Why is it that the quiet leads me to an uncomfortable place?
Maybe I have come to recognize a pattern..
There are plenty of times when words fail me. I grow quiet not only here on my blog but also in the rest of my life. Usually, it's busy schedules or a feeling that whatever is going isn't all that newsworthy, or some combination of both. Whatever the reason though, I am realizing these are the times when so much needs to be said.
You see, the mind plays tricks, leading me to believe, when passivity in our dynamic takes over...it's OK...that I am OK. But that's really not so.
He is quite honest in admitting that He doesn't always like to hear what I am feeling. Not because He is insensitive or doesn't have a desire or need to know, but because it forces Him to look towards Himself and analyze how He may also be faltering. This plays a huge huge role into my tendency to shy away, relegating myself to that quiet spot, and fight the need to face and share my pesky emotions. He is burdened enough and I try hard not to add to that.
Of course it doesn't help knowing that His solution is pretty much always NOT going to be what I had in mind. I am sure you know what I mean.
But, eventually, whatever is bothering me, all comes dribbling out anyway, much as it did the other day.
The threat of training, as I wrote about here, had yet to materialize, really through no fault of His own. But the overall lack of attention the last few months had really begun to shake my self confidence, leaving me feeling...well not only vulnerable but undesired.
Now, I should know without a doubt that isn't the case but my brain had run amok while left in the quiet too long.
So, after finally opening up and talking to Daddy (which I will explain the name change in my next post) over the weekend, He decided we had much work ahead to break the cycle of complacency and the first step was His reinstatement of higher protocol.
Wow...was Monday a tough adjustment, but very much needed for both of us!!
However, I would like to point out that Daddy's tendencies towards the "ALL OR NOTHING" principle can be a bit exasperating.
That's all I have time for now, but plenty to catch up in the next post or two.
Showing posts with label training. Show all posts
Showing posts with label training. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Outstanding Business
Snuggled up in bed, His slave lies nestled against His shoulder. Both of them are left exhausted by the demands of the weekend and disappointed by the lack of time left for each other. Master had intended and needed to use her use Her but debated with Himself as He needed sleep as well.
She takes the initiative to begin stroking Him, ever so softly, completely infatuated by the feel of His smooth skin which quickly grows tight over His cock. Her nails lightly graze His length until she can no longer resist feeling that smoothness brush against her lips while drinking in His intoxicating, manly scent.
He turns her on her back and claims what is already His.
Whispering firmly in her ear, He admits that the demands on His time have been great and that there are certain "things" that have been neglected.
You do understand there is a matter of outstanding business that needs to be tended to...
Her mind races, attempting to tally up all her infractions recently or ways in which she might have displeased Him.
You do understand there will be much more cock worshipping...
More training...
More maintenance...
She knows He has been fairly undemanding of her lately and the tone of His voice fills her with a bit of fear.
But for tonight, she basks in His gentleness.
She takes the initiative to begin stroking Him, ever so softly, completely infatuated by the feel of His smooth skin which quickly grows tight over His cock. Her nails lightly graze His length until she can no longer resist feeling that smoothness brush against her lips while drinking in His intoxicating, manly scent.
He turns her on her back and claims what is already His.
Whispering firmly in her ear, He admits that the demands on His time have been great and that there are certain "things" that have been neglected.
You do understand there is a matter of outstanding business that needs to be tended to...
Her mind races, attempting to tally up all her infractions recently or ways in which she might have displeased Him.
You do understand there will be much more cock worshipping...
More training...
More maintenance...
She knows He has been fairly undemanding of her lately and the tone of His voice fills her with a bit of fear.
But for tonight, she basks in His gentleness.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Time for a Reset
I have been trying so hard to pull out of this funk I am in.
Every time I would try to sit and write, my thoughts were so jumbled, the words just failed me. It was easier to simply close the computer and walk away. I was at the point were something had to give, and apparently it was my writing. I have probably 5 different posts that I started but never finished so hopefully I will get back to those.
Privacy...don't even know what that is anymore. Struggles with our youngest munchkin have left us almost no time to spend together.
The weeks leading up to Christmas were indeed stressful, especially since I couldn't muster the motivation to get things in order early. I'm not typically a procrastinator but have I ever mentioned I do my best work at the last minute? Every year I tell myself that I am going to plan better the next year but our fall schedules just seem to prevent that from happening.
As hard as it was, we have been trying to maintain some semblance of our dynamic but were both left so frustrated. I continued to do all the things He asked of me but the physical aspect of our D/s just wasn't there (the training, punishments, spankings, etc.). I never imagined that I would miss spankings so much. Shhhh...don't tell Him I said that!
All day every day, I felt so numb and disconnected, like I was just going through the motions. I wanted nothing more than to count the hours until I could be with Him and doing what pleased Him. But then left disappointed because circumstances continually dictated that we put ourselves on the back burner.
We did have a wonderful Christmas though and it's like I have this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can finally think more clearly. All the family functions are over, the presents are put away and my house is back in order. Something else about me...clutter and mess REALLY makes me anxious. Yesterday I spent the whole day cleaning out all the rooms and filling up the truck with load after load of stuff to take to Goodwill. It feels so good to look around and see things so neat and tidy.
Master must be feeling the weight lifted as well because He announced yesterday that come the New Year, we will hitting the reset button. He intends to get back to training and has already given me some new "resolutions" for the coming year. This was exciting news but also scary since things have been so relaxed between us lately.
So...here's to hitting the reset button!!
Every time I would try to sit and write, my thoughts were so jumbled, the words just failed me. It was easier to simply close the computer and walk away. I was at the point were something had to give, and apparently it was my writing. I have probably 5 different posts that I started but never finished so hopefully I will get back to those.
Privacy...don't even know what that is anymore. Struggles with our youngest munchkin have left us almost no time to spend together.
The weeks leading up to Christmas were indeed stressful, especially since I couldn't muster the motivation to get things in order early. I'm not typically a procrastinator but have I ever mentioned I do my best work at the last minute? Every year I tell myself that I am going to plan better the next year but our fall schedules just seem to prevent that from happening.
As hard as it was, we have been trying to maintain some semblance of our dynamic but were both left so frustrated. I continued to do all the things He asked of me but the physical aspect of our D/s just wasn't there (the training, punishments, spankings, etc.). I never imagined that I would miss spankings so much. Shhhh...don't tell Him I said that!
