A Night to Remember

Once again, I sit here (on a sore bottom mind you) trying to write a post, wondering where in the heck to start.  This is becoming quite a habit.  So many words, yet so little ability to make my brain function to get them written out.

Let's see....things are a bit slow on the Chrysalis front. I guess we haven't really had much time with the kids being out of school and all.  But we have now brought our families completely together which has been fun. 

Things might be a little slow on that front, but things have certainly been not been as far as Heron is concerned.

Starting a couple weeks back, he implemented a ritual.  I don't know that it will be a permanent one but it is until He tells me otherwise.  Each day, I am to select and present Him with an implement to paddle me with.  No reason for this other than that's what He wants me to do.  A little part of me wonders if this wasn't to help keep my emotions in check a bit.  As I started spiraling back a couple weeks ago, this has seemed to be a good way to keep me grounded and bring my focus back on what's most important...Him.

He has used everything from the ping pong paddle, to the crop, to the bamboo slotted spoon (which should really be called a Mother F****r for as bad as that hurts), to the large plastic ruler.  Last night was by far the most intense though.  First was 50 strikes with the bamboo walking stick and then 30 more with the bamboo slotted spoon.  It's been quite a while since I have woken up with bruises.  And over the last year or so, it has been near impossible to mark me but last night He was pretty  successful.  I know it's not the best way to cope with the pain, but all I could do was hold my breath and take each lick as it came.  It wasn't until He was done that my tears finally spilled.   

We have also somehow managed eight straight days of sex which is absolutely unheard of in our house.  Some of it has been sweet and tender but some of it has been downright rough and naughty...and so much fun!

The first of the eight nights was one of those nights.  You know the kind...one that just stands out in your mind as particularly memorable.  The last time He had attempted to use the Tens unit, the batteries were dead so He bought new batteries and apparently decided it was time to try again.  Yep...fresh batteries did the trick!

With my ankles and wrists cuffed and attached to each of the four corners of the bed, I laid there spread eagle, exposed, and completely helpless which is His favorite position for me.  Who am I kidding...it's one of my favorites too!

He gently placed the four pads around my rapidly swelling and wet pussy, making sure to avoid my extremely sensitive clit area.  I flinched when He first turned it on but then settled into the gentle hum and the feeling of it pulsing around my pelvis.  Leaning over me, He stroked my body and kissed me deeply.  When He was sure that I was focused more on the pleasure of His touch, He turned it up just to remind me of the pain.  He continued alternating like this, sometimes also adding in a few strikes of the flogger across my tits, until He had reached the highest setting on the unit 

I thought He might have been done but He was actually far from finished.  Now, He moved the pads around so that one was directly on my clit and told me He intended to again get it to the highest power.  To add to my discomfort, He put the clover clamps on each of my nipples  Believe it or not, even with the pain in my nipples, had something also been moving inside of me, I feel certain I could have had an orgasm from the electricity pulsing through my clit.

Now instead of distracting my pain with kissing and flogging, He used the violet wand.  Each time He increased the intensity, He teased my body with the wand, tracing it across my flesh.  He was quite proud of Himself for leaving the red markings of the word "whore" across my stomach, which I proudly wore the rest of the night.  But thankfully they were gone by the next day.  

Finally getting to the highest setting, He turned the Tens off, removed the pads, and with a huge sadistic grin on His face, used the violet wand to continue zapping me directly on the clit until I was writhing and whimpering, trying to arch off the bed and fight against the restraint that held me fixed. 

Next, He brought out the knife.  It's a switch blade type, and just to hear the sound it gives me shivers of anticipation. I never really thought I would ever enjoy knife play as much as I do but it really gets me going when it's threatening me in just the right spots.  With my body sill spread eagle, He climbed over me and settled between my legs, warning me not to move.  Just to be sure, He puts straps just above my knees and fastened them to the sides of the bed forcing my legs into a semi-butterflied position.

Slowly and ever so gently He began dragging the blade of the knife over my clit.  Then I felt the coldness of the blade touching and parting my lips just before sliding in.   

Don't you dare move. 

He moved it ever so slightly in and out.  My body didn't even so much as flinch.  My breathing slowed and deepened and I drifted off lost in the moment. 

At some point afterwards, I realized He had replaced the switch blade with a butter knife but part of the game is not knowing when He actually did that.  Beautiful mind fuck! 

After so much stimulation, it was sweet relief, when He finally removed His clothes and took me as I still lay helpless and bound in the bed.

What a night!  I have another one to write about but that's going to have to wait until the next post:)    

A Moment of Glory

Gosh, I had been so incredibly aroused the last couple days.  You know the kind...horny to the p0int that it's painful for your jeans just to rub you the wrong (or maybe right) way.  I had been doing some research, I won't say about what just yet, but it hadn't gotten me in quite a state.  Of course, Daddy always knows when I'm like this.  Sometimes He cares, sometimes He doesn't but either way, I don't dare make a fuss about it.  I simply greet Him the same way I do every day when He gets home, with a kiss and by saying I am available for your pleasure.  Maybe it's the inflection or tone in my voice that gives me away.  

Last night, being that it was late once again by the time we made it up to bed, I asked if I could be of service, assuming that He would just request my assistance in some relief.  Much to my surprise, after spending some time using my mouth on Him, He ordered me to get undressed and get on top of Him.  Almost immediately after I had slid myself down on His cock, He pushed me off and told me to turn around and ride Him, facing the other direction. I guess this would be considered the "reverse cowgirl position", which we almost never use.  Not only does it just feel awkward like trying to write left handed, but I much prefer the closeness of being face to face. Honestly, I think He prefers it that way too.  

While it wasn't exactly what my greedy pussy was hoping for, it was obvious she was enjoying all the same as spanked me with a piece of rope He found in the bedside drawer while reminding me that my only job was to jerk Him off my pussy.  Pssst....just a little word of caution...getting spanked with rope really hurts!!

When Daddy was satisfied that He had made up for missing a couple days of maintenance spankings, He told me to get on my back.  As He pressed Himself down on top of me, He snaked His arm up between the bed and my back. Latching onto a fistful of my hair, He took what He wanted and gave me a bit of what I needed so badly.

Afterwards, as I was cleaning Him, He asked if I had enjoyed my few minutes of glory.  

Yes...Yes...I most certainly did and I am pretty thankful because I have a feeling He isn't feeling quite as generous today.  

Revisting Maintenance Spankings

This week brought the return of daily maintenance spankings.  And I suspect they will continue for some time.

When He gets home from work, I am to greet him as usual.  Either before we eat dinner or directly after, just depends on how hectic things are at the moment, I am to go upstairs in the closet, pull my pants to my ankles, and wait for Him and whatever implement He has chosen for that day. 

Much to my surprise, I received my maintenance yesterday as well, even though it was Saturday. He hadn't specifically made a provision for the weekends but I guess we are clear that this is a daily occurrence as long as He desires it to be.

Anyways, this week, I noticed something.  Actually, I had noticed it before but never wanted to ask about it. 

Friday evening, after coming in from from work, the kids were already gone with friends and the house was quiet.  He gave me that look and pointed for me to head upstairs.  I went in the closet, and as He had every day this week, He instructed me to pull my pants down and assume the position. 

And afterwards, just like every other day, when the spanking was done, He said for me to pull my pants back up and walked out without a touch of affection. 

Being that this was a Friday night and a night I am not usually expected to cook, He told me to get ready so we could go get dinner.  While we were out, I just had to know, not because I was questioning His methods but because I just really wanted to understand.  I sheepishly sat across the table from Him, stumbