Q & A: Balancing Work and Service

After posting a comment over on Pearl Necklace's blog at Happily Surrendered and Submissive, she asked me a question in return.  In the spirit of March Q & A, she was kind enough to let me post her question here.
 
Pearl's question was…How do you balance your work and service to Heron?

Work is something that has always been important to me.  After watching my mother suffer in an unhappy marriage for many years more than she should have, I knew from a young age that it was imperative for me to have the capability to be independent.

About five years ago, I finally reached the position within my organization that I had been striving for and wow...did the stress consume me.  It was a tough transition that lasted over a year and had we been involved in the dynamic at the time, I honestly don't know how I would have fared.  Luckily, I’ve adapted and things are much more settled in my work life but balancing the two parts of my life was still a challenge.

So here are some things that I find help me keep the balance...

1) Learning to leave work at work - For so long, I thought that the world would stop turning if I wasn't constantly on top of every little things whether I was on the clock or not.  I also brought home each and every stress of the day.  I realize this is dependent on the nature of the job, but if you can, completely separate yourself from the job when you walk out the door at the end of the day. We are expected not to bring home life troubles into the workplace, so flip that around the other way and don't bring work life troubles home.  As soon as I get in the car, my focus is already shifting to Heron and my family.  I am to call Him on my way home and this begins the process of resetting.  It also gives Him a chance to really judge what kind of day I have had.  

2) Having a routine - I am fortunate to have a great schedule.  I work 7:30- 4:30 which still leaves me plenty of time in the day.  Although I do have some domestic expectations through the week, Heron keeps those tasks fairly routine so that I am not overwhelmed.  He may ask me to take care of few extra things now and then but for the most part, because we both work, He is quite helpful.  One thing that helps is I plan our weekly menu on the weekends and we do all the grocery shopping on Sundays.  This allows me to immediately start on dinner when I get home each day.  Because I view cooking as part of my service to Him, it quickly puts me in my submissive space and no longer seems a chore like it once was.  I find enjoyment in having His food ready when He gets home and earning His approval for a good meal.  This whole routine sets the mood for the rest of the evening which is usually taken up dealing with sports, homework, and bedtimes.  And while sexual service is probably not at the level He would prefer during the week, we do what we can and try not to stress about those days when life is just too busy. There is always another day.  One thing I found is that even in the busy times or the times He doesn't hold me as accountable, it's helpful to continue doing the little things that are part of my routine.  They are reminders of my service to Him.    

3) Even though I have very different responsibilities at work and home, I am still the same person - I no longer view myself as having to juggle 2 different lives or parts of myself.  Yes, I am the leader at work and maybe I have different roles but ultimately, I am providing a service to my employer and my employees.  I am taking care and seeing that my department runs smoothly and that my employees have what they need to do their job effectively, which isn't so different than the service I provide at home.  It's all about perspective. We, as women, tend to wear many different hats, whether it is wife, submissive, mother, daughter, care-taker, employee, employer, etc.  I like to think that no matter what hat I am wearing, I am still the same person underneath.   Another thought I had on this is that I have let some of the positive attributes of my submission bridge the gap and flow over into my work which also helps keep the balance.  For example, becoming a better communicator and listener has not only improved my submission at home but it has made me a stronger leader at work.

4) Ask for help - This one can be hard for us women but I had to give myself permission not to be superwoman.  I started listening when Heron told me to take a break or go to bed early. It's impossible to do it all so don't be afraid to accept or ask for help.  We figured out what our priorities were during the week and use the weekends to catch up on the rest.  This keeps me from being completely exhausted every single night should He want to squeeze in a small scene.  This may or may not translate in my blog posts but most sexual service during the week is in the form of my orally pleasuring Him.  The majority of our "play" is reserved for the weekends. 

5) Having time for myself - Usually easier said than done I know, but Heron requires it.  It's amazing how refreshed I feel to just have some time to walk, read, or whatever else it is that allows me to regroup.  It's important that I give the best of myself both to my work and to Him, but I can't continue to do that if I'm not also taking care of me.   

Thank you Pearl for giving me an opportunity to answer such a great question!

What's Love Got to Do With It

It seems that I am only four days behind in getting my March Q & A Month started, so first things first.

Heron and I want to invite any and all questions from our readers, even those of you that prefer to follow along silently or remain anonymous.  If you don't feel comfortable posting comments here on the blog, please send me a personal message. I will be sure to keep your identity confidential when I post my response.

So...what the heck...I'm going to go ahead and kick off things off with a question I received from appy in response to one of my recent posts.  It wasn't officially part of the Q & A but it was a such great question that it even inspired Heron to answer, which is such a rarity that I wanted to repost for anyone who might have missed it.


Can you understand why it makes H happy to give you so much pain? I think when you love somebody you want to give her pleasure, not pain. I hope you or H will explain it to me.


It's an interesting question. From a psychological perspective, I'm sure theories abound on why I am the way I am. I, however, will not psychoanalyze myself.

