After posting a comment over on Pearl Necklace's blog at Happily Surrendered and Submissive, she asked me a question in return. In the spirit of March Q & A, she was kind enough to let me post her question here.
Pearl's question was…How do you balance your work and service to Heron?
Work is something that has always been important to me. After watching my mother suffer in an unhappy marriage for many years more than she should have, I knew from a young age that it was imperative for me to have the capability to be independent.
About five years ago, I finally reached the position within my organization that I had been striving for and wow...did the stress consume me. It was a tough transition that lasted over a year and had we been involved in the dynamic at the time, I honestly don't know how I would have fared. Luckily, I’ve adapted and things are much more settled in my work life but balancing the two parts of my life was still a challenge.
So here are some things that I find help me keep the balance...
1) Learning to leave work at work - For so long, I thought that the world would stop turning if I wasn't constantly on top of every little things whether I was on the clock or not. I also brought home each and every stress of the day. I realize this is dependent on the nature of the job, but if you can, completely separate yourself from the job when you walk out the door at the end of the day. We are expected not to bring home life troubles into the workplace, so flip that around the other way and don't bring work life troubles home. As soon as I get in the car, my focus is already shifting to Heron and my family. I am to call Him on my way home and this begins the process of resetting. It also gives Him a chance to really judge what kind of day I have had.
2) Having a routine - I am fortunate to have a great schedule. I work 7:30- 4:30 which still leaves me plenty of time in the day. Although I do have some domestic expectations through the week, Heron keeps those tasks fairly routine so that I am not overwhelmed. He may ask me to take care of few extra things now and then but for the most part, because we both work, He is quite helpful. One thing that helps is I plan our weekly menu on the weekends and we do all the grocery shopping on Sundays. This allows me to immediately start on dinner when I get home each day. Because I view cooking as part of my service to Him, it quickly puts me in my submissive space and no longer seems a chore like it once was. I find enjoyment in having His food ready when He gets home and earning His approval for a good meal. This whole routine sets the mood for the rest of the evening which is usually taken up dealing with sports, homework, and bedtimes. And while sexual service is probably not at the level He would prefer during the week, we do what we can and try not to stress about those days when life is just too busy. There is always another day. One thing I found is that even in the busy times or the times He doesn't hold me as accountable, it's helpful to continue doing the little things that are part of my routine. They are reminders of my service to Him.
3) Even though I have very different responsibilities at work and home, I am still the same person - I no longer view myself as having to juggle 2 different lives or parts of myself. Yes, I am the leader at work and maybe I have different roles but ultimately, I am providing a service to my employer and my employees. I am taking care and seeing that my department runs smoothly and that my employees have what they need to do their job effectively, which isn't so different than the service I provide at home. It's all about perspective. We, as women, tend to wear many different hats, whether it is wife, submissive, mother, daughter, care-taker, employee, employer, etc. I like to think that no matter what hat I am wearing, I am still the same person underneath. Another thought I had on this is that I have let some of the positive attributes of my submission bridge the gap and flow over into my work which also helps keep the balance. For example, becoming a better communicator and listener has not only improved my submission at home but it has made me a stronger leader at work.
4) Ask for help - This one can be hard for us women but I had to give myself permission not to be superwoman. I started listening when Heron told me to take a break or go to bed early. It's impossible to do it all so don't be afraid to accept or ask for help. We figured out what our priorities were during the week and use the weekends to catch up on the rest. This keeps me from being completely exhausted every single night should He want to squeeze in a small scene. This may or may not translate in my blog posts but most sexual service during the week is in the form of my orally pleasuring Him. The majority of our "play" is reserved for the weekends.
5) Having time for myself - Usually easier said than done I know, but Heron requires it. It's amazing how refreshed I feel to just have some time to walk, read, or whatever else it is that allows me to regroup. It's important that I give the best of myself both to my work and to Him, but I can't continue to do that if I'm not also taking care of me.
Thank you Pearl for giving me an opportunity to answer such a great question!