Shoot for the Moon

What a crazy whirlwind of activity this week and weekend has been.  One child graduating from elementary school, the other celebrating the huge milestone event of high school graduation.

I've been both looking forward to and dreading the end of this school year since it started because I'm constantly left wondering "where does the time go?"   

Several times this week, I found myself on the brink of tears...looking through old photos with Heron, flashing through the different memories in my head while driving down the road, standing in the bakery ordering her cake, seeing her name in print on the graduation program. 

Our oldest daughter...she makes me so proud to see how much she has already accomplished and what a close relationship her and I have.  But most of all, I am excited to see what else life has in store for her...and us! 

The only dark spot in the day was a huge hole in my heart knowing that this was a day, among many others, that my sister would never have wanted to miss.  

But looking around as the party was coming to a close, I took a moment to just to appreciate celebrating with so many people I love and having all three of our children (and a daughter-in-law) under the same roof for the weekend...and I realized just how blessed I truly am.

Let 'Em Think It

I don't know about you but nothing frustrates me more than car problems. Having safe and reliable cars is definitely a priority in our house.

In my last post, I mentioned that I had spent the better part of Saturday getting my car serviced.  Well, four hours and $500 later, I left...only to get in my car Monday morning and realize my headlight had still not been fixed.

This wouldn't normally fire me up like it did but it was the second time this particular dealership had not corrected an issue on my first visit.  I had several other things done, but really, how how hard was it really to fix a headlight?

Made me question the quality of their work all the way around.

So, I got to work with my one eyed car and called the dealership as soon as they opened.  I asked for a manager right away.  Well, the lady put me through to a voicemail box that was full.  Couldn't even leave a message.  

It's been a long time since I've blown a gasket but that really put my on the brink.  After hanging up and dialing back, I told her to put me through to a person this time.

Well, long story short, after getting off the phone with the service manager, he sent his top guy to my office and replaced not just a headlamp but the whole darn light assembly.  Right there...in my parking lot. And he showed me proof that the other work had actually been done. 

Wouldn't you believe it was the office talk for the day!

My secretary told me that she had overheard me on the phone and thought I was being nicer than was deserved and certainly nicer than she would have been.  She described my conversation as "professionally mean". 

"Professionally mean"...actually I kind of like that.  I would assume that falls within Heron's expectations of my behavior.  Didn't raise my voice...didn't curse.  Just simply told them what I thought of their service and in no uncertain words described exactly how I wanted the problem resolved. 

None of my other employees could figure out what I must have said to elicit such a response.  I overheard comments like..."oh, I wouldn't want to make her mad".  But the best one was "she must give her husband hell". Pretty funny, I thought. I'll just let them keep thinking that. But if they only knew!!

Just too funny not not share...

Parents-1, Kid-0

Apparently, we have horrified our youngest! No worries...she didn't see anything.  She's just putting two and two together about what moms and dads do behind closed doors.  

Typically, we wait for most adult activities to happen once the house is quiet, and the little one is asleep.  I say little one but she is actually 11...going on 25!  Except for that part about not being able to stay in her bed all night.  

Well, Sunday night, I had a goal to complete...five complete blowjobs from Friday night to Sunday night. And the last one wasn't happening if we waited on her to go to bed.  So I tucked her in, told her we would be in our room for a little while, and that the door would be locked so she needed to go to bed on her own.

Oh, boy did I hear about it as soon as I got home from work yesterday! 

"Mom, I know what you and Dad were doing last night.  That's soooo disgusting".

She didn't really know. The door was locked and she couldn't hear a thing but she also wasn't buying the whole we were watching TV story.  Of course having an 18 year old to egg her on doesn't help at all..

She continues on saying she will NEVER get in our bed again...it's just GROSS!!

When we were alone, Heron and I high-fived each other and joked that we should have taken that approach a long time ago if that's all it was going to take.

A Sigh of Relief

I wish I had something fun to write about but this sickness has been lingering here now for over a week.  And now that I am finally feeling a bit better, the youngest is sick. Maybe the timing is good though because Daddy has had to stay completely immersed with work and school this week.  So, at least I don't feel quite as guilty for not being able to serve Him in my usual capacity. 