All day every day, I felt so numb and disconnected, like I was just going through the motions. I wanted nothing more than to count the hours until I could be with Him and doing what pleased Him. But then left disappointed because circumstances continually dictated that we put ourselves on the back burner.
We did have a wonderful Christmas though and it's like I have this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can finally think more clearly. All the family functions are over, the presents are put away and my house is back in order. Something else about me...clutter and mess REALLY makes me anxious. Yesterday I spent the whole day cleaning out all the rooms and filling up the truck with load after load of stuff to take to Goodwill. It feels so good to look around and see things so neat and tidy.
Master must be feeling the weight lifted as well because He announced yesterday that come the New Year, we will hitting the reset button. He intends to get back to training and has already given me some new "resolutions" for the coming year. This was exciting news but also scary since things have been so relaxed between us lately.
So...here's to hitting the reset button!!
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Take a Step Back
A question I see often is how can a submissive acknowledge and show respect to her Dom in public without being overly obvious.
Walking behind is one way that I show respect to my Master. Maybe not always as far behind as the lady in this picture but you get the idea.
Whether we are out shopping or out for a stroll, I remind myself to keep one step behind to His left side. Occasionally, He may reach out to hold my hand and I understand that He wishes for me to walk with Him but that is only on His terms and not something for me to initiate.
As I follow His lead, my eyes, for the most part, remain on Him so if He slows or stops I can adjust my pace accordingly so as to not get ahead.
It took some getting used to but taking a step back was really such a simple unspoken gesture...
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
KOTW: Thoughts on Being Collared
Had anyone told me even 2 years ago that I would be involved in an M/s relationship I would have thought that person was crazy. I surely would have thought that person even more crazy had they suggested that I would willingly and proudly wear a symbol of ownership, such as a collar.We began our D/s journey in June 2012 and it all began with a contract. I know contracts are highly debated and I don't intend to get into that here but it's what worked for us. At that time, outside of wearing a collar during play, there was no mention of collaring or even developing a Master/slave relationship.
Honestly, when I first submitted to Him, I didn't even know there was even such a thing as collaring. Once I did find out, I certainly wasn't interested in wearing something that I thought was more appropriate on a dog. Wearing a permanent sign of ownership...nope...not for me.
After about 6 months, the D/s lifestyle was iffie for us, we struggled quite a bit. We didn't want to give up but soon came to the realization that we both needed to make a larger commitment to ourselves and to each other. Around January of this year, we began shifting into a Master/slave dynamic and I really made a concerted effort to better educate myself in all aspects of slavery.
I had experienced the positive impact submission had on our relationship so my walls and negative perceptions related to being owned had already begun to crumble. Soon, I wanted nothing more than to be considered His slave and I remember reading something on Fet that sparked my interest in collaring. The idea of wearing a "day" collar, one that could worn in the vanilla world but carried the same intent, intrigued me. Master was pleased when I mentioned this to Him because He had apparently already been putting some thought into collaring me.
Earning His collar would not come easily though. I would endure months of training, which is another highly debated topic that I don't intend to get into here. He intended for training to push me, push my boundaries, and mold me into exactly the slave He wanted me to be. Only then, would I be worthy of wearing His collar.
Collaring Ceremony
The 3 days leading up to collaring were by far the toughest, meant to push my boundaries on many different levels. After our last session was over and I was dressed and ready to go out to dinner, Master called me upstairs. My gut was telling me what was about to happen but I didn't want to get my hopes up. Then I saw the candles lit and the glow of the collar sitting in front of me as I walked into the room. One of the things I love about Him, is how diabolical and sadistic He can be on one hand, and so thoughtful and romantic on the other.
He had designed this moment so beautifully and it will be one that I will never forget. He asked me to remove my clothes and kneel at His feel as I felt the smooth metal of the collar locking around my neck, signifying to us both that I belong to Him completely.
Then He began read to me an excerpt from a book and I could no longer hold back my tears.
The story told of a man becoming completely "intoxicated" by the song of a Nightbird. The sound of this Nightbird consumed his thoughts and so "enraptured" him that it consumed his soul.
Choking up as He spoke (which let me say does not happen typically), He whispered to me you are my Nightbird.
This private moment, which was exactly one year to the day of us signing our original contract, was more special and emotional for us both than the day we exchanged our wedding vows 18 years ago.
The front is engraved with the words..."Owned by Heron"
The back is engraved with the words..."As I Own His Heart".
Obviously, this isn't a collar I can wear in the vanilla world so we went the next day to purchase a Pandora bangle bracelet which I wear every day. I love the idea of being able to add charms that will have special meaning just for us and of course my first was His birthstone.
What an amazing journey this has been so far! What an amazing man/Husband/Master I belong to!
This is my first writing for KOTW but the topic was so near and dear to my heart, I knew I had to post an entry. I had blogged several months ago about my collaring ceremony so I transferred some of the text to this post.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
A Good Talk and Renewed Focus
My post yesterday, Changing Needs, created a much needed talk between Master and myself last night while out on our date. He had read the post and wanted to clarify that He does still enjoy doing all the wonderfully sadistic things to me and assured me that it's been our lack of time and privacy that has put a damper on these things, not a change in how He feels about me or our dynamic. I have been feeling pretty unwanted lately so hearing this was quite a relief!
During the discussion, I was able to tell Him (through my tears of course) that even though I work hard to complete all my necessary tasks and duties, I am missing the connection with Him that we once shared, particularly during our training, and feared that our dynamic would begin to crumble if we continued in the same direction.
Despite how difficult it was to talk about this, He agreed that we had probably reached a point where a certain amount of complacency had crept in and He promised that we will find a way to refocus on each other no matter how difficult with the demands of our everyday lives.
So, for starters and not particularly the direction I was expecting, we will be reverting back to a micro-management style of D/s for a while. Even though I feel I know what needs to be done and how to do it, He firmly believes this will help us both to get back in-tune with each other.
Also, we are going to sit down and review our existing rules. It's probably time to change things up a little. Some of them are just really hard to adhere to given the family dynamic.
We talked a bit more about my servicing of others and He understands my concerns and hesitancy. While it doesn't really change anything, I do trust that He will know if, and when, the time is right for both of us.
