Monday, November 17, 2014
Lines of Communication
I had a great conversation with my oldest daughter yesterday. An eye-opening, amazing conversation really. She and I have always been extremely close. I've always known she has a good head on her shoulders and she carries herself with a maturity that is well beyond her years. We've also been extremely fortunate to have never experienced the typical teenage strife. Honestly, I don't know what I did to be so lucky.
Anyways, she came home the other day and eagerly asked me if I had seen the trailer for the 50 Shades movie.
Well, she is 18 years old now, so it's not surprising that the kids at school have been talking about it. Even though she hasn't read the story, she knows that I did and I'm pretty sure she has unintentionally come across enough to guess that we are at least a bit kinky (ahem...photos of school girl outfit). But I gave her a bit of advice a while back ago..if you don't want to know the answer...don't ask.
However, I've always been very open in talking with her and educating her about sex so I decided this was a perfect opportunity to open the lines of communication about alternative lifestyles and see what she knew and how she felt about it. Without getting into what we do, I did explain that people have varied sexual needs and desires. This is just my opinion, but I believe that what happens in your bedroom is between you and your partner and not something to discuss with your kids, regardless of age. Unless of course they ask are are comfortable with the information.
Well, when she used the term BDSM before I even had a chance to, my jaw hit the floor. I was like, you know about that?! I don't think I had that level of understanding until I was married, but that's beside the point. Times are different now. These kids know WAY more than we did and at a really young age.
Then, she started discussing the dominant and submissive personalities, not necessarily in a sexual context, just more in general.
WHEW!! Now wiping the sweat off my face...wondering am I really having this conversation with my child.
Hoping that she wasn't trying too hard to label herself just yet, I tried to explain to her that while these personality traits are inherent in some people, it could also be more complex and fluctuate depending on the situation or even the personality type of the person you are with.
Overall, what impressed me most was her tolerance for people's personal choices. She felt that whatever type of sex people engaged in was their business, and as long as it made them happy, it didn't matter any to her.
Now, I was raised in a very closed-minded environment. It was an environment that judged anyone and everyone for being different. And ultimately, it took years for me to get over all the negativity and stigmas, not just towards others but also myself. How I was raised very much played into my inability to feel confident in experimenting sexually.
I'm so proud of her open-mindedness. Hopefully, what we have instilled will help her feel confident and supported in whatever choices she makes along the way.