But on a good note...actually a really good note, the eldest received an acceptance letter to her  college of choice and scored high enough on her ACT to be awarded an academic scholarship that will cover her entire tuition!!  I'm so happy for her and breathing a sigh of relief.      

When Life Throws You Lemons

 

There hasn't been much to write about since my last post.  It seems that I'm now trying to fight off the very same crud that I have successfully avoided this whole season.  I actually can't remember the last time I was sick, and while everyone else was falling like flies, I swore my lemon water was the key to me staying healthy.

Every time I feel even the slightest twinge of sickness coming on, I just up the amount of my lemon water and by the next day, I'm fine. Supposedly, it has something to do with keeping the pH in your body balanced and I'm sure the vitamin C doesn't hurt either.  

So...urggg!  Why do I feel like crap now??

Well, maybe it is still helping though because I haven't been sick enough to stay home from work, yet.

But I am sick enough that Daddy has been avoiding me like the plague.  He's swamped with work right now and can't afford to be under the weather.  

So, I've spent the evenings watching Netflix with the eldest.  She's been on rampage wanting to rewatch all the seasons of Grey's Anatomy, of all things.  Gosh...I had forgotten just how much sex was going on in that show! Makes me jealous that I'm not getting any.


But hey...I did manage to fix a leaky toilet.  Yay me! 

On a different note, i joined a local kinky book club!  My first meeting is at the end of February and the book to read for that meeting is Delta of Venus by Anais Nin.  It ordered it for about $4 on eBay and when I got in from work today, I was so excited to see it already arrived!!!



It's a cold, rainy Friday night here so it would be awesome to cuddle up with my new book and a warm drink.  But I have my own story to write first.  Chapter 3 is due to Daddy before the end of this weekend.  This cold needs to pass quickly. 

Marks of a Different Kind

It's been cold here.  Well duh....it's pretty much been cold everywhere.  But what cold means for me is that I am not required to come to bed naked, unless of course Daddy says I should.

The other night I was standing beside the bed, taking my clothes off and debating on whether to put on pajamas.  It wasn't too cold and I knew He was waiting for me to come take my usual place of worship but He must have seen the momentary debate I was having in my head.

If you come to bed with no clothes, there may be consequences.

Well...since you put it like that, it's certainly a risk I'm willing to take.

I hopped in bed, without clothes and began stroking and caressing His cock until it came to life.

After several minutes He told me to get on my back.  I was beyond thrilled that He was going to use my body, not just my mouth and for the most part, it all started off very vanilla.  Then, something in Him changed.  He became almost animal like as He began feeding on my neck. Instantly, shock waves of excitement coursed through my body.     

I knew that He would leave marks and after He stopped and did it again, I knew He meant to leave marks.  He alternated sides, telling me to turn my head. giving Him better access to continue His frenzy.

After we were done, He told me to go check and see how bad it was in the mirror.  There were no less than seven marks around my throat and some places He had sucked so hard they actually hurt.  

In the twenty-two years we have been intimate with each other, He has never marked me (at least not where anyone could see).  I would have been mortified by the idea of wearing passion marks. 

But damn...it was hot, and now, I am quite proud to wear any kind of marks that display His ownership of me. 

Besides, that's what scarves are for, right?!

Life Hurts

 
This was a tough weekend in our house. Helping a daughter go through that first horrible break-up is one way to turn everyone's life upside down.

It's gut-wrenching to watch your child experience the kind of lying, betrayal, and pain that relationships can often bring.  As a naive 18 year old, she has the most trusting soul and really sees only the good in people.

The worst part...Daddy and I knew this guy's story from the day we met him.  As we watched her fall fast, we warned her about his type and the road that lay ahead, knowing there was nothing we could do except wait for the pieces to fall. 

In the end, our warnings peaked her curiosity enough to seek the truth. And then, she was left to make the toughest decision in her life so far.