In the midst of conversation, He asked me had I been performing my mantra each morning, which unfortunately, I had to admit that I had fallen off that wagon probably a couple of weeks ago. He created my mantra last year and while it was quite appropriate at the time, I simply no longer feel a connection to it. I think I have grown so much in my submission since then and it just doesn't seem to reflect where I am currently. So, He is giving me an opportunity to create my own which I must present to Him before the end of today. Definitely got to work on that because I don't really have one in mind yet!
Lastly, we decided to take a day off from work together, not this week but next. YEAH!! I am super excited about this. While driving home from dinner, He drove by a particular hotel and told me to keep that in mind for our day off together.
Also on our way home, He decided to take a bit of a detour, pulling in behind a closed shopping center and had me get our of the car. We were like sneaky little teenagers while He had me posing for several topless pictures out in the open. I haven't downloaded them yet but if any of them turned out good enough, I will maybe post them tomorrow.
So...today I have certainly felt the shift in the air. The day started with an amazing throat-filled cock sucking. Despite retching all over Him a couple of times, I could feel my own juices dripping down my legs by the time I was done and I was horny as hell. But after swallowing His load, I was dismissed to go clean all three bathrooms from top to bottom. So cleaning is how I spent the majority of my day, making sure everything would stand up to the micro-management test. Not really the type of "connection" I had been hoping for but it certainly reminds me of my status.
During the discussion, I was able to tell Him (through my tears of course) that even though I work hard to complete all my necessary tasks and duties, I am missing the connection with Him that we once shared, particularly during our training, and feared that our dynamic would begin to crumble if we continued in the same direction.
Despite how difficult it was to talk about this, He agreed that we had probably reached a point where a certain amount of complacency had crept in and He promised that we will find a way to refocus on each other no matter how difficult with the demands of our everyday lives.
So, for starters and not particularly the direction I was expecting, we will be reverting back to a micro-management style of D/s for a while. Even though I feel I know what needs to be done and how to do it, He firmly believes this will help us both to get back in-tune with each other.
Also, we are going to sit down and review our existing rules. It's probably time to change things up a little. Some of them are just really hard to adhere to given the family dynamic.
We talked a bit more about my servicing of others and He understands my concerns and hesitancy. While it doesn't really change anything, I do trust that He will know if, and when, the time is right for both of us.
In the midst of conversation, He asked me had I been performing my mantra each morning, which unfortunately, I had to admit that I had fallen off that wagon probably a couple of weeks ago. He created my mantra last year and while it was quite appropriate at the time, I simply no longer feel a connection to it. I think I have grown so much in my submission since then and it just doesn't seem to reflect where I am currently. So, He is giving me an opportunity to create my own which I must present to Him before the end of today. Definitely got to work on that because I don't really have one in mind yet!
Lastly, we decided to take a day off from work together, not this week but next. YEAH!! I am super excited about this. While driving home from dinner, He drove by a particular hotel and told me to keep that in mind for our day off together.
Also on our way home, He decided to take a bit of a detour, pulling in behind a closed shopping center and had me get our of the car. We were like sneaky little teenagers while He had me posing for several topless pictures out in the open. I haven't downloaded them yet but if any of them turned out good enough, I will maybe post them tomorrow.
So...today I have certainly felt the shift in the air. The day started with an amazing throat-filled cock sucking. Despite retching all over Him a couple of times, I could feel my own juices dripping down my legs by the time I was done and I was horny as hell. But after swallowing His load, I was dismissed to go clean all three bathrooms from top to bottom. So cleaning is how I spent the majority of my day, making sure everything would stand up to the micro-management test. Not really the type of "connection" I had been hoping for but it certainly reminds me of my status.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Punishment, Earning Sex, and Paying for an Orgasm: Part II
As He lay on top of me, He gently eased Himself in and the slow, steady thrusts quickly made my blood boil. Partially lost in the feeling, partially in thought, then I noticed He stopped almost completely. "How many strokes do you think it will take?", He asked.
"What?? I have no idea!!"
Of course, I didn't say this but the only number my brain could come up with was 500 so that was what I told Him. I was thinking this would be how many strokes He would allow before He stopped and if I hadn't reached climax by then, it would be too bad for me. However, He proceeded to explain each stroke represented a minute and each minute represented the amount of time I will spend being humiliated by wearing, or not wearing, what He chooses at the public place of His choosing. Urrrggg....really I have no idea where He comes up with this stuff! Nevertheless, I really need to get off so I agree to His terms and try to put it out of my mind for the moment.
At first, He insisted that I count out loud. As this was really distracting, He offered to keep count quietly for me. The first one hundred went by in the blink of an eye. Between 200 and 400, there were several times when I was very close but He would quicken His pace knowing that I usually cannot finish at that speed. Pretty unfair if you ask me but then again...who's asking? LOL When my body finally gave in to Him, the count was...519. Pretty close to my estimate:) His orgasm came as He was telling me exactly what He had planned for my public outing the following day.
I quickly started doing the math in my head because I really dislike this form of humiliation above any other that I have experienced thus far. For those of you not wanting to do the math, 519 minutes is just a little over 8 1/2 hours!!
The next day, which was this past Tuesday, I was told to wear my very short blue jean shorts, tank top (no bra and slightly see-through), slutty heels, big hoop earrings, and whore red lipstick.
Once I arrived at the store, I was to text Him so He could give me further direction becasue He was still driving home from work. The following is out text exchange:
little girl: Well, I am here Sir 6:09pm
Master: Walk through the front, then go try something on and send a photo
Master: Must use good posture!
little girl: sent pic, shall I put my clothes back on?
Master: Bring yourself close to orgasm (this was incredibly exciting...definitely my favorite part)
little girl: Already done Sir
Master: Get dressed and walk around the gaming section
Master: Strut it!
Master: Move to the sporting good section.
Master: Stop where you are, drop your keys, keep your legs straight, bend over and pick them up.
little girl: I did that Sir.
Master: Go through sporting goods 6:39 pm
After wandering sporting goods trying to distract myself by looking for supplies for our upcoming camping trip, He appeared. I had a feeling He had maybe been in the store the whole time...especially when He told me to mind my posture and drop my keys. He was pretty good at hiding because I looked for Him. When He appeared in the aisle, just the sight of Him put me at ease.
We spent about 30 more minutes walking around the store before Master decided it was time to go. But not before, handing me a six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade and ordered me to go pay.
