However, as more of a symbolic gesture, He did decide to go ahead and add me the other day. Perhaps I underestimated how I would feel once seeing it in black and white.
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| https://www.slaveregister.com/ |
Showing posts with label slave. Show all posts
Showing posts with label slave. Show all posts
Friday, November 27, 2015
The Slave Register
Heron has debated for a while on whether I should be added to The Slave Register. He never believed that it was necessary for our respective roles or that it would make us any more official. For us, the truly defining moment was our collaring ceremony.
However, as more of a symbolic gesture, He did decide to go ahead and add me the other day. Perhaps I underestimated how I would feel once seeing it in black and white.
However, as more of a symbolic gesture, He did decide to go ahead and add me the other day. Perhaps I underestimated how I would feel once seeing it in black and white.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
And She Thought She Had the Weekend Free...
At the very end of my last post, I mentioned that I had some special plans for this past weekend. I had been invited by a friend within the lifestyle to go clothing optional resort for the weekend, which was exciting as it was something I had never done before.
Through a crazy turn of events, I was literally hitting PUBLISH on that post Thursday night when I got a text on my phone. My friend was asking if Heron had given me any particular rules or tasks for the weekend. She then told me that I was free to give Heron her number if He cared to "conspire" on anything. Now, I knew she was pretty well experienced and quite tough as a Mistress so this was both exciting and scary for me.
In the span of a few short minutes, the two of them were talking. Even though I had never "played" or participated in any type of scene with her, we both trust her implicitly. They discussed ideas she had, ideas He had, limits, etc. And just like that, my weekend went from that of rest and relaxation to something far different. Heron agreed to my being her slave for the weekend.
Yes...I was being loaned!
Since I returned home Sunday, I have had a lot to process. The experience was unlike anything I had ever been through. Some of it was really good, but some of it pushed me FAR past my comfort zone into places I never thought possible.
Slowly but surely I intend to write about some of it, probably not all. As always, there will be pieces I keep for myself and Heron. To be completely honest, I debated writing about this at all. But in all fairness, it is a huge leap in my journey and now part of my growth as a slave.
I realize some of it may be uncomfortable to read about, some of you may even have very strong feelings about it.
Please keep in mind, this is the dynamic we have and it is consensual. I trust Heron enough to do with me as He wishes, even if that means He entrusts me to someone else. I knew there was a point in time this may come. I think the scary realization for me is that I am beginning to believe that there is nothing I won't do to please Him.
He carries the responsibilities for the choices made and as I re-tell the story, He will be glad to address any questions or comments Himself. He has had a great deal to process as well and I think we are doing a great job of that together.
Through a crazy turn of events, I was literally hitting PUBLISH on that post Thursday night when I got a text on my phone. My friend was asking if Heron had given me any particular rules or tasks for the weekend. She then told me that I was free to give Heron her number if He cared to "conspire" on anything. Now, I knew she was pretty well experienced and quite tough as a Mistress so this was both exciting and scary for me.
In the span of a few short minutes, the two of them were talking. Even though I had never "played" or participated in any type of scene with her, we both trust her implicitly. They discussed ideas she had, ideas He had, limits, etc. And just like that, my weekend went from that of rest and relaxation to something far different. Heron agreed to my being her slave for the weekend.
Yes...I was being loaned!
Since I returned home Sunday, I have had a lot to process. The experience was unlike anything I had ever been through. Some of it was really good, but some of it pushed me FAR past my comfort zone into places I never thought possible.
Slowly but surely I intend to write about some of it, probably not all. As always, there will be pieces I keep for myself and Heron. To be completely honest, I debated writing about this at all. But in all fairness, it is a huge leap in my journey and now part of my growth as a slave.
I realize some of it may be uncomfortable to read about, some of you may even have very strong feelings about it.
Please keep in mind, this is the dynamic we have and it is consensual. I trust Heron enough to do with me as He wishes, even if that means He entrusts me to someone else. I knew there was a point in time this may come. I think the scary realization for me is that I am beginning to believe that there is nothing I won't do to please Him.
He carries the responsibilities for the choices made and as I re-tell the story, He will be glad to address any questions or comments Himself. He has had a great deal to process as well and I think we are doing a great job of that together.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Reading Between the Lines
The kids are out on Spring Break this week, so we made the long drive down to Florida last night. This isn't going to be a long trip but hey...we are at the beach and I do have the whole week off work. YAY!!
Not being able to sleep late sure has it's advantages. This morning, I snuck out of the room and sat in the hotel breakfast area typing while everyone else kept snoozing away. Me, my coffee, and my laptop is a nice way to start the day.
So yesterday, we got a late start on our drive because I wanted to attend the local kinky book club meeting. With our hectic schedules, it's not often that I get the opportunity to get out. But being that I am much more of a social person, Heron is very generous and actually encourages me to engage in community events as often as possible.
The book for this month was a good one, a short and easy read I might say. And given some of the discussions we have had about my being used by others, I was quickly sucked into the plot when the main female character was loaned out by her owner to a friend for a week.
I purchased the digital copy and then was able to read the 2 sequels for free.
The Gift (or also called The Seven Day Loan) by Tiffany Reisz
http://www.tiffanyreisz.com/the-gift-seven-day-loan
Part 2 (free sequel)
http://www.tiffanyreisz.com/daniel-part-two
Part 3 (free sequel)
http://www.tiffanyreisz.com/a-christmas-maggie
I enjoyed this series. But what I really enjoy is getting together to discuss the books afterwards with like-minded people. A handful of us met at a cute trendy restaurant in town and while we all come from different walks of the lifestyle, it's a great opportunity to share our own lifestyles without judgment.
At the meeting, I had the honor meeting an extremely intelligent and very nice woman who was intrigued by the details of mine and Heron's dynamic. Trying to wrap her head around the M/s aspect of our relationship, she had so many great questions and I enjoyed explained how our life works.
The only problem is sometimes my brain doesn't work as fast on the spot as I would like it to. I do much better once I've had a chance to reflect on questions and then I feel like I can do more justice to the explanation and maybe get more to the root of what someone was asking in the first place.
So one of her questions had to do with "who really had the control?" And I can see where her question comes from. On one hand, I say that I gave up all control. But to someone on the outside, it may appear that I still have many elements of control in our marriage.
First and foremost I should have explained that I control the things He wishes for me to control and I acknowledge that He could take that away at any time. Also, I wouldn't assume control over something without His explicit direction. It's impossible for Him to deal with everything in our life and He knows where my strengths are so He uses that to His advantage. This is a big difference from how we used to live. I either took control of everything, or felt like I had to, causing a huge amount of frustration and undue stress on both of us. Now, I clearly understand the parts of our life that He wants me to handle versus what parts He would prefer to handle.
There are rules and expectations for my behavior which come into play here also. I understand what He expects of me at all times and when I am tasked to do something, even if I am having to make decisions, He can trust that I am making the choice He would approve of. If I am unsure of what He would want, I simply ask. Instead of thinking how I want things done, now when a situation arises, there are a couple of things that come to my mind first. What would He expect me to do? Or What would please Him? In my opinion, this was the key to moving in sync through life and eliminating so much of the friction we had battled for years.
