from the person on the phone for my orgasm. 

My mind is racing and realize there is no way I am getting out of this once He turns on the Magic Wand and places it against my clit at the same time the machine is pumping in and out of my pussy.  The only problem, my internal muscles were clamping down so hard I was not only pushing the dildo completely out but I was pushing the machine further down the bed...haha.  Abandoning that portion of His plan, He turns off the machine and focuses solely on my clit with the wand.  This wand, which we jokingly refer to as my boyfriend, is my weakness and He knows that!  It took only seconds for my orgasm to start building.  I was trying to muster the guts to ask and finally just before I was going to fall over the edge, I blurted out into the phone that my Master was holding "Mister R, may I please come?" only to hear "NOT YET".  I was then asked by Mister R to explain what I would do to please my Master.  At this point, my thoughts are a jumbled mess and thinking of words was difficult.  All I can muster is that I would gladly suck another man's cock to please my Master.  You can probably tell this is my "go-to" when begging.

I could feel my body shaking just trying to hold back until granted permission and then the next question.  "Have you been a good girl this week?"  I almost choked out the words, "Yes I have been a good girl" and was finally granted permission to come.  As humiliating as it was, my orgasm was so hard, my body coming off the bed pulling against all the restraints, and loud enough to be heard through the phone.  At that point, I didn't have a care in the world as I could feel every bit of tension built up over the week completely drain from my body.  My need for release overcame my uncomfortablility.  And guess what?  I did it and survived.  Another barrier broken and very much pleasing to my Master.

Oh, I almost forgot the best part.  Before hanging up the phone, my Master had me to thank Mister R and tell him how I would show my appreciation.  You can use your imagination on that one! 

But this is not the end of my story or the evening. But it will have to be continued tomorrow as I have to work on this week's assignment.  I fill you in on that tomorrow as well;)

Thank you Mister R for helping and I will make good on my promise!

Just Need to Vent for a Minute

I definitely try to keep my posts upbeat and informative but today I am just frustrated and need to work it out with my writing.

Before my Master/husband and I committed to this lifestyle choice, our kids were the center of the world.  Pretty much to the detriment of our relationship.  They always came first and we didn't really enforce them having boundaries and respect for the parental relationship.  I am not saying that are not just as important to us, but we are desperately trying to make time for ourselves and getting quite a bit of kick back, particularly from our younger one who always expects to be the center of attention.  She is not handling this change of dynamics in her parents relationship at all.  She is more clingy than ever.   

You know...during the day, I can cope with it but the fact that she will not go to bed at night is killing me.  By the time she falls asleep and we can actually have some time to ourselves...it's late and time to go to bed ourselves.  If we are really lucky, we might have one night a week when we can squeeze in some time together and it's starting to really wear me down.   

I say this in the most respectful of ways, and maybe I am wrong, but I don't feel it affects Master as much as it does me.  While most nights I am usually still expected give Him some kind of pleasure, my body is left craving some...any attention.  If you have read my previous posts, you know how my Master will make certain assignments that keep me in a elevated state of self inflicted excitement and horniness most of the time with no release.  Granted, some of my training involves this kind of deprivation anyway and I really do try to handle it gracefully.  But what really bothers me is when He doesn't intend for it to work out this way.   It sucks to be prepared all day for something fun to happen only to get to the end of it and...nothing!  And this seems to happens all the time. 

It's not very easy for me to hide my feelings...I kind of wear them all over my face.  So, I trust that He knows how I feel but it's very difficult maintainintg my focus this way.  Now that this need has been awoken, I am crawling out of my skin, hoping for just some touch from Him whether it be soft and gently or a hard whack of the paddle.  Anything would be better than nothing!
 
Of course, these are selfish feelings and I do know that I should be coping better so maybe now that I have it out of my system, I can get myself refocused!



   

Begging for Cock or Cum

I was recently asked about begging and will certainly not claim to be an expert but I have learned a few things.  First, it is not my favorite submissive activity!  However, it is a necessary part so I might as well embrace it...right?  I find as I get better at it, I don't mind it so much.  But I was truly lost the first time He asked me to beg for his come.      

Begging is not something that comes naturally for a lot of people and it certainly didn't for me. I am very prideful but pride wasn't what made me uncomfortable.  I had no idea how to beg or what to beg for.  The only thing I could think to say was "I want your come so bad...please let me have it...I will do anything!"  Those were the words coming out of my mouth and my mind was saying please just let this end soon.

After that first time, I knew Master was a little disappointed and told me we had lot of work to do.  So when the next opportunity for begging came around, I stopped Him and said, "I really do not know what I am doing.  Can you please teach me?".  I was scared at first that He would be upset with me for stopping the flow of things but to my surprise, He seemed pleased with me for opening up and being honest.  With communication and direction, my Master showed me exactly what kind of begging He needed and expected.

First, it was not appropriate to beg in terms of my wants.  It's not..."I want your come".  It's..."I NEED your come" or "I NEED your cock in my mouth" or whatever else it is that I was begging for.     

Next was a little harder and where my pride got in the way a little.  It was not easy learning to completely defile myself verbally.  Instead of using "I", He taught me to use terms like "this trailer trash fuck toy" needs your come, "this slutty whore" needs your cock in her mouth, and the list of possibilities can go on and on based on whatever kind of dirty talk your Master desires.  Of course, all of this should be said in the most provocative and husky voice possible but most of all has to be convincing.

Ok...here comes the hardest part...what was I willing to do to get what I needed!  Once I have successfully convinced Master that this His cock or come is what His little slave needs, He will start asking what I am willing to do for it.  Honestly, this part is very tricky and I made several mistakes along the way.  Never...and I do mean never...say "I will do anything".  You might find that "ANYTHING" is not quite what you had in mind:)  Plus, as we beg, our Master is building a mental image and just saying "I will do anything" doesn't really give them anything tangible to visualize.  Also, avoid statements like "I will let you put clamps on my nipples for an hour".  Haha...I was quickly corrected on this one.  Slaves don't...LET...Masters do!  Instead, phrases like "your slave will gladly wear clamps on her nipples" work much better.  Obivously, I use this example because clamps is not something I really enjoy.

I usually know what is working and what isn't as soon as it comes out of my mouth. 
Silence = keep working and come up with something else. 
Hmmm = keep working and I am liking that idea. 
Sometimes I may have to offer several things before being rewarded.  But what I have found what works best for me is knowing and focusing on His deepest desires or offering something that He knows pushes my own boundaries.  The last time I was begging, it was for my own orgasm and believe me I was desperate.  Knowing what would ultimately please Him and would also pretty much push the only boundary I have left, I was eagerly begging to suck the cock of 3 men in one weekend!  Afterwards, I was like...Oh crap!...what have I just done to myself :)
   
I have learned with Him, begging isn't always about holding me to what I have offered.  It's sometimes just about my ability in the moment to convince Him how far I am willing to go.  Now, that being said, I better be prepared to make good on my promises because I really never know when He will say go do it or when He will just smile and say "we'll save that for later". 

Please feel free to comment and share your experiences with begging!!  What have you begged for?  What types of things do you offer?