Continued from The Long Night and the Girl at the Club: this slave's account of being loaned for the weekend.
Thoughts consumed my mind as I drove home late that Sunday morning. His instructions were to be home no later than noon and the last thing I wanted to do was displease Him by starting off with a punishment for being late.
After being completely naked for two days, it almost seemed odd to be wearing clothes again. Every part of my body, from my jaws to my ankles, ached and was fatigued. But all I wanted was to be in my Master's arms, to know that I had made Him proud and that everything between us would be okay.
As I looked at myself in the rear view mirror, I couldn't help but wonder how I was going to hide the large bruises on either side of my neck, the very obvious remnants from a game of "who could leave the largest hickey".
I then looked down and very gently touched the swollen and extremely tender bite marks left on each of my thighs by the Mistress. They were already bruising but would be hidden more easily than the marks on my neck.
The faded phrase "Cum Slut", my given name for the weekend, was hidden underneath my shirt. I thought back to how the group of people in our condo had stood around watching while the words had been neatly written across my pelvis and how I had been required to wear my humiliating name all day Saturday so that everyone at the pool would know who I was. I felt a bit protected hiding behind sunglasses but apparently that wasn't disguise enough. People still stared and some even asked, "are you the girl from the club last night?"
But overall, Saturday was tame by comparison to Friday night, and for that, I was thankful. I had been unable to fall asleep after all that had happened so I was running on nothing but fumes and the last reserves of adrenaline.
My gut instinct was that she was planning something else big for that night. I stayed on pins and needles all day and my stomach churned from the lack of sleep and the thought of what was to come. Not only was I afraid of being the entertainment yet again, but this time I feared being used even harder and longer than the night before and with no rest, I wasn't sure I would be able to handle it.
As luck would have it, everyone else was exhausted too and ended up relaxing for the evening.
While I spent the day still technically "in service", following protocol and rules, the mood was much more relaxed. It was nice just spending some time together with the Mistress more as friends.
In case you ever get the chance, playing naked Twister is actually a whole lot of fun!
I was also the afforded the opportunity to provide some pleasure to the Mistress. A couple of times actually!
And when joining the Mistress and her boyfriend in bed that night, they requested that I put on a little show just for them. Normally, I would have felt uncomfortable masturbating in front of someone else, especially in such an up-close and personal kind of way. But I guess after everything else I had already done, it just didn't seem like a big deal at that point and was actually quite enjoyable.
Laying on the bed, I played with my pussy as the Mistress required. After I had been pleasuring myself for several minutes, the Mistress and her boyfriend began fucking right there beside me. The thought of them watching me, while I watched them, was incredibly erotic and pushed me right over the edge of an earth shaking orgasm.
All the images from the weekend, both the pleasurable and the painful, played out in my head over and over again as I drove. Being the perfectionist that I tend to be, I even thought of the ways I could have been better. But everything seemed almost surreal. It was quite a lot to process and it was obviously going to take time before I knew how I really felt about it all.
The house was quiet when I walked in the door. Looking for Master, I climbed the stairs, my sore legs reminding me of the exertions of the weekend. I found Him waiting, sitting in the armchair in our bedroom. As I approached Him, He stopped me with an icy tone in His voice.
I wasn't expecting to see such darkness in His eyes.
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
And She Thought She Had the Weekend Free...
At the very end of my last post, I mentioned that I had some special plans for this past weekend. I had been invited by a friend within the lifestyle to go clothing optional resort for the weekend, which was exciting as it was something I had never done before.
Through a crazy turn of events, I was literally hitting PUBLISH on that post Thursday night when I got a text on my phone. My friend was asking if Heron had given me any particular rules or tasks for the weekend. She then told me that I was free to give Heron her number if He cared to "conspire" on anything. Now, I knew she was pretty well experienced and quite tough as a Mistress so this was both exciting and scary for me.
In the span of a few short minutes, the two of them were talking. Even though I had never "played" or participated in any type of scene with her, we both trust her implicitly. They discussed ideas she had, ideas He had, limits, etc. And just like that, my weekend went from that of rest and relaxation to something far different. Heron agreed to my being her slave for the weekend.
Yes...I was being loaned!
Since I returned home Sunday, I have had a lot to process. The experience was unlike anything I had ever been through. Some of it was really good, but some of it pushed me FAR past my comfort zone into places I never thought possible.
Slowly but surely I intend to write about some of it, probably not all. As always, there will be pieces I keep for myself and Heron. To be completely honest, I debated writing about this at all. But in all fairness, it is a huge leap in my journey and now part of my growth as a slave.
I realize some of it may be uncomfortable to read about, some of you may even have very strong feelings about it.
Please keep in mind, this is the dynamic we have and it is consensual. I trust Heron enough to do with me as He wishes, even if that means He entrusts me to someone else. I knew there was a point in time this may come. I think the scary realization for me is that I am beginning to believe that there is nothing I won't do to please Him.
He carries the responsibilities for the choices made and as I re-tell the story, He will be glad to address any questions or comments Himself. He has had a great deal to process as well and I think we are doing a great job of that together.
Through a crazy turn of events, I was literally hitting PUBLISH on that post Thursday night when I got a text on my phone. My friend was asking if Heron had given me any particular rules or tasks for the weekend. She then told me that I was free to give Heron her number if He cared to "conspire" on anything. Now, I knew she was pretty well experienced and quite tough as a Mistress so this was both exciting and scary for me.
In the span of a few short minutes, the two of them were talking. Even though I had never "played" or participated in any type of scene with her, we both trust her implicitly. They discussed ideas she had, ideas He had, limits, etc. And just like that, my weekend went from that of rest and relaxation to something far different. Heron agreed to my being her slave for the weekend.
Yes...I was being loaned!
Since I returned home Sunday, I have had a lot to process. The experience was unlike anything I had ever been through. Some of it was really good, but some of it pushed me FAR past my comfort zone into places I never thought possible.
Slowly but surely I intend to write about some of it, probably not all. As always, there will be pieces I keep for myself and Heron. To be completely honest, I debated writing about this at all. But in all fairness, it is a huge leap in my journey and now part of my growth as a slave.
I realize some of it may be uncomfortable to read about, some of you may even have very strong feelings about it.
Please keep in mind, this is the dynamic we have and it is consensual. I trust Heron enough to do with me as He wishes, even if that means He entrusts me to someone else. I knew there was a point in time this may come. I think the scary realization for me is that I am beginning to believe that there is nothing I won't do to please Him.
He carries the responsibilities for the choices made and as I re-tell the story, He will be glad to address any questions or comments Himself. He has had a great deal to process as well and I think we are doing a great job of that together.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
"A Place in My Heart"
VULNERABILITY...a word that has cropped up in a couple blogs here recently. Whew...this is something I can identify with greatly at the moment. And along with this extreme sense of vulnerability has come a whole host of emotions that have quite frankly caught me VERY off guard.
While I've learned that I can completely expose and trust Heron with my vulnerability, my life is changing and I am not used to trusting anyone else with that part of me. Honestly, I have NEVER been able to fully trust anyone else, except Him. But I shared something special with Chrysalis, exposed a part of myself and then that feeling of intense vulnerability set in. Plain and simple, it scared the crap out of me. I can be a bit cynical anyways, always believing that at some point, when something is too good, the other shoe is bound to fall. So I resorted to what I used to do best and that was to push people away. It’s what I do in a great effort to protect myself. And once I begin frantically constructing my fortress, it's REALLY hard to stop.
In my last post I said "we are all real people, with real emotions that can get caught up in the mix". This is so very true...probably even more so than I realized when I wrote that post. A bit of foreshadowing I suppose or perhaps I could already feel what was happening.
After the high of our threesome experience, the crash came. The "oh my gosh...I just did that" moment hit and it hit hard. Heron had experienced some of His own issues but had worked through it pretty early on and quickly. For me, it took several more days for things to bubble to the surface. The three of us (myself, Chrysalis, and her husband) were to meet for more of the same this past Saturday but I knew my head was not in the right place. Heron could see what was happening, the turmoil between my heart and my head. I'm also sure He knew where it was coming from but He supported and encouraged me to do what I thought was best for ME. So, I cancelled our weekend plans. There were a couple other things (discussions) that had happened earlier in the week that I was still grappling to fully understand. Compound all of that with the ridiculous emotions of PMS, and well what we had brewing was a recipe for disaster.
