Conduct rule #3:
I am not allowed to swear at home or at work.
So, it's not surprising when I yelled, "G_ _ D_ _ _ _ _ !!" out the front door, after the dog ran out for the second time in a row, that I earned myself a punishment.
The little brat...she's made a quite a habit of bolting as soon as she sees the slightest opportunity and she's so quick. You don't stand a chance getting your hands on her. No sense in chasing her around the neighborhood either. The only option is to wait until she decides to come home.
Anyways, as soon as GD popped out of my mouth, I knew I had done it. A couple days earlier, He'd even warned me I was really pushing it lately, not necessarily for cursing but just in general. Little things were starting to add up, and this one was going to be the final straw.
My hand flew up over my mouth in shock, not just because Daddy clearly witnessed my transgression but so did my father-in-law, who quite honestly has probably never uttered words like that in his whole life. This certainly wasn't going to help my case.
But all I could do was wait for it and wonder...all afternoon and all evening.
Finally, after the littlest one was in bed, He called me in the bedroom and ordered me to take my clothes off. Then He led me into the bathroom.
Do you know how you are going to be punished?
Thinking that He took me into the bathroom where it would be more quiet, I meekly replied, a spanking.
Oh, NO! Don't you wish it was a spanking!
After turning me around to face the sink and mirror, I saw what He intended. The yellow bar of soap lying beside the sink made me cringe.
Now do you know how you are going to be punished?
Yes, Daddy. You are going to wash my mouth out with soap.
Quite a fitting punishment, don't you think? We are going to wash all those dirty words out of your mouth.
He had me open up while He pressed it in. I clamped my mouth around it and felt my teeth sink in as I bit down slightly to keep it in place. He then sent me off to stand in the corner of the closet.
As I stood there, I thought really how fortunate I was. This wasn't so bad...there were worse punishments.
But I should know better than to think that...
I heard His footsteps after just a few minutes and when He came in the closet He told me to turn and face Him. With the bar still firmly in my mouth, He began thumping each of my nipples, alternating sides over and over as I tried desperately to wriggle away and the soap muffled my yelps of pain.
Just when I thought He was done, He took me back to the sink and told me to spit the bar out into His hands. He held it under the water and worked up a good lather, had me open my mouth back up and then used the suds on His fingers and hands to completely coat the inside of my mouth.
Oh my goodness...how awful! YUK! YUK! YUK!
And apparently, gagging was not an option because when I did, He curtly informed me there would be none of that or I would find myself holding the bar of soap in my mouth for hours.
With my mouth and tongue fully coated, He pressed the bar back into my mouth until one end of it was touching the back of my throat and the other end was just peeking out from my lips. I stood there, desperately trying not to gag.
After a couple more minutes, He finally let me take it out and told me I would want to rinse really well so it didn't make me sick.
I really wish I could say the whole ordeal worked. Unfortunately, when the dog bolted yet again today, I just might have yelled, "DAMN DOG".
How could I do that after just being punished last night? I really don't enjoy disappointing Him!
My first thought was lucky for me Daddy is taking a nap. I even went up to check and see if He was really sleeping. He was out cold...didn't hear a thing. It would have been so easy to let it slide.
But that didn't feel right so I went ahead and owned up to it. That's gotta count for something, right?
He thanked me for telling Him and told me we'd deal with it later. Now, back to waiting and wondering...