A Question of Title

I don't know how many others have experienced this, or how many people knew this about me, but I had such a hard time in the beginning referring to my husband as Master.  It was one of the most uncomfortable things I have ever had to make myself say.  Later, when He insisted on me calling Him Daddy, well that certainly didn't come any easier, probably harder in all honesty.  

I'm so glad one of my readers asked me about this the other day. He explained that his sub was very shy about calling him Master and he was wondering if I had ever felt this way.  This is absolutely something I can relate to and his question made me really stop and think about the reason why.

First off, as a child, I wasn't raised to use a names of respect such as Sir or Ma'am for anyone.  There were times my father would command me to call him Sir, but that was only when He was in a foul mood or mad at me. So...like any normal kid, I was pretty much like efff that! The way I looked at it, he had done little as a father to earn my respect and Sir WAS NOT coming out of my mouth just because he wanted to put me in my place at that particular moment.

So, I know for me, respect plays a big part. 

However, I think the biggest hurdle I had to overcome was that verbal acknowledgement of having a lower status. It was one thing for Him dominate me, humiliate me, and even say it himself but it was another for me to set my pride aside and say it myself.  

So what finally made it easier?

Well mostly writing it here in my blog.  Being forced to say it over and over again in the bedroom, when I was most vulnerable and pliable. also helped.  And really, I had called Him by His name or some other term of endearment for 20 years.  So learning to call Him something different just took time.  

Outside the bedroom though...He just isn't one to be overly concerned with titles. 

Thank you for the question!

Voicing Opinions

In response to my recent post Lazy Days and Questions, one reader asked:

My question is about the second part of your post. In your relationship as Husband/wife, to what extent are you allowed to voice your opinion as a spouse and not as a sub (even if it opposite to his)?

This is a really good question and I actually sat down and talked with Heron about his perspective on this question before I answered just to make sure that my take on it is correct.


So, we kind of boiled it down to a few key issues: sex, money, and kids.  These tend to be the most common areas of disagreement between married couples, right?

We never so much fought about money, mainly stressed over it, but we did have our fair share of arguments about sex and the kids.

Do I get to voice my opinion as a spouse?  Absolutely!  I am always free to voice my opinion...always have been free to.  Except maybe when it comes to sex now.  Well, even that, I can voice my opinion...but I just don't think my opinion matters much in that regard. 

Overall, He values my what I think and tells me all the time how smart and perceptive I am.  Whether we live in a D/s dynamic or not, we are still life partners and want what's best for each other and our family. 

However, what being submissive has taught me is there is always a time, place, and manner in which to express said opinions.  Loudly, disrespectfully, or perhaps in front of others, is not going to be in my best interest. My tone and style of communication is altogether different...all the time. 

For example, with the kids, I may not agree with how He has chosen to deal with something.  Used to be, I would have gotten really fired up about it and quite possibly "called Him down" in front of them, undermining His authority.  I might have even been right in what I was saying but my MO was horrible.  I see that now.  If I have an issue, I wait and discuss it with Him privately afterwards.  I may bite my tongue off in the process but because I am not approaching it aggressively, there is no need for Him to get defensive. Therefore, He actually listens to what I am saying and is much more likely to see and agree with my viewpoint.

With money, even though He manages the finances, we always discuss budget and big purchase items.  Could He buy that nice new boat He is dying to have?  Sure.  He doesn't require my permission to do that but we discuss all major decisions and He respects what I feel may or may not be in the best interest of our family. 

Sometimes my input gives Him a different perspective, sometimes I am His sounding board, and sometimes my words speak to His conscience. 

So yes, I am free to speak my opinion, even when it differs from His.  But I no longer see a distinction between speaking to Him as a wife or a sub. 

I am always His wife...I am always His submissive. 

And weighing my words isn't even a conscious decision I make anymore, it's just something that happens.. 

Not saying that I don't get angry or upset sometimes, but there isn't a timeout, so to speak, where I am granted the freedom to say what I want, however I want.  For the sake of keeping communication constructive, I always stay respectful.  And arguing...well, no matter what the situation, that just isn't going to happen.  

I admit though, if I am guilty of anything, it may be stating my opinion one too many times if I feel my point isn't getting across.  In that case, He'll give me the "That's enough!" and I know it's time to cool it. 

Thank you, Charlie for the question!  

Take a Step Back

A question I see often is how can a submissive acknowledge and show respect to her Dom in public without being overly obvious.  

Walking behind is one way that I show respect to my Master.  Maybe not always as far behind as the lady in this picture but you get the idea.

Whether we are out shopping or out for a stroll, I remind myself to keep one step behind to His left side.  Occasionally, He may reach out to hold my hand and I understand that He wishes for me to walk with Him but that is only on His terms and not something for me to initiate.   

As I follow His lead, my eyes, for the most part, remain on Him so if He slows or stops I can adjust my pace accordingly so as to not get ahead. 

It took some getting used to but taking a step back was really such a simple unspoken gesture...