Friday, June 7, 2013

My Opinion: The Punishment or Funishment Debate

It had been a very stressful day for us both, so that evening after dressing me the way He likes, of course no bra, no panties, and skirt, He suggested we go out to dinner.  His only instruction for me...focus solely on Him for the duration of the evening.  We were really enjoying ourselves, chatting and laughing over a drink and good food at our regular hangout.  My phone had been lying on the table the whole time just in case the kids called, but out of habit, I simply picked it up and checked Facebook.  (Obviously this story took place several months ago because about the only thing I check anymore is Fet)  When I set the phone back down and our eyes met, just a fleeting look told me that I may have just screwed up, but He quickly went back to our conversation.   

After dinner, He turned out of the restaurant in the opposite direction of home and we ended up a few miles down the road at a park.  Meandering to the back of the park where it was completely desolate and dark, the only light coming from our car's headlights, He stopped the car.   He instructed me take my skirt off and get out of the car. Quickly, I do as I am told but start to shake, mostly from the cold but it very well could have been fear once I saw Him coming around the back of the car removing His belt.  I knew that I had disappointed Him and didn't even try to fight what I knew was coming.  He grabbed my arm and led me to a certain distant from the vehicle. 

Standing beside me, In His most stern voice asks, "Do you understand why you are being punished?" "Yes, Sir" was all I could manage to say.  Asking for no further explanation, He ordered me to start walking with my hands clasped behind my head and count each smack of His belt out loud to ten.  I took the first step and felt the hard sting as the leather connected with the cold bare skin of my ass.  Almost instantly, tears sprang to my eyes but with a shaky voice I called out "ONE".  Another step...another smack of the belt..."TWO".  It only took a few before the pain was so intense I could hardly move.  But the penalty for stopping was starting back over at one.  Dragging me by the arm back to where we started, I had no better luck enduring the second time, now sobbing to the point that I can barely keep my balance.  Again, He started back at one.  Somehow on the third try, despite crying hysterically, I made it all the way to ten.  Once I knew He was done, I just wanted to run and get back in the car but His arms were around me now and His tongue forcing it's way into my mouth.  We stood there for a long time as He continued to kiss me deeply and grope my body proving that all was forgiven so my guilt could be absolved.      

Looking back, I can't describe how hurt I was in the  moment when it was happening, both physically and emotionally...I would have done anything to make it stop.  Any type of physical pain for me when given as punishment is almost unbearable primarily due to my guilt for disappointing Him. 

Honestly, before I started reading posts and forums, I had never even heard of the term "funishment".  As our M/s relationship evolved, I just understood there was a distinct difference between the giving and receiving of pain to intensify pleasure and pain meant for corrective action.  And the same activity could in fact be used for both.  I would never mean to imply a right or wrong way.  I believe whatever works for two people is what is right for them.  However, I do firmly believe that just about anything that can be pleasurable can also be turned and used as punishment (not "funishment") when necessary and when performed with the intended purpose.  For me, not once has physical punishment evoked any enjoyable feelings and usually I will be crying like a baby as soon as it starts.  On the other hand, I have read where people feel they would get angry if punished by physical force.  I completely understand because that used to be my reaction as well.  Now, I only feel frustration with myself for failing Him in some way and needing the cleansing only punishment can provide.  That change, I attribute to my shift in mindset from submissive to slave.   

Just using spankings as an example, one of the ways Master ensures that I don't derive any pleasure throughout a physical punishment is keeping me out of head space.  He does this a few ways:

-Spanking begins at a shockingly high intensity rather than gradually increasing through a warm-up.

-He will not tell me how many licks I am getting. I work well when focusing on numbers so He takes that away from me.

-He keeps me speaking in some manner, whether it is to count or apologize with each smack.

-Use of stern/angry voice

Thankfully, those types of punishments are a pretty rare occurrence now.  Even though I never intentionally messed up, maybe subconsciously I was still testing the waters.  It didn't take but a few times before I realized that He meant business and I was going to need to work harder.  So I quickly learned my boundaries, focused my efforts on doing what was pleasing to Him, and followed His leadership to guide us and our family, making a more peaceful existence for us all.  Not saying that I don't make mistakes, but He knows how hard I try which goes a long way.   

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