Of course, we always have mutual discussions about major decisions. He appreciates my opinion because many times I can offer a perspective He hasn't thought of, but at the end of the day, if He doesn't agree with me, He will make the final decision.
So I guess the way I see it, I may have some control in how things get done, but I don't have the control.
Not being able to sleep late sure has it's advantages. This morning, I snuck out of the room and sat in the hotel breakfast area typing while everyone else kept snoozing away. Me, my coffee, and my laptop is a nice way to start the day.
So yesterday, we got a late start on our drive because I wanted to attend the local kinky book club meeting. With our hectic schedules, it's not often that I get the opportunity to get out. But being that I am much more of a social person, Heron is very generous and actually encourages me to engage in community events as often as possible.
The book for this month was a good one, a short and easy read I might say. And given some of the discussions we have had about my being used by others, I was quickly sucked into the plot when the main female character was loaned out by her owner to a friend for a week.
I purchased the digital copy and then was able to read the 2 sequels for free.
The Gift (or also called The Seven Day Loan) by Tiffany Reisz
http://www.tiffanyreisz.com/the-gift-seven-day-loan
Part 2 (free sequel)
http://www.tiffanyreisz.com/daniel-part-two
Part 3 (free sequel)
http://www.tiffanyreisz.com/a-christmas-maggie
I enjoyed this series. But what I really enjoy is getting together to discuss the books afterwards with like-minded people. A handful of us met at a cute trendy restaurant in town and while we all come from different walks of the lifestyle, it's a great opportunity to share our own lifestyles without judgment.
At the meeting, I had the honor meeting an extremely intelligent and very nice woman who was intrigued by the details of mine and Heron's dynamic. Trying to wrap her head around the M/s aspect of our relationship, she had so many great questions and I enjoyed explained how our life works.
The only problem is sometimes my brain doesn't work as fast on the spot as I would like it to. I do much better once I've had a chance to reflect on questions and then I feel like I can do more justice to the explanation and maybe get more to the root of what someone was asking in the first place.
So one of her questions had to do with "who really had the control?" And I can see where her question comes from. On one hand, I say that I gave up all control. But to someone on the outside, it may appear that I still have many elements of control in our marriage.
First and foremost I should have explained that I control the things He wishes for me to control and I acknowledge that He could take that away at any time. Also, I wouldn't assume control over something without His explicit direction. It's impossible for Him to deal with everything in our life and He knows where my strengths are so He uses that to His advantage. This is a big difference from how we used to live. I either took control of everything, or felt like I had to, causing a huge amount of frustration and undue stress on both of us. Now, I clearly understand the parts of our life that He wants me to handle versus what parts He would prefer to handle.
There are rules and expectations for my behavior which come into play here also. I understand what He expects of me at all times and when I am tasked to do something, even if I am having to make decisions, He can trust that I am making the choice He would approve of. If I am unsure of what He would want, I simply ask. Instead of thinking how I want things done, now when a situation arises, there are a couple of things that come to my mind first. What would He expect me to do? Or What would please Him? In my opinion, this was the key to moving in sync through life and eliminating so much of the friction we had battled for years.
Of course, we always have mutual discussions about major decisions. He appreciates my opinion because many times I can offer a perspective He hasn't thought of, but at the end of the day, if He doesn't agree with me, He will make the final decision.
So I guess the way I see it, I may have some control in how things get done, but I don't have the control.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Gratitude
I hate to admit this but yesterday was one of those days. We've had more intense play than usual, so I assume maybe it was a bit of drop, possibly mixed with something Heron said the night before that left me a little unsettled. After crying all the way to work, I drifted through the better portion of my day trying to process what was going on, but ended up more and more off track.
The last time I felt like this, He was understanding but also quick to remind me "remember, this isn't about you at all."
As harsh as this sounded at the time, it was true. I gave myself to Him completely, and with that, I also had to give up certain ways of thinking. But from time to time, it just doesn't seem that simple.
His words echoed in my head all day long but failed to bring any comfort and did nothing to cease the insanity building in my mind.
After getting home from work, I set to cooking dinner. I like to set up my laptop by the stove so I can easily view my recipes and catch up on blogs if I get a chance. Now, I've been following a blog recently, Serving As Nature Intended. A reader here on my blog actually turned me to slave kate's blog when I began talking about the wooden horse. Even though, our situations are very different, I have to say, Her words inspire and humble me. She carries herself with such an eloquence but is also extremely open and honest. And if I could only live up to be a tenth of the slave that she is...well, I would be pretty blessed.
I don't know why, but I decided to explore her web page a little further than usual and clicked the link to her book. Reading through the bit that is available on Amazon, I came to a word that stopped me in my tracks.
GRATITUDE.
Such a key principle, and I had lost sight of it. Almost immediately, a peace of mind washed over me. It's amazing what just the right words will do, at just the right time! So, thank you slave kate.
These are just a few things I found to be grateful for...
...the beautiful sunrise on my way to work, because it means I am alive.
...my health, because it means that I can serve to the best of my ability
...the ability to submit my body for His use, even if that means enduring pain for His pleasure.
...any pleasure He allows me, or denies me (still working on the being grateful for denial part)
...His praise, compassion, leadership, discipline, and guidance.
...knowing that in every breath I take, I have His unwavering and unconditional love.
...and I'm even grateful for the wooden horse (eh...that part may be pushing it!)
The last time I felt like this, He was understanding but also quick to remind me "remember, this isn't about you at all."
As harsh as this sounded at the time, it was true. I gave myself to Him completely, and with that, I also had to give up certain ways of thinking. But from time to time, it just doesn't seem that simple.
His words echoed in my head all day long but failed to bring any comfort and did nothing to cease the insanity building in my mind.
After getting home from work, I set to cooking dinner. I like to set up my laptop by the stove so I can easily view my recipes and catch up on blogs if I get a chance. Now, I've been following a blog recently, Serving As Nature Intended. A reader here on my blog actually turned me to slave kate's blog when I began talking about the wooden horse. Even though, our situations are very different, I have to say, Her words inspire and humble me. She carries herself with such an eloquence but is also extremely open and honest. And if I could only live up to be a tenth of the slave that she is...well, I would be pretty blessed.
I don't know why, but I decided to explore her web page a little further than usual and clicked the link to her book. Reading through the bit that is available on Amazon, I came to a word that stopped me in my tracks.
GRATITUDE.
Such a key principle, and I had lost sight of it. Almost immediately, a peace of mind washed over me. It's amazing what just the right words will do, at just the right time! So, thank you slave kate.
These are just a few things I found to be grateful for...
...the beautiful sunrise on my way to work, because it means I am alive.
...my health, because it means that I can serve to the best of my ability
...the ability to submit my body for His use, even if that means enduring pain for His pleasure.
...any pleasure He allows me, or denies me (still working on the being grateful for denial part)
...His praise, compassion, leadership, discipline, and guidance.
...knowing that in every breath I take, I have His unwavering and unconditional love.
...and I'm even grateful for the wooden horse (eh...that part may be pushing it!)
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
All Sorts of Good Slavey Things
As we drifted off to sleep Sunday night, Daddy's words to me were...
good dinner...
good story...
good blowjob...
GOOD NIGHT!
