Tuesday, March 25, 2014

While Away

Gosh...it seems like forever since I have had time to write.  It's not that I haven't had anything to say.  Life has actually been pretty full of kinky and not so kinky adventures lately. 

Things got crazier than usual a couple weeks back when I received an unexpected phone call with the potential of a career changing opportunity.  For several days, Master and I talked it over, again and again.  He was extremely supportive but also stood firm.  When it came to my career, this was one decision I would have to make on my own. 

After a whole lot of thought, I was confident in what I was brining to the table and what I was asking for but in the end, no matter how great the opportunity, we couldn't come to terms on the money.  Obviously, it just wasn't meant to be and that's ok.  
Immediately after that upheaval, family arrived in town and it's been a steady stream of activity and entertainment in our house the past 10 days.  With a sigh of relief, we finally sent them on their way today.  I have to admit, while I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of having them here, it's really nice to settle back into just our normal crazy. 

Hopefully, I can take some time this week to catch up on some posts.  I did say life has also been full of kinky adventures:)

Even though I was rarely in a position where I could make comments, I did try to secretly steal away a few moments here and there to at least read and keep up with everyone else's blog!

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Question: Did You Ever??

One reader asked me in an email:

Did you ever get punished for the situation referenced in the "Can't Blame a Girl for Trying" post?

If you are new to my blog, you can go back and read about the whole situation here.

I was wondering if and when someone would ask about this punishment.  Several weeks back, I actually did write a fairly lengthy post with all the gory details and then somehow accidently deleted most of it.  At the time, I wasn't interested in trying to retype it so I just assumed it wasn't meant to be...well, that is unless someone asked.

Overall, I would say that this punishment was fairly mild in comparison to some of the others Master has provided.  And for that, I was thankful. There was acceptance of the fact that I had disobeyed, flat out refused to do something He requested rather, and I was aware there would be a subsequent penalty. 

But what of His role in the matter?  After all that had happened, it still felt like we were on a bit of shaky ground and I was a little afraid of how I might react if He pushed too hard, too fast.

There really wasn't a punishment as much as there were a small series of them throughout a period of about a week.  Starting with a clear reminder of my place, I was driven mad with need by the pleasure of His mouth on me, only to be left wanting and handed the cap of a pen with an assignment to edge myself with my "little dildo" ten times daily.

Yes, the cap of a pen. A small ball point pen I might add with a small little plastic cap about half the size of one's pinky finger! 

As if it wasn't degrading enough to find my body responding to such a pathetic little piece of plastic, I received other random messages to hump myself for a certain amount of time on objects of my choosing. 

At the end of the week, the more painful part of the punishment was delivered.  Stripped naked on the bed, I found myself in a new position, one that He intends to specifically use for punishment and  allows uninhibited access to both my ass and pussy.  Master made sure that I felt the sting of His belt across both until I was whimpering and squirming with each blow.   

As with any punishment received from Him, it is the intent and the disappointment I feel from Him and in myself that sets the tone, making the sting of punishment...that much worse.   


Saturday, March 8, 2014

Answers: Tori's Questions

Thank you for asking these questions Tori.  I especially liked your 3rd question and wanted to take some time to really think on that before answering. 

3 kink things on your to-do list?

A long time fantasy of mine is to be with another woman.  Master would actually like to see me topped by another woman but not sure I am quite there yet.  I wouldn't say that either of these are on a to-do list per say, but I certainly would be opening to it happening if the opportunity ever arose with the right person.

Being used by two men.  This has also been a long time fantasy of mine but I am also perfectly OK if it stays a fantasy. 

Fire play!  I have seen videos of this and it just looks so erotic to me.

When did you first realise that this is what you wanted?

My husband has always been into kink, bdsm, and control in the bedroom. After much fighting, to keep me happy, He kept that part of Himself buried deep for a long time but in doing so, I could feel He wasn't entirely happy.  I knew He still loved me just as much, but when someone is having to deny who they really are, it takes a toll.  It was very hard for Him to keep the "beast" at bay, and to do that, He could never allow Himself to truly and passionately engage with me.