So one hour of my time has been satisfied but I was to understand that this was to be the most conservative outfit He would chose. Honestly, the part that bothered me the most was the heels. The shoes with the shorts screamed stripper, slut, whore...whatever you want to call it. I tried not to worry about the looks. Some people looked, some looked hard, some looked disgusted, but I was thankful for the ones that didn't look at all! I don't foersee that I will ever get comfortable with this type of humiliation...it's just something that I submit to because it is asked of me and it pleases Him.
It's kind of funny and coincidental, I received a message the day after this from someone on Fetlife who kindly reminded me that my embarrassment, degradation, and humiliation are not my responsibility. Once asked to do these things, the burden of that responsibility rests with Master. I have heard these same words from my own Master but it was extrenely nice and very timely to have received that reminder.
Oh, I almost forgot the last and maybe the best part of my assignment...driving home topless! Surprisingly this was easier than walking around the store. I will just assume no one was able to see inside the truck since it sits so high and I don't think I caused any wrecks:)
"What?? I have no idea!!"
Of course, I didn't say this but the only number my brain could come up with was 500 so that was what I told Him. I was thinking this would be how many strokes He would allow before He stopped and if I hadn't reached climax by then, it would be too bad for me. However, He proceeded to explain each stroke represented a minute and each minute represented the amount of time I will spend being humiliated by wearing, or not wearing, what He chooses at the public place of His choosing. Urrrggg....really I have no idea where He comes up with this stuff! Nevertheless, I really need to get off so I agree to His terms and try to put it out of my mind for the moment.
At first, He insisted that I count out loud. As this was really distracting, He offered to keep count quietly for me. The first one hundred went by in the blink of an eye. Between 200 and 400, there were several times when I was very close but He would quicken His pace knowing that I usually cannot finish at that speed. Pretty unfair if you ask me but then again...who's asking? LOL When my body finally gave in to Him, the count was...519. Pretty close to my estimate:) His orgasm came as He was telling me exactly what He had planned for my public outing the following day.
I quickly started doing the math in my head because I really dislike this form of humiliation above any other that I have experienced thus far. For those of you not wanting to do the math, 519 minutes is just a little over 8 1/2 hours!!
The next day, which was this past Tuesday, I was told to wear my very short blue jean shorts, tank top (no bra and slightly see-through), slutty heels, big hoop earrings, and whore red lipstick.
 |
| If you happened to see this at one of your local stores the other day...it may have just been me;) |
Once I arrived at the store, I was to text Him so He could give me further direction becasue He was still driving home from work. The following is out text exchange:
little girl: Well, I am here Sir 6:09pm
Master: Walk through the front, then go try something on and send a photo
Master: Must use good posture!
little girl: sent pic, shall I put my clothes back on?
Master: Bring yourself close to orgasm (this was incredibly exciting...definitely my favorite part)
little girl: Already done Sir
Master: Get dressed and walk around the gaming section
Master: Strut it!
Master: Move to the sporting good section.
Master: Stop where you are, drop your keys, keep your legs straight, bend over and pick them up.
little girl: I did that Sir.
Master: Go through sporting goods 6:39 pm
After wandering sporting goods trying to distract myself by looking for supplies for our upcoming camping trip, He appeared. I had a feeling He had maybe been in the store the whole time...especially when He told me to mind my posture and drop my keys. He was pretty good at hiding because I looked for Him. When He appeared in the aisle, just the sight of Him put me at ease.
We spent about 30 more minutes walking around the store before Master decided it was time to go. But not before, handing me a six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade and ordered me to go pay.
So one hour of my time has been satisfied but I was to understand that this was to be the most conservative outfit He would chose. Honestly, the part that bothered me the most was the heels. The shoes with the shorts screamed stripper, slut, whore...whatever you want to call it. I tried not to worry about the looks. Some people looked, some looked hard, some looked disgusted, but I was thankful for the ones that didn't look at all! I don't foersee that I will ever get comfortable with this type of humiliation...it's just something that I submit to because it is asked of me and it pleases Him.
It's kind of funny and coincidental, I received a message the day after this from someone on Fetlife who kindly reminded me that my embarrassment, degradation, and humiliation are not my responsibility. Once asked to do these things, the burden of that responsibility rests with Master. I have heard these same words from my own Master but it was extrenely nice and very timely to have received that reminder.
Oh, I almost forgot the last and maybe the best part of my assignment...driving home topless! Surprisingly this was easier than walking around the store. I will just assume no one was able to see inside the truck since it sits so high and I don't think I caused any wrecks:)
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Punishment, Earning Sex, and Paying for an Orgasm: Part I
Summer has started, kids are out of school, and as if finding time for training and play wasn't hard enough before, I fear it is going to be even more challenging in the weeks ahead.
Nevertheless, I was being punished last week for my last transgression...orgasm without permission, which I wrote about in "My Pleasure is Not my Own". My Master has a couple of things in His arsenal that He just loves to use above all others, mainly because He is getting a much better feel for my likes and dislikes. Of course, the ones I don't like are top of the list when He is developing some devious punishment scenario.
He informed me that I was to bring myself to orgasm 6 times daily, each time stopping just at just the moment before climax. Monday through Thursday were fairly uneventful despite my constant aching down below, but I was determined to take my punishment and be thankful it wasn't worse (oh, was I wrong in that assumption). Some days it was requested that I wait and perform in front of Him...a little more distracting and time consuming, but very erotic I admit. Lying there knowing that my only reason for displaying and touching myself is for His viewing and pleasure has gone from awkward to HOT! As is always expected, I also worked to ensure His sexual satisfaction by using my mouth on Him whenever He so desired.
I was in a good frame of mind but by Friday, my resolve was beginning wear thin and by the end of the day had completely fallen apart at the seams. I could barely tolerate touching myself and stopping my orgasm was nearly impossible a couple of times. The only thing holding me back was the thought of how harsh that punishment would be. Early in the evening, our older kid took the younger one to the pool and to my delight Master decided to fit in some training time. Standing completely naked in the middle of the room, I demonstrated each position I am expected to know, and was swiftly corrected for each imperfection with a smack of the riding crop.