It feels good when He recognizes and appreciates the things I do to make His life easier...and more pleasurable. I have been working particularly hard on not just my sexual service but domestic as well and a verbal recognition is always welcomed.
But if I am really being honest, I am totally an approval slut. Is that even a thing?
Above all else, His approval is what I strive for and the more I know that I have pleased Him, the harder I continue trying.
So, yesterday was a holiday for the kids and I, but Daddy had to work. And as much as I love for Him to be home, days when I am home and He is not, can end up being so productive.
I ran errands, cleaned the house, and took care of just about everything I could think needed to be done. I even found a great deal on a storage facility for His new boat and towed it there with the truck myself. Can I just say that was a first for me and I didn't curb it once?!
And He was so impressed!!
The only thing left to do was workout but I was saving that so we could do it together after dinner. Lately, with it being cold, I have been doing 30 minutes on the treadmill or elliptical while He does the same amount of time on the stationary bike.
But last night when we went upstairs, He told me He wanted me in something sexy and He had something else in mind for my workout. An idea inspired from the second chapter of my story presented on Sunday night. Honestly, I didn't see that one coming but I guess I should have.
I pulled out my black lacy bra and already had on bright red thongs. He approved but told me that I would still need to wear sneakers. Well, I just had to make some remark about how stupid I was going to look and ended up wearing 5 inch heels as punishment for my smart mouth.
While He pedaled the bike, He had me standing out in front of Him and directed me though a 30 minute workout far different than the treadmill, mostly core building exercises mixed with a little bit of weights.
Some exercises were as easy as marching in place or crunches...some as difficult as the pose pictured below. This happened to be His favorite, by the way, and one that will apparently be used more frequently. I wasn't holding plates though, just hand weights.
My reward for all the hard work...a post-workout orgasm using the dog cock dildo, while He stood over me and watched.
All in all, a good day!!
good dinner...
good story...
good blowjob...
GOOD NIGHT!
It feels good when He recognizes and appreciates the things I do to make His life easier...and more pleasurable. I have been working particularly hard on not just my sexual service but domestic as well and a verbal recognition is always welcomed.
But if I am really being honest, I am totally an approval slut. Is that even a thing?
Above all else, His approval is what I strive for and the more I know that I have pleased Him, the harder I continue trying.
So, yesterday was a holiday for the kids and I, but Daddy had to work. And as much as I love for Him to be home, days when I am home and He is not, can end up being so productive.
I ran errands, cleaned the house, and took care of just about everything I could think needed to be done. I even found a great deal on a storage facility for His new boat and towed it there with the truck myself. Can I just say that was a first for me and I didn't curb it once?!
And He was so impressed!!
The only thing left to do was workout but I was saving that so we could do it together after dinner. Lately, with it being cold, I have been doing 30 minutes on the treadmill or elliptical while He does the same amount of time on the stationary bike.
But last night when we went upstairs, He told me He wanted me in something sexy and He had something else in mind for my workout. An idea inspired from the second chapter of my story presented on Sunday night. Honestly, I didn't see that one coming but I guess I should have.
I pulled out my black lacy bra and already had on bright red thongs. He approved but told me that I would still need to wear sneakers. Well, I just had to make some remark about how stupid I was going to look and ended up wearing 5 inch heels as punishment for my smart mouth.
While He pedaled the bike, He had me standing out in front of Him and directed me though a 30 minute workout far different than the treadmill, mostly core building exercises mixed with a little bit of weights.
Some exercises were as easy as marching in place or crunches...some as difficult as the pose pictured below. This happened to be His favorite, by the way, and one that will apparently be used more frequently. I wasn't holding plates though, just hand weights.
 |
| No...this is not actually me. |
My reward for all the hard work...a post-workout orgasm using the dog cock dildo, while He stood over me and watched.
All in all, a good day!!
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Revisting Maintenance Spankings
This week brought the return of daily maintenance spankings. And I suspect they will continue for some time.
When He gets home from work, I am to greet him as usual. Either before we eat dinner or directly after, just depends on how hectic things are at the moment, I am to go upstairs in the closet, pull my pants to my ankles, and wait for Him and whatever implement He has chosen for that day.
Much to my surprise, I received my maintenance yesterday as well, even though it was Saturday. He hadn't specifically made a provision for the weekends but I guess we are clear that this is a daily occurrence as long as He desires it to be.
Anyways, this week, I noticed something. Actually, I had noticed it before but never wanted to ask about it.
Friday evening, after coming in from from work, the kids were already gone with friends and the house was quiet. He gave me that look and pointed for me to head upstairs. I went in the closet, and as He had every day this week, He instructed me to pull my pants down and assume the position.
And afterwards, just like every other day, when the spanking was done, He said for me to pull my pants back up and walked out without a touch of affection.
Being that this was a Friday night and a night I am not usually expected to cook, He told me to get ready so we could go get dinner. While we were out, I just had to know, not because I was questioning His methods but because I just really wanted to understand. I sheepishly sat across the table from Him, stumbling around on my words, until He got frustrated and told me to just speak whatever was on my mind.
Finally, I asked...what, if anything, does He get out these maintenance spankings??
I didn't really want to describe them as "cold" and "unfeeling" but that's kinda what it seemed like to me. I know that I shouldn't place any expectations on His actions but I really started to wonder why there is no outward show of emotion from Him before, during, or directly after. It all had the feel of a business transaction.
His explanation actually made perfect sense and was a perspective I hadn't even considered. It's simply how He chooses to reinforce our roles and transition after being apart all day. As far as the "unemotional" aspect, that is done with intention.
The goal of maintenance is still very much about reconnecting, but for Him, maintenance isn't about play. It isn't about passion. It's about "I am the Master, you are the slave".
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Shocked and Horrified
I don't know what rock I was under last week but apparently I completely missed the news story about two young Amish sisters that went missing. This morning, I woke up, logged onto my computer and stumbled across an article about the kidnapping of these two girls.
http://news.msn.com/crime-justice/prosecutor-couple-sexually-abused-2-amish-sisters?ocid=ansnews11
To my shock and horror, their kidnappers were allegedly in a Master/slave relationship. WHAT?! I couldn't believe what I was reading. Well, that's not entirely true. I actually can believe it because the world we live in can be cruel and the things that some people do to others is just abominable.
First off, what a pathetic excuse for human beings. I think about what those poor girls must have gone through and then I think of my own daughters. It just makes me SICK!. Thankfully, the girls were released and are safely back home with their families, but in the blink of an eye, their lives are forever changed. The mental scars they are left to deal with for the rest of their lives...all I can do is shake my head and pray that somehow, someway they get the help they are gong to need and are able to find a way to cope with this tragedy.
Next off, it's just another reason people believe that what we engage is isn't "normal". The negative stigma surrounding our lifestyle will continue to be painted by the horrible acts of the few. This guy is no Master...he's just a sick bastard. The general public will never hear about how most of us are good people, upstanding members of society even, living a normal existence just like everyone else, working good jobs and raising a family. They won't hear about the positive aspects of our relationships because we have to hide who we are and what we do to avoid judgement and criticism.