I guess I was ok with this less than ideal connection with Him for a long time and then a couple years ago, as I was getting closer to 40, I thought a lot about our relationship and how I wanted to really feel that connection with Him, the raw passion. 

It was early summer of 2012, I went to Him and told Him I was ready to "do it His way".  At first, I just thought that we were talking about kink in the bedroom but He suggested introducing D/s into our relationship.  I was so naïve and really had no idea what that even was but I was willing to try anything at that point.

It didn't take long to realize where the problem had been all along. I had the power in the relationship so it was impossible for me to let go and give Him control in the bedroom.  Bringing the D/s dynamic allowed Him to regain power in the relationship, in and out of the bedroom.  It was such a huge relief for me to not feel like I had to control everything around me.
The bonus: my new found respect for Him was also a huge turn on!!     

In the spring of 2013, I expressed interest in being collared.  I loved the idea of being His completely, to belonging to Him in a greater sense than even marriage.  He hadn't really intended to take our dynamic to the level of M/s but once I suggested it, He was completely on board. 

There have been ups and downs though and days that I have questioned my sanity at wanting this but because of question #3, I know this is right for us. 

How has it changed you?

Overall, I feel like a better person.  It's funny, but being out of control, gives me greater control of  my "self", if that makes sense. I am calmer, more at peace, more patient, kind...and I know this is because I also am finally able to be my true self. 

I never really wanted all the power and it made me quite miserable to keep that façade all the time.  My stress level was so high that I existed day to day feeling like I was literally all wound up inside ready to explode at any moment.  Everyone around me felt it too because I had little to no control over my temper or the things I would say out of frustration and anger.   

His guidance not only makes me thoughtful of how I am acting towards Him, but it makes me thoughtful of how I present myself in all situations and how I treat others around me.

Just to get another opinion, I asked Master today how He thought I had changed.  His response was that I am in general more accepting.  Not only am I more open to new and different experiences but learning about this lifestyle has taught me to be more accepting of others.

He also thought that I am more open in all of my communications with Him, and that we actually both have changed in that respect.

Thanks again for the thought provoking questions. I think I am caught up for now so I am ready for more!


Friday, March 7, 2014

Answers for Tomsrose

Favorite movie?

This is really a tough question but I do love light hearted romantic comedies the most. I have to say What to Expect When You Are Expecting is my current favorite. I don't know why, but I can watch that movie over and over and still find it enjoyable!  I also really like Mr. and Mrs. Smith and have to watch everytime I am flipping channels and find it playing.

Craziest place you and hubby have gotten down to business?

Oh boy...I would have to say hubby's office...during business hours!

Your biggest hurdle in M/s when you first began?

I definitely struggled with questioning everything, always wondering the details of His direction and particularly the "why". I think this is a product of my very analytical mind. I am a scientist after all!   It took me a while to accept that sometimes the "why" was just because He said so or wanted it that way. 

Another thing I struggled with was letting go of the disappointment in myself when I messed up. I would beat myself up for not being perfect but that's part of my nature anyways. So I finally learned to absolve myself after punishment because He made it clear  I had paid the price and all was forgiven by Him, so I should forgive myself.

Master is also very much into the art of mind fuckery, which I really hate! The process of learning to trust and realize that He doesn't always intend to follow through on what He threatens was extremely stressful at times.  He just loved to watch me go into full panic, meltdown mode...darn sadist!

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Round 2 of Answers: Banned Implements, Swallowing, and Blogging

Scarlet asked:

If you could ban one implement from ever being used again, what would it be?
Honestly, I think Master can make me want to ban just about any implement He has depending on the situation.  But if I had to pick one it would be the wire clothes hanger.  This one probably stands out in my mind since I was just punished with it a couple nights ago for slipping in my tasks.  Ok...the cable loopy runs a close second on my ban list. Oh yeah, and I really don't like weighted clover clamps!  Alright, I am going to stop now.  I think this list might continue growing and you did only ask for one. LOL!

Most outrageous/expensive wish list item for TTWD?

The most outrageous/expensive item would be on Master's wish list and that is a Sybian.  I am perfectly content with the fuck machine, can't imagine anything being better than that and the Hitachi but then again, I have never tried it.

