Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Funny...And Then Not So Much

First of all, let me send my apologies for my last post, 50 Dollars.  Apparently it is the pussy who had the last laugh!

I've talked about the "game" several posts back.  If you just joined and haven't read that far back, it's a little game Master started.  I have 3 baggies.  One is filled with slips of paper with the names of 30 different spanking implements, one is filled with numbers in multiples of 5 (ranging from 35-100), and the other is filled with different body parts that can be spanked (tits, nipples, ass, pussy, clit).  I pull a slip from each bag and that dictates the play of the day.   

This game has been going strong, minus a few days here and there because of busy schedules, but I haven't bothered to provide a day by day update.  Frankly, there wasn't too much to say because literally, every day, I was pulling the "tits" or "nipples" slip. 

If I hadn't checked the bags myself, I would have been convinced He was rigging the game!   

Well, oddly enough, the exact day I posted 50 Dollars, and called my you know what the very worst of names, my draw for that evening was just about the worse imaginable.


Seriously...are you shitting me?

Honestly, if this didn't suck so bad, the irony of it would be hilarious.

Now keep in mind, I am also on orgasm restriction as a punishment right now so it's just a wee bit sensitive down there.  Laying on the bed with my legs butterflied, He begins to lash at my pussy with the rope.  Not devastatingly hard but it certainly doesn't feel good either.  The tears begin to flow somewhere around 30 and continue all the way to 100. 

To make matters worse, after He gets to 100, He decides to "kiss" it to make it better.  Obviously, this is just torture and the tears continue falling with the knowledge that I will be denied any release.

Then the not so good part of our night starts.  I feel like it's important to share this because no matter where we are all at in this journey, we all have days that we struggle...and times that we will all make  mistakes.  Constant reflection for both the D and s is crucial. 

Master had been at a work function late, hadn't eaten, and was apparently not in the best of moods when administering said pussy spanking. 

His reaction to my tears was odd, not His usual reaction.  To me, the tears are's a purging and cleansing, a way to release all the pent up stress.  It's also sometimes my bodies reaction to over stimulation, which was probably more the case in this situation.

Rather than wiping away my tears and providing the reassurance I needed in the moment, He simply told me to get it under control.  Immediately, fear set in that I had somehow upset Him or done something wrong.  For the rest of the night, the more I tried to squash the tears, the more I wanted to let them out until the dam broke and I couldn't stop crying.

The old me would have simply thrown up my wall and been pissed and shut down for days.  Isn't it amazing how differently we perceive and handle situations when we have truly given ourselves to someone else, exposing our complete vulnerability?      

The good thing is we did talk and He admitted that it was His mood and I had done nothing wrong.  I am not sure if He completely realized before now just how much everything I am is wrapped up in how He views me.  Frankly, I'm not sure I realized least to that extent.     

After that, I was able to let it go.  Another example of why communication, by not only the sub but also the Dominant, is so important.     Had I known that He was at that level of irritability, I might have handled the whole situation differently and not taken things so personally.     

Monday, October 28, 2013

50 Dollars

This is what I get for being amused at reading His Slut's post, Letter from His Slut's Mind.

Yes...we have all talked about how our pussy is a snitch and she tells on us all the time for enjoying things that we should otherwise should be hating  Well, my pussy must have heard me laughing and agreeing with His Slut and decided to exact her revenge, getting us both in trouble in the process.

If you have read through enough of my posts, you know one of my rules is that I have to ask for permission to cum, which Master may accept or deny at His discretion.  Not only that, but He also tends to ration out my orgasms like MREs during the coming ( pun intended) Zombie Apocalypse. 

Of course last week I was being punished for forgetting in the heat of the moment to ask permission altogether, the most dreadful of offenses!  I certainly wasn't going to make that mistake again on Friday night when He had me splayed on the bed in my garters and fishnet hose pleasuring me with His mouth and teasing me with His fingers, which is my total weakness by the way.

Only this time, when I asked permission (TWICE I might add), answer!

OH SHIT!  Too late now, she said.

OK...I will accept the responsibility for maybe waiting one millisecond too long to ask but I swear I desperately tried to stop her.  There was absolutely no fighting the finger trick though.  Deciding to have her own fun and disobey her Master, she had just committed the second deadliest of sins and knew exactly how much trouble she was going to get me in.

For this she is a C-U-N-T!  Oh...I hate that word but in my opinion she doesn't even deserve to be called a pussy right now.

Thanks to her I get no more orgasms until I collect 50 dollars.

How are you going to collect 50 dollars? might ask

Well, the answer to that is...I will earn 5 dollars from Master for each blowjob I give Him.  Not only that, each one is to be initiated with the following statement:

Master, I am a cheap whore and my price is 5 dollars.

Yep...she's a C-U-N-T alright, and with only 15 dollars in my purse at the moment, she has a lot of damn nerve to tell me she is horny! We are in for a long week a-head (pun intended!).


Sunday, October 27, 2013


After my mouth was well used by our visitor, Master and I were finally left alone in the hotel room and thoughts immediately began to bombard my mind.

Oh god...was He upset?

Had I done everything He expected?

Had I done too much...not enough?

I could barely look at Him at first, for fear that I would see hurt or disappointment on His face.  We talked for several minutes while He walked around the room putting away all of the toys.  It was obvious that He had some of His own thoughts and emotions to process.  He admitted to me in a later conversation that this experience pushed His boundaries as much as it did mine and while He was  prepared for me to enjoy it, He was caught a little of guard by how receptive I became in the heat of the moment.

With all the toys finally put away, He walked over to me sitting on the edge of bed and held my chin so that my eyes met His.

You did everything I asked.  You have nothing to feel bad about or to worry about.

He undressed and laid down on the bed, inviting me to join Him.  I couldn't wait to devour every inch of Him, taste Him, have Him in my mouth and inside of me.

Since this experience was a first for both us, I don't know if it's a natural part of the process but this overwhelming feeling came over me.  I wanted (no...NEEDED) Him to make me His again.

As I knelt on the bed between His legs, He began the process of reclaiming what was His.  After worshiping His cock for a while, He demanded to know if I enjoyed having two dicks in my mouth in the same day, His voice stern and cold.   I could only moan and nod my head, yes.

Several minutes later when He began fucking me, I couldn't help but notice His eyes were as hard and cold as His voice.  He started calling me a "worthless whore" and insisted that I lie there with my mouth gaping open while mocked me for how slutty it was.  The more He degraded me, the wetter and hotter my pussy got. 

You know you still aren't allowed to cum.  Tell me why!

Because I am being punished for cumming without permission, Sir.

Thinking to myself, how after all this can He still deny me?  I wanted to be mad at what He was saying but I couldn't.

He must have felt and been by pleased my inner resignation and acceptance because He stopped and propped Himself up above me, our bodies still one.  His eyes and voice now softer.

You know there is NOTHING that you could ever do to make me stop loving you...

You are mine and you will always be mine... 

I want to feel you have most certainly earned your it!

These words set me on fire and almost immediately, all of the excitement of the day released as my orgasm washed over me in wave after wave.

No matter what, my heart, body, and soul will always belong to Him. 





Friday, October 25, 2013

The Slut

She wonders who is crossing the room with her Master.  Is it a man or woman?  

Something tells her that it's a man, then she starts to listen to the sound of his breathing and is almost 100% sure.  She's also partly sure that she knows who it might be and that puts her at ease.  Her Master instructs him to take a seat on the couch while He provides a demonstration of the violet wand.  Making small talk about the different attachments and intensities, she thinks how smart He was to pick this toy.  Not only is it one of her favorites but it is sure to take her nervous and self-conscious mind to a different place.

Her palms are sweaty and because she can't move anything else, her fingers begin tracing little circles nervously on the massage table.  She hears the wand start up but still jumps when it first touches her leg.  As He continues moving it over her body, she focuses less on the fact that someone is watching and slowly lets the sensations wash over her.  She is in a good place, that is until He pauses the wand over her pussy, delivering a zap though her shorts strong enough to make her arch as far as her tied down body will allow and yell 'Owww!". Definitely too loud for a hotel room unless you want more visitors so He gives her a firm warning.  Despite her best effort to stay quiet, she yelps even louder the next time.

Now with the ball gag in place, He invites the visitor to come take charge of the wand for a moment. So many conflicting thoughts should be going through her mind, but she feels pretty relaxed and doesn't mind as the wand travels over her leg, around her pelvis, and finds it's way to her breasts. 

Once the wand is back in her Master's hands, she hears Him ask, "Could you remove that?".  Before she even realizes what He means, the thin little cut-off wife beater is being gently torn down the middle, allowing her tits to completely fall free.  With a little chuckle, she accepts her fate and reminds herself that she has proudly shown them all over the internet!

It wasn't long though before she felt hands on bare flesh...different hands than she is used to.  Her mind is so lost as her nipples are massaged to stiff peaks and she can't even be certain but thought clamps might have just been put on her.  She realizes later, when they come off that they are, in fact, the clovers.   

Funny that her nipples didn't hurt, but her big hoop earrings were becoming rather uncomfortable getting caught between her neck and the table so she kindly asks Master to remove them, not thinking that her request would come at at price.  You asked for I am expect something in return.  Using scissors, He cut her shorts up each side, leaving just a thin piece of fabric over her pussy.

