While Away

Gosh...it seems like forever since I have had time to write.  It's not that I haven't had anything to say.  Life has actually been pretty full of kinky and not so kinky adventures lately. 

Things got crazier than usual a couple weeks back when I received an unexpected phone call with the potential of a career changing opportunity.  For several days, Master and I talked it over, again and again.  He was extremely supportive but also stood firm.  When it came to my career, this was one decision I would have to make on my own. 

After a whole lot of thought, I was confident in what I was brining to the table and what I was asking for but in the end, no matter how great the opportunity, we couldn't come to terms on the money.  Obviously, it just wasn't meant to be and that's ok.  
 
Immediately after that upheaval, family arrived in town and it's been a steady stream of activity and entertainment in our house the past 10 days.  With a sigh of relief, we finally sent them on their way today.  I have to admit, while I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of having them here, it's really nice to settle back into just our normal crazy. 

Hopefully, I can take some time this week to catch up on some posts.  I did say life has also been full of kinky adventures:)

Even though I was rarely in a position where I could make comments, I did try to secretly steal away a few moments here and there to at least read and keep up with everyone else's blog!
 

Question: Did You Ever??

One reader asked me in an email:

Did you ever get punished for the situation referenced in the "Can't Blame a Girl for Trying" post?

If you are new to my blog, you can go back and read about the whole situation here.

I was wondering if and when someone would ask about this punishment.  Several weeks back, I actually did write a fairly lengthy post with all the gory details and then somehow accidently deleted most of it.  At the time, I wasn't interested in trying to retype it so I just assumed it wasn't meant to be...well, that is unless someone asked.

Overall, I would say that this punishment was fairly mild in comparison to some of the others Master has provided.  And for that, I was thankful. There was acceptance of the fact that I had disobeyed, flat out refused to do something He requested rather, and I was aware there would be a subsequent penalty. 

But what of His role in the matter?  After all that had happened, it still felt like we were on a bit of shaky ground and I was a little afraid of how I might react if He pushed too hard, too fast.

There really wasn't a punishment as much as there were a small series of them throughout a period of about a week.  Starting with a clear reminder of my place, I was driven mad with need by the pleasure of His mouth on me, only to be left wanting and handed the cap of a pen with an assignment to edge myself with my "little dildo" ten times daily.

Yes, the cap of a pen. A small ball point pen I might add with a small little plastic cap about half the size of one's pinky finger! 

As if it wasn't degrading enough to find my body responding to such a pathetic little piece of plastic, I received other random messages to hump myself for a certain amount of time on objects of my choosing. 

At the end of the week, the more painful part of the punishment was delivered.  Stripped naked on the bed, I found myself in a new position, one that He intends to specifically use for punishment and  allows uninhibited access to both my ass and pussy.  Master made sure that I felt the sting of His belt across both until I was whimpering and squirming with each blow.   

As with any punishment received from Him, it is the intent and the disappointment I feel from Him and in myself that sets the tone, making the sting of punishment...that much worse.   


   

Answers: Tori's Questions

Thank you for asking these questions Tori.  I especially liked your 3rd question and wanted to take some time to really think on that before answering. 

3 kink things on your to-do list?

A long time fantasy of mine is to be with another woman.  Master would actually like to see me topped by another woman but not sure I am quite there yet.  I wouldn't say that either of these are on a to-do list per say, but I certainly would be opening to it happening if the opportunity ever arose with the right person.

Being used by two men.  This has also been a long time fantasy of mine but I am also perfectly OK if it stays a fantasy. 

Fire play!  I have seen videos of this and it just looks so erotic to me.


When did you first realise that this is what you wanted?

My husband has always been into kink, bdsm, and control in the bedroom. After much fighting, to keep me happy, He kept that part of Himself buried deep for a long time but in doing so, I could feel He wasn't entirely happy.  I knew He still loved me just as much, but when someone is having to deny who they really are, it takes a toll.  It was very hard for Him to keep the "beast" at bay, and to do that, He could never allow Himself to truly and passionately engage with me.

I guess I was ok with this less than ideal connection with Him for a long time and then a couple years ago, as I was getting closer to 40, I thought a lot about our relationship and how I wanted to really feel that connection with Him, the raw passion. 

It was early summer of 2012, I went to Him and told Him I was ready to "do it His way".  At first, I just thought that we were talking about kink in the bedroom but He suggested introducing D/s into our relationship.  I was so naïve and really had no idea what that even was but I was willing to try anything at that point.

It didn't take long to realize where the problem had been all along. I had the power in the relationship so it was impossible for me to let go and give Him control in the bedroom.  Bringing the D/s dynamic allowed Him to regain power in the relationship, in and out of the bedroom.  It was such a huge relief for me to not feel like I had to control everything around me.
The bonus: my new found respect for Him was also a huge turn on!!     

In the spring of 2013, I expressed interest in being collared.  I loved the idea of being His completely, to belonging to Him in a greater sense than even marriage.  He hadn't really intended to take our dynamic to the level of M/s but once I suggested it, He was completely on board. 

There have been ups and downs though and days that I have questioned my sanity at wanting this but because of question #3, I know this is right for us. 

How has it changed you?

Overall, I feel like a better person.  It's funny, but being out of control, gives me greater control of  my "self", if that makes sense. I am calmer, more at peace, more patient, kind...and I know this is because I also am finally able to be my true self. 

I never really wanted all the power and it made me quite miserable to keep that façade all the time.  My stress level was so high that I existed day to day feeling like I was literally all wound up inside ready to explode at any moment.  Everyone around me felt it too because I had little to no control over my temper or the things I would say out of frustration and anger.   

His guidance not only makes me thoughtful of how I am acting towards Him, but it makes me thoughtful of how I present myself in all situations and how I treat others around me.

Just to get another opinion, I asked Master today how He thought I had changed.  His response was that I am in general more accepting.  Not only am I more open to new and different experiences but learning about this lifestyle has taught me to be more accepting of others.

He also thought that I am more open in all of my communications with Him, and that we actually both have changed in that respect.

Thanks again for the thought provoking questions. I think I am caught up for now so I am ready for more!