I withdrew so hard and so fast, I left everyone's head spinning in the wake. Chrysalis and I had been very open and honest about some things, including our feelings for each other and that left me feeling extremely vulnerable and terrified of being hurt or hurting anyone else. Things had moved quickly, very quickly in some respects and I needed to catch my breath. And while I desperately feared losing her, I also needed to re-establish that I had come into this desiring more of a one-on-one situation with her. What the three of us shared was awesome and I am certainly open to doing it again at some point, but I felt it important to stay true to my original intentions.
So it was quite a roller coaster for a few days and mentally exhausting. This week, we have backed up a bit, just spent some time reconnecting as friends first. Her and I went for a really nice hike on Memorial Day Monday and met for lunch yesterday. Just being around her always makes me peaceful and happy. We've spent a lot of time talking about our past, and I think we both have a greater understanding and appreciation for how and why we react to certain situations.
And the rest...well it's slowly falling back into place but she's letting it flow at my pace right now.
The moral of the story...no matter how ready you think you are...there may very well be some unexpected emotions. But Heron has been there every step of the way while I process all of this and if it's even possible, I think we are even stronger for it.
While I've learned that I can completely expose and trust Heron with my vulnerability, my life is changing and I am not used to trusting anyone else with that part of me. Honestly, I have NEVER been able to fully trust anyone else, except Him. But I shared something special with Chrysalis, exposed a part of myself and then that feeling of intense vulnerability set in. Plain and simple, it scared the crap out of me. I can be a bit cynical anyways, always believing that at some point, when something is too good, the other shoe is bound to fall. So I resorted to what I used to do best and that was to push people away. It’s what I do in a great effort to protect myself. And once I begin frantically constructing my fortress, it's REALLY hard to stop.
In my last post I said "we are all real people, with real emotions that can get caught up in the mix". This is so very true...probably even more so than I realized when I wrote that post. A bit of foreshadowing I suppose or perhaps I could already feel what was happening.
After the high of our threesome experience, the crash came. The "oh my gosh...I just did that" moment hit and it hit hard. Heron had experienced some of His own issues but had worked through it pretty early on and quickly. For me, it took several more days for things to bubble to the surface. The three of us (myself, Chrysalis, and her husband) were to meet for more of the same this past Saturday but I knew my head was not in the right place. Heron could see what was happening, the turmoil between my heart and my head. I'm also sure He knew where it was coming from but He supported and encouraged me to do what I thought was best for ME. So, I cancelled our weekend plans. There were a couple other things (discussions) that had happened earlier in the week that I was still grappling to fully understand. Compound all of that with the ridiculous emotions of PMS, and well what we had brewing was a recipe for disaster.
I withdrew so hard and so fast, I left everyone's head spinning in the wake. Chrysalis and I had been very open and honest about some things, including our feelings for each other and that left me feeling extremely vulnerable and terrified of being hurt or hurting anyone else. Things had moved quickly, very quickly in some respects and I needed to catch my breath. And while I desperately feared losing her, I also needed to re-establish that I had come into this desiring more of a one-on-one situation with her. What the three of us shared was awesome and I am certainly open to doing it again at some point, but I felt it important to stay true to my original intentions.
So it was quite a roller coaster for a few days and mentally exhausting. This week, we have backed up a bit, just spent some time reconnecting as friends first. Her and I went for a really nice hike on Memorial Day Monday and met for lunch yesterday. Just being around her always makes me peaceful and happy. We've spent a lot of time talking about our past, and I think we both have a greater understanding and appreciation for how and why we react to certain situations.
And the rest...well it's slowly falling back into place but she's letting it flow at my pace right now.
The moral of the story...no matter how ready you think you are...there may very well be some unexpected emotions. But Heron has been there every step of the way while I process all of this and if it's even possible, I think we are even stronger for it.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
My Idea...Or Is It?
 |
| Happy Earth Day |
I don't know about you, but sometimes my initial reaction on the inside is to fight it. I find it interesting how some things Heron insists on me doing anyways. Sometimes it's because He knows I will end up enjoying it. Sometimes, He knows I won't and that's OK with Him too. While other things, He simply plants the seed and waits patiently, watching it grow until it almost seems like my own idea.
Recently, someone commented in an email to me about my apparent breast implants Well, I don't go around announcing that they aren't real but it's probably no secret. Many, many years ago, I complained about my small chest and the toll that having children had taken on what little I did have. And being that Heron is most definitely a boob man, I was even more self-conscious. He was always quick to assure me that He loved my body. But when I would complain, He would say that if it would make me feel better about myself, I should have something done about it. Which translated in my head to...I want you to get something done about it.
My immediate reaction was to scoff at the notion, feeling insulted that He would even suggest such a thing. But that was me being silly because He would never have expected me to do something so drastic to my body if I wasn't comfortable doing so.
Truth be told, the main reason I didn't want to do it was fear. Which seems to be the case with so many other things I chose not to pursue in this life. Heron will attest, I am going to over think it and convince myself of the worst case scenario happening every single time.
So for years, I assumed that I would end up getting some botched plastic surgery and hate myself for it. Well, that didn't happen...I've been perfectly happy with the choice I made.
All of the same can be said for our dynamic. He wanted it but wasn't going to push me into something I didn't want. With my heels dug in for years, He waited patiently while that little seedling took root. It took a really...really long time but eventually I came around. And guess what? I've been perfectly happy with the choice I made.
I've learned time changes things and opens the mind to new possibilities, if one lets it. Sometimes there is an impetus that helps me see things differently and sometimes it just takes the right circumstances to present themselves.
But once my mind is open, curiosity is bound to overcome the fear that resides there.
This new development in my life is just another example, except this time the seed didn't really need to be planted. It was there all along, hiding deep down in a place where I could deny it's existence. With plenty of encouragement, He brought it to the surface where it could finally reach the sunlight and grow.
This is a big step...a huge leap of faith...all sorts of scary and exciting. And I'm fighting just about every insecurity I have as a woman. But I'm ready and I know I wouldn't be able be in this position if it hadn't been for a wonderfully supportive and patient man.
Sometimes pushing boundaries can be so subtle, you don't even realize it's happening!
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Motivation: In Response to DtBHC
Don't know how many of you reading this are down here in the South, but we are on our second round of snow in just as many days. Thankfully, school was already cancelled and I was released early from work so there wasn't a repeat of last year's nightmare with people stranded all over the city but I didn't feel completed at ease until Heron was able to leave work and join us here at home.
Unfortunately, I am nursing yet another cold. This one, thanks to Heron. It's the gift that just keeps giving! So, hopefully I can keep this post on track despite my stuffy head.
Anyways, on to other things...
I want to thank DtBHC for his honesty in the following comment on my last post, Saddle Sore. I'm sure it's quite possible other people have had similar thoughts and after starting to type out a long reply, I thought perhaps it was better to just create a post.
Hi lg, I sometimes want to ask you the same question. Not judging in any way but trying to understand your journey and what motivates you to further your submission. Reading your posts triggers some strong feelings which I find difficult to process. I'm sure that I would fail if I was to be taken down this path. It's not likely to ever happen but I am fascinated by your journey.
Without knowing exactly which part triggers these strong feelings, I am going to try my best to explain my journey and what motivates me to further my submission. Feel free to elaborate if I have made any wrong assumptions in the direction your comment.
First of all, I am a consensual slave. I made a commitment to do as He asks, whenever and wherever. Of course, this takes a huge amount of trust to know that while pushing my boundaries, He will never push me farther than I can handle. He has spent years learning my body and my body signals, and He knows exactly where my physical and mental threshold is. He also understands that this threshold changes based on my hormones, stress, fatigue, and any numerous other outside influences.
In His vision of M/s, my purpose and focus should be ensuring His pleasure. He is not, in turn, required to ensure mine. My pleasure comes in serving Him. He sometimes plans scenes that are specifically geared towards enforcing this very principle. And I emphasize that this is "His vision" of M/s because everyone has their own way, none of which we believe are right or wrong
In the beginning, our dynamic was very much a punishment based system. I was trained to serve Him in the ways that He expected and failure was met with a very swift negative reinforcement. I get that some people don't like the idea of this. But it's what worked for us. I admit, it was what was needed to break so many of my disrespectful habits and years of conditioning. And yes, I tried harder because I feared failure and punishment.