Ordering me to the bed, He proceeded to use each of my three holes for his own pleasure. I was in heaven! After not being touched all week, everything was mind blowing, especially the anal sex (which was by far the best experience to date). Then, what happens in the midst of it all? The kids come in from the pool, knock at the bedroom door, and for some reason they want to eat dinner:) What can I say? Game over for the time being.
As the evening went on, my frustrations were starting to build. I knew my tone was getting just a tad snippy, and when He corrected me the tears came along with the big lump that rose from my chest to my throat. Damn! I was so mad at myself letting that happen. I knew He wasn't happy with my crying and I really tried to stifle it as quickly as I could, apologizing and explaining that I have no outlet for any of my emotions. I can't scream and yell...that will get me in trouble. I can't have an orgasm...that will get me in trouble. I hadn't been paddled or had any other physical release through pain. I know He understood as He listened but it didn't change the fact that the only thing I would be granted was to swallow his come that night...and the next...and the next.
Now, finally after a full week, on Monday I was given the opportunity to prove how badly I needed sex but there was also going to be a price I would pay for the privilege to enjoy it fully. I started by licking and caressing His cock while begging for Him to use me like a "fuck doll". His response was something to the effect of "Are you ready to earn your sex by enduring a lot of pain?" Uhhh...Yes...PLEASE!! Then, He listed the implements that I was to collect and bring to Him for use on my tits and nipples.
Needle nose pliers
Wire coat hanger
Cable loopy
Clover clamps and all the weights
Oh, this was quite a list and I wasn't at all convinced I was going to enjoy this play, but I wasn't going to risk losing out on my chance. So, I reminded myself that "He will not give me more than I can handle" and I jumped up to go collect the items requested. When I returned, He ordered me to get spread eagle on the bed and He shoved a gag in my mouth. Admittedly, I was a bit terrified as He started mashing each of my nipples and clit with the pliers until I let out a squeal behind the gag. He picked up the coat hanger and I felt several stinging smacks across my nipples and a couple whacks on my pussy. None of it really was intended to hurt badly but if this was fear play, He was doing a good job.
Before I knew it, I heard everything being put away, His body pressed on top of mine as He explained that my willingness to endure all that said enough and how pleased He was with me.
Sigh of relief...Whew!! There is something to be said for trust:)
I am pleased to say that I did in fact earn some awesome sex but there was still a little matter of the price to be paid for my orgasm and that part of my story will have to be continued... hopefully tomorrow.
Nevertheless, I was being punished last week for my last transgression...orgasm without permission, which I wrote about in "My Pleasure is Not my Own". My Master has a couple of things in His arsenal that He just loves to use above all others, mainly because He is getting a much better feel for my likes and dislikes. Of course, the ones I don't like are top of the list when He is developing some devious punishment scenario.
He informed me that I was to bring myself to orgasm 6 times daily, each time stopping just at just the moment before climax. Monday through Thursday were fairly uneventful despite my constant aching down below, but I was determined to take my punishment and be thankful it wasn't worse (oh, was I wrong in that assumption). Some days it was requested that I wait and perform in front of Him...a little more distracting and time consuming, but very erotic I admit. Lying there knowing that my only reason for displaying and touching myself is for His viewing and pleasure has gone from awkward to HOT! As is always expected, I also worked to ensure His sexual satisfaction by using my mouth on Him whenever He so desired.
I was in a good frame of mind but by Friday, my resolve was beginning wear thin and by the end of the day had completely fallen apart at the seams. I could barely tolerate touching myself and stopping my orgasm was nearly impossible a couple of times. The only thing holding me back was the thought of how harsh that punishment would be. Early in the evening, our older kid took the younger one to the pool and to my delight Master decided to fit in some training time. Standing completely naked in the middle of the room, I demonstrated each position I am expected to know, and was swiftly corrected for each imperfection with a smack of the riding crop.
Ordering me to the bed, He proceeded to use each of my three holes for his own pleasure. I was in heaven! After not being touched all week, everything was mind blowing, especially the anal sex (which was by far the best experience to date). Then, what happens in the midst of it all? The kids come in from the pool, knock at the bedroom door, and for some reason they want to eat dinner:) What can I say? Game over for the time being.
As the evening went on, my frustrations were starting to build. I knew my tone was getting just a tad snippy, and when He corrected me the tears came along with the big lump that rose from my chest to my throat. Damn! I was so mad at myself letting that happen. I knew He wasn't happy with my crying and I really tried to stifle it as quickly as I could, apologizing and explaining that I have no outlet for any of my emotions. I can't scream and yell...that will get me in trouble. I can't have an orgasm...that will get me in trouble. I hadn't been paddled or had any other physical release through pain. I know He understood as He listened but it didn't change the fact that the only thing I would be granted was to swallow his come that night...and the next...and the next.
Now, finally after a full week, on Monday I was given the opportunity to prove how badly I needed sex but there was also going to be a price I would pay for the privilege to enjoy it fully. I started by licking and caressing His cock while begging for Him to use me like a "fuck doll". His response was something to the effect of "Are you ready to earn your sex by enduring a lot of pain?" Uhhh...Yes...PLEASE!! Then, He listed the implements that I was to collect and bring to Him for use on my tits and nipples.
Needle nose pliers
Wire coat hanger
Cable loopy
Clover clamps and all the weights
Oh, this was quite a list and I wasn't at all convinced I was going to enjoy this play, but I wasn't going to risk losing out on my chance. So, I reminded myself that "He will not give me more than I can handle" and I jumped up to go collect the items requested. When I returned, He ordered me to get spread eagle on the bed and He shoved a gag in my mouth. Admittedly, I was a bit terrified as He started mashing each of my nipples and clit with the pliers until I let out a squeal behind the gag. He picked up the coat hanger and I felt several stinging smacks across my nipples and a couple whacks on my pussy. None of it really was intended to hurt badly but if this was fear play, He was doing a good job.
Before I knew it, I heard everything being put away, His body pressed on top of mine as He explained that my willingness to endure all that said enough and how pleased He was with me.
Sigh of relief...Whew!! There is something to be said for trust:)
I am pleased to say that I did in fact earn some awesome sex but there was still a little matter of the price to be paid for my orgasm and that part of my story will have to be continued... hopefully tomorrow.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Contracts, Rules, and Slave Training...Is it Necessary
I have done quite a bit of reading on a certain kinky social networking site and can certainly appreciate that everyone has a different perspective and methods for achieving success in their D/s dynamic.
