This is something I haven't talked much about except with a few people through private message. A mantra can be very personal and while I share so much in my blogs, I wanted to keep something kind of private. I did mention it my last post, and decided then, I was ready to share some thoughts on this subject even though the actual words will remain my own.
Near the beginning of our dynamic, Master laid out my mantra for me. He really does know me better than I know myself in many respects so it made sense, plus I was still so uneducated on submission, I hadn't even heard of using a mantra much less the benefits that could be gained from this daily ritual.
Master knew my weaknesses and the changes I had to make in order to be the submissive He needed, and created a mantra that would tackle each of these insecurities, hang-ups, obstacles...whatever you want to call it.
My day starts by focusing on who I belong to and retraining my brain to replace the ideas and self-doubts that impede my complete surrender. Each morning while in the shower, I recite these 5 sentences. No sentence in my Mantra begins with "I", instead referring only to myself with the name given to me by my Master. Now, of course my permanent name is Nightbird, but it changed several times as we were working through the different stages of training.
One of my biggest obstacles, and I have mentioned this before is that I tend to question everything. It was completely second nature and definitely a remnant behavior of my vanilla life. Also, we have so much going on in day to day life, it was easy for me to get sucked in and lose my focus. So my first line is a commitment to focus and "do" without questions.
I have never been overtly sexual or comfortable viewing myself as a sexual being. As a middle aged mom with two daughters, I lost more and more of myself, my needs, my wants and my desires. So, the next 2 lines of my mantra is a reminder that I am to become Master's "fuck toy" by looking, acting, and dressing in a slutty way for Him and using any of my assets to bring Him pleasure.
The last line is dedicated to understanding that my body completely belongs to Him. I am no longer in control of what is done with and to my body. Every part of me is to be available, at any time, for His use. Also, should He choose, I will be expected to submit to anyone He should deem appropriate.
The first few weeks I felt pretty awkward saying these words out loud to nothing but the air and even as I said it...I knew it lacked conviction. I tried to have faith that if I said it enough, I might start to believe it.
One day in particular, I was really struggling mentally and frustrated with some assignment I had been tasked to complete and wanted so badly to mouth off or make excuses like I had so many times before. Instead, I stopped myself and began to recite the first line of my mantra over and over again in my head.
What I realized is that my mantra had quite effectively replaced negative thoughts with positive ones and these words had the power to still my mind!!
Saying my mantra is no longer something I just perform like a "task" and is not reserved just for the morning shower.
It is my constant reminder.
It brings me peace.
It instills confidence.
It provides direction.
It is one of the many tools that I now possess that better my service and submission.