Thank you for asking these questions Tori. I especially liked your 3rd question and wanted to take some time to really think on that before answering.
3 kink things on your to-do list?
A long time fantasy of mine is to be with another woman. Master would actually like to see me topped by another woman but not sure I am quite there yet. I wouldn't say that either of these are on a to-do list per say, but I certainly would be opening to it happening if the opportunity ever arose with the right person.
Being used by two men. This has also been a long time fantasy of mine but I am also perfectly OK if it stays a fantasy.
Fire play! I have seen videos of this and it just looks so erotic to me.
When did you first realise that this is what you wanted?
My husband has always been into kink, bdsm, and control in the bedroom. After much fighting, to keep me happy, He kept that part of Himself buried deep for a long time but in doing so, I could feel He wasn't entirely happy. I knew He still loved me just as much, but when someone is having to deny who they really are, it takes a toll. It was very hard for Him to keep the "beast" at bay, and to do that, He could never allow Himself to truly and passionately engage with me.
I guess I was ok with this less than ideal connection with Him for a long time and then a couple years ago, as I was getting closer to 40, I thought a lot about our relationship and how I wanted to really feel that connection with Him, the raw passion.
It was early summer of 2012, I went to Him and told Him I was ready to "do it His way". At first, I just thought that we were talking about kink in the bedroom but He suggested introducing D/s into our relationship. I was so naïve and really had no idea what that even was but I was willing to try anything at that point.
It didn't take long to realize where the problem had been all along. I had the power in the relationship so it was impossible for me to let go and give Him control in the bedroom. Bringing the D/s dynamic allowed Him to regain power in the relationship, in and out of the bedroom. It was such a huge relief for me to not feel like I had to control everything around me.
The bonus: my new found respect for Him was also a huge turn on!!
In the spring of 2013, I expressed interest in being collared. I loved the idea of being His completely, to belonging to Him in a greater sense than even marriage. He hadn't really intended to take our dynamic to the level of M/s but once I suggested it, He was completely on board.
There have been ups and downs though and days that I have questioned my sanity at wanting this but because of question #3, I know this is right for us.
How has it changed you?
Overall, I feel like a better person. It's funny, but being out of control, gives me greater control of my "self", if that makes sense. I am calmer, more at peace, more patient, kind...and I know this is because I also am finally able to be my true self.
I never really wanted all the power and it made me quite miserable to keep that façade all the time. My stress level was so high that I existed day to day feeling like I was literally all wound up inside ready to explode at any moment. Everyone around me felt it too because I had little to no control over my temper or the things I would say out of frustration and anger.
His guidance not only makes me thoughtful of how I am acting towards Him, but it makes me thoughtful of how I present myself in all situations and how I treat others around me.
Just to get another opinion, I asked Master today how He thought I had changed. His response was that I am in general more accepting. Not only am I more open to new and different experiences but learning about this lifestyle has taught me to be more accepting of others.
He also thought that I am more open in all of my communications with Him, and that we actually both have changed in that respect.
Thanks again for the thought provoking questions. I think I am caught up for now so I am ready for more!