Eventually, as I grew in my submission and transitioned from the mindset of "what will I get our of this", He transitioned to more of a positive reinforcement dynamic and that's when I truly began to thrive. Fear of failure no longer drove me to improve in my service. Wanting to please Him did.
However, I admit, there are times when I have trouble processing things. Usually it is only when my desires and expectations are getting the better of me. It's something I continue to work on. In fact, the morning that I cried all the way to work was the morning after the horse and extra long cock worship session. In that moment, I felt like how much more can I give?
So yeah...if I feel like this on occasion, that probably comes out in my writing when I am recounting a scene. And questions like "what motivates you in you submission"...I've had to ask myself frequently.
I'm not a masochist so it's not about getting off on pain.
And I am quite frankly denied sex quite a bit so it can't be about the sex.
The simple answer is and the one that applies probably 90% of the time is that I have found so much love and contentment in serving Him.
It took me a long time to get to that point though. I had always loved serving Him outside the bedroom. It was in the bedroom I had major control issues and feared His sexual appetite, but mostly I feared His sadistic needs. For years, I forced His desires into an imaginary closet. To top it off, I worked pretty damn hard to make Him feel like a freak for having such needs. He loved me despite it all but it was obvious neither of us was completely happy or fulfilled.
Our journey has been filled with plenty of bumps and bends in the road and I have failed more times than I can count. But I've learned that this journey isn't about successes or failures. This journey is about staying engaged and in tune with each other, always trying to give the other our best. I don't always enjoy what He chooses to do to me (or not do to me) but it was trust and respect that allowed me to give myself over to Him and it's what allows me to continue doing so. Trust is also what helped created a completely different energy and connection in our marriage.
Overall, I think by living within the confines of His expectations, I have become a better person. Patience is definitely having to become one of my virtues. And I think it's made Him a stronger, more confident person.
So what keeps me motivated the other 10% of the time that I don't find my cup running over with happiness just doing what I am supposed to be doing? Well, then it's just a matter of being obedient.
Again, thank you for you thoughts and comment DtBHC! I'm glad to know that my journey fascinates you:)
Unfortunately, I am nursing yet another cold. This one, thanks to Heron. It's the gift that just keeps giving! So, hopefully I can keep this post on track despite my stuffy head.
Anyways, on to other things...
I want to thank DtBHC for his honesty in the following comment on my last post, Saddle Sore. I'm sure it's quite possible other people have had similar thoughts and after starting to type out a long reply, I thought perhaps it was better to just create a post.
Hi lg, I sometimes want to ask you the same question. Not judging in any way but trying to understand your journey and what motivates you to further your submission. Reading your posts triggers some strong feelings which I find difficult to process. I'm sure that I would fail if I was to be taken down this path. It's not likely to ever happen but I am fascinated by your journey.
Without knowing exactly which part triggers these strong feelings, I am going to try my best to explain my journey and what motivates me to further my submission. Feel free to elaborate if I have made any wrong assumptions in the direction your comment.
First of all, I am a consensual slave. I made a commitment to do as He asks, whenever and wherever. Of course, this takes a huge amount of trust to know that while pushing my boundaries, He will never push me farther than I can handle. He has spent years learning my body and my body signals, and He knows exactly where my physical and mental threshold is. He also understands that this threshold changes based on my hormones, stress, fatigue, and any numerous other outside influences.
In His vision of M/s, my purpose and focus should be ensuring His pleasure. He is not, in turn, required to ensure mine. My pleasure comes in serving Him. He sometimes plans scenes that are specifically geared towards enforcing this very principle. And I emphasize that this is "His vision" of M/s because everyone has their own way, none of which we believe are right or wrong
In the beginning, our dynamic was very much a punishment based system. I was trained to serve Him in the ways that He expected and failure was met with a very swift negative reinforcement. I get that some people don't like the idea of this. But it's what worked for us. I admit, it was what was needed to break so many of my disrespectful habits and years of conditioning. And yes, I tried harder because I feared failure and punishment.
Eventually, as I grew in my submission and transitioned from the mindset of "what will I get our of this", He transitioned to more of a positive reinforcement dynamic and that's when I truly began to thrive. Fear of failure no longer drove me to improve in my service. Wanting to please Him did.
However, I admit, there are times when I have trouble processing things. Usually it is only when my desires and expectations are getting the better of me. It's something I continue to work on. In fact, the morning that I cried all the way to work was the morning after the horse and extra long cock worship session. In that moment, I felt like how much more can I give?
So yeah...if I feel like this on occasion, that probably comes out in my writing when I am recounting a scene. And questions like "what motivates you in you submission"...I've had to ask myself frequently.
I'm not a masochist so it's not about getting off on pain.
And I am quite frankly denied sex quite a bit so it can't be about the sex.
The simple answer is and the one that applies probably 90% of the time is that I have found so much love and contentment in serving Him.
It took me a long time to get to that point though. I had always loved serving Him outside the bedroom. It was in the bedroom I had major control issues and feared His sexual appetite, but mostly I feared His sadistic needs. For years, I forced His desires into an imaginary closet. To top it off, I worked pretty damn hard to make Him feel like a freak for having such needs. He loved me despite it all but it was obvious neither of us was completely happy or fulfilled.
Our journey has been filled with plenty of bumps and bends in the road and I have failed more times than I can count. But I've learned that this journey isn't about successes or failures. This journey is about staying engaged and in tune with each other, always trying to give the other our best. I don't always enjoy what He chooses to do to me (or not do to me) but it was trust and respect that allowed me to give myself over to Him and it's what allows me to continue doing so. Trust is also what helped created a completely different energy and connection in our marriage.
Overall, I think by living within the confines of His expectations, I have become a better person. Patience is definitely having to become one of my virtues. And I think it's made Him a stronger, more confident person.
So what keeps me motivated the other 10% of the time that I don't find my cup running over with happiness just doing what I am supposed to be doing? Well, then it's just a matter of being obedient.
Again, thank you for you thoughts and comment DtBHC! I'm glad to know that my journey fascinates you:)
Saturday, February 14, 2015
He Didn't Forget
It was a relief when Heron decided to go with me rather than sending me alone, but walking through Home Depot to the lumber aisle, I could feel the flush in my cheeks and the twinge of fear and excitement.
Obviously, no one could imagine what He was actually going to do with the the wood...or could they?!
The moral of this story...He didn't forget.
Which means I am really going to ride a wooden horse, as scary as that is.
The fact is, it's already been made. At least His first version of it
Now all I can do is wait.
Obviously, no one could imagine what He was actually going to do with the the wood...or could they?!
The moral of this story...He didn't forget.
Which means I am really going to ride a wooden horse, as scary as that is.
The fact is, it's already been made. At least His first version of it
Now all I can do is wait.
Monday, January 26, 2015
Scary Things
So I'm sitting here at the kitchen table, still nursing this terrible cold with a nice hot toddy.
While minding my own business, poking around on Fet, Daddy walks up and takes a seat next to me with an excited look on his face, or perhaps it was more of an evil and mischievous grin. Probably all one in the same, anyways!
He sat down with a pad of paper and a pen and started to sketch something. I couldn't tell at first what it was. Then, He said hang on, let me draw it from a different angle.
Oh....THIS...I knew what this was!!
He then wrote down two things that I need to buy, when I get better of course.
(2) 4x4 wooden posts
(2) 1x4x10's.
As quickly as He had sat down, He was off again, leaving me wondering whether to laugh (you know...the crazy, insane, hysterical kind of laugh) or cry!
Any brave souls who want to guess what it might be? I'm not sure I have the courage yet to admit what it is.
While minding my own business, poking around on Fet, Daddy walks up and takes a seat next to me with an excited look on his face, or perhaps it was more of an evil and mischievous grin. Probably all one in the same, anyways!
He sat down with a pad of paper and a pen and started to sketch something. I couldn't tell at first what it was. Then, He said hang on, let me draw it from a different angle.