But it doesn't feel any better when your child calls sobbing and choking out the words "you were right".  Picking up the fragile pieces of your child's broken heart...well it just sucks.  

Her and I spent a lot of time together this weekend.  In between the bouts of crying, there was a lot of talking and plenty of movie watching.  But it was Daddy's conversation with her last night that seemed to help the most. It wasn't a comfortable conversation for Him, I'm sure.  He tends to leave the love and relationship stuff to me.

But He has such a way with all of us. He is our strength and stability when we need it most.  And I honestly don't know what we would ever do without Him.

Real Life Keeps Calling...

This has been a sad week in our house.  We unexpectedly had to say goodbye to our eldest dog.  She was more or less mine and Heron's girl.  The other two dogs, even though I take care of them all, were picked out specifically for each of our daughters.  

I'm glad whatever happened to her, happened fairly quickly though, most likely a stroke.  She went from being happy and healthy one day, to not being able to stand or walk the next.  I knew my decision was the right one but it certainly doesn't make it any easier.  It kind of makes sense now why the middle dog had been attacking her.  She must have sensed that the other one was ill or weakened.  We've had to keep them separated for a while now and I am kind of glad we don't have the stress hanging over our head that she would get killed in a dog fight. 

Gosh...it just sucks though!  I've had to make the decision several times to have one of our pets put down and this time I realized just how alone I feel in that.  Don't get me wrong...Heron is always completely supportive but it's one area that is mine to deal with completely.  He's never been the one to have that conversation with the vet or be the one holding our beloved pet as they take their last breath.  For all that tough exterior, I know He just can't do it and I love that He is that tender-hearted when it comes to certain things. 

Sometimes we still have to be the strong one...



 

As Time Flies

Earlier today, I was sitting drinking my coffee, waiting on my oldest daughter to finish getting ready.

Getting ready for what?...you may ask.

Senior portraits!

And being the sap that I am, I had to fight back tears the whole morning.

It's all happening so fast.  This year is already flying by and I feel paralyzed by the fact that in less than a year, she will be in college.

How can this be?  How can my little baby be such a grown young woman?

How am I old enough to have a child going into college? And let me just tell you, I am really struggling with that one!

The other day, I received an email with a reminder to be visiting colleges while out on Fall Break.  It really felt like a kick in the gut.  Logically, I know we need to be doing this already but it was the reality of it that hit me so hard.  

Holy crap...college applications are due in just a few short months.  We are more than halfway through September.  This year is going to be over before I know it.  

null-entity.deviantart.com

Senior pictures today...

Cap and gown fittings next week...

And soon, all the other joys that senior year brings!

It's all happening whether I want it to or not.

But all I see every time I look at her is the beautiful little girl we brought into this world,  And while I so look forward to seeing what life has in store for her, I just wish time would slow down, even if just for a little while.

Bittersweet

Sorry for the completely vanilla post but today was such an emotional day for me. Today was the beginning of yet another school year and were milestone days for each of my girls. 

The oldest...well it was the first day of her senior year.  It seems like just a few months ago, she was my little baby.  Daddy and I ask each other all the time "how is it that she is SO grown up?".  And she looked so pretty this morning!  I complimented her and asked "why are you so dressed up?". She said "well mom, today is my last first day of school and I wanted to look nice".  All through the day, I thought about what she said and kept getting choked up.  Darn it...I'm even doing it now just trying to write this post.

The youngest (my little hot-headed fashionista that thinks I am a complete embarrassment to all man-kind)...this was her last first day of elementary school.  I feels like my heart is completely breaking as I watch her childhood, and all it's sweet innocence, slipping right through my fingers.

I'm not a perfect mother, not even close, but I know how much I love them and I can only hope one day they understand just how proud they made me each and every day. 

Resolutions

I hope everyone celebrated the start to the New Year in whatever way made you happy.  We enjoyed a night out to dinner and a movie without the kids.  There were no end of the year fireworks except the ones going off outside in the neighborhood but that's ok.  After looking at the list of "resolutions" Master handed me at dinner, I was thankful for a night of vanilla to prepare for what starts today.