As He resumes playing with the wand, He sees how she is desperately struggling to retain her covering (and dignity), refusing to move her lower body too much.  He uses the wand to zap her inner thighs over and over, laughing and commenting when she finally gets the message to spread her legs wider.   She now realizes that the last piece of fabric has fallen away and is no longer protecting her.  

Then the vibrators!  Oh God the vibrators!  Really it is almost more than she can bear but certainly takes her mind off being exposed.  The two men work her with the Hitachi on the outside and a smaller one on the inside.  She knows she is dripping wet, but doesn't care and is absolutely dying to cum.  They refuse to let her though, stopping every time she gets close.  Apparently, she was wrong in ever thinking that it would be difficult getting off in front of someone else.  Under the right circumstances and given the chance, she most definitely could! 

Now, she hears her Master shuffling around trying to move the fuck machine onto the table.  She thinks it's His visitor's hands that are on her again, this time spreading her open for the extra large dildo attached to the machine.  As it begins to move in and out of her slowly and rhythmically, the visitor moves her right hand and places it on his dick so that she could feel it bulging through his pants.

The caged slut begins to emerge from whatever deep recess she was banished to so long ago and  responds without hesitation, immediately taking his cock in her mouth when he untied her hands.   Shifting her head over to the side of the table, he continues to fuck her face.  One would think that she would have flinched or fought it at this point, but no...not her.

She still didn't fight it as her legs were untied and she was led off the table to kneel at his feet.  She continued sucking while her Master knelt down beside her and spanked her ass and pussy with a switch.  Not only was she moaning and gagging on the cock in front of her but she was flooding with wetness and desperately wanting more.   

She had found complete acceptance in her position and quite possibly...finally found her sub-space!

And as usual, despite all her previous reservations, the way her body responded told her dark secret.  Not only did she accept it, but she was thoroughly enjoying it!




Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Knock

She climbed on the massage table and laid down on her back, waiting patiently while He tied her arms and legs down securely.  No light could penetrate the double blind fold and every sound in the room became oddly intense. 

However, she just couldn't quite shake the unsettled feeling as several thoughts/questions rolled around in her brain.

"Isn't it odd that I am still somewhat clothed?"

"Who was just on the phone before He walked in?"

"Why the recent discussions about His Changing Needs and expectations for my complete submission?"

"What was meant by the last instruction in The Note?"

"No! It couldn't be...not here...not today!"

She attempted to push those thoughts from her mind, but it was all adding up, and apparently she knows her Master very well. Once He finished tying her down, He leaned over and gently whispered in her ear that there would be someone joining them for a short time today.

Words could not form on her lips.  Her heart raced and the excitement she had felt turned to fear and panic. As she fought the urge to either laugh or cry, He calmly reassured her.  Stroking her arm, He reminded her that He took great care in planning for their safety and privacy, He promised not leave her alone, and she should be free of any burden as this was out of her control.

With several deep breaths and a resolve she didn't realize she had, she slowed her breathing and calmed down by solely focusing on doing what was expected of her.  At that moment, she let go and placed her complete trust in Him.  After all, it wasn't like this was a complete surprise. Her Master had made it clear from the beginnings of their D/s that this boundary would be tested and He has been preparing her in baby steps.

Some may ask "Why?  Why this road?", but not her.

She understands, accepts rather, that this furthers her objectification/humiliation and He knows her better than she knows herself.  Despite anything she may say, ultimately, she will enjoy it. 

Her hesitancy isn't born from fear of serving another or concern that she won't be capable of following through.  She knows all too well that she can and will, and possibly, that's what scares her most.  You see, her pussy and mouth tend to be a bit of a slut with a mind of their own, but that's a part of her past that she locked away a very long time ago...or so she thought.

She is drawn from her thoughts, back into the moment, when she hears a text come in on His phone, quickly followed by a knock at the door.  Any last hope she may have had that this was her Master's greatest mind fuck ever was quickly tossed out the window as she heard His footsteps leave her side and go to answer the door. 