Oh....THIS...I knew what this was!!
He then wrote down two things that I need to buy, when I get better of course.
(2) 4x4 wooden posts
(2) 1x4x10's.
As quickly as He had sat down, He was off again, leaving me wondering whether to laugh (you know...the crazy, insane, hysterical kind of laugh) or cry!
Any brave souls who want to guess what it might be? I'm not sure I have the courage yet to admit what it is.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Leading Me Gently
Seems a topic that has come up in a couple of blogs that I have read lately is the idea of introducing another person into the dynamic (specifically speaking...a girl/girl encounter). I've also spent some time recently talking with a FL friend about this...quizzing her about some of her new experiences and discussing some of the questions I have.
I suppose everyone has differing opinions and their own reasons for doing it or not doing it, whichever the case may be. For us, going down this road would certainly push my boundaries and take me out of my comfort zone, but more than anything, it's about Daddy encouraging me to do something that I have fantasized about for a long time.
Now, I would be lying if I said that the idea of it didn't turn Him on as well. I mean what guy isn't excited about a little girl/girl action? But He doesn't really feel the need to participate or even watch, at least not in the beginning. He wants me to have an opportunity to explore and become comfortable without the added pressure of Him being involved.
And I could be wrong, but I don't get the feeling that this is one of those issues He wants to force. Of course, He knows I would submit to whatever He desired. But it feels more like He's just gently leading me there, which I appreciate because it's allowing me to work through my own fears and to develop my own interest and desire for it.
Overall, do I feel that having this experience is necessary for mine or His happiness? Not at all. I wouldn't go through life feeling like I had missed out on something if the opportunity just didn't present itself.
So, while this experience would fulfill of fantasy we both share, ultimately the physical pleasures would be for my enjoyment. At least I assume I would enjoy it, but honestly, I have no way of knowing. I just know the idea of it turns me on. And seeing it turns me on. So, I suspect I would be just fine as long as it was the right person and situation. But I know without a doubt, if left to my own devices, I would never have the courage or initiative to pursue it on my own.
Perhaps you remember my talking about "story time" and how uncomfortable it makes me. I find it really difficult to come up with new and different scenarios.
Well, Daddy decided to help out this past week by providing me a set of pictures, 55 pictures to be exact, all downloaded in a file on my flash drive. He explained that the order and details in the images were very important as they would set the scene and tone of the story, as well as create a loose story line for me to develop and follow.
His goal was to lead me down a path. And as long as I stayed on point, his path would help me create the type of story He wanted to hear. And I'm thinking now...maybe open my mind to some things in the process.
So what were these pictures, you ask?
The general theme was a woman being dominated and used by a group of women, in all various, sorted ways. Whew...none of my stories had ever gone down that path before. Dominated by and servicing a group of men...sure. But not women. Those were always images safer tucked in the darkest recesses of my mind.
This was certainly no easy task but I have to admit, it must have touched on some kind of nerve because certain parts of me enjoyed writing the story way too much.
Obviously, I have no direct experience with women so I also had to do some reading of other fantasy stories to draw inspiration. Between the reading and the writing, I was a horny little mess and beyond grateful when He suggested that I relieve some pressure.
It did take several days to complete and I even had to request permission for a little more time, but the end product was a 5 page story. And I'm not talking double spaced pages either!
In my opinion, the story itself was probably better than the delivery because the vocalization of it all still feels awkward.
But afterwards, Daddy told me that I will have an opportunity for plenty of practice since He was already working on pictures for Chapter 2! sigh
So if go MIA from my blog for days at a time in the near future, it just might be because I am writing another chapter!
I suppose everyone has differing opinions and their own reasons for doing it or not doing it, whichever the case may be. For us, going down this road would certainly push my boundaries and take me out of my comfort zone, but more than anything, it's about Daddy encouraging me to do something that I have fantasized about for a long time.
Now, I would be lying if I said that the idea of it didn't turn Him on as well. I mean what guy isn't excited about a little girl/girl action? But He doesn't really feel the need to participate or even watch, at least not in the beginning. He wants me to have an opportunity to explore and become comfortable without the added pressure of Him being involved.
And I could be wrong, but I don't get the feeling that this is one of those issues He wants to force. Of course, He knows I would submit to whatever He desired. But it feels more like He's just gently leading me there, which I appreciate because it's allowing me to work through my own fears and to develop my own interest and desire for it.
Overall, do I feel that having this experience is necessary for mine or His happiness? Not at all. I wouldn't go through life feeling like I had missed out on something if the opportunity just didn't present itself.
So, while this experience would fulfill of fantasy we both share, ultimately the physical pleasures would be for my enjoyment. At least I assume I would enjoy it, but honestly, I have no way of knowing. I just know the idea of it turns me on. And seeing it turns me on. So, I suspect I would be just fine as long as it was the right person and situation. But I know without a doubt, if left to my own devices, I would never have the courage or initiative to pursue it on my own.
Perhaps you remember my talking about "story time" and how uncomfortable it makes me. I find it really difficult to come up with new and different scenarios.
Well, Daddy decided to help out this past week by providing me a set of pictures, 55 pictures to be exact, all downloaded in a file on my flash drive. He explained that the order and details in the images were very important as they would set the scene and tone of the story, as well as create a loose story line for me to develop and follow.
His goal was to lead me down a path. And as long as I stayed on point, his path would help me create the type of story He wanted to hear. And I'm thinking now...maybe open my mind to some things in the process.
So what were these pictures, you ask?
The general theme was a woman being dominated and used by a group of women, in all various, sorted ways. Whew...none of my stories had ever gone down that path before. Dominated by and servicing a group of men...sure. But not women. Those were always images safer tucked in the darkest recesses of my mind.
This was certainly no easy task but I have to admit, it must have touched on some kind of nerve because certain parts of me enjoyed writing the story way too much.
Obviously, I have no direct experience with women so I also had to do some reading of other fantasy stories to draw inspiration. Between the reading and the writing, I was a horny little mess and beyond grateful when He suggested that I relieve some pressure.
It did take several days to complete and I even had to request permission for a little more time, but the end product was a 5 page story. And I'm not talking double spaced pages either!
In my opinion, the story itself was probably better than the delivery because the vocalization of it all still feels awkward.
But afterwards, Daddy told me that I will have an opportunity for plenty of practice since He was already working on pictures for Chapter 2! sigh
So if go MIA from my blog for days at a time in the near future, it just might be because I am writing another chapter!
Thursday, September 11, 2014
My Introduction to Breath Play
He typically plays this little game, forcing me down on Him until my airway is blocked and then tells me when I can come up for a brief moment of air. Up until the other night, this had been my only touch of experience with breath play.
But the other night was different and oh...so yummy!!
I can't say that I got off on not being able to breath but I certainly responded well to the control Daddy was exerting over me.
It all started while I was lying on the bed, flat on my stomach. With my feet crossed and toes pointed, my arms down by my side and palms up, and my head turned to the side, He straddled my legs and pushed Himself inside me from behind, using the full weight of His body to render me immobile. Not that we practice gorean, but for those of you familiar with the gorean positions, the best way to describe this is a cross between "belly" and "bara", with my arms and hands in the "belly" position and my legs in the "bara" position.
This is absolutely one of my FAVORITE positions by the way...feeling the weight of His body on me, not being able to move...His mouth on the back of my neck...His hands grabbing my hair and pulling my head back...His voice right in my ear...
ahhh....oh my goodness...
oh wait...back to breath play!!
This time, though He pulled the pillow in front of my face and pushed my head down, telling me I wasn't allowed to breath until He gave me permission.
This was ok, but I failed to mention to Him that I could still kind of breath through the pillow. Nevertheless, I felt the moisture running down my legs and we both knew He was on to something. He did that a couple times, each time letting me up for a quick breath before ordering my face back down into the pillow.
Just when I thought it was over, He turned me over on my back. As He continued to move inside me, He told me we were going to try it again.
Keep your mouth closed tight.
Being face to face was quite different. I could see the intensity in His eyes as He reached up and pinched my nose closed. This time, I really couldn't breath AT ALL. And I started to panic after just a few seconds. My body began bucking, my arms started flailing around and I had to gulp in a breath. I'm pretty sure this wasn't one of my sexier moments:)
One more time and don't breath until I tell you to.