As far as the female accomplice in this being abused and a victim herself, well I have some of my own thoughts on that and maybe I should reserve judgement until it is determined her level of involvement. But I tend to be a bit cynical and not trusting.
So I will leave it at this...slave or not, you know the difference between right and wrong!!
Well I think I ought to get off my soap box now.
http://news.msn.com/crime-justice/prosecutor-couple-sexually-abused-2-amish-sisters?ocid=ansnews11
To my shock and horror, their kidnappers were allegedly in a Master/slave relationship. WHAT?! I couldn't believe what I was reading. Well, that's not entirely true. I actually can believe it because the world we live in can be cruel and the things that some people do to others is just abominable.
First off, what a pathetic excuse for human beings. I think about what those poor girls must have gone through and then I think of my own daughters. It just makes me SICK!. Thankfully, the girls were released and are safely back home with their families, but in the blink of an eye, their lives are forever changed. The mental scars they are left to deal with for the rest of their lives...all I can do is shake my head and pray that somehow, someway they get the help they are gong to need and are able to find a way to cope with this tragedy.
Next off, it's just another reason people believe that what we engage is isn't "normal". The negative stigma surrounding our lifestyle will continue to be painted by the horrible acts of the few. This guy is no Master...he's just a sick bastard. The general public will never hear about how most of us are good people, upstanding members of society even, living a normal existence just like everyone else, working good jobs and raising a family. They won't hear about the positive aspects of our relationships because we have to hide who we are and what we do to avoid judgement and criticism.
As far as the female accomplice in this being abused and a victim herself, well I have some of my own thoughts on that and maybe I should reserve judgement until it is determined her level of involvement. But I tend to be a bit cynical and not trusting.
So I will leave it at this...slave or not, you know the difference between right and wrong!!
Well I think I ought to get off my soap box now.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Wipeout
Now, I have an idea of how I picture my service. It's probably a bit
unrealistic but I would love to be that graceful and elegant slave who
is flawless in her service. I want to be the woman who is collected and
poised in all that she does, always the image of perfection
representing her Master well in all situations.
The other night around dusk, Daddy and I were out jogging and came across a couple of deer on the trail we were on. It's not uncommon in our little corner of suburbia for deer to be out freely roaming in and around our neighborhood. These creatures are stunning and I am amazed by their grace and beauty each and every time I see them walking through the woods.
They noticed us and bounded deeper into the woods then stopped, keeping a close eye on us as we passed by. I commented to Daddy about how I wish I could be as graceful as these beautiful animals.
He said, "I think you are".
I laughed and asked, "Have you so quickly forgotten about the incident on the beach?...a moment you said you would never forget!"
So, let me back up a little bit. We were out walking one morning on the beach and came across a little ravine in the sand that we could either hop across or detour around. Honestly, I am vertically challenged so for me it would have been considered a jump. Plus, knowing my tendency to be clumsy, I opted for the detour.
Let it be known...this actually was a well thought out and conscious decision to prevent doing something that would embarrass myself and/or Daddy. But as we continued on Daddy picked at me for being chicken so naturally when we came back by that same spot, I just had to prove Him wrong.
I backed up a little, to get some speed and momentum, jogged a few steps then launched myself in the air. Just as I reached the other side of this small ravine, my foot hit the edge, sank down and sent my body flying. I came to a crash landing on my entire right side. It all happened so quick and I was in shock and hurting so bad, but all I could do was lay there and laugh.
How...utterly... embarrassing!!!
Of course, He was laughing too and everyone around me was trying not to laugh as they walked by. He claims it was one of the highlights of our trip! Let's put it this way, I fell so hard that my shoulder and hip were sore for days!
So you can see, my grace doesn't come close to rivaling that of a deer.
And Daddy decided to clarify his statement..."Well you're graceful when it matters"
The other night around dusk, Daddy and I were out jogging and came across a couple of deer on the trail we were on. It's not uncommon in our little corner of suburbia for deer to be out freely roaming in and around our neighborhood. These creatures are stunning and I am amazed by their grace and beauty each and every time I see them walking through the woods.
They noticed us and bounded deeper into the woods then stopped, keeping a close eye on us as we passed by. I commented to Daddy about how I wish I could be as graceful as these beautiful animals.
He said, "I think you are".
I laughed and asked, "Have you so quickly forgotten about the incident on the beach?...a moment you said you would never forget!"
So, let me back up a little bit. We were out walking one morning on the beach and came across a little ravine in the sand that we could either hop across or detour around. Honestly, I am vertically challenged so for me it would have been considered a jump. Plus, knowing my tendency to be clumsy, I opted for the detour.
Let it be known...this actually was a well thought out and conscious decision to prevent doing something that would embarrass myself and/or Daddy. But as we continued on Daddy picked at me for being chicken so naturally when we came back by that same spot, I just had to prove Him wrong.
I backed up a little, to get some speed and momentum, jogged a few steps then launched myself in the air. Just as I reached the other side of this small ravine, my foot hit the edge, sank down and sent my body flying. I came to a crash landing on my entire right side. It all happened so quick and I was in shock and hurting so bad, but all I could do was lay there and laugh.
How...utterly... embarrassing!!!
Of course, He was laughing too and everyone around me was trying not to laugh as they walked by. He claims it was one of the highlights of our trip! Let's put it this way, I fell so hard that my shoulder and hip were sore for days!
So you can see, my grace doesn't come close to rivaling that of a deer.
And Daddy decided to clarify his statement..."Well you're graceful when it matters"
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Slavery with Poise, Grace, and Sophistication
Slavery and servitude while exhibiting a certain poise, grace and sophistication...
This is what I am supposedly striving for, I know. But in reality, the execution of this concept seems to elude this very seriously klutzy, clumsy girl.
I am THAT girl...the one you can't take anywhere.
You know the one that always spills food on herself. Yep...that's me. And it's always a bit embarrassing how Daddy has to point out that I have some speck of food dangling from my chin or smeared on my face. What's worse, is now my kids have taken to pointing this out.
Then the other day, we were out on a familywalk 7 mile hike in the woods, and of course, I trip over just about every rock and tree root. At one point, my eldest, who was leading the way, yells back..."You ok mom? Did you trip?" To which Daddy replies, "Is your mom walking? Then yes, she tripped!"
But today...today takes the cake! I mentioned in my post the other day about knocking my cup and spilling coffee not on myself, but on Daddy just as we were all loaded up in the car to go out of town. Well, me and coffee must have this thing going right now and it's not pretty.
I met Daddy at His office today for lunch. Before leaving, I poured myself a cup of coffee to enjoy on the ride back to my office. With empty containers from lunch in my left hand and coffee in my right, I go to open the glass door of the office suite and somehow lose the grip on my cup. Thankfully, I kept it from hitting the floor, but in the process, sloshed it all over my hand, down the door and onto the floor. Of course, this had to happen right in front of two of His co-workers. Ignoring the searing pain (because it was HOT coffee, you know!), I quickly ran and got papertowels to clean up my mess but the whole ordeal was pretty embarrassing.
It would be a bad enough story if that was the end of it...but OH NO...that's not the end of this story.
