I Might Not Squirt...

But apparently I do fart!

If you aren't picking yourself off the floor from hysterical laughter already, keep reading.

So, it seems I have this problem.  A weird new kink, maybe?  Let's call it self humiliation.

It's happened twice now.  The farting that is, not the squirting. 

Let me back up just a bit.  This phenomenon of squirting is something kind of new to me.  I'm not even sure that I truly understand it and whether it's a real thing is a debate for another post.  All I know is that it has happened on occasion, usually after multiple orgasms with the Hitachi.

Daddy is not a fan so it's not something I ever cared to explore.  But once it started happening, I became pretty self-conscious about it, although I had never even come close to it happening during sex...that is until the other night.  I was laying on my back with the lower portion of my body hanging over the side, massaging my clit and He was standing up thrusting into me.

I felt it starting to happen, just the right angle and the pressure was building. Right as my orgasm started, I just knew there was about to be a flood.  Well, that was right up until...I farted!!  Must have put a little too much pressure into it!  LOL 

We looked at each other in shock and then busted out laughing, squealing about how unattractive "THAT" was.   

So the first time you can shake off and chalk up as just an embarrassing moment.  But today...today takes the cake.

I meet Daddy at His office or lunch.  After we eat, He tells me to lock the door and I can't leave until I make myself cum.  So, I shimmy my skirt up, sit down in one of the chairs and prop my feet up one another chair. 

As I lay my head back and close my eyes, massaging myself, He sits at His desk acting only mildly interested in what I am doing because He is "working".  To make the show a little more exciting, I ask Him for something to use...a pen...something like that.  A good little insertion and something to leave Him with, a nice little reminder of my time there. He throws me a marker from across the desk.

I hear sounds outside His door, the fear of being caught both scary and exciting.  I'm getting closer and closer, finally going over the edge, arching my body in the chair in the throws of my self pleasure. I try to keep from screaming...

And then...<insert loud fart noise>  

Seriously, I almost fell out of the chair laughing so damn hard but WTF?!  Really, what is going on?

Am I trying so hard to squirt (or not to squirt) that the pressure is backing up?

Is it another one of those "you are just getting older" problems?

I mean sure, we get a good laugh at my complete and utter embarrassment but I am going to develop a serious complex...not to mention it ruins a perfectly good orgasm!!

A Morning on the Lake

It was a beautiful morning watching the sun rise over the lake.  The new boat is so much more comfortable than before, plus Heron is able to cover so much more area.   Today was my first "official"' day of the season out with Him and I was put in charge of the GPS, navigating the way from spot to spot. 

When it was time to make our way back to the boat ramp, He asked which direction.  My instincts pointed the way but he didn't believe me.  After heading the wrong way a couple of times, I showed Him the GPS to prove my point. 

Heron: (looking at the GPS)

lg:  I tried to tell you several times this is the right way.

Heron: Are you absolutely sure?

lg: I ask with all due respect, but who's the directionally challenged person in the family?

Heron: (now heading in the right direction, recognizes a boat dock we passed earlier) Ok...OK...you are right.

lg:  (looking at him smiling)

Heron:  Alright...now you are getting a paddling!

Lick It

You know how well you have been conditioned to obey orders when He makes a shake, takes apart the blender to wash it, and tells you to lick the blade clean.

And the thought doesn't occur until after you have stuck out your tongue (like an idiot)...

What the hell did He just ask me to do?

Of course, He just thought that was so funny!