The door opens and closes.  Now, there are in fact two sets of footsteps returning.  This is really happening and she is now completely helpless and on display...    

to be continued




Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Note

After meeting for lunch, He slips a note into her hand with a hotel key inside as she gets into her car.  She quickly unfolds this new set of instructions as she watches Him walk away.  The queasy feeling in her stomach intensifies as she reads:

YOU NEED TO HURRY TO GET ALL OF THIS DONE.  YOU HAVE 15-17 MINUTES.  Go to the hotel and go to room 214.  It is on the first floor.  Let yourself in and you will see the clothes you are supposed to wear (plus your boots).  Jump in the shower first and bring yourself close to orgasm, but vocally remind yourself of why you are on orgasm restriction.  DO NOT CUM!  Take a quick warm shower and make sure that you have cleaned your dripping pussy.  Towel lint on your pussy.  Make sure you go to the bathroom, since you may not get many breaks, but don't leave a single piece of tissue on your slutty pussy.  Put on the shirt and shorts and boots.  Place all of the items that you are required to have in your purse on the long table.  Once you are done with that, facing the wall, place your left knee in the seat of the sofa and your right leg over the side so you are straddling the arm.  Rub your pussy back and forth on the arm of the sofa, while you wait for me to arrive.  DON'T YOU DARE CUM!  Do not move once you are in position.  I will take complete control of your body once I arrive.  You have no choice but to do as I say.  You will have control over nothing, so you are free to enjoy.

She quickly drives to the hotel reading the note again on the way trying to see if she can gather any clue as to what's in store for her.  Opening the door to room 214, she sees all that He has been preparing this morning.  Scanning the room quickly, she makes note of the fuck machine, the massage table, and an entire table full of implements.  She grins at the sight of her favorite toy, the violet wand!

With no time to waste, she undresses and rushes to the shower.  For three days now, she has been required to masturbate multiple times daily, but is forbidden to cum because of her transgression last week...cumming during sex without asking permission.  Fondling her already swollen clit in the shower and nearing orgasm, she stops and says out loud as she has all week, "I am not allowed to cum without permission".

After finishing her quick shower, she goes to bathroom and slips into the itty bitty hot pink shorts, cut off wife beater, and black high heeled boots He left neatly on the massage table.  Straddling the arm of the couch...waiting...her heart feels like it's going to thump right out of her chest. 

She hears the click of the door and her breath catches...

The Scene is Set

With a set of instructions left for me this morning, I prepare myself and am now heading out to meet Him with a mix of nervousness and excitement.

What is planned for today?  My mind is buzzing!

He has taken care of all the details and all I have been told is where to be, what time, and what to wear. 

How, after 20 years with this man, can I be so nervous? 

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Need A Quick Workout?

Friday night because the kid is at a birthday party.

After dinner decision...there is only time for our nightly walk or rush home for a quickie.

Actually, not such a tough decision after all!

But what to do about the workout?

Master has been so good about using Digi-fit and His arm band monitor to track heart rate and calories burned during exercise.

Then the thought hits us both at the same time.

The moral of the story is 367...that is how many calories He burned in 35 minutes of fairly vanilla low intensity sex with really no time for foreplay.

I say it was a win/win!

And burned as much as about a two mile walk.

Admittedly, it was a little comical seeing the arm band blinking out of the corner of my eye and got a good chuckle about having to shut the volume off on His phone so it would stop telling us which heart rate zone He was in.

But obviously, we are quite comfortable with each other and enjoyed ourselves anyways:)

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Safety First


I realize there is something I have been somewhat remiss in discussing...that is SAFETY in what we do.  Not only are there safety considerations that need to be made in planning and executing scenes but you have probably read in my posts on more than one occasion that He has dressed me quite inappropriately and sent me into a public places. This poses a different type of safety concern and without proper explanation of how this is accomplished, at least for us, it could most certainly cause concern about one's well being. 

My Master knows that I despise this type of attention, which is why He does it. While my preference is to dress sexy, He insists on trashy because it makes me uncomfortable, therefore achieving the desired effect of humiliation when ogled by random strangers.  Plus, this is part of who He is and part of His own kink.  He just plain enjoys showing me off. 

The downside to this type of play is that it could potentially jeopardize mine or anyone else's safety that chooses to engage in this type of mental game. 

It's important to clarify for anyone that may looking for ideas and contemplating doing something like this with their sub, it is not something to take lightly.  Use common sense because the safety of your partner is so very important.  They may be willing to do something that takes them out of their comfort zone but that is done with the understanding that you will protect them. 

If you are the sub, the same goes for you if being asked to do something of this nature.  Use good judgment and don't put yourself in uncontrolled situations.  When it comes to your well-being, don't place trust in those that haven't completely earned it.    

Some of the ways He ensures my safety is that I do not go alone on these "adventures".  There have been times that I haven't seen Him or known where He is but, He is there, lurking somewhere.

Even if I have been given instructions to drive there by myself, I am required to text Him when I arrive and am given specific instructions on where to park.  He doesn't say specifically, but I know this is so He can watch as I walk in and walk out.  While in the store, He will continue to communicate or provide instructions by text and at some point our paths cross...even if He pretends not to know me.  Sometimes, I am within a few feet of Him the whole time.  It just depends on His mood.     