This time I didn't fight it. I started counting in my mind kind of like I do with spankings and stayed focused on relaxing my body. When He did see that I was starting to struggle, He counted down a few more seconds before letting me breath.
So, all in all, I guess the case could be made that I liked it. Of course, as usual, He claims that certain parts of me LOVED it!
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Chaos is the Law of Nature
I had intended for my 200th post to be something really good, and I did have a topic in mind I wanted to write about. But that will have to wait for later because my brain is just not going to wrap itself around anything like that right now.
Ever have one of those nights that just erupts into chaos? One minute everything is rocking along just fine and the next, you wondered what the hell happened?
Oh boy, have we have had one of those nights. I think I said something recently about not missing my dogs while we were on vacation. Yep...I did say that! And holy cow, do I really mean it...especially after having to separate them from what we thought was going to be a life ending fight for one of them tonight.
To make a long story short, we have 3 female dogs. Apparently, that doesn't work out well with the whole pack mentality thing. One of them is elderly, and when we got a new puppy about a year and a half ago, the dynamics changed and the middle dog began attacking the older dog. The only thing we can figure is that the middle dog wanted the puppy for herself or felt that the older one, being the weakest link, should be eliminated.
Well, ideally we should have found a new home for one of them (particularly the trouble maker) but no one could bear the thought of giving up "their" dog. So after we tried everything we could think of, including brining in trainers, we decided that it was best for the elderly dog to go live downstairs in the basement with my mom.
I know...I have felt like complete ass about separating her from the rest of the family but we felt this was the only way to keep all the dogs and keep her safe, plus she could be doted on by my mom all the time.
This has been a fine solution except it doesn't afford for you to make a single mistake. Unfortunately, tonight was that night when one mistake lead to disaster. With the whole family watching in complete horror, it took everything we had but Daddy and I were finally able to get them separated with little damage (we think). I am so thankful that it wasn't worse than it was but it seemed like an eternity of craziness and IT WAS SCARY!
Of course this happened right as dinner was ready to be served so by the time we were able to sit down and eat, it was cold and there wasn't a chance that anyone was going to enjoy.
Not long after I started washing up the dishes, my older daughter got a phone call from her best friend who was on the other end of the line sobbing uncontrollably. So, frantically she grabbed her things and was running out of the house to go see about her friend while we were begging her to be careful and stay calm while driving over there.
For the moment...all is calm again. It's a good thing nights like this don't happen often because I think we all lost a few years off our lives.
Daddy did get a good laugh when He saw me shoving chocolate cake in my face and the littlest one heading off with a spoon and the carton of chocolate ice cream. But He always knows exactly how to take care of all of us though. To take the littlest one's mind off things, they just left for the store to go buy a new back pack she saw earlier today...and she just had to have! And that leaves me with a few moments of much needed peace and quiet.
Ever have one of those nights that just erupts into chaos? One minute everything is rocking along just fine and the next, you wondered what the hell happened?
Oh boy, have we have had one of those nights. I think I said something recently about not missing my dogs while we were on vacation. Yep...I did say that! And holy cow, do I really mean it...especially after having to separate them from what we thought was going to be a life ending fight for one of them tonight.
To make a long story short, we have 3 female dogs. Apparently, that doesn't work out well with the whole pack mentality thing. One of them is elderly, and when we got a new puppy about a year and a half ago, the dynamics changed and the middle dog began attacking the older dog. The only thing we can figure is that the middle dog wanted the puppy for herself or felt that the older one, being the weakest link, should be eliminated.
Well, ideally we should have found a new home for one of them (particularly the trouble maker) but no one could bear the thought of giving up "their" dog. So after we tried everything we could think of, including brining in trainers, we decided that it was best for the elderly dog to go live downstairs in the basement with my mom.
I know...I have felt like complete ass about separating her from the rest of the family but we felt this was the only way to keep all the dogs and keep her safe, plus she could be doted on by my mom all the time.
This has been a fine solution except it doesn't afford for you to make a single mistake. Unfortunately, tonight was that night when one mistake lead to disaster. With the whole family watching in complete horror, it took everything we had but Daddy and I were finally able to get them separated with little damage (we think). I am so thankful that it wasn't worse than it was but it seemed like an eternity of craziness and IT WAS SCARY!
Of course this happened right as dinner was ready to be served so by the time we were able to sit down and eat, it was cold and there wasn't a chance that anyone was going to enjoy.
Not long after I started washing up the dishes, my older daughter got a phone call from her best friend who was on the other end of the line sobbing uncontrollably. So, frantically she grabbed her things and was running out of the house to go see about her friend while we were begging her to be careful and stay calm while driving over there.
For the moment...all is calm again. It's a good thing nights like this don't happen often because I think we all lost a few years off our lives.
Daddy did get a good laugh when He saw me shoving chocolate cake in my face and the littlest one heading off with a spoon and the carton of chocolate ice cream. But He always knows exactly how to take care of all of us though. To take the littlest one's mind off things, they just left for the store to go buy a new back pack she saw earlier today...and she just had to have! And that leaves me with a few moments of much needed peace and quiet.
They are back home now and just as I was proofreading this post and getting ready to hit "publish", the littlest one just pulled two loose teeth in a matter of maybe 10 minutes. Who looses two teeth in one night?!
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Vacation Day Promises
Much needed relief finally came (haha...pun intended) for me yesterday. Probably not in the way either of us would have preferred but at this point, who's complaining? Certainly not me!
The price of one said orgasm was high and was something I had to determine and offer up on my own.
At the end of the day, I wish I could say that it was all a mind fuck, but I don't believe so. He says I will be held to my promise. Yikes!!
But I assumed that might be the case, which is why I did a lot of soul searching before committing myself to anything.
We haven't discussed the details of how, when, or where just yet. Only that at some point, it will happen. It's kind of hard to set a time frame on something like this. Some of it will depend on opportunity.
Will it push both of our limits?
Absolutely! Probably more than anything thus far. More so even than the experience I wrote about in The Note, The Knock, and The Slut. When I wrote about being on display and servicing another man, it provoked a lot of talk and reflection about limits. What I have committed to now, will probably do the same.
Is it something I want?
Yes and no. He knows this is something I want to experience, yet at the same time I don't...if that makes sense.
Yes, I like the idea of it. In fantasy, it is an extreme turn on. In reality, we both think ultimately I will enjoy it.
But I am a chicken shit. So, in that regard I am always perfectly comfortable limiting my own experiences and saying I don't want it. Also, I would feel more comfortable if He was going to be a participant, but I know going into it that He won't, except overseeing for my safety.
Is it something I need?
I say NO...He says YES. It's important to continue pushing my boundaries and that's why He's the Master. He knows my needs better than I know them myself most of the time.
Does He want me to want it or does He want me to be willing to do what He asks?
The answer to this is both even though ultimately, it doesn't matter. If it's something He wants me to do, I will.
That being said, it's more enjoyable for Him to know that I also want to do it.
But I think it's most pleasing for Him to know that it is something I am willing to do, not because He has forced me to bend to His will but because He has forced me to accept the deepest darkest part of myself that actually wants to do it.
By the way...thank you for your recent comments that lead to some of the thoughts in this post as well as the title. You know who you are ;-)
The price of one said orgasm was high and was something I had to determine and offer up on my own.
At the end of the day, I wish I could say that it was all a mind fuck, but I don't believe so. He says I will be held to my promise. Yikes!!
But I assumed that might be the case, which is why I did a lot of soul searching before committing myself to anything.
We haven't discussed the details of how, when, or where just yet. Only that at some point, it will happen. It's kind of hard to set a time frame on something like this. Some of it will depend on opportunity.
Will it push both of our limits?
Absolutely! Probably more than anything thus far. More so even than the experience I wrote about in The Note, The Knock, and The Slut. When I wrote about being on display and servicing another man, it provoked a lot of talk and reflection about limits. What I have committed to now, will probably do the same.
Is it something I want?
Yes and no. He knows this is something I want to experience, yet at the same time I don't...if that makes sense.
Yes, I like the idea of it. In fantasy, it is an extreme turn on. In reality, we both think ultimately I will enjoy it.