After dutifully cleaning up the mess I had made and kissing Him goodbye, I continued on down the elevator. Obviously, at this point, I am being ever so careful as I reach the main floor and approach the door leading to the outside the building. Still holding the coffee, I put my right arm out to push open the door because I CAN DO THIS without making an idiot of myself. From the other side, a gentleman approaches and begins to pull the door open for me.
How nice!!
Except that part where my sleeve got caught on the handle of the door and despite my best efforts to NOT make another mess, some of my coffee sloshed out of the cup and right onto his shoes!
Oh God, it doesn't get much more embarrassing than spilling something on a perfect stranger.
So, I guess the lesson here is that I am meant to enjoy coffee only in the safety of my own home or at my desk and not on the run!
But the bigger lesson...apparently I have a lot of work ahead with that poise, grace and sophistication thing!
This is what I am supposedly striving for, I know. But in reality, the execution of this concept seems to elude this very seriously klutzy, clumsy girl.
I am THAT girl...the one you can't take anywhere.
You know the one that always spills food on herself. Yep...that's me. And it's always a bit embarrassing how Daddy has to point out that I have some speck of food dangling from my chin or smeared on my face. What's worse, is now my kids have taken to pointing this out.
Then the other day, we were out on a family
But today...today takes the cake! I mentioned in my post the other day about knocking my cup and spilling coffee not on myself, but on Daddy just as we were all loaded up in the car to go out of town. Well, me and coffee must have this thing going right now and it's not pretty.
I met Daddy at His office today for lunch. Before leaving, I poured myself a cup of coffee to enjoy on the ride back to my office. With empty containers from lunch in my left hand and coffee in my right, I go to open the glass door of the office suite and somehow lose the grip on my cup. Thankfully, I kept it from hitting the floor, but in the process, sloshed it all over my hand, down the door and onto the floor. Of course, this had to happen right in front of two of His co-workers. Ignoring the searing pain (because it was HOT coffee, you know!), I quickly ran and got papertowels to clean up my mess but the whole ordeal was pretty embarrassing.
It would be a bad enough story if that was the end of it...but OH NO...that's not the end of this story.
After dutifully cleaning up the mess I had made and kissing Him goodbye, I continued on down the elevator. Obviously, at this point, I am being ever so careful as I reach the main floor and approach the door leading to the outside the building. Still holding the coffee, I put my right arm out to push open the door because I CAN DO THIS without making an idiot of myself. From the other side, a gentleman approaches and begins to pull the door open for me.
How nice!!
Except that part where my sleeve got caught on the handle of the door and despite my best efforts to NOT make another mess, some of my coffee sloshed out of the cup and right onto his shoes!
Oh God, it doesn't get much more embarrassing than spilling something on a perfect stranger.
So, I guess the lesson here is that I am meant to enjoy coffee only in the safety of my own home or at my desk and not on the run! But the bigger lesson...apparently I have a lot of work ahead with that poise, grace and sophistication thing!
Monday, April 28, 2014
Easy...Until It's Not (part 1)
Once again, I find myself away from here far too long. I was even chastised a bit for my lack of writing. Too often now, I lack in words or the motivation to relive the small things happening in our dynamic. I say small things not out of disrespect, but that is just the reality we are living in at the moment.
He is so busy these days and I take pride in doting on Him when I can, ensuring that everything is to His satisfaction, and that the house is generally running smoothly. Submitting to Him as the Master of our home has become quite comfortable and easy.
Then the rare opportunity arises for "playtime". My feelings should be that of thankfulness for His time and attention. Hell, I spend all of my days pretty much daydreaming about being behind closed doors, being thoroughly used by Him.
So, why is it, that as soon as that door closes and we are behind it, I have to fight the feeling of (oh my gosh, I hate to say it)...irritation?
I am ashamed to admit that this part of my submission has become...not so easy.
Saturday night was a perfect example. We had a couple hours without the kids and decided to grab something to eat. It wasn't too shocking that on the way, He informed me to lose the sports bra.
Then He asked me what I planned to eat. My response was grilled chicken salad. Again, not too shocking when He didn't approve of my choice and announced that He would be ordering for me.
After dinner, we had just enough time to swing into the adult store. Apparently vibrating panties and a new bullet type vibrator were must haves for the evening.
As we left the store and got in the car, He told me to lean the seat back and get myself off with my new vibrator. That's the point I could feel myself starting to clam up. It didn't bother me that He wanted me to do it in the car, that hardly even phases me anymore. I was upset because I knew my edge would be gone for the evening. Trying hard to hide my disappointment, I did what I was told anyways, hoping the rest of the evening would go differently.
Later that night when we were alone again, He motioned for me to come upstairs. When He closed the door and showed me the clothes laid out for me to try on, I had instant flashbacks to the last time. I got myself in a bit of trouble for being, shall we say, less than enthusiastic. If you missed that little story, you can read about it here. Anyways, I put on a good face and did the best I could to be accommodating.
But for the second time that evening, I fought overwhelming frustration as I tried on outfit after outfit, while He concocted some horribly trashy outfit that would be (un)suitable enough for sending me to the car wash to clean His car. I held it all in until He had me begin demonstrating the postures He expected me to use when vacuuming said car.
Tears of humiliation began streaming down my face and I felt as if I might choke on the lump in my throat. Now, unable to make eye contact with Him, I stared at the floor as He scolded me for crying.
All I had wanted the whole evening was to be in the comfort of His arms and feel His touch.
Again, I am faced with the fact that these are my wants or desires, or in some cases things I don't want. I try and remind myself that this my issue, not His. Then, somehow I manage to feel even worse because this internal battle or dialogue in my head leads me to believe that I may never be the slave He deserves.
Stayed tuned for the rest...
He is so busy these days and I take pride in doting on Him when I can, ensuring that everything is to His satisfaction, and that the house is generally running smoothly. Submitting to Him as the Master of our home has become quite comfortable and easy.
Then the rare opportunity arises for "playtime". My feelings should be that of thankfulness for His time and attention. Hell, I spend all of my days pretty much daydreaming about being behind closed doors, being thoroughly used by Him.
So, why is it, that as soon as that door closes and we are behind it, I have to fight the feeling of (oh my gosh, I hate to say it)...irritation?
I am ashamed to admit that this part of my submission has become...not so easy.
Saturday night was a perfect example. We had a couple hours without the kids and decided to grab something to eat. It wasn't too shocking that on the way, He informed me to lose the sports bra.
Then He asked me what I planned to eat. My response was grilled chicken salad. Again, not too shocking when He didn't approve of my choice and announced that He would be ordering for me.
After dinner, we had just enough time to swing into the adult store. Apparently vibrating panties and a new bullet type vibrator were must haves for the evening.
As we left the store and got in the car, He told me to lean the seat back and get myself off with my new vibrator. That's the point I could feel myself starting to clam up. It didn't bother me that He wanted me to do it in the car, that hardly even phases me anymore. I was upset because I knew my edge would be gone for the evening. Trying hard to hide my disappointment, I did what I was told anyways, hoping the rest of the evening would go differently.
Later that night when we were alone again, He motioned for me to come upstairs. When He closed the door and showed me the clothes laid out for me to try on, I had instant flashbacks to the last time. I got myself in a bit of trouble for being, shall we say, less than enthusiastic. If you missed that little story, you can read about it here. Anyways, I put on a good face and did the best I could to be accommodating.