I should also say that the area you live in is really important.  Bad things can happen anywhere but we do live in a fairly small suburban area with very low crime.  Obviously, you have to take the overall safety of your area into account.

We talk about my safety all the time.  I communicate with Him if I have concerns and He takes all this into account and does everything that He can do help me feel at ease.  But I can only willingly submit to these situations because of one thing...TRUST.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

A Little Humiliation and a Coat Hanger Goes a Long Way

80 licks with the coat hanger to the tits...that's the lot I drew Monday evening...
After cleaning the dishes after dinner Monday night, Master informed me that we needed to run to Walmart to return something.  Innocent enough I thought...we were just getting out of the house alone for a few minutes.  That is until we get in the car and He presents the clothes that I am to change into before we go in.  Have I mentioned that this type of public humiliation is not my favorite?  Pretty sure I have...LOL!
Anyways, we pull up in the parking lot and He leaves me in the car to change while He goes ahead into the store.  Quickly I strip my nice work clothes and put on a pair of black cheerleader style shorts (and I am not kidding when I say that my ass completely hangs out) and a cut off black t-shirt (with no bra and showing my belly).  The real kicker was the black high heeled boots.  I mean seriously, who goes shopping like that?  I wouldn't be surprised if my picture doesn't pop up in one of the emails with the People of Walmart
It's time to go in and I don't even make it half way through the parking lot before I am already objectified by perfect strangers...and quite mortified.  A man in a truck pulling out of his parking space yells at another guy trying to walk to his car, "If you don't stop looking at THAT, you are going to get run over!"  And that wasn't even the half of it.  Literally, there were people that walked by me only to turn back around and walk by again as I went through the store trying to find a couple of the new implements that Master is adding to His arsenal for this new spanking "game". 
As soon as we got back home, He took me upstairs for a my destiny with the coat hanger.  Actually, I was pretty thankful that this implement was drawn first because it is definitely the one I dread the most.  While standing in the display position, He started with a few light taps to each tit and then gradually increased the force until I started to cry, yelp, and dance in place which was somewhere around 50.  He debated whether to stop, but ultimately decided that I drew 80 and that's what I would get but He did take it much easier the last 30. 
As soon as He was done, I was ordered to get on my knees and suck His cock, which was already hard with anticipation.  Sucking as vigorously as possible, He continued to humiliate me by asking if I enjoyed my attention from the "coat hanger".  I tried to answer NO but He continued to ask until I nodded YES.  He finally pushed my mouth away from His cock and finished Himself, only using my mouth to deposit His load.
Helping me up from the floor, He then guided me over to the bed.  Thinking that I may finally receive some attention from Him, He delivered the crushing blow that if I needed release I may do it myself.  I couldn't even control myself at this point...tears instantly welled up in my eyes and continued to stream down my face as I laid there using my fingers to massage my clit to orgasm while He simply watched. 

Now I admit, my attitude hadn't been the best lately, feeling that somehow I was not getting enough attention from Him.  After all was said and done that night, I was still a little upset.  But honestly, by the time I woke the next morning, I found I was in a better frame of mind, more focused and emotionally settled,  than I had been in several weeks. 

The message was received loud and clear.  While I may ask for attention, Master maintains control over where, when, how, and by whom it is given.  .

By the way, just in case you ever wondered...a toilet bowl brush (unused of course) on the tits is now feared just as much as the damn coat hanger!  All those little pricks from the bristles sting like hell the next morning in the shower.  Two nights in a row to the tits...and then tonight I was (un)lucky enough to draw 75 to the nipples with a fly swatter. 

Only 3 nights down and so many more to go...


Monday, October 14, 2013

When You Ask For Attention

Last night we made some updates to my rules, I presented my new mantra, and then Master explained a new little "game" that begins tonight.  It's not really a game...I just don't know what else to call it.    

Below is a picture of 3 bags:

Bag 1- contains the 5 slips of paper each labeled with tits, nipples, ass, clit, or pussy

Bag 2- contains 30 slips of paper each labeled with a different spanking implements.

Bag 3- contains slips of paper labeled with numbers (in multiples of 5) between 35 and 100.

Until He tires of this game, each day I will draw one slip from each bag and that will be the "activity of the day". 

Just to clarify, this was NOT really the attention I was hoping for when we talked the other night.  And I really wondering how some of the larger implements are going to actually spank such a small target like a clit. 

Why do Doms have a wonderful way of listening and then coming up with some devious plan to make you wish you had never said anything?

