Monday, November 30, 2015

"Sock" It to Me

It's been quite a while since I felt the sting of Heron's disappointment and the humiliation of being punished. 

Thankfully, punishments are rare these days.  Typically for us, a stern warning here and there goes a long way towards righting the ship that is beginning to steer off course.      

But there was this one thing...

You know how inevitably, one sock out of a pair always gets lost in the laundry? 

Somehow between the washer and dryer one of them just...disappears!

Well, we have been experiencing a slightly different phenomenon in our house but still relating to socks.  It's more like one never makes it to the laundry. Almost every time single time I scoop up dirty clothes, I manage to leave ONE sock behind on the floor.  And even though I feel like I double check myself all the time, it has continued to happen.

Heron has been quite patient with it, sometimes even joking about how it's now like my little "signature".  But I also knew the underlying message, in a gently way of course, was to correct the problem. 

Well, I was out with my daughter the other day when I received a text message from Him with this picture attached.

And the words...SOMEONE IS IN TROUBLE.

Now the last couple of months, Heron has been dealing with a medical issue which means life for the most part has been, well just  He ended up having minor surgery just a little over a month ago and I am happy to say He has recovered nicely.   

But that text message definitely signaled that He was getting back on the horse and ready to deal with any lack of focus on my part.

It was several days before He actually had the time to follow through on any punishment.  And like a kid, I tried extra hard those few days, hoping He might put it out of His mind. 

Nope...that didn't happen. 

The other night He told me it was time to deal with some business.  He ordered me to remove all my clothes and kneel in the middle of the bedroom floor.

Nothing had even happened yet and tears were already welling up in my eyes. As I knelt there, looking at the floor, He asked me if I understood why I was being punished.  I understood perfectly.  Didn't stop me from being angry and disappointed.   

I felt sure that my punishment would come in the form of a paddling but Heron always does know how to surprise me. 

As I knelt there, He walked away for a moment and returned with a sock.  Yes, one of His dirty socks!

Bet you can guess where that sock went!

If you guessed in my mouth, well then, you would be correct.

As He sat back on the chest at the end of our bed and folded His arms, I felt the increasing weight of His stare as I continued to keep my eyes on the floor.  Tears rolled down my cheeks and my mouth was humiliatingly full of smelly dirty sock.  And while I couldn't stand that my actions had made this necessary, I could feel the anger and disappointment fading away and the humility seeping back into my soul.  

Friday, November 27, 2015

The Slave Register

Heron has debated for a while on whether I should be added to The Slave Register.  He never believed that it was necessary for our respective roles or that it would make us any more official.  For us, the truly defining moment was our collaring ceremony. 

However, as more of a symbolic gesture, He did decide to go ahead and add me the other day.  Perhaps I underestimated how I would feel once seeing it in black and white.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

My Sunday Date with a Sadist of a Different Kind

The room is cold and dark, lit only by the twinkling of colored lights flashing from the ceiling.

As I wait for her to come in the room, I look around nervously, not fully understanding the extent of what's to come.

It promises to be a session like no other I have experienced for sure!

Like a true sadist, she pushes me further than I thought possible.

So many times, my body screams and begs to call "red"!

But instead, I only dig deeper, intent on pushing my own physical limits.

Now, it's been been two days since that session.

The bruising isn't nearly I bad as I thought it might be.


The soreness... OH MY GOSH... THE SORENESS!!!

It's a deep aching pain. You know the kind that makes something as simple as pulling up your pants seem like a chore?

Yes, it's that kind of sore!

I hurt in places and ways I didn't know that I could.

My next meeting with this sadistic woman, oh I already cringe to think.

However, despite the pain, I am proud to say I survived my first pole dancing class.

And I climbed my ass all the way to the top of that pole!

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Beyond the Words

Pearl  over at Happily Surrendered and Submissive made a comment on my last post about how my heart was in such a good place these days.  Her observation was very touching and is also spot on.  In fact, that very day, I had just posted the following as a writing on my Fetlife profile so I thought I would share it here as well...

Strip away the labels, the rules, the rituals.
True happiness lies in those things unspoken and less defined.
It's in his gentle touch and how it radiates through not just my body but also my soul.
It's in the way my heartbeat slows to match his when wrapped in his arms.
It's in his eyes when he looks into mine and knows all the hidden secrets.
It's in the way he drinks in my scent like it's a hit of his favorite drug.
It's in the way the beast peacefully slumbers once his appetite has been sated.
It's in that moment when he allows me to experience his vulnerability.
It's in a connection so powerful, we can predict what the other is thinking.
It's in knowing I would never want to spend a day on earth without him.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

The Truth

He once told me,
As I walked out the door,
Trying to turn my back on our life together, 
"No one will ever love you like I do".
What cruel words I thought.
Now I realize, He was speaking only the most sincere truth.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Embracing "The Girl"

As a child, I was always very adult like, partly because I was mature for my age, but mostly just because this was expected of me. Not that my childhood was horrible. But being "a child" was discouraged. I also grew up believing that I didn't have a voice, that I was responsible for others happiness, and I always had to be strong.

As an adult, life has dealt some pretty shitty blows. This is no different than anyone else, I realize that. But it's always been my job to hold it all together - be strong for everyone around me. Even when I wanted and needed to be the one to fall apart.

As a slave, I understand that sometimes I still don't have a say. And while I may not be responsible for His happiness, I am responsible for being pleasing by doing what is expected. At times, being a slave requires a strength that I feel I have acquired over my lifetime.

But for the first time in my life, I have finally accepted that someone else can and wants to take care of me in return. It's okay to feel small, to let down your walls, to allow yourself to feel just a bit needy. There is safety and security in trusting someone so completely.

Finally, I am learning to embrace "the girl" I never was.