Personally, I don't believe in making resolutions.  If I am convicted enough to do something or change something about myself, I feel that is something I can do anytime of the year.  And quite honestly, some of the things on this list I don't even want to do.  So that would not make them resolutions but "tasks" rather.  Anyway, I am arguing semantics that aren't really important.  What's important is now I have certain expectations on top of my already established ones.

2014 "Resolutions"

1) Post a photo on Fet once a week (pose of His choosing)

2) Wear red everyday while on my period (so He knows when I am available and when I am not)

3) Everyday that I am not on my period, I must keep something in my pussy all day

4) Every Friday and Saturday night, I must wear the butterfly vibrator while I sleep (or apparently try to sleep)

5) There will be 3-15 VERY intense weekend training sessions, designed to break me down and build me up over the coming year.

6) Join a gym and train there consistently.

7) During the warmer months, maintain a tan, spray or sun doesn't matter.

8) Once a week, I will bring Master something to spank me with.  I am to kneel in front of Him with the implement extended and ask me to thoroughly punish my ass, understanding that I will be shown little mercy once He begins.  He may choose to dismiss me without punishment but either way I am to immediately go masturbate to orgasm afterwards and let Him know when I am done.

9) Same as #6 except this time I am to ask for my whore's pussy to be spanked, understanding that I will be tied down with my legs pulled back towards my head and I will be shown little mercy once He begins.  Again, He may choose not to spank me but either way I am to immediately go masturbate to orgasm afterwards and let Him know when I am done.

10) This one I would rather keep private for the time being


OK...so maybe I am not perfect:)

11) Wash the cars in short-shorts and a light color tube top this summer, no matter who is around.

Won't the neighbors be thrilled!

12)  Reach out and begin cultivating friendships with other women and try to meet with them once a month

13) Get back to attending local munches

Some of these aren't so bad, but some of them I really don't look forward to.  Luckily, I just clarified with Him that these are to begin the first full week of January.  So I have a small reprieve until Monday! 

If it could only be this simple...:)


Wishing you all a Happy and Kinky New Year! 

 

       

Regrets and Redemption

There was a thread on Fetlife the other day that struck such a deep chord in me.  I wrote a short reply on the topic but really felt like I had so much more to say.  It was about "regrets" you have had since being introduced to the D/s or BDSM lifestyle.  Unfortunately, I think I could write a book on the ups and downs (well, mostly downs) we have faced through our marriage on this topic prior to my commitment into submission.

I was only 19 when we met in college and I had very little experience sexually, and none that I had enjoyed before Him.   We instantly fell in love but I had just come out of a VERY controlling relationship which ended traumatically.  Unfortunately, the unresolved issues that I would be left to cope with would haunt us for years to come...we just didn't realize it yet. 

Fast forward, a couple of years through dating and wedding.  It wasn't long after we were married that I realized my Master might be bent a little differently when it came to sex.  He was and is really quite conservative and shy.  So, when this kinky side of Him appeared, I really didn't know what to think and quite honestly, it scared me.  I was also angry at Him for not sharing this with me before we were married.  Regardless of how I felt, I tried for Him.  I let Him tie me up, spank me a little, or use clothespins on my nipples.  It always ended up the same way...with me in tears and feeling horrible about myself.  Even just listening to Him call me dirty names left me feeling dead inside for days afterwards.  My fear of being out of control absolutely brought out the worst in me and I began to shut down in our marriage.  The feeling that we could never make each other happy consumed me and after a couple of years, I chose to leave Him.  Obviously, we got back together or that would be where my story ends:) I did come to my senses and return to Him after about a year but it was on vanilla only terms.

After several more years, the topic of kink started coming back into the picture.  I could feel He wasn't completely connected to me physically and we would hash it out every 6 months or so.  It was always the same discussion and it was so painful for both of us.  I needed more attention and affection but He couldn't give it to me.  The only way He could hold back His dominant tendencies was to hold back completely. The sex was still good, but the true passion was missing. 