I do what I do merely because I am wired that way.

My love for littlegirl is all encompassing...I would die for her without hesitation. My love is not...is never...in question. She knows this. Which is why she submits her body to me - My own personal canvas.

To ask why I am the way I am, would be to ask why two men view a guitar in different lights. One picks it up and begins to strum a classical piece and the other just wants to hear the fucker scream.

Because of what I do, I must pay very close attention to her body. Her breathing patterns, every gasp and moan, her arousal (and yes it does happen), every bead of sweat, all mean something. They are the notes that I play and sometimes I just want to hear it scream.

Her pain feeds the beast inside. It also arouses her so, but I very much aware of her limits. I am aroused by pushing her, teasing her and testing her.

It is presumptuous at best to say that what I do, I view it as art. But humor me for a moment.

My wife can attest that I pay just as much attention to setting up the scene. Things must be framed just so, the lighting just right, the right music in the background. Her response is very much a part of my scene. The wrong response (when I've pushed too far) is not what I'm looking for.

Going back to the idea of the canvas. Her body is mine...my own personal canvas.

I paint the only way I know how.

_Heron_

  

Burning Bright

You permanently opened a door into my soul...

And ignited a fire in my mind and body that will never cease to burn.

I'm yours forever and always...

"He did not know that when the erotic and the tender are mixed in a woman, they form a powerful bond, almost a fixation" - excerpt from Delta of Venus by Anais Nin

Random Musings on the Lake and a Foiled Plan

We spent another Sunday together on the lake, a different lake than last week though.  It was quiet, little to no cell phone service so I spent the better part of the morning literally writing a blog entry, like with pen and paper.

Of course, our fishing adventure started the way every one of them does...with me like the little kid needing to use the bathroom not long after getting on the water.  He always grumbles like a grouchy bear but ultimately finds a spot for me to get out and take care of business.  I am proud of myself today though...finally figured out a way to hang off the back of the boat:)  We both got a good laugh out of that one!

And can someone please tell me why I get so darn hungry when we are out here?!  It's only 11:00 and I have already devoured all my food.

Just now, as the sun begins peeking out from the clouds, a beautiful heron flies gracefully overhead.  Is it a coincidence that "Heron" is Daddy's chosen nickname?  I think not! 
 
With a little music playing on my phone, I lay back and soak in the sun and relax, wishing every day could be like this. 

By now, you are reading this probably saying to yourself, "ok, this is all fine and good but where is the kinky adventure like you wrote about last week?"

Well, it kinda goes like this.  A cop got on the water at the same time as us this morning and keeps randomly popping up.  The lake we are on isn't very big and there aren't really any hiding places.  I know Daddy had a plan but for now...it seems I am safe!

However, in tribute to the July 4th weekend, I did manage to get a picture of today's boating attire.

It's Not Really About Humiliation

Some readers have commented or sent messages inquiring as to if or when Heron might have a contribution for this blog.

I should probably mention that He is a very private and quiet person. However, I always find, when He does speak up, His words are well thought out and very enlightening.

It took a while, but He finally took the opportunity to comment on my recent post (In)Decently Exposed. Admittedly, it really was a good one for Him to comment on given that the topic is something I struggle with greatly and I have a hard time understanding why that aspect of our dynamic is so important for Him.

For me, His perspective was extremely insightful and I thought it could really stand as it's own post. Plus, for those of you inquiring, I didn't want you to miss it.

So, I have copied and pasted His response and associated references below.

To me there is something enticing about watching your discomfort when you know you have to present yourself...your body...in a public arena.

Now you know, I would never put you in a situation that would put us in jeopardy, so it doesn't bother me that you are wearing a thin t-shirt that displays your delicious assets!

I get that most women are not in the least bit turned on by humiliation Women are constantly faced with cat-calls, whistles, wandering eyes, accidental touches, etc.
I think it is important to understand that it is not your humiliation that I crave.

The distinction lies in the definition of what is happening to you. It is not your humiliation that either of us respond to. Rather, it is your embarrassment. When you have on skin tight clothes that are showing glimpses of the treats underneath, it embarrasses you. Your embarrassment and the fact that I am taking you out of your comfort zone entices me! (Does it entice you? We both know the answer to that. Don't we pet?).

Warren and Warren (2008) noted that humiliation makes the recipient feel less valued, less treasured and bad about the self-image. Showing off your body may be embarrassing, but it is because you have a great body that I acknowledge it and show it off. In turn, that should bring you a greater sense of self-worth (Warren & Warren, 2008).

This should happen for two reasons. First, despite your fears, you overcome your hesitation and doubt and successfully accomplish the task presented to you. The other reason, is that you have pleased your master.

It is for those very reasons that I will continue to see just how far down the rabbit hole you are willing to go.

Love you my pet!

Warren, J., & Warren, L. (2008). The loving dominant (3rd ed.). Oakland, CA: Greenery Press.



By the way, He also requested that I add a picture of the shirt in question to the His collection of  favorite Pics.