But I am a chicken shit. So, in that regard I am always perfectly comfortable limiting my own experiences and saying I don't want it. Also, I would feel more comfortable if He was going to be a participant, but I know going into it that He won't, except overseeing for my safety.
Is it something I need?
I say NO...He says YES. It's important to continue pushing my boundaries and that's why He's the Master. He knows my needs better than I know them myself most of the time.
Does He want me to want it or does He want me to be willing to do what He asks?
The answer to this is both even though ultimately, it doesn't matter. If it's something He wants me to do, I will.
That being said, it's more enjoyable for Him to know that I also want to do it.
But I think it's most pleasing for Him to know that it is something I am willing to do, not because He has forced me to bend to His will but because He has forced me to accept the deepest darkest part of myself that actually wants to do it.
By the way...thank you for your recent comments that lead to some of the thoughts in this post as well as the title. You know who you are ;-)
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Dancing in the Moonlight
I am sitting here this morning, drinking my coffee and watching it storm from our patio overlooking the ocean, thankful that I didn't go out for that walk I had been contemplating. Everyone else is still sleeping.
It's clear that we are not going to get the alone time we need. Hell, there isn't even any way to get complete privacy in the master bedroom here in this condo. I don't understand...who doesn't put locks on doors?? And with the kids only a few feet away, it's just too risky.
So my torment has continued.
But this morning, my mind keeps going back to a few stolen moments on the beach last night under the full moon. We did manage to get out for a late night walk and Daddy told me to wear a loose fitting tank top and a wrap around my waist with no panties underneath.
Now I would LOVE to have sex on the beach, but unfortunately, that isn't Daddy's thing. He did, however, take a some time to clamp my nipples and clit as we stood out under the moonlight, finally getting the chance to make out like two teenagers having to sneak away from their parents.
After taking the clamps off, He turned me around so my ass was pressed against Him and His mouth could freely roam my neck. Telling me to spread my legs, His fingers danced around my swollen and extremely wet pussy.
As He worked my clit, getting me closer and closer, He whispered in my ear.
What are you willing to do to get your orgasm?
He stopped when I answered, "whatever you would like me to do Daddy".
I knew this wasn't the answer He was looking for. This is a little game He plays, insisting on adding to my humiliation by making me spell out what I am willing to do.
But I also know there are only few "right" answers to this question...
And they all scare the crap out of me because they are things, that at the moment, only exist in my fantasy world.
So as I sit here this morning, the question becomes...how far do I willingly throw myself down the rabbit hole?
Saturday, June 21, 2014
(In)Decently Exposed
A-shirts (or wife-beaters as so many of us call them)...those darn little shirts! What else can I say?
Plenty actually. Let me start with...
I really hate that Daddy loves them so much. But of course He loves them.
They are tight, see-through, and best of all, He can torment me by making me wear them. Something to make me squirm right out of my comfort zone for sure!!
One of my assignments several weeks ago was to purchase the smallest size wife-beater I could possibly fit into. I walked back and forth in Wal-Mart agonizing over what size to buy. Nothing from the men's department was small enough, so I ended up in the boy's department wondering if anything there was big enough. To make matters worse, unless I was missing something, they only sell them in sealed packages like T-shirts so it's not like you can take one in the dressing room and try it on. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, I tore the pack open so I could at least pull one out.
Holding it up against myself, I decided it would work and now didn't feel so bad since I was buying the pack I already ripped opened.
Later that night, I came into His office with shirts in hand showing that I had completed His assignment. He asked that I model one for Him. When I finally contorted myself enough to get it on, the shirt (does it even qualify as a shirt?) was so small that the ribbed texture was pulled taut across my tits and was short enough to expose several inches of my belly. Oh and let's not forget to mention that no part of my nipples were left to the imagination, which of course, pleased Him immensely above all else.
After explaining that He would have plans for the shirts at a later time, He sent me to put them away for safe keeping.
Well, it just so happened that I noticed one of those wife-beaters made it into His car just a few short days later. Seeing it there every time we went anywhere made me extremely nervous but after a couple weeks, I eventually stopped thinking about it.
So, a few nights ago, we were enjoying a nice evening out to dinner, just the two of us. The waiter set down my pomegranate margarita and after the first sip, I commented on how strong the alcohol was.
I suggest you drink two then, since you will be wearing your wife-beater into the gas station before we go home.
It really took a second for this to sink in because I was already scantily clad, wearing a tank top without a bra and shorty shorts to dinner. What was the big deal about going into the gas station in what I was wearing if I had gone into a restaurant?
Then it occurred to me what He meant. He was referring to the "other" shirt that had been patiently waiting in His car for just the right opportunity.
I tried to stay calm during throughout the rest of dinner and just tell myself...Maybe Daddy's toying with my mind again.
But I started getting a little worried after dinner when He detoured, and we were no longer driving in the direction of home.
Then, I got ALOT worried when He told me to change shirts.
Much to my relief, after about a 30 minute drive, we ended up at a park.
Whew...He was messing with my mind, I thought to myself.
It was almost dark and pretty much deserted so I didn't mind being somewhat exposed when He parked the car and headed up a small trail into the woods. But it really was getting dark, so after walking just a little ways and sneaking in a few kisses, we turned back.
As we got to the car, I mentioned how I really needed to pee so He stopped by a restroom we had passed, still within the park. I ran up to the door only to find it already locked up for the night, but I assured Him it was no big deal...I could make it home.
However, as we turned onto the main road after exiting the park, I spotted a gas station. The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach told me He was about to turn in and He did. Even as He pulled up into the parking spot, I clung to hope that it was all still part of His sadistic mind game. It wasn't though and I knew it wasn't when He handed me His debit card and a lottery ticket.
You are going to go inside, go to the bathroom, get me a diet coke, and cash in this lottery ticket.
"You really want me to do this?"
Yes, go!
"But there are people sitting right there...and...and...look you can see!" (pointing to my chest, like He didn't already know)
I'm not telling you again...GO...right now!
I just had to find a few moments of courage and hope that there weren't too many people inside but it sure would have helped if the alcohol hadn't already worn off. Luckily, we were no where close to home so at least the chances of running into anyone we knew were slim to none.
I closed the car door and as I walked in front of the car parked next to us, I just knew the woman in the front passenger seat was staring at me. I'm sure any meager attempt to casually hide my chest behind the lottery ticket was fruitless.
Walking into the convenience store, I instantly turned to the right avoiding the path that would lead me right past the registers and people. I made it to the bathroom fairly unnoticed and took care of business. While washing my hands, I studied myself in the mirror and shifted the shirt around to see if there was any way to disguise my nipples, even just a little bit, but there wasn't. Couldn't stand there forever, so I just decided to get on with it.
Leaving the bathroom, I retraced my previous path back to the coolers where I grabbed His diet soda. Again, I had gone unnoticed. Then, I looked around and made a bee line for the register while the cashier had her back turned and there was no one else around. As the cashier turned around to ring me up, she either was trying really hard not to look at my boobs or the counter between us acted as a pretty good buffer because she didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary.
I wasn't out of the woods quite yet. I still had to walk out of the store and back to the car. Sure enough, the woman in the parked car, who watched me walk in, was still sitting there and now a man was occupying the driver's seat. Call me paranoid, but I am pretty sure they were waiting for me come out, most likely hoping to confirm if they really saw what they thought they saw. Well, they certainly had front row seats now didn't they?!
Nothing I could do at that point but let them have their little look-see while I kept my eyes on Daddy and made it back to the car.
There have been plenty of limits He can push and eventually whatever my hang-up is with that particular thing seems fade away after a while. I don't know about this one though. It just never seems to get any easier, and I suppose that's why He keeps at it.
Plenty actually. Let me start with...
I really hate that Daddy loves them so much. But of course He loves them.
They are tight, see-through, and best of all, He can torment me by making me wear them. Something to make me squirm right out of my comfort zone for sure!!
One of my assignments several weeks ago was to purchase the smallest size wife-beater I could possibly fit into. I walked back and forth in Wal-Mart agonizing over what size to buy. Nothing from the men's department was small enough, so I ended up in the boy's department wondering if anything there was big enough. To make matters worse, unless I was missing something, they only sell them in sealed packages like T-shirts so it's not like you can take one in the dressing room and try it on. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, I tore the pack open so I could at least pull one out.