Nevertheless, I really am going to try and keep an open mind and tell myself...this could be fun...this could be fun...

But just in case it's not, wish me luck cause I just might need it! 

UPDATE: Just pulled "Tits" "Coat Hanger" and "80"...yep need luck!

Sunday, October 13, 2013

A Good Talk and Renewed Focus

My post yesterday, Changing Needs, created a much needed talk between Master and myself last night while out on our date.  He had read the post and wanted to clarify that He does still enjoy doing all the wonderfully sadistic things to me and assured me that it's been our lack of time and privacy that has put a damper on these things, not a change in how He feels about me or our dynamic.  I have been feeling pretty unwanted lately so hearing this was quite a relief! 

During the discussion, I was able to tell Him (through my tears of course) that even though I work hard to complete all my necessary tasks and duties, I am missing the connection with Him that we once shared, particularly during our training, and feared that our dynamic would begin to crumble if we continued in the same direction.

Despite how difficult it was to talk about this, He agreed that we had probably reached a point where a certain amount of complacency had crept in and He promised that we will find a way to refocus on each other no matter how difficult with the demands of our everyday lives.

So, for starters and not particularly the direction I was expecting, we will be reverting back to a micro-management style of D/s for a while.  Even though I feel I know what needs to be done and how to do it, He firmly believes this will help us both to get back in-tune with each other.   

Also, we are going to sit down and review our existing rules. It's probably time to change things up a little.  Some of them are just really hard to adhere to given the family dynamic.

We talked a bit more about my servicing of others and He understands my concerns and hesitancy.  While it doesn't really change anything, I do trust that He will know if, and when, the time is right for both of us.     

In the midst of conversation, He asked me had I been performing my mantra each morning, which unfortunately, I had to admit that I had fallen off that wagon probably a couple of weeks ago.  He created my mantra last year and while it was quite appropriate at the time, I simply no longer feel a connection to it.  I think I have grown so much in my submission since then and it just doesn't seem to reflect where I am currently.  So, He is giving me an opportunity to create my own which I must present to Him before the end of today. Definitely got to work on that because I don't really have one in mind yet! 

Lastly, we decided to take a day off from work together, not this week but next.  YEAH!!  I am super excited about this.  While driving home from dinner, He drove by a particular hotel and told me to keep that in mind for our day off together. 

Also on our way home, He decided to take a bit of a detour, pulling in behind a closed shopping center and had me get our of the car.  We were like sneaky little teenagers while He had me posing for several topless pictures out in the open.  I haven't downloaded them yet but if any of them turned out good enough, I will maybe post them tomorrow. I have certainly felt the shift in the air.  The day started with an amazing throat-filled cock sucking.  Despite retching all over Him a couple of times, I could feel my own juices dripping down my legs by the time I was done and I was horny as hell.  But after swallowing His load, I was dismissed to go clean all three bathrooms from top to bottom.  So cleaning is how I spent the majority of my day, making sure everything would stand up to the micro-management test.  Not really the type of "connection" I had been hoping for but it certainly reminds me of my status.   


Saturday, October 12, 2013

Changing Needs

Last week, I decided to gently broach a topic with Master that had been on my mind for a little while.  While our D/s dynamic is still intact, the BDSM aspect of our relationship has sadly almost ceased to exist.  Now, our life is definitely busy and we have little to no privacy, so logically I know these things are partly to blame.  But I have begun to feel as if feeding His sadistic "beast" is not a pressing need for Him like it once was.

We were out for a walk the other day and I asked Him if inflicting pain was a need for Him anymore and was kind of caught off guard by His response.  He said that He still enjoys it to an extent but with our life the way it is right now, His hunger in that regard is somewhat diminished.  I can't remember His exact words but He also mentioned something to the effect of...everything He wanted to do to my body has now been done and admitted that His needs are now manifesting in other ways, such as furthering my public humiliation and having me service, and be used, by others.  For Him...this would be my ultimate submission.  Gulp...  

It's not like I didn't know this time would come.  He never pushed the issue but it's something He made me well aware of from the beginning.  I just can't be sure that I am in the same place He is at the moment.  Hell, I don't know if I will ever be there mentally.  Ultimately, I have committed to trust in His decisions and obey; however, I still find myself worrying about where that road will lead us for a variety of reasons. 

Up to this point, offering my body to Him was by far the biggest and hardest step in my surrender.  Even though there are plenty of times I don't necessarily like the pain in the moment, I worked hard to let go and find connection, intimacy, and even pleasure in these experiences.  Now, I am conditioned to it and crave it.  Since it is not so much a part of our daily life, I find myself deeply missing that connection with Him.