Anonymous asked (and Misty followed up):

Did you ever have a problem swallowing? How did you overcome it?

I did have a problem, particularly before meeting Master and I completely agree, it was a texture thing for me too.  When we first started having sex, I tried to get up out of the bed one time to go spit and He flat out told me to swallow it (cuz He was bossy even back then).  Honestly though, He was really the only one I wanted to be able to do it for so I just told myself it would only take a second.  Once I got it down the first time, I was ok with it after that. 

Ava Grace asked:

What drew you to blog about your relationship?

When we first started TTWD, Master required me to keep certain things in a journal.  After a few months, He tasked me to set up a blog.  I fought it, didn't want anything to do with it even though I knew His intention was to help me process my feelings and things that happened within our sessions. 

But once I started, I was amazed how much I enjoyed it.  Then once I realized there was a whole support system out there, I was thankful that He had pushed the issue. 

What has been the most difficult challenge since beginning D/s?

Learning not to question His direction both directly and indirectly. 

I know there are some other questions I haven't gotten to yet, but I promise I will hopefully tomorrow. 

This is so much fun!  So keep the questions coming and I will keep up the best I can.

First Round of Answers: Fetlife and Hitachi

Thank you DelFonte for the first question!

Do you use Fetlife much and is it useful?

I do use Fetlife, and I completely admit that this time last year, I was a total junkie.  This was pretty ironic given how I fought the idea of setting up an account when Master pointed the site out to me.  It didn't take long though before the addiction took hold.  All my spare time was spent perving pictures and reading through forums.  Everything about this lifestyle was so new to me and I was fascinated by it all and absorbing/learning as much as I could.  It  opened my eyes to a world that I had no idea existed.  Then I began to talk to people with similar interests and felt more comfortable answering questions posed in forums.

The problem, I began to get too emotionally invested in it all.  It also seemed like almost every thread I was interested in turned negative  and unproductive  I found myself backing off and focusing more on my blog.  

I do still check Fetlife daily but would say that it has been most useful for meeting new people. I have met several local lifestyle people and developed a couple of frienships.  Obviously,  in a lifestyle that most of us cannot openly share with vanilla friends, this has been so valuable to me.

Anonymous asked:

Would you recommend a Hitachi? With or without attachments?

I can certainly say without a doubt this is my all time favorite vibrator and I would recommend every woman have one or at least try it. I think once you feel how intense and powerful it can be, you will wonder how you lived without one. I have had one for  probably close to a decade and we fondly refer to it as my boyfriend. 

We only recently purchased attachments, and I was somewhat disappointed. Apparently simplicity works best for me.

Funny you ask this question though. I actually wrote a post on this a little while back.  Feel free to read about it more detail.


Looking forward to more question! Feel free to post them here!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Questions and Answers

It's hard to believe my first post here in blogger was nearly a year ago. I am so thankful for everyone here that reads even if you have remained anonymous. I am also thankful for some of you that I have gotten to know more personally. I have learned so much through sharing my experiences and reading other's.

In honor of March's Q&A month, feel free to ask me anything you like, and I will do my best to provide an answer.

Post your question(s) here in the comments or if you would still like to remain anonymous, just email me a private message!

Monday, March 3, 2014

An Afternoon Alone

Today I found myself completely naked and tied to the massage table, all of my limbs drawn tight and secured to each corner. Oh..it's been quite while since we played like this and I am almost giddy with excitement but not for long.

As soon as the blindfold is secured on my face, turning everything dark, my breathing quickens and I try not to flinch every time I hear the slash of His flogger teasing, dancing through the air directly above my body.  Then, it connects with my chest, landing with a thump across each of my tits at first, then on the folds of my pussy.  The speed and intensity picks up and I am in a good place as He moves the flogger across the entire front of my body. Every now and then the flogger catches the tip of my nipple and I wince from the sting but it is fleeting as He quickly moves to a different part of my body. 