Holding it up against myself, I decided it would work and now didn't feel so bad since I was buying the pack I already ripped opened.
Later that night, I came into His office with shirts in hand showing that I had completed His assignment. He asked that I model one for Him. When I finally contorted myself enough to get it on, the shirt (does it even qualify as a shirt?) was so small that the ribbed texture was pulled taut across my tits and was short enough to expose several inches of my belly. Oh and let's not forget to mention that no part of my nipples were left to the imagination, which of course, pleased Him immensely above all else.
After explaining that He would have plans for the shirts at a later time, He sent me to put them away for safe keeping.
Well, it just so happened that I noticed one of those wife-beaters made it into His car just a few short days later. Seeing it there every time we went anywhere made me extremely nervous but after a couple weeks, I eventually stopped thinking about it.
So, a few nights ago, we were enjoying a nice evening out to dinner, just the two of us. The waiter set down my pomegranate margarita and after the first sip, I commented on how strong the alcohol was.
I suggest you drink two then, since you will be wearing your wife-beater into the gas station before we go home.
It really took a second for this to sink in because I was already scantily clad, wearing a tank top without a bra and shorty shorts to dinner. What was the big deal about going into the gas station in what I was wearing if I had gone into a restaurant?
Then it occurred to me what He meant. He was referring to the "other" shirt that had been patiently waiting in His car for just the right opportunity.
I tried to stay calm during throughout the rest of dinner and just tell myself...Maybe Daddy's toying with my mind again.
But I started getting a little worried after dinner when He detoured, and we were no longer driving in the direction of home.
Then, I got ALOT worried when He told me to change shirts.
Much to my relief, after about a 30 minute drive, we ended up at a park.
Whew...He was messing with my mind, I thought to myself.
It was almost dark and pretty much deserted so I didn't mind being somewhat exposed when He parked the car and headed up a small trail into the woods. But it really was getting dark, so after walking just a little ways and sneaking in a few kisses, we turned back.
As we got to the car, I mentioned how I really needed to pee so He stopped by a restroom we had passed, still within the park. I ran up to the door only to find it already locked up for the night, but I assured Him it was no big deal...I could make it home.
However, as we turned onto the main road after exiting the park, I spotted a gas station. The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach told me He was about to turn in and He did. Even as He pulled up into the parking spot, I clung to hope that it was all still part of His sadistic mind game. It wasn't though and I knew it wasn't when He handed me His debit card and a lottery ticket.
You are going to go inside, go to the bathroom, get me a diet coke, and cash in this lottery ticket.
"You really want me to do this?"
Yes, go!
"But there are people sitting right there...and...and...look you can see!" (pointing to my chest, like He didn't already know)
I'm not telling you again...GO...right now!
I just had to find a few moments of courage and hope that there weren't too many people inside but it sure would have helped if the alcohol hadn't already worn off. Luckily, we were no where close to home so at least the chances of running into anyone we knew were slim to none.
I closed the car door and as I walked in front of the car parked next to us, I just knew the woman in the front passenger seat was staring at me. I'm sure any meager attempt to casually hide my chest behind the lottery ticket was fruitless.
Walking into the convenience store, I instantly turned to the right avoiding the path that would lead me right past the registers and people. I made it to the bathroom fairly unnoticed and took care of business. While washing my hands, I studied myself in the mirror and shifted the shirt around to see if there was any way to disguise my nipples, even just a little bit, but there wasn't. Couldn't stand there forever, so I just decided to get on with it.
Leaving the bathroom, I retraced my previous path back to the coolers where I grabbed His diet soda. Again, I had gone unnoticed. Then, I looked around and made a bee line for the register while the cashier had her back turned and there was no one else around. As the cashier turned around to ring me up, she either was trying really hard not to look at my boobs or the counter between us acted as a pretty good buffer because she didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary.
I wasn't out of the woods quite yet. I still had to walk out of the store and back to the car. Sure enough, the woman in the parked car, who watched me walk in, was still sitting there and now a man was occupying the driver's seat. Call me paranoid, but I am pretty sure they were waiting for me come out, most likely hoping to confirm if they really saw what they thought they saw. Well, they certainly had front row seats now didn't they?!
Nothing I could do at that point but let them have their little look-see while I kept my eyes on Daddy and made it back to the car.
There have been plenty of limits He can push and eventually whatever my hang-up is with that particular thing seems fade away after a while. I don't know about this one though. It just never seems to get any easier, and I suppose that's why He keeps at it.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Outstanding Business
Snuggled up in bed, His slave lies nestled against His shoulder. Both of them are left exhausted by the demands of the weekend and disappointed by the lack of time left for each other. Master had intended and needed to use her use Her but debated with Himself as He needed sleep as well.
She takes the initiative to begin stroking Him, ever so softly, completely infatuated by the feel of His smooth skin which quickly grows tight over His cock. Her nails lightly graze His length until she can no longer resist feeling that smoothness brush against her lips while drinking in His intoxicating, manly scent.
He turns her on her back and claims what is already His.
Whispering firmly in her ear, He admits that the demands on His time have been great and that there are certain "things" that have been neglected.
You do understand there is a matter of outstanding business that needs to be tended to...
Her mind races, attempting to tally up all her infractions recently or ways in which she might have displeased Him.
You do understand there will be much more cock worshipping...
More training...
More maintenance...
She knows He has been fairly undemanding of her lately and the tone of His voice fills her with a bit of fear.
But for tonight, she basks in His gentleness.
She takes the initiative to begin stroking Him, ever so softly, completely infatuated by the feel of His smooth skin which quickly grows tight over His cock. Her nails lightly graze His length until she can no longer resist feeling that smoothness brush against her lips while drinking in His intoxicating, manly scent.
He turns her on her back and claims what is already His.
Whispering firmly in her ear, He admits that the demands on His time have been great and that there are certain "things" that have been neglected.
You do understand there is a matter of outstanding business that needs to be tended to...
Her mind races, attempting to tally up all her infractions recently or ways in which she might have displeased Him.
You do understand there will be much more cock worshipping...
More training...
More maintenance...
She knows He has been fairly undemanding of her lately and the tone of His voice fills her with a bit of fear.
But for tonight, she basks in His gentleness.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Easy...Unitl It's Not (part 2)
As I stood there, with the tears drying on my face, in a see thru pink tube top with slits He had cut horizontally in the fabric to expose more of my cleavage (nearly exposing my nipples as well), skin tight shorts, and heels, He looked at me and said, That is it! Perfect!
That was the outfit I would wear to the car wash.
I looked at myself in the mirror and begged Him to reconsider. I might have even casually mentioned something about going to jail.
He did agree that maybe it was exposing too much and suggested that He might find a different top.
Get undressed and get in the bed.
I asked if I could put my robe on first and take the dogs out for the night. He followed me outside and stood with me. He offered a choice, or compromise so to speak. Who knows...He may have been planning that all along. ugggg...mind games!
He would allow me to go to the car wash in something more appropriate...if I told Him a story while stroking Him with my hands AND the story had to be "good enough". If it wasn't, I would be wearing the original outfit.
Why was He pushing so many of my limits in one night?!
I won't say that I hate telling stories as much as public humiliation but I certainly don't like having to come up with them. Who knows why telling stories is so difficult for me. Maybe it's a bit of shyness or fear that He will find my story is uninspiring. I'll be the first to admit, I my brain is much more analytical and somewhat lacks in the imagination department.
I mean how many different ways can you be kidnapped and used over and over again by multiple people?
But that's the scenario that turns Him on, so I stick with it.
We started with me lying close to the edge of the bed, on my back. He was standing up beside me so that I had full access to stroke His cock. At first, I had trouble deciding on the setting of the story, but with a little direction from Him, I was able to get started.
Even though He wasn't using me in the way I had hoped, He did have a new little twist for our story telling time. He was using the Magic Wand on me and I certainly didn't mind that! It was a little distracting though. As my kidnapper was cutting my shirt off and pulling my nipples, Master could tell I was getting worked up so He gave me permission to cum and I actually enjoyed a rather intense orgasm.