Are contracts, rules, and formalized training really necessary? Some people say yes, some say no, and some are very adamant in their feelings one way or the other. Myself...I wholeheartedly believe that having these as part of our life has been one of the keys to our success so far. Everyone learns differently. I just happen to be a very analytical person that needs to see and have all the details laid out in front of me. This is what works for me and my relationship and is in no way to imply that one side is right or wrong.
Contracts and Rules
I actually was really surprised to see how serious this was to Him. He drafted a document, presented it to me, and gave me a week to decide if I was in or not. Looking over it, I was a bit in shock. Apparently, I had very little knowledge of what submitting in a 24/7 dynamic really meant. This document would serve to redefine our relationship, expectations of each other, and our actions moving forward. The part that scared me the most was that it was binding for a year, unless of course my Master chose to end it.
Are contracts, rules, and formalized training really necessary? Some people say yes, some say no, and some are very adamant in their feelings one way or the other. Myself...I wholeheartedly believe that having these as part of our life has been one of the keys to our success so far. Everyone learns differently. I just happen to be a very analytical person that needs to see and have all the details laid out in front of me. This is what works for me and my relationship and is in no way to imply that one side is right or wrong.
Contracts and Rules
After telling my Master I wanted to submit to Him, He did quite a bit of research and proposed a contract. Initially, I thought this was very silly. It's not like we were strangers...why did we need a piece of paper to guide us? Me...being the impatient person I tend to be, was anxious and just wanted to get started with the spankings already! But I humored Him anyways.
I actually was really surprised to see how serious this was to Him. He drafted a document, presented it to me, and gave me a week to decide if I was in or not. Looking over it, I was a bit in shock. Apparently, I had very little knowledge of what submitting in a 24/7 dynamic really meant. This document would serve to redefine our relationship, expectations of each other, and our actions moving forward. The part that scared me the most was that it was binding for a year, unless of course my Master chose to end it.
Some of the items included within our contract are:
- Purpose and Duration
- Submissive and Master Affirmations, Commitments, and Roles
- Rules of Privacy and Discretion
- Rules of Conduct (Public, Private, and at Work)
- Limits and Needs of the Submissive
- Signatures
There are also 3 appendices:
- GeneralRules- conduct, chores (household and sexual), and personal appearance
- Punishable offenses and types of punishments that can be used
- Positions (liste with detailed descriptions) I am required to know
*Note about rules: we started with just a few and it grew from there over time
Believe me, I read long and hard and took my time deciding before putting pen to paper and signing myself to Him. I started to see how living this 24/7 was going to be a huge responsibility for both Master and slave and would not be something that we should enter into lightly.
Now looking back, this was probably one of the most important preliminary steps we took. I can never say that I didn't know what I was in for but most importantly, it served as my compass at times when I felt I was losing my way or wanted to give up. Even though it isn't legally binding, I had signed this document, with my heart, and I didn't want to fail in my commitment to Him. Taking it one day at a time, almost a year has passed since our signing. Are there ups and downs? Of course, but I am amazed how far I have come. I am looking forward to our upcoming contract renewal and have no doubt that we are on the right course!!
Slave Training
Some of the
components Master has included in my training:
-Position
training-practicing and perfecting each
-Pain Conditioning and
overall body conditioning/endurance
-Sexual
Training-prolonged sexual sessions, multiple penetrations, etc
-Orgasm Control and
Denial
-Cock worship training
-Humiliation training
Not only is training
meant to teach me exactly how to please Him, but it is also a preparation for
me before venturing out into a more public arena. I want to ensure that my
actions make Him proud at all times.Tuesday, May 7, 2013
More Fucking Machine!!
"You're such a whore", Master whispers in my ear and then kisses me, my body still floating in post-orgasmic bliss. Being called a whore used to bother me, but when He says it now, I hear the passion in his voice and it makes me melt. He turns the Magic Wand back on and tells me that I may have another. This time, I ask if we can try the fucking machine again and I promise not to tense up and push it out. He kindly sets it back up and begins making sure that the entire 9 inches is burying itself deep enough that it can't be pushed out. It doesn't take long before the first orgasm hits me but the spasms keep wracking my body. I was begging out loud for mercy nearly hysterical because my pussy was so sensitive but He knew me better than to stop. Eventhough, I do not typically have back to back orgasms my body was responding differently to this. The feeling was unlike anything I have experienced, almost like my first orgasm never completely stopped and I was building back into another. This time, when it hit me, it was with such power that it seemed it would never stop. Wave after wave moving through me completely until tears came to my eyes. Whoa...that has NEVER happened.
Afterwards, my Master and I got a little chuckle because my pussy muscles had unscrewed the dildo from the rod of the machine...lol! I grin everytime I think about Him saying that the machine was supposed to fuck me, not the other way around. Anyways, He put it back on and insisted that I try for one more. It didn't take long for me to come again after He went to the drawer, pulled out the clover clamps, and put them on my nipples. "A little incentive", He said. It wasn't anywhere near as good as the others but who's complaining...right? Lying there, in what I am sure is sub space, I was completely spent and everything around me seemed like a blur.
I was sure He was done with me after He untied me from the bed but I noticed He didn't take off the clover clamps. Instead, He instructed me to get on the floor on my hands and knees. If you have been reading my blog, you probably know by now how much I dread those darn things but I am so lost at this point, they didn't even hurt. Well...that is until He started adding weight to them and ordering me crawl around the floor and then adding more weight. Not moving fast enough is met with quick little smacks from the switch until I am moving at an acceptable pace and putting the pain of the clamps and weight out my mind. From there, He removed the weights and we moved into several other forms of training!
When all was said and done, I actually had 4 orgasms which is almost how many I had for the whole month of April so for that I am thankful. And...He was pleased! So pleased in fact that He hinted that I may be earning what I am working so hard for...my collar:)
By the way, have you noticed how my Sex Slave Statistics has been increasing lately? I thought I might include that in this post but it really deserves to be a post of it's own so I will work on that for tomorrow...:)
Afterwards, my Master and I got a little chuckle because my pussy muscles had unscrewed the dildo from the rod of the machine...lol! I grin everytime I think about Him saying that the machine was supposed to fuck me, not the other way around. Anyways, He put it back on and insisted that I try for one more. It didn't take long for me to come again after He went to the drawer, pulled out the clover clamps, and put them on my nipples. "A little incentive", He said. It wasn't anywhere near as good as the others but who's complaining...right? Lying there, in what I am sure is sub space, I was completely spent and everything around me seemed like a blur.