But for the second time that evening, I fought overwhelming frustration as I tried on outfit after outfit, while He concocted some horribly trashy outfit that would be (un)suitable enough for sending me to the car wash to clean His car. I held it all in until He had me begin demonstrating the postures He expected me to use when vacuuming said car.
Tears of humiliation began streaming down my face and I felt as if I might choke on the lump in my throat. Now, unable to make eye contact with Him, I stared at the floor as He scolded me for crying.
All I had wanted the whole evening was to be in the comfort of His arms and feel His touch.
Again, I am faced with the fact that these are my wants or desires, or in some cases things I don't want. I try and remind myself that this my issue, not His. Then, somehow I manage to feel even worse because this internal battle or dialogue in my head leads me to believe that I may never be the slave He deserves.
Stayed tuned for the rest...
Saturday, April 12, 2014
"Slave Driver"
A couple weekends ago, Master and I did a kick-ass workout together. Oh my gosh, it was so brutal! He pushed both our bodies to near exhaustion but it really felt great to accomplish something like that together.
When we were done, He told our oldest that she should have worked out with us.
Her response, "No way...you're a SLAVE DRIVER!"
I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Out of the mouths of babes, right?
Ha..ha...if she only knew!!
When we were done, He told our oldest that she should have worked out with us.
Her response, "No way...you're a SLAVE DRIVER!"
I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Out of the mouths of babes, right?
Ha..ha...if she only knew!!
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Now We Wait
Wait to talk about it...
Wait to see if we renegotiate our agreement...
Wait to see wait to see if we end our dynamic...
He needs time and space to figure out how, or if, we proceed. His concern is that my disobedience will open the door to challenging Him next time.
I don't see it that way, but it's not for me to see and not for me to decide. I only know that as His slave, I am not afforded the choice to pick and choose the things in which I submit. I submit as He desires and up to this point I always have, even when it has been most difficult.
So what do you when you reach a point when you know you can't, or won't rather?
I guess we all find out if pushed to that point.
Hopefully, there will be a way to work it out but if my continuing to be His slave hinges on my ability to follow through with this one thing, then I guess I have to prepare myself for the dynamic to end.
As sad as it makes me, I don't regret bringing the issue to light. I only regret that it may have damaged the mutual trust we have in each other as Master and slave.
Luckily, our marriage is solid so we will be fine either way but it would just be different to go back.
As of right now, I have been relieved of any and all of my duties and "obligations". My collar is put away and I am free to be my own person.
I cried a lot yesterday and felt like a little lost puppy trying to find ways to occupy my time and keep my brain from spinning in circles.
It seemed weird after almost a year, to actually have the freedom to put on one my one of my beautiful bras but I have so been missing them. So that was the first thing I did with my new found freedom.
Thanks to everyone who reached out with support and encouragement. I will keep you posted.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
KOTW: Thoughts on Being Collared
Had anyone told me even 2 years ago that I would be involved in an M/s relationship I would have thought that person was crazy. I surely would have thought that person even more crazy had they suggested that I would willingly and proudly wear a symbol of ownership, such as a collar.We began our D/s journey in June 2012 and it all began with a contract. I know contracts are highly debated and I don't intend to get into that here but it's what worked for us. At that time, outside of wearing a collar during play, there was no mention of collaring or even developing a Master/slave relationship.
Honestly, when I first submitted to Him, I didn't even know there was even such a thing as collaring. Once I did find out, I certainly wasn't interested in wearing something that I thought was more appropriate on a dog. Wearing a permanent sign of ownership...nope...not for me.
After about 6 months, the D/s lifestyle was iffie for us, we struggled quite a bit. We didn't want to give up but soon came to the realization that we both needed to make a larger commitment to ourselves and to each other. Around January of this year, we began shifting into a Master/slave dynamic and I really made a concerted effort to better educate myself in all aspects of slavery.
I had experienced the positive impact submission had on our relationship so my walls and negative perceptions related to being owned had already begun to crumble. Soon, I wanted nothing more than to be considered His slave and I remember reading something on Fet that sparked my interest in collaring. The idea of wearing a "day" collar, one that could worn in the vanilla world but carried the same intent, intrigued me. Master was pleased when I mentioned this to Him because He had apparently already been putting some thought into collaring me.
Earning His collar would not come easily though. I would endure months of training, which is another highly debated topic that I don't intend to get into here. He intended for training to push me, push my boundaries, and mold me into exactly the slave He wanted me to be. Only then, would I be worthy of wearing His collar.
Collaring Ceremony
The 3 days leading up to collaring were by far the toughest, meant to push my boundaries on many different levels. After our last session was over and I was dressed and ready to go out to dinner, Master called me upstairs. My gut was telling me what was about to happen but I didn't want to get my hopes up. Then I saw the candles lit and the glow of the collar sitting in front of me as I walked into the room. One of the things I love about Him, is how diabolical and sadistic He can be on one hand, and so thoughtful and romantic on the other.
He had designed this moment so beautifully and it will be one that I will never forget. He asked me to remove my clothes and kneel at His feel as I felt the smooth metal of the collar locking around my neck, signifying to us both that I belong to Him completely.
Then He began read to me an excerpt from a book and I could no longer hold back my tears.
The story told of a man becoming completely "intoxicated" by the song of a Nightbird. The sound of this Nightbird consumed his thoughts and so "enraptured" him that it consumed his soul.
Choking up as He spoke (which let me say does not happen typically), He whispered to me you are my Nightbird.
This private moment, which was exactly one year to the day of us signing our original contract, was more special and emotional for us both than the day we exchanged our wedding vows 18 years ago.
The front is engraved with the words..."Owned by Heron"
The back is engraved with the words..."As I Own His Heart".
Obviously, this isn't a collar I can wear in the vanilla world so we went the next day to purchase a Pandora bangle bracelet which I wear every day. I love the idea of being able to add charms that will have special meaning just for us and of course my first was His birthstone.
What an amazing journey this has been so far! What an amazing man/Husband/Master I belong to!
This is my first writing for KOTW but the topic was so near and dear to my heart, I knew I had to post an entry. I had blogged several months ago about my collaring ceremony so I transferred some of the text to this post.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
The Collaring of Nightbird
The days leading up to collaring were difficult to say the least. To start we had "Night of Riding the Cross" on Thursday, followed by a humiliation day on Friday (which I won't go into to many details since it is similar to some of my other blog stories).
However, I will say this, humiliation day did not end the way I thought it would. I did my tasks as assigned and gave myself a big pat on the back. No hesitation...no questions....just doing!! My final task of the day was to go to the sex shop dressed, well um, let's just say really slutty and buy a new spanking implement. No problem! I drive home topless. No problem! But when I arrive home, I can tell Master is somewhat displeased. He didn't believe that I had completed my tasks earlier in the evening with enough confidence and proceeded to immediately turn me around in the kitchen spank me with the new implement that I had just bought. I can't be sure what it's called but I think it's a triple layer leather slapper. So the equivalent of a three leather belts combined into one and a nice little handy instrument of destruction. Apparently, I need to do more research before I go and buy stuff because THAT SHIT REALLY HURT!!! Not to mention, quite unexpected so that made it hurt all the worse!