Unfortunately, for Him, right after I got mine, we were interrupted by a little one knocking on the door. It was close to 2 am before we got her back to sleep but I finally had a chance to finish my story for Him. Judging by the large load He deposited in my mouth, the story was "good enough".
Yay me!! He actually complimented several parts of my story :o
So, even though it wasn't really the evening I had hoped for, it made me feel better to hear Him admit later that it wasn't really the evening He had planned. We certainly made up for it the next morning, but that's another post!
That was the outfit I would wear to the car wash.
I looked at myself in the mirror and begged Him to reconsider. I might have even casually mentioned something about going to jail.
He did agree that maybe it was exposing too much and suggested that He might find a different top.
Get undressed and get in the bed.
I asked if I could put my robe on first and take the dogs out for the night. He followed me outside and stood with me. He offered a choice, or compromise so to speak. Who knows...He may have been planning that all along. ugggg...mind games!
He would allow me to go to the car wash in something more appropriate...if I told Him a story while stroking Him with my hands AND the story had to be "good enough". If it wasn't, I would be wearing the original outfit.
Why was He pushing so many of my limits in one night?!
I won't say that I hate telling stories as much as public humiliation but I certainly don't like having to come up with them. Who knows why telling stories is so difficult for me. Maybe it's a bit of shyness or fear that He will find my story is uninspiring. I'll be the first to admit, I my brain is much more analytical and somewhat lacks in the imagination department.
I mean how many different ways can you be kidnapped and used over and over again by multiple people?
But that's the scenario that turns Him on, so I stick with it.
We started with me lying close to the edge of the bed, on my back. He was standing up beside me so that I had full access to stroke His cock. At first, I had trouble deciding on the setting of the story, but with a little direction from Him, I was able to get started.
Even though He wasn't using me in the way I had hoped, He did have a new little twist for our story telling time. He was using the Magic Wand on me and I certainly didn't mind that! It was a little distracting though. As my kidnapper was cutting my shirt off and pulling my nipples, Master could tell I was getting worked up so He gave me permission to cum and I actually enjoyed a rather intense orgasm.
Unfortunately, for Him, right after I got mine, we were interrupted by a little one knocking on the door. It was close to 2 am before we got her back to sleep but I finally had a chance to finish my story for Him. Judging by the large load He deposited in my mouth, the story was "good enough".
Yay me!! He actually complimented several parts of my story :o
So, even though it wasn't really the evening I had hoped for, it made me feel better to hear Him admit later that it wasn't really the evening He had planned. We certainly made up for it the next morning, but that's another post!
Sunday, July 21, 2013
My Biggest FEAR!
So we all have fears in life whether it be of dying, getting into a car accident, or losing the person we love. I attended an event today and the discussion was about fears. So many of the ladies shared some very touching and personal struggles. I was able to also open up and talk about my own fear...the fear of disappointing others.
My entire life, I have wanted everyone around me to be happy with me. I despise failure of any sort and agonize if I think that I have let someone down. Turning myself inside out to do what other people would like me to do has been a fatal flaw of mine as far back as I can remember.
For example, as a child, I was expected to participate in a sport in which I grew to hate. This was a choice made for me before I was even old enough to say the word "sport". As I grew older, I wondered what it would be like to feel like a "normal" kid. I wanted so badly to see what it was like to hang out with friends after school or try other sports that interested me so I tried to verbalize these feelings. The only thing my mother would tell me was that watching me perform was the ONLY thing that brought her joy. No pressure there!!
As I watched her marriage unravel and all the unhappiness surrounding her life, how could I even fathom adding to her unhappiness? So, I sucked it up, hated my life every single day, and continued to do what pleased her. This was no short lived part of my childhood...this was 17 years! I have this saying..."if I am going to do something, I am going to be the best." Whether I like what I am doing...you can be assured it will not be half-assed because I hate failure. So being good at it didn't really help my case when I claimed that I didn't want to do it.
I grew up in house where both my parents regularly reminded me that children have no rights and no say. Our house was a "dictatorship...not a democracy!" All this did was continue to drive home the fact that I had no control over myself or any choices. My sole purpose was to do what others wanted and expected of me.
I suppose had I been a different type of person, I could have been a rebellious hell-raiser and bucked the system. But looking back, my submissive tendencies were already well established. Doing for others was already part of my nature. Being a people pleaser has lead to so many frustrations in my life because it's hard keeping everyone happy and finding happiness yourself. I am finally understanding that no matter how hard you try, you will never make everyone happy.
My inability to say NO left me feeling quite out of control of my life, and what did I do? I took it out on the one person that really never expected me to be anything but myself and spent all of His time trying to make me happy, my Husband and lifelong best friend who I am proud to call Master. From day one, He accepted every single thing about me, the good and the ugly. It really is true that we tend to be our worst to the people we are closest to.
This past year, in my journey to become a slave, I have learned more about myself than I have in the previous 39 years of my life. The act of surrendering has forced to continually evaluate my behaviors, the reasons for them, and how to overcome so many obstacles from my past.
Being submissive obviously comes naturally, and in being His slave, I embrace my people pleasing nature for Him only.
I want to obey Him.
I want to endure intense painful sessions for Him.
I want to please Him in everything that I do.
I still believe in being a kind, helpful, and humble person but the part of me I see changing is that I no longer feel obligated to do what EVERYONE thinks that I should...only what HE thinks I should. In every way, I try to be a person with only good intention but if someone isn't happy me, I no longer twist myself in knots worrying about it. I am not responsible for everyone's happiness.
The only person I live to please now is my Master and that is such freedom!
My entire life, I have wanted everyone around me to be happy with me. I despise failure of any sort and agonize if I think that I have let someone down. Turning myself inside out to do what other people would like me to do has been a fatal flaw of mine as far back as I can remember.
For example, as a child, I was expected to participate in a sport in which I grew to hate. This was a choice made for me before I was even old enough to say the word "sport". As I grew older, I wondered what it would be like to feel like a "normal" kid. I wanted so badly to see what it was like to hang out with friends after school or try other sports that interested me so I tried to verbalize these feelings. The only thing my mother would tell me was that watching me perform was the ONLY thing that brought her joy. No pressure there!!
As I watched her marriage unravel and all the unhappiness surrounding her life, how could I even fathom adding to her unhappiness? So, I sucked it up, hated my life every single day, and continued to do what pleased her. This was no short lived part of my childhood...this was 17 years! I have this saying..."if I am going to do something, I am going to be the best." Whether I like what I am doing...you can be assured it will not be half-assed because I hate failure. So being good at it didn't really help my case when I claimed that I didn't want to do it.
I grew up in house where both my parents regularly reminded me that children have no rights and no say. Our house was a "dictatorship...not a democracy!" All this did was continue to drive home the fact that I had no control over myself or any choices. My sole purpose was to do what others wanted and expected of me.
I suppose had I been a different type of person, I could have been a rebellious hell-raiser and bucked the system. But looking back, my submissive tendencies were already well established. Doing for others was already part of my nature. Being a people pleaser has lead to so many frustrations in my life because it's hard keeping everyone happy and finding happiness yourself. I am finally understanding that no matter how hard you try, you will never make everyone happy.
My inability to say NO left me feeling quite out of control of my life, and what did I do? I took it out on the one person that really never expected me to be anything but myself and spent all of His time trying to make me happy, my Husband and lifelong best friend who I am proud to call Master. From day one, He accepted every single thing about me, the good and the ugly. It really is true that we tend to be our worst to the people we are closest to.
This past year, in my journey to become a slave, I have learned more about myself than I have in the previous 39 years of my life. The act of surrendering has forced to continually evaluate my behaviors, the reasons for them, and how to overcome so many obstacles from my past.
Being submissive obviously comes naturally, and in being His slave, I embrace my people pleasing nature for Him only.
I want to obey Him.
I want to endure intense painful sessions for Him.
I want to please Him in everything that I do.
I still believe in being a kind, helpful, and humble person but the part of me I see changing is that I no longer feel obligated to do what EVERYONE thinks that I should...only what HE thinks I should. In every way, I try to be a person with only good intention but if someone isn't happy me, I no longer twist myself in knots worrying about it. I am not responsible for everyone's happiness.
The only person I live to please now is my Master and that is such freedom!
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