Is it possible that I can find the same connection with Him by being humiliated and submitting to servicing others?  I don't know...I just wish the mental tug of war in my head would stop.  What I do know, is it may not be today or tomorrow but the time is coming and I have to find a way to be at peace with it. 

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Getting Old Just SUX!

I am traveling for work this week which is very unusual for me.  Tonight I decided to forgo hiding out in my hotel room with fast food and ventured outside my comfort zone. 

As I sit here, alone at the bar, in this restaurant eating my dinner and enjoying a cranberry/vodka, I realize that I am the only one that hasn't been carded by the bartender. 

Damn...even the dude over there with the receeding hairline just got carded! 

This just isn't helping my 40 year old self esteem.

And to think...I was still honest and pointed out that she forgot to charge me for the drink.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Golden Swallow Award

provided by the Cock Worshipping Society's
list of awards and badges

In honor of reaching 100 loads of cum swallowed since April 1, 2013, I hereby grant myself the prestigious "Golden Swallow" Award!!

To track my progress, feel free to check out my Sex Slave Statistics (S.S.S)page.   

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Does The Penalty Fit the Crime?

Have you ever experienced something that you just didn't feel you could ever share with anyone, whether it be friends, family, or the on-line world?  Well, it's no surprise I can't tell friends and family anything that goes on in my relationship, but there really is not much that I haven't felt comfortable sharing here on-line except maybe just a couple of things. 

One punishment in particular many months ago is one of the those things I have been holding back.  It was so intensely humiliating and it created so many different emotions in me, I just didn't know how to talk about it. 

In the beginning of my slave training, Master was overly critical and strict.  I understood His reason for this but it didn't make it any easier to accept.  To become the slave He needed me to be, certain behaviors had to be "broken", and in certain situations, getting someone's attention (particularly me) can call for drastic measures.   

My lesson on this particular day: THERE IS NO ROOM FOR DOING THINGS HALF-ASSED!!

One of my daily tasks is to make sure our bathroom floor is clean of any hair.  I shed like crazy...what can I say.  Because we have white tile, my strands of dark hard really stand out and has always been one of Master's pet peeves. Long before we were involved in our D/s relationship, this pissed Him off to no end.  And frankly, I didn't really care.  I figured if my hair on the floor bothered Him that bad, He would eventually clean it up.  Otherwise, He could wait for me to get to it, which was usually every week or so.

It was no surprise that this was one of His first imposed rules but I couldn't just sweep it or vacuum it.  He gave me a little blue hand sweeper, with a miniature dustpan.

I had successfully completed this task every day for months but apparently a little complacency set in.  This day in particular, I had swept up the floor in the morning before showering.

Later that night, I went upstairs and Master greeted me at the bedroom door.  I could tell He was agitated as He asked me to follow Him to the bathroom and pointed out a few strands of hair on the floor.  All my attempts to explain to Him that I really had cleaned it that morning fell on deaf ears.

I was not at a place yet in our M/s relationship where I had learned to own my mistakes and accept my fate.  So, I continued to plead my case until He very harshly ordered me to get my clothes off and get on my hands and knees in the middle of the bathroom floor.

At this point, I opted to shut the %&$* up and do as I was told but was certainly not happy about it.  All I could think was how unfair He was being. 

Was I supposed to clean the damn floor multiple times a day?

I now know the answer to that is how ever many times it needs it! 

Anyways, once down on the floor I realize my eyesight must have been a bit fuzzy that morning (no coffee yet) because it was obvious, even to me, I did not do a very thorough job.  I also admit, I didn't really lift the bath rugs and there were several hairs hanging from the edges of the rugs.  Oh gosh...this was not good!

He begins chastising me about doing my job half-assed and tells me to pick up each hair.  I ask Him for the dustpan but am told to pick them up one by one with my fingers.  Well, I have acrylic nails and despite try after try, I could not manage to grasp a single hair.  Looking up at Him, thinking He might take pity on me at this point, you can imagine my surprise when He ordered me to pick up each one with my mouth!

With my bare ass up in the air and head bent down, I tried to pick up the first hair with my lips. This was just as unsuccessful as my fingers.  Anger was now boiling in my throat causing it to burn and tears were starting to well in my eyes, but I finally stuck my tongue out and licked up that piece of hair.  As He held His hand out for me to deposit the hair, I can honestly say I despised everything about Him.

I continued licking up each hair but began to slow down as the tears started to fall.  The sting of the switch landed on my ass and continued over and over again as if to prod me along like an animal.

Thankfully, He stopped me once the main part of the bathroom was clean and didn't expect me to continue into the toilet closet.  That sincerely would have made me throw up.