Funny thing was, at this point, on rare occasions, I actually liked the thought of being spanked and and tied up.  I tried to convince Him that maybe we could do it "when I felt like it" and was hurt when He explained that it couldn't work like that for Him.  This didn't make any sense to me...why did it have to be all or nothing?  This line in the sand left me feeling completely inadequate and angry.  Rather than educating myself of the subject and trying to understand Him better, I lashed out with horrible and hurtful things that made Him feel less of a person...and worse...less of a man.  I told Him that there was something wrong with Him, that what He wanted from me "wasn't normal", and was abusive.  Oh God...it makes me sick now thinking what I did and how horrible I was.  And He loved me anyway!   

But this was case closed for Him and I was assured under no circumstances would it ever be brought up again. 

So, how did we get to where we are now?  Luckily, I was ready to finally let go of my control issues.  My past was just that...my past...not my future.  That lesson didn't come easy though, it was through the loss of someone very close to me.  I was thankful for the good man, family and life I had but the sex left alot to be desired.  So, during sex, my mind started taking me to places I had never been before but I was so ashamed and kept these thoughts to myself for a long while. 

Then, I discovered erotic books and found that my fantasies of being "taken" against my will, being held down and fucked by multiple men and women, and so on and so on...wasn't so abnormal.  Not that I necessarily want these things to happen in real life, but it was a sure sign my inner submissive was screaming to come out!  I also could finally appreciate the fantasies and needs my Husband had all along.  I couldn't get enough...reading story after story.  I don't know if it was the books or if I was just hitting my sexual prime but my libido kicked into overdrive and I was turned on like never before.  I got the nerve to talk with Him about my fantasies and told Him I was really ready to try it His way.  Of course with my previous behavior, who would have blamed Him for being hesitant.  Thankfully, He got on board with the idea pretty quickly! ;-) 

Well, kinky quickly turned into full time D/s and even though we have hit a few bumps in the road, we haven't looked back since.  I think I mentioned it in my post Surrendering Control, the key for me to submit in the bedroom was submission in all things first.  We finally figured out where we were going wrong after all those years!  He just hates that we wasted so much time.  Although, I don't know if, even willingly, I could have handled Him as a younger and much more energetic sadist!   

Now, since I spent the first 20 years being a complete ass about His needs, I only hope to spend the next 20 years making up for it by being everything He ever needed me to be...the best submissive possible.  That will be my redemption:)

       

24/7 D/s in our 24/7 Vanilla Life

For those of you who have been reading my blog, you might have started to pick on the fact that my Master and I have a pretty busy family life.  It is so difficult at times to focus on our relationship when we are pulled in different directions by so many different variables.  I am sure others of you face this challenge as well.  Have you ever been to the point of frustration and just really have to laugh at how comical it all is?

There is nothing that can take you out of the proper frame of mind like getting your ass spanked in the closet only to be interrupted with a knock at the door followed by..."Mom!  Will you come help me with my homework?"  Now, please don't think that our kids can hear what is going on or that we would ever do anything with them in close proximity.  My Master has figured out which implements are more quiet for situations such as this.   

The switch is one such implement that delivers quite a sting with almost no noise at all.  Also, if he feels that my tits need punishment but we aren't in a situation that allows for a true spanking, he will use what's called a "silent spanking". For those of you that haven't experienced this, it is Capsaicin cream (arthritis pain relief).  The first time He spread this on my nipples, I didn't feel anything at first and thought to myself "what's the big deal?".  HOLY COW, about 10 minutes into sitting down at the dinner table, I wanted to come out of my chair when the sting hit me!  The intense burning will last about about 20 minutes.  Quite an effective tit spanking and He never touched me and nobody around us knew any better. 

Our little "secret" makes it all more exciting!

Even though our household situation limits the amount of physical contact we have at times, I work hard to focus on my overall demeanor making sure that He knows I am still thinking of Him and my submission all the time. 

I would be interested to hear how you incorporate your D/s lifestyle into family life...