Anyways, it's been extremely trying on us all but I truly admire the fact that He's made such a commitment. There is no way I would want to go back to school at this stage of my life. Working for the government, I'm looking at being able to retire in less than a decade. How awesome is that?! Now whether I actually can is a completely different story.
But school takes up a lot of his evening and weekend time and even though He's in the house, He is typically barricaded in the office. Now, I'm not perfect, not even close, but I have tried to maintain His expectations of my service, even if that meant self-direction. Of course, I am always used sexually how and when the need suits Him, but honestly, much of the time I have felt pretty lonely and set aside. But these are my issues and feelings I try not to burden Him with it all because it's a temporary situation and He doesn't need any more stress.
However, yesterday was the end of one eight week session and the next doesn't start until next month. So He announces, while we were driving along from one place to another, that we would be "getting back to it" starting today.
We continued down the road a ways and I just stared out the window, mulling over that comment. On the one hand, it excited me that He would finally have some decent time for us, but what He said, and the way I was interpreting it, really wasn't sitting well.
It’s not as if I get a break from being submissive or from being His slave. So in my mind, there wasn’t anything I needed to “get back to”. The more I thought about it, the worse it was getting and I was dangerously close saying something that I would probably regret.
So, I waited a few minutes and tried to talk myself off that ledge. But something had to be said, I just had to figure out how to say it...politely. Finally, I asked if I could make a comment. He told me to speak my mind so I chose my words carefully. I explained, that in my opinion, I had stayed accountable in my service to Him but His comment made it seem as if my efforts were being negated.
He assured me that my service wasn’t in question and He only meant to make light of the fact that He would have more time for me, for maintenance, and for play. The conversation instantly put my mind at ease, but isn't it crazy how one simple comment can be so easily misconstrued?