Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Motivation: In Response to DtBHC

Don't know how many of you reading this are down here in the South, but we are on our second round of snow in just as many days.  Thankfully, school was already cancelled and I was released early from work so there wasn't a repeat of last year's nightmare with people stranded all over the city but I didn't feel completed at ease until Heron was able to leave work and join us here at home. 

Unfortunately, I am nursing yet another cold.  This one, thanks to Heron.  It's the gift that just keeps giving! So, hopefully I can keep this post on track despite my stuffy head.

Anyways, on to other things...

I want to thank DtBHC for his honesty in the following comment on my last post, Saddle Sore. I'm sure it's quite possible other people have had similar thoughts and after starting to type out a long reply, I thought perhaps it was better to just create a post.

Hi lg, I sometimes want to ask you the same question. Not judging in any way but trying to understand your journey and what motivates you to further your submission. Reading your posts triggers some strong feelings which I find difficult to process. I'm sure that I would fail if I was to be taken down this path. It's not likely to ever happen but I am fascinated by your journey.

Without knowing exactly which part triggers these strong feelings, I am going to try my best to explain my journey and what motivates me to further my submission.  Feel free to elaborate if I have made any wrong assumptions in the direction  your comment.

First of all, I am a consensual slave.  I made a commitment to do as He asks, whenever and wherever.  Of course, this takes a huge amount of trust to know that while pushing my boundaries, He will never push me farther than I can handle.  He has spent years learning my body and my body signals, and He knows exactly where my physical and mental threshold is.  He also understands that this threshold changes based on my hormones, stress, fatigue, and any numerous other outside influences.
In His vision of M/s, my purpose and focus should be ensuring His pleasure.  He is not, in turn, required to ensure mine.  My pleasure comes in serving Him.  He sometimes plans scenes that are specifically geared towards enforcing this very principle.  And I emphasize that this is "His vision" of M/s because everyone has their own way, none of which we believe are right or wrong

In the beginning, our dynamic was very much a punishment based system.  I was trained to serve Him in the ways that He expected and failure was met with a very swift negative reinforcement.  I get that some people don't like the idea of this.  But it's what worked for us.  I admit, it was what was needed to break so many of my disrespectful habits and years of conditioning.  And yes, I tried harder because I feared failure and punishment. 

Eventually, as I grew in my submission and transitioned from the mindset of "what will I get our of this", He transitioned to more of a positive reinforcement dynamic and that's when I truly began to thrive. Fear of failure no longer drove me to improve in my service.  Wanting to please Him did.

However, I admit, there are times when I have trouble processing things.  Usually it is only when my desires and expectations are getting the better of me.  It's something I continue to work on.  In fact, the morning that I cried all the way to work was the morning after the horse and extra long cock worship session.  In that moment, I felt like how much more can I give?  

So yeah...if I feel like this on occasion, that probably comes out in my writing when I am recounting a scene.   And questions like "what motivates you in  you submission"...I've had to ask myself frequently.

I'm not a masochist so it's not about getting off on pain.  

And I am quite frankly denied sex quite a bit so it can't be about the sex.

The simple answer is and the one that applies probably 90% of the time is that I have found so much love and contentment in serving Him.  

It took me a long time to get to that point though.  I had always loved serving Him outside the bedroom.  It was in the bedroom I had major control issues and feared His sexual appetite, but mostly I feared His sadistic needs.  For years, I forced His desires into an imaginary closet.  To top it off, I worked pretty damn hard to make Him feel like a freak for having such needs.  He loved me despite it all but it was obvious neither of us was completely happy or fulfilled. 

Our journey has been filled with plenty of bumps and bends in the road and I have failed more times than I can count.  But I've learned that this journey isn't about successes or failures.  This journey is about staying engaged and in tune with each other, always trying to give the other our best.  I don't always enjoy what He chooses to do to me (or not do to me) but it was trust and respect that allowed me to give myself over to Him and it's what allows me to continue doing so. Trust is also what helped created a completely different energy and connection in our marriage.    

Overall, I think by living within the confines of His expectations, I have become a better person.  Patience is definitely having to become one of my virtues. And I think it's made Him a stronger,  more confident person.

So what keeps me motivated the other 10% of the time that I don't find my cup running over with happiness just doing what I am supposed to be doing?  Well, then it's just a matter of being obedient.

Again, thank you for you thoughts and comment DtBHC!  I'm glad to know that my journey fascinates you:)


  1. Hi lg,

    You are most gracious in your response to my comment on your last post. You have given me much to think and reflect upon. I have formed some further thoughts on this and I am working on a series of posts that might help me understand myself better. As always, I really enjoy your candour. DtBHC.

    1. DtBHC,

      It was my pleasure to respond to your comment. I'm glad that my post brought about some reflection in your own journey and I look forward to your upcoming posts and where your thoughts are leading you.