For the first time that I can remember in a long while, I was really angry at Master. I don't know what made me more upset, the fact that I felt the punishment wasn't warranted or Him telling me to stop crying afterwards. Either way, once I could compose myself, I explained to Him my feelings. I know that a lot of people speculate on is it OK to feel anger as a slave and I say absolutely. We are only human and are going to carry all of our normal emotions. It's all in how those emotions are handled and communicated that makes the difference in acceptability. Unfortunately, He felt it necessary to push me harder in this area and the discussion was closed but at least He knew where I stood and it was all handled in a non-threatening manner.
Saturday, I woke up feeling more clear headed than the night before. It was a new day and another adventure was planned. Master once again refused to share any of the details with me but I knew it was to be another long intense session which had to do with affecting all of my senses. Sounds fun...right? Imagine being blindfolded and tied to a massage table for 3 hours with just about every kinky implement being used on you...until you are about crazy! One minute feeling the soft touch of a feather across the entire backside of your body and immediately being swatted over and over again with a crop. Or being flogged across the front side of your body and then rubbed down with ice only to be immediately flogged again. Throughout the entire scene, I never knew what was coming. Would it feel good, hurt, smell nice, taste funny? After a while, I felt like I was going just a little crazy from the emotions and stress of it all.
So much happened through this session, there is no way I can even do it justice so I will just say that my least favorite part was being slapped on the bottom of my feet VERY HARD with the riding crop. I don't know how many people of ever experienced this but just one slap on each foot had me screaming all kinds of obscenities. I told Him later it was a good thing I was strapped to the table otherwise I probably would have jumped up and hit Him...LOL..no seriously! My absolute most favorite part was an insane combination of several things (fucking machine included along with a new toy for us) that gave me the most amazing intense orgasm just about ever...but that is another blog story in and of itself.
Collaring Ceremony
After our session was over and I was dressed and ready to go out to dinner, Master called me back upstairs. My gut was telling me what was about to happen but I didn't want to get my hopes up until I saw...the candles lit and the glow of the collar sitting in front of me as I walked into the room.
He had designed this moment so beautifully and will be one that I will never forget. He asked me to remove my clothes and kneel at His feel as I felt the smooth metal of the collar as it was locked around my neck signifying to us both that I belong to Him completely.
He had something prepared that He wanted to say...some vows so to speak. The short version is that He promised to guide and protect me, honor my feelings and needs, and tend to my happiness, health, and well-being. I, in turn, accepted to follow Him on this journey, and to serve and belong to Him.
Then He began read to me an excerpt from a book and I could no longer hold back my tears.
The story told of a man becoming completely "intoxicated" by the song of a Nightbird. The sound of this Nightbird consumed his thoughts and so "enraptured" him that it consumed his soul. Choking up as He spoke (which let me say does not happen typically), He explained that I am His Nightbird.
The front of the tag on my collar is engraved with the words..."Owned by Heron"
The back is engraved with the words..."As I Own His Heart".
What an amazing journey this has been so far!
What an amazing man/Husband/Master I belong to!
However, I will say this, humiliation day did not end the way I thought it would. I did my tasks as assigned and gave myself a big pat on the back. No hesitation...no questions....just doing!! My final task of the day was to go to the sex shop dressed, well um, let's just say really slutty and buy a new spanking implement. No problem! I drive home topless. No problem! But when I arrive home, I can tell Master is somewhat displeased. He didn't believe that I had completed my tasks earlier in the evening with enough confidence and proceeded to immediately turn me around in the kitchen spank me with the new implement that I had just bought. I can't be sure what it's called but I think it's a triple layer leather slapper. So the equivalent of a three leather belts combined into one and a nice little handy instrument of destruction. Apparently, I need to do more research before I go and buy stuff because THAT SHIT REALLY HURT!!! Not to mention, quite unexpected so that made it hurt all the worse!
For the first time that I can remember in a long while, I was really angry at Master. I don't know what made me more upset, the fact that I felt the punishment wasn't warranted or Him telling me to stop crying afterwards. Either way, once I could compose myself, I explained to Him my feelings. I know that a lot of people speculate on is it OK to feel anger as a slave and I say absolutely. We are only human and are going to carry all of our normal emotions. It's all in how those emotions are handled and communicated that makes the difference in acceptability. Unfortunately, He felt it necessary to push me harder in this area and the discussion was closed but at least He knew where I stood and it was all handled in a non-threatening manner.
Saturday, I woke up feeling more clear headed than the night before. It was a new day and another adventure was planned. Master once again refused to share any of the details with me but I knew it was to be another long intense session which had to do with affecting all of my senses. Sounds fun...right? Imagine being blindfolded and tied to a massage table for 3 hours with just about every kinky implement being used on you...until you are about crazy! One minute feeling the soft touch of a feather across the entire backside of your body and immediately being swatted over and over again with a crop. Or being flogged across the front side of your body and then rubbed down with ice only to be immediately flogged again. Throughout the entire scene, I never knew what was coming. Would it feel good, hurt, smell nice, taste funny? After a while, I felt like I was going just a little crazy from the emotions and stress of it all.
So much happened through this session, there is no way I can even do it justice so I will just say that my least favorite part was being slapped on the bottom of my feet VERY HARD with the riding crop. I don't know how many people of ever experienced this but just one slap on each foot had me screaming all kinds of obscenities. I told Him later it was a good thing I was strapped to the table otherwise I probably would have jumped up and hit Him...LOL..no seriously! My absolute most favorite part was an insane combination of several things (fucking machine included along with a new toy for us) that gave me the most amazing intense orgasm just about ever...but that is another blog story in and of itself.
Collaring Ceremony
After our session was over and I was dressed and ready to go out to dinner, Master called me back upstairs. My gut was telling me what was about to happen but I didn't want to get my hopes up until I saw...the candles lit and the glow of the collar sitting in front of me as I walked into the room.
He had designed this moment so beautifully and will be one that I will never forget. He asked me to remove my clothes and kneel at His feel as I felt the smooth metal of the collar as it was locked around my neck signifying to us both that I belong to Him completely.
He had something prepared that He wanted to say...some vows so to speak. The short version is that He promised to guide and protect me, honor my feelings and needs, and tend to my happiness, health, and well-being. I, in turn, accepted to follow Him on this journey, and to serve and belong to Him.
Then He began read to me an excerpt from a book and I could no longer hold back my tears.
The story told of a man becoming completely "intoxicated" by the song of a Nightbird. The sound of this Nightbird consumed his thoughts and so "enraptured" him that it consumed his soul. Choking up as He spoke (which let me say does not happen typically), He explained that I am His Nightbird.
The front of the tag on my collar is engraved with the words..."Owned by Heron"
The back is engraved with the words..."As I Own His Heart".
What an amazing journey this has been so far!
What an amazing man/Husband/Master I belong to!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Position Training and Acceptance of Pain
It seems the week has been overwhelmingly focused on position training and accepting pain, and it has most definitely stepped up a notch from my last post.
