Reading Between the Lines

The kids are out on Spring Break this week, so we made the long drive down to Florida last night.  This isn't going to be a long trip but hey...we are at the beach and I do have the whole week off work. YAY!!

Not being able to sleep late sure has it's advantages.  This morning, I snuck out of the room and sat  in the hotel breakfast area typing while everyone else kept snoozing away.  Me, my coffee, and my laptop is a nice way to start the day.  

So yesterday, we got a late start on our drive because I wanted to attend the local kinky book club meeting.  With our hectic schedules, it's not often that I get the opportunity to get out.  But being that I am much more of a social person, Heron is very generous and actually encourages me to engage in community events as often as possible.

The book for this month was a good one, a short and easy read I might say. And given some of the discussions we have had about my being used by others, I was quickly sucked into the plot when the main female character was loaned out by her owner to a friend for a week.

I purchased the digital copy and then was able to read the 2 sequels for free.

The Gift (or also called The Seven Day Loan) by Tiffany Reisz
http://www.tiffanyreisz.com/the-gift-seven-day-loan

Part 2 (free sequel)
http://www.tiffanyreisz.com/daniel-part-two

Part 3 (free sequel)
http://www.tiffanyreisz.com/a-christmas-maggie

I enjoyed this series. But what I really enjoy is getting together to discuss the books afterwards with like-minded people.  A handful of us met at a cute trendy restaurant in town and while we all come from different walks of the lifestyle, it's a great opportunity to share our own lifestyles without judgment.

At the meeting, I had the honor meeting an extremely intelligent and very nice woman who was  intrigued by the details of mine and Heron's dynamic.  Trying to wrap her head around the M/s aspect of our relationship, she had so many great questions and I enjoyed explained how our life works. 

The only problem is sometimes my brain doesn't work as fast on the spot as I would like it to.  I do much better once I've had a chance to reflect on questions and then I feel like I can do more justice to the explanation and maybe get more to the root of what someone was asking in the first place.

So one of her questions had to do with "who really had the control?"  And I can see where her question comes from. On one hand, I say that I gave up all control. But to someone on the outside, it may appear that I still have many elements of control in our marriage.

First and foremost I should have explained that I control the things He wishes for me to control and I acknowledge that He could take that away at any time.  Also,  I wouldn't assume control over something without His explicit direction.  It's impossible for Him to deal with everything in our life and He knows where my strengths are so He uses that to His advantage. This is a big difference from how we used to live.  I either took control of everything, or felt like I had to, causing a huge amount of frustration and undue stress on both of us.  Now, I clearly understand the parts of our life that He wants me to handle versus what parts He would prefer to handle.   

There are rules and expectations for my behavior which come into play here also.  I understand what He expects of me at all times and when I am tasked to do something, even if I am having to make decisions, He can trust that I am making the choice He would approve of.  If I am unsure of what He would want, I simply ask.  Instead of thinking how I want things done, now when a situation arises, there are a couple of things that come to my mind first.  What would He expect me to do? Or What would please Him?  In my opinion, this was the key to moving in sync through life and eliminating so much of the friction we had battled for years. 

Of course, we always have mutual discussions about major decisions.  He appreciates my opinion because many times I can offer a perspective He hasn't thought of, but at the end of the day, if He doesn't agree with me, He will make the final decision.  

So I guess the way I see it, I may have some control in how things get done, but I don't have the control.