  2. And here I was thinking I should ship some snow down to you like the guy in Boston who is making money doing that. But since you now have your own supply, oh well, just stay off the roads. I loved to hear the horror stories about how the south handled snow when our northern friends lived in VA and worked in DC. Now they're in TX and that's a whole different ball game. On a more serious note, such a lovely post LG, so very touching. I'm thrilled to have found your blog and find so much inspiration in reading it and how you are willing to open yourself up to all of us and share such intimate experiences and feelings. I hope you are feeling better and have time to rest. Hugs. K

    1. Well K...the snow is almost all gone already but the kids are still out of school one more day. Please don't send anymore snot though. I think we are all ready for spring down here!!

      Your comment about the post and how you feel about finding my blog is so kind. I'm kid you not when I say it truly humbles me to hear that someone finds inspiration through my experiences and writing. I guess it hard for me to see it that way because I feel like it's all of you that inspire me.

      Hugs back to you xx

  3. Dear lg,
    When I read your blog, I realise that your lifestyle is not for me. I love to read it makes you and H happy.
    You aren't a masochist. So it is all to please H. Can you understand why it makes H happy to give you so much pain? I think when you love somebody you want to give her pleasure, not pain.
    I hope you or H will explain it to me.
    Thank you in dvance.


    1. It's an interesting question. From a psychological perspective, I'm sure theories abound on why I am the way I am. I, however, will not psychoanalyze myself.

      I do what I do merely because I am wired that way.

      My love for littlegirl is all encompassing...I would die for her without hesitation. My love is question. She know this. Which is why she submits her body to me - My own personal canvas.

      To ask why I am the way I am, would be to ask why two men view a guitar in different lights. One picks it up and begins to strum a classical piece and the other just wants to hear the fucker scream.

      Because of what I do, I must pay very close attention to her body. Her breathing patterns, every gasp and moan, her arousal (and yes it does happen), every bead of sweat, all mean something. They are the notes that I play and sometimes I just want to hear it scream.

      Her pain feeds the beast inside. It also arouses her so, but I very much aware of her limits. I am aroused by pushing her, teasing her and testing her.

      It is presumptuous at best to say that what I do, I view it as art. But humor me for a moment.

      My wife can attest that I pay just as much attention to setting up the scene. Things must be framed just so, the lighting just right, the right music in the background. Her response is very much a part of my scene. The wrong response (when I've pushed too far) is not what I'm looking for.

      Going back to the idea of the canvas. Her body is own personal canvas.

      I paint the only way I know how.


    2. Appy, I really appreciate your honesty. And you are right, this lifestyle is not for everyone. A few years ago, I wouldn't have thought it was for me.

      You asked if I can understand why Heron enjoys to inflict pain. My answer to that is yes and no. Over time and learning more and more about different people's sexual needs and practices, I have come to understand this concept of people being wired differently. He is who he is and I cannot change that, nor do I want to anymore. I did that long enough and it's not fair. On the other hand, being that I am not wired that way, I can't physically understand that particular need, only help to satisfy it.

      Heron has so many different ways that he show his love for me. Yes, sometimes he doesn't please me in the bedroom, sometimes he inflicts pain for his own pleasure but he brings me so much pleasure in our life together. His actions cannot just be measured by what happens in the bedroom. He is such a loving,attentive husband and father. And I feel like that understates it. I just know...I am his world and it's very intoxicating to feel the power and intensity of his love.

      I hope that both of our comments have maybe helped to answer your questions. And again, I thank you for providing us the opportunity to give a better glimpse into our life.

    3. LG It was wonderful to read Heron's post and for him to share more about your relationship and what makes both of you tick. Heron, you are very lucky to have LG and LG lucky to have you. Not only is it hard to find love but to keep it going year, after year, after year. You need not explain or justify why you both do what you do. That said, it is touching and moving to hear about your relationship and how the two of you connect. Thanks for sharing. xx

    4. I thank you both, Little Girl and Heron, for explaining and for your honesty. It is wonderful to see how you two love each other.
      Your answers indeed give me more understanding.
      And I must admit I admire you, Little Girl, even more now.
      I hope to read more about your relationship.


    5. Thank you K! I do feel very lucky and I know he feels the same. And I never mind explaining a little further. I don't view at as justifying as I think this post has generated some excellent conversation. So many times, the written word can be misunderstood because you can't hear the tone behind it so I would much rather discuss it than leave reader's with a misconception.

      I hope you have a great weekend!! hugs to you xx

    6. Appy, we were more than happy to provide a little more insight into our relationship. Thank you for inspiring Heron to post a comment. That's a rarity but it's fascinating for me to get a glimpse into his mind like that!!

      And thank you for your kind words to me. You have no idea how much that means.

  4. For some reason the life and time of LG bring me back to the, not that new movie, but an older one. Once it was A Few Good Men and this time it's Good Will Hunting.

    When I look at a piano, I see a bunch of keys, three pedals, and a box of wood. But Beethoven, Mozart, they saw it, they could just play. I couldn't paint you a picture, I probably can't hit the ball out of Fenway, and I can't play the piano, but when it come to LG I can tune her body and strum her cords. When it came to stuff like that... I could always just play.

    Some can just play and no one knows why. Play on _Heron_

    1. For some reason...I just love your movie quotes;-)