I learned several new positions but never realized before now just how intense this form of training could be. One of my goals is to become more fluid, cat-like, and seductive as I move from one position to another. For some reason, this doesn't come as natural to me, so if you have any suggestions, they would certainly be welcomed. Anyway, position training has typically been pretty relaxed for us. As He instructed me, I would find it stimulating standing in front of him naked, completely exposed, and flaunting my assets. Let's just say this has not been the case this week. Position training has been more like core body strengthening. And HOLY COW...do I suck! (not literally...well that was later:) What really got me was a combination of positions, both of which I was laying with my back on the floor, my body completely straight and extended, arms and hands straight above my head, fingers and toes pointed. The only difference is the positioning of my legs; one is with legs together, and the other is with legs spread as far apart as possible. These may be referred to as "Sacrifice" and "Nightmare". NO PROBLEM...RIGHT? That's what I thought until my Master commanded that my heels be off the floor. After several seconds, that felt like an eternity, my body started shaking uncontrollably and my heels fell to the floor. Oops...now He is MAD! My failure resulted in repeatedly having to alternate between the two until He told me to stop. OH God...more pain and failure again! I think I have some work to do.
I learned several new positions but never realized before now just how intense this form of training could be. One of my goals is to become more fluid, cat-like, and seductive as I move from one position to another. For some reason, this doesn't come as natural to me, so if you have any suggestions, they would certainly be welcomed. Anyway, position training has typically been pretty relaxed for us. As He instructed me, I would find it stimulating standing in front of him naked, completely exposed, and flaunting my assets. Let's just say this has not been the case this week. Position training has been more like core body strengthening. And HOLY COW...do I suck! (not literally...well that was later:) What really got me was a combination of positions, both of which I was laying with my back on the floor, my body completely straight and extended, arms and hands straight above my head, fingers and toes pointed. The only difference is the positioning of my legs; one is with legs together, and the other is with legs spread as far apart as possible. These may be referred to as "Sacrifice" and "Nightmare". NO PROBLEM...RIGHT? That's what I thought until my Master commanded that my heels be off the floor. After several seconds, that felt like an eternity, my body started shaking uncontrollably and my heels fell to the floor. Oops...now He is MAD! My failure resulted in repeatedly having to alternate between the two until He told me to stop. OH God...more pain and failure again! I think I have some work to do.
Pain acceptance has also come in the form of spankings and a lot of them! I don't think my ass has been spanked this many times in all of the last nine months combined. So let's start with the first night. As if getting whipped with a switch isn't enough...let's add squats and lunges while getting whipped. I think I handled this pretty good by staying focused on the exercises. It was probably too much to expect that would be it for the night. The spankings were not finished that night or any night since. Between the loopy and a variety of other implements, I am well marked and have spilled some tears, which doesn't happen often from an ass spanking.
During spankings, not intended for punishment, my Master has me stand in the corner, legs spread wide, hands clasped behind my head, and my hip rotating in seductive circles. It took three nights before the pain overcame me and I broke position, but He didn't stop. And what was so humiliating about the whole experience was as I cried and He continued to spank me, he reached down and touched my pussy, only to discover it was flooding. I just don't understand how that happens...and He says tonight is to be the worst yet!
Admittedly, even after all of the intense training and spanking, I still needed to come so badly.
The sex was amazing, His cock inside me felt delicious, and I am so thankful that He granted me permission to release, because I know he didn't have to.
So now I guess we will see what the weekend brings!
During spankings, not intended for punishment, my Master has me stand in the corner, legs spread wide, hands clasped behind my head, and my hip rotating in seductive circles. It took three nights before the pain overcame me and I broke position, but He didn't stop. And what was so humiliating about the whole experience was as I cried and He continued to spank me, he reached down and touched my pussy, only to discover it was flooding. I just don't understand how that happens...and He says tonight is to be the worst yet!
Admittedly, even after all of the intense training and spanking, I still needed to come so badly.
The sex was amazing, His cock inside me felt delicious, and I am so thankful that He granted me permission to release, because I know he didn't have to.
So now I guess we will see what the weekend brings!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Advanced Slave Training
First let me start by wishing everyone a Happy Easter. I hope you were able to spend special time with loved ones today!
Now tomorrow may be April Fools, but I assure you it will be no joke for me. Tomorrow marks the day I am entering a new phase in my training to become a better slave. Depending on how much time Master and I are able to devote, this training should last 1-2 months. My goal...earning my collar!
Even though I already think of myself as a slave, I do still lack many protocols both in and out of the home, especially in conducting myself around other Doms and subs. My Master has been doing quite a bit of research and with the help of another, has developed an extensive plan intended to test not only my deepest boundaries, but also my strength of body and mind.
Don't get me wrong, there has been training along the way but my understanding is this will be directed more towards managing my every decision (micro-managing so to speak). To this point, I have still maintained quite a bit of my own freedom of choice. Moving forward, my only responsibility will be to heed his every command and direction, with no hesitation or doubt. He is charged with teaching, guiding, and disciplining for every infraction. This, in the end, will make me better.
As I look upon tomorrow, I have mixed feelings. Excitement because I am about to start a new phase of our M/s relationship. Excitement at the prospect of earning my collar and officially being His. Excitement that I will truly earn my position as a slave and have done so in a way that all within the community can be proud. Most of all, excitement knowing that this experience will continue to strengthen the bonds that have already formed since we committed to this lifestyle.
However, I have been warned, there will be days I feel I can do nothing right and this is the that part worries me most. You see, I very much like to do EVERYTHING right, and when I don't, nobody can be more upset than I am with myself. I will work on acceptance, letting go of guilt, and handling punishments with grace and poise.
I intend to blog often so you can follow this journey with me. Your words of advice or encouragement along the way will be much needed and extremely appreciated.
Now tomorrow may be April Fools, but I assure you it will be no joke for me. Tomorrow marks the day I am entering a new phase in my training to become a better slave. Depending on how much time Master and I are able to devote, this training should last 1-2 months. My goal...earning my collar!
Even though I already think of myself as a slave, I do still lack many protocols both in and out of the home, especially in conducting myself around other Doms and subs. My Master has been doing quite a bit of research and with the help of another, has developed an extensive plan intended to test not only my deepest boundaries, but also my strength of body and mind.
Don't get me wrong, there has been training along the way but my understanding is this will be directed more towards managing my every decision (micro-managing so to speak). To this point, I have still maintained quite a bit of my own freedom of choice. Moving forward, my only responsibility will be to heed his every command and direction, with no hesitation or doubt. He is charged with teaching, guiding, and disciplining for every infraction. This, in the end, will make me better.
As I look upon tomorrow, I have mixed feelings. Excitement because I am about to start a new phase of our M/s relationship. Excitement at the prospect of earning my collar and officially being His. Excitement that I will truly earn my position as a slave and have done so in a way that all within the community can be proud. Most of all, excitement knowing that this experience will continue to strengthen the bonds that have already formed since we committed to this lifestyle.
However, I have been warned, there will be days I feel I can do nothing right and this is the that part worries me most. You see, I very much like to do EVERYTHING right, and when I don't, nobody can be more upset than I am with myself. I will work on acceptance, letting go of guilt, and handling punishments with grace and poise.
I intend to blog often so you can follow this journey with me. Your words of advice or encouragement along the way will be much needed and extremely appreciated.
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