Out of Kilter

Apparently being away for a short time means that things are festering...the not so good things.  It's really not anything related to our dynamic.  Or maybe it is...I don't know.  

But it's obvious we are out of kilter somehow.

My stress level lately hasn't been helping.  I have worked so hard over the last couple of years to work through the stressful "life" stuff with more control and calm but that's been slipping.  I feel it and everyone has seen it or been on the receiving end of it.

It all came to a head the other day and while I feel better, like I rid myself of all the poison that had built up and I could hit the reset button, I couldn't help but feel guilty for the path of destruction I left in my wake.   A negative pattern of behavior that I really thought I had conquered. 

I could see it so clearly...afterwards.

Several things have happened over the past couple of weeks that have left me upset or frustrated and they continued to build.  Mostly, these were issues with the kids but some were between Him and I.  In trying not to overstep my bounds, I left a lot unsaid.  And to make matters worse, I felt unheard in the things I did say.  Eventually, everything just started compounding and before I knew it, I was in a full fledged meltdown  

When I blew...I was convinced that my feelings were justified and while I still feel that my issues were valid, I know I failed to handle myself the way I know that I should.  He was right..I.did lose sight of my place and can only hope the cool winds blow over soon.