Now, I hear the belt sliding out of His pants, a sound so sexy and breathtaking every time.  Although, I always find I am never very fond of it by the time He is done with me.  The smooth leather kisses my tits and nipples.  He is being easy and for that I am thankful, but a few quick licks to my pussy is all it takes, and as usual, I am arching and straining trying to try get away.  Then He goes back to my my tits.  Strike after strike lands across the upper and lower curves of my tits. This continues until I am yelling out loud each time the belt clips my sensitive nipples, a reaction that always draws His displeasure.

Once the belt focuses on tormenting my pussy, my tears turn to moans and sobs and each strike causing my legs to reflexively draw together.  Again, I hear the frustration in His voice at my lack of control as He commands me to keep my legs open and offer myself to Him and the belt.  I've gone soft and can handle little of what I used to, but He continues until satisfied that I have had enough.

Any relief I feel when He finally stops and removes the blindfold is gone because now I am staring at the  violet wand in His hand.  He dances the wand around my body, zapping the already pink, tender flesh of my tits and nipples and even takes way too much delight in zapping certain areas around my face, which is really disconcerting and agitating. 

Never knowing where the wand is going to strike next keeps me from settling into the pain and brings more cries and tears, particularly when the electricity touches my swollen clit. 

I am sobbing, fighting it...

I want Him to stop...I don't want Him to stop...

I need to endure...I want Him to take what He needs from me. 

With puffy eyes and a stuffed up nose (an attractive sight I am sure), tears continue to trickle down my face after He stops, unties me, and orders me to lay on the floor.  Pulling His pants down just enough to expose His fully erect cock, He attempts to thrust into me.  It takes some work to push through my swollen hole, but once He does, the tears stop, my body instantly responds to Him and every part of me is like a live wire.  It doesn't take long before all the stimulation of the afternoon comes washing over me and my body releases wave after wave of pleasure around Him. 

We haven't had a session that intense lately, but it was the physical and mental release I needed.  I keep my emotions in check so hard and my tears locked in so tight that sometimes I have to be driven pretty hard to let go.  But I will say that I experienced an instant drop like I never have before.  I could feel myself shutting down within about 10 minutes. Granted, we didn't have time for aftercare since our alone time abruptly came to an end.  But I felt so out of it, shaky, and nauseous that I just had to go sleep it off for a little while.  However, once I woke up, I felt refreshed and at peace! 



Saturday, March 1, 2014

Swallow: For a Better Night of Sleep

For years, my Master has claimed that while my swallowing is pleasing to Him, it possesses an additional side effect in that it helps me sleep better and deeper. 

Convenient philosophy right?

Sure it makes me sleep better, honey! (wink, wink)

Well, I would say that most weeks, I have the pleasure of swallowing at least 2-3 times. This week, however, was not a typical week.  There was actually no sperm in my diet whatsoever. 

Night after night, I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on.  I would wake up at 3:00...4:00...5:00...5:30 and then my alarm would go off at 5:45.  Horrible sleep all week. 

Last night, despite it being another busy day and already quite a late hour, with a few minutes of my teasing and stroking until He hardened under my touch, He decided release was necessary after all.  After sucking and licking His balls while stroking Himself, I graciously received a long overdue, precious load of His salty sweet juices.

Wouldn't you know...I slept AMAZING!  One of those sleeps where you don't even turn over, waking in the same position as when you fell asleep.

GASP...is it possible?  Was He right all along?

I started doing my research today and found that there may be truth this. Semen is composed of some of the following nutrients: fructose, ascorbic acid, zinc, cholesterol, protein, calcium, citric acid, magnesium, vitamin B12, phosphorous, sodium, potassium, and lactic acid.  http://www.hercampus.com/school/u-ottawa/swallowing-truth-many-benefits-semen-women      

And guess what? 

According to Dr. Charlene Gamaldo, calcium, magnesium, zinc and vitamin B12 may help to achieve a good night's sleep.   http://www.sharecare.com/health/vitamins-supplements/vitamins-minerals-help-me-sleep-better

Swallowing may not only help you sleep better but it supposedly has all kinds of other health benefits as well.  It's rumored to promote healthy skin and hair, and the hormones present in the seminal fluid can help combat depression and PMS. 

So ladies...having a hard time sleeping? 

I think from now on, I will forgo the sleepy time teas and go for the shot!