I was sure He was done with me after He untied me from the bed but I noticed He didn't take off the clover clamps. Instead, He instructed me to get on the floor on my hands and knees. If you have been reading my blog, you probably know by now how much I dread those darn things but I am so lost at this point, they didn't even hurt. Well...that is until He started adding weight to them and ordering me crawl around the floor and then adding more weight. Not moving fast enough is met with quick little smacks from the switch until I am moving at an acceptable pace and putting the pain of the clamps and weight out my mind. From there, He removed the weights and we moved into several other forms of training!
When all was said and done, I actually had 4 orgasms which is almost how many I had for the whole month of April so for that I am thankful. And...He was pleased! So pleased in fact that He hinted that I may be earning what I am working so hard for...my collar:)
By the way, have you noticed how my Sex Slave Statistics has been increasing lately? I thought I might include that in this post but it really deserves to be a post of it's own so I will work on that for tomorrow...:)
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Punishment Positions
I received a message from one of my readers on Saturday inquiring about some pictures I had promised in an earlier post comment. Well, I was certainly called to the carpet on that! LOL. Things have just gotten away from me, and quite frankly Master and I haven't had a whole lot of time since most of our "play" time has been spent on training.
However, I do aim to please so we took a couple pictures during position training later that day. My Master wanted me to post these two photos specifically to show a couple of other examples of "punishment" positions. As another reader commented in my post "Damn Hairclip", plank position and wall squats are also great "punishments".
Now, I talked about these two dreaded positions in "Position Training and Acceptance of Pain". If you haven't tried them, they look easy...right? Ha, I think not (at least not for me). Notice in each, legs are held about 6 inches off the ground. The only difference is that one is with legs opened and one is with legs closed. Try continuously alternating and holding each without dropping your feet until your Master instructs you to stop and see if that doesn't feel like punishment. These actually make me break out in a sweat...partially from exertion but mainly because I know I just earned myself another punishment for putting my feet down:)
However, I do aim to please so we took a couple pictures during position training later that day. My Master wanted me to post these two photos specifically to show a couple of other examples of "punishment" positions. As another reader commented in my post "Damn Hairclip", plank position and wall squats are also great "punishments".
Now, I talked about these two dreaded positions in "Position Training and Acceptance of Pain". If you haven't tried them, they look easy...right? Ha, I think not (at least not for me). Notice in each, legs are held about 6 inches off the ground. The only difference is that one is with legs opened and one is with legs closed. Try continuously alternating and holding each without dropping your feet until your Master instructs you to stop and see if that doesn't feel like punishment. These actually make me break out in a sweat...partially from exertion but mainly because I know I just earned myself another punishment for putting my feet down:)
 |
| Nightmare |
 |
| Sacrifice |
Friday, April 5, 2013
Position Training and Acceptance of Pain
It seems the week has been overwhelmingly focused on position training and accepting pain, and it has most definitely stepped up a notch from my last post.
I learned several new positions but never realized before now just how intense this form of training could be. One of my goals is to become more fluid, cat-like, and seductive as I move from one position to another. For some reason, this doesn't come as natural to me, so if you have any suggestions, they would certainly be welcomed. Anyway, position training has typically been pretty relaxed for us. As He instructed me, I would find it stimulating standing in front of him naked, completely exposed, and flaunting my assets. Let's just say this has not been the case this week. Position training has been more like core body strengthening. And HOLY COW...do I suck! (not literally...well that was later:) What really got me was a combination of positions, both of which I was laying with my back on the floor, my body completely straight and extended, arms and hands straight above my head, fingers and toes pointed. The only difference is the positioning of my legs; one is with legs together, and the other is with legs spread as far apart as possible. These may be referred to as "Sacrifice" and "Nightmare". NO PROBLEM...RIGHT? That's what I thought until my Master commanded that my heels be off the floor. After several seconds, that felt like an eternity, my body started shaking uncontrollably and my heels fell to the floor. Oops...now He is MAD! My failure resulted in repeatedly having to alternate between the two until He told me to stop. OH God...more pain and failure again! I think I have some work to do.
I learned several new positions but never realized before now just how intense this form of training could be. One of my goals is to become more fluid, cat-like, and seductive as I move from one position to another. For some reason, this doesn't come as natural to me, so if you have any suggestions, they would certainly be welcomed. Anyway, position training has typically been pretty relaxed for us. As He instructed me, I would find it stimulating standing in front of him naked, completely exposed, and flaunting my assets. Let's just say this has not been the case this week. Position training has been more like core body strengthening. And HOLY COW...do I suck! (not literally...well that was later:) What really got me was a combination of positions, both of which I was laying with my back on the floor, my body completely straight and extended, arms and hands straight above my head, fingers and toes pointed. The only difference is the positioning of my legs; one is with legs together, and the other is with legs spread as far apart as possible. These may be referred to as "Sacrifice" and "Nightmare". NO PROBLEM...RIGHT? That's what I thought until my Master commanded that my heels be off the floor. After several seconds, that felt like an eternity, my body started shaking uncontrollably and my heels fell to the floor. Oops...now He is MAD! My failure resulted in repeatedly having to alternate between the two until He told me to stop. OH God...more pain and failure again! I think I have some work to do.
Pain acceptance has also come in the form of spankings and a lot of them! I don't think my ass has been spanked this many times in all of the last nine months combined. So let's start with the first night. As if getting whipped with a switch isn't enough...let's add squats and lunges while getting whipped. I think I handled this pretty good by staying focused on the exercises. It was probably too much to expect that would be it for the night. The spankings were not finished that night or any night since. Between the loopy and a variety of other implements, I am well marked and have spilled some tears, which doesn't happen often from an ass spanking.
During spankings, not intended for punishment, my Master has me stand in the corner, legs spread wide, hands clasped behind my head, and my hip rotating in seductive circles. It took three nights before the pain overcame me and I broke position, but He didn't stop. And what was so humiliating about the whole experience was as I cried and He continued to spank me, he reached down and touched my pussy, only to discover it was flooding. I just don't understand how that happens...and He says tonight is to be the worst yet!