With hurt pride and knees, He helped me stand up.  Never in my whole life could I remember feeling so low and humiliated.  I didn't want to look at Him, speak to Him or be near Him but it didn't stop Him from holding my chin and directing my face up to His and making me look directly into His eyes. 

You will complete your task thoroughly from now on.  Do you understand? 

Yes, Sir.

Even though I was mad, what I realized later on was that I was the one who had not done as expected. 

Now, does the penalty fit the crime?  I have to suppose so.  He certainly made His point and quite an impression because there is not a single day that goes by that I don't think about that punishment as I clean EVERY hair off that bathroom floor!


Thursday, October 3, 2013

The Moment Before...

Cock Worshipping Society Challenge #2

Awoken from my dreamy state by His quiet but stern voice,
I am escorted to the bathroom.
Kneeling on the cold white tile floor, my droopy eyes gaze upon His bulging cock.
My lips gently touch the tip, my tongue kissing and licking his balls,
I eagerly await my middle of the night treat.

I Love the Way "Hitachi"s Me

Betty...This one's for you:)

I'm sure many of you have met my boyfriend.  Hell, he might even be your boyfriend too!  My husband bought him for me years ago (maybe 8ish?) for my birthday.  Let me just say he was the best gift money could buy.  He is dependable, fun, and always ready to provide mind blowing experiences. 

At first, I admit, he was fairly intimidating.  I wasn't a huge fan of self pleasuring...well I did it a lot when I was pregnant but other than that is was only occasionally and usually just with my hand.

But I am willing to try most things and what I experienced was such a new and powerful sensation, my body was a little confused.  It took me a while to get used to the intensity and speed with which my orgasms came.  I mean literally...30 seconds...BOOM!  Who couldn't get used to that??

Not only are these orgasms powerful, but something about the way my body experiences this type of pleasure is different.  Where it comes from, I don't know but heat rushes up the side of my neck and  then just before the big moment I feel a white burning all the way down into my feet.  Why I describe it as white...again I don't know because it's not like you can see a "burning sensation".  And the sounds that unintentionally escape my lips, have never been heard before and come from a very deep dark place. 

Being a one and done type woman...I was thrilled to learn that he could provide multiple orgasms, something that I don't usually experience with any other form of sex.  My theory on that is it brings so much blood to the area, leaving you swollen, thumping, and wanting some more...each orgasm more powerful than the one before it.   

The great thing is, he comes with two speeds so you can ramp it up if you need a change of pace.  If I am struggling after a few on the lower setting, flipping his switch to super speed usually does the trick.

He is so amazingly versatile! 

You can spend some quite time with him alone vibrating your clit and surrounding areas (add clothespins to your labia if you like a little extra "stimulation"). 

You can vibrate your clit while using a dildo inside which is AMAZING! 

You can lie down or stand up.  Personally, I find standing up, just barely leaning against the side of the bed, is pretty awesome...I think this may be a blood flow thing too.

You can lie on the bed with your partner fucking you from the standing position beside the bed and have perfect access to vibrate yourself.  This is also a personal favorite.

You can be riding a fucking machine with the vibrator strapped into place for clit stimulation.  Definitely not a bad one either! 

My point is...there is never a bad experience with this guy!   

Now there are also silicone attachments for the head of the massager.  I have the white one in the top left corner of the picture but haven't used it too much.  I don't really find I need it...he satisfies me perfectly the way he is.  

So, if you don't already have one of these in  your box of toys...I promise you it will be the best $50 investment you EVER made. 

He runs on electricity so you don't have to worry about batteries wearing out at the most inopportune time.  And unless the power goes out, He never runs out of energy as you can tell from a couple of my recent posts

Like I said, at least 8 years and he is still going strong and I have put him through some marathon sessions lately.

If you do already have one, feel free to share your thoughts or experiences. 

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Please Go AWAY!

So many people are have been brave enough to open up about  insecurities with body image and I certainly have an issue going on and need some help.

We talk about some of the most personal stuff so if I can't ask here...where can I, right? 

I just turned 40 this year and have never been prone to break outs or pimples, not even as a teenager.  Yeah, I got the occasional zit but nothing that wasn't manageable.

WTF is going on now that I am getting older?

My face is so EMBARRASSING.  I get these huge painful bumps could be mistaken for a small tumor that seem to take forever to go away.  Maybe this sounds like a silly complaint but it is really starting to bother me at work and around my husband.  It doesn't help when my family looks at me and says..."geez, what is going on with your face?" 

Is this a hormonal thing?  A stress thing? An age thing?

I could really use some advice!  But for now...I'm gong to go put a sack on my head so no one has to look at this mess...LOL!