Admittedly, even after all of the intense training and spanking, I still needed to come so badly.
The sex was amazing, His cock inside me felt delicious, and I am so thankful that He granted me permission to release, because I know he didn't have to.
So now I guess we will see what the weekend brings!
During spankings, not intended for punishment, my Master has me stand in the corner, legs spread wide, hands clasped behind my head, and my hip rotating in seductive circles. It took three nights before the pain overcame me and I broke position, but He didn't stop. And what was so humiliating about the whole experience was as I cried and He continued to spank me, he reached down and touched my pussy, only to discover it was flooding. I just don't understand how that happens...and He says tonight is to be the worst yet!
Admittedly, even after all of the intense training and spanking, I still needed to come so badly.
The sex was amazing, His cock inside me felt delicious, and I am so thankful that He granted me permission to release, because I know he didn't have to.
So now I guess we will see what the weekend brings!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
No Bra or Panties!
Yesterday turned out to be a typical hectic Monday in our
house so Master and I didn’t have too much time together for training. He did go over his expectations of me going
forward, my roles as personal assistant, entertainer/hostess, waitress,
chamber maid, and sex slave, as well as some new rules and protocols. A few things I learned were how to greet Him, how to enter and exit a room in His presence, and how to walk with Him in public. However, the most immediate and drastic change being
my work attire. He discussed this new rule with me on Sunday night because he expected it to be implemented first thing on Monday. I am
to lay out my outfit each night for His approval and adhere to the following
conditions when making my clothing selection:
(1) Skirts or dresses only, unless permission is granted
otherwise for work conditions that day
(2) No bra and panties allowed
(3)Only thigh highs and garters allowed if I wear stockings
(4) Any outfit changes through the day must be communicated
for approval and must adhere to the previous conditions.
My first thought was “Wow…I am going to need a lot more
skirts!” As is the case with most
females, I never turn down the chance to go shoppingJ
At first, I will admit, I was not a big fan of the no bra
and panty rule at work because we had previously agreed this was an area that was off
limits. But I am finding as Master pushes boundaries, limits seem to become more flexible. So, I complied as long as there
was no risk to my position within the company. It
tends to be pretty cold in my office and cold or not, my nipples ALWAYS stay on high beams which could pose a problem around my employees. Thankfully, Master agreed to let me wear a little something to cover my
shirt if necessary. Now the panty
situation felt extremely awkward at first, mostly because my pussy was still swollen and
sensitive from my weekend assignment which was masturbate to orgasm 11 times. Let me just say it's a good thing I enjoyed it because I think that's all I will be getting for a while! Anyways, I was on my feet all day and all I could think about was that I didn't have panties on. Now today, I
was still acutely aware of my exposed pussy being just underneath my skirt, but it seemed more comfortable, natural, and even stimulating. As I moved, my inner thighs would gently brush across my lips and these thoughts started running through my head about just how easily accessible my pussy would be...Oh, I better calm myself down a bit. Did I mention how much easier it makes going to the bathroom?
So all in all...I think it was a good and easy start. Now, I am off for tonight's position training!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Advanced Slave Training
First let me start by wishing everyone a Happy Easter. I hope you were able to spend special time with loved ones today!
Now tomorrow may be April Fools, but I assure you it will be no joke for me. Tomorrow marks the day I am entering a new phase in my training to become a better slave. Depending on how much time Master and I are able to devote, this training should last 1-2 months. My goal...earning my collar!
Even though I already think of myself as a slave, I do still lack many protocols both in and out of the home, especially in conducting myself around other Doms and subs. My Master has been doing quite a bit of research and with the help of another, has developed an extensive plan intended to test not only my deepest boundaries, but also my strength of body and mind.
Don't get me wrong, there has been training along the way but my understanding is this will be directed more towards managing my every decision (micro-managing so to speak). To this point, I have still maintained quite a bit of my own freedom of choice. Moving forward, my only responsibility will be to heed his every command and direction, with no hesitation or doubt. He is charged with teaching, guiding, and disciplining for every infraction. This, in the end, will make me better.
As I look upon tomorrow, I have mixed feelings. Excitement because I am about to start a new phase of our M/s relationship. Excitement at the prospect of earning my collar and officially being His. Excitement that I will truly earn my position as a slave and have done so in a way that all within the community can be proud. Most of all, excitement knowing that this experience will continue to strengthen the bonds that have already formed since we committed to this lifestyle.
However, I have been warned, there will be days I feel I can do nothing right and this is the that part worries me most. You see, I very much like to do EVERYTHING right, and when I don't, nobody can be more upset than I am with myself. I will work on acceptance, letting go of guilt, and handling punishments with grace and poise.
I intend to blog often so you can follow this journey with me. Your words of advice or encouragement along the way will be much needed and extremely appreciated.
Now tomorrow may be April Fools, but I assure you it will be no joke for me. Tomorrow marks the day I am entering a new phase in my training to become a better slave. Depending on how much time Master and I are able to devote, this training should last 1-2 months. My goal...earning my collar!
Even though I already think of myself as a slave, I do still lack many protocols both in and out of the home, especially in conducting myself around other Doms and subs. My Master has been doing quite a bit of research and with the help of another, has developed an extensive plan intended to test not only my deepest boundaries, but also my strength of body and mind.
Don't get me wrong, there has been training along the way but my understanding is this will be directed more towards managing my every decision (micro-managing so to speak). To this point, I have still maintained quite a bit of my own freedom of choice. Moving forward, my only responsibility will be to heed his every command and direction, with no hesitation or doubt. He is charged with teaching, guiding, and disciplining for every infraction. This, in the end, will make me better.
As I look upon tomorrow, I have mixed feelings. Excitement because I am about to start a new phase of our M/s relationship. Excitement at the prospect of earning my collar and officially being His. Excitement that I will truly earn my position as a slave and have done so in a way that all within the community can be proud. Most of all, excitement knowing that this experience will continue to strengthen the bonds that have already formed since we committed to this lifestyle.
However, I have been warned, there will be days I feel I can do nothing right and this is the that part worries me most. You see, I very much like to do EVERYTHING right, and when I don't, nobody can be more upset than I am with myself. I will work on acceptance, letting go of guilt, and handling punishments with grace and poise.
I intend to blog often so you can follow this journey with me. Your words of advice or encouragement along the way will be much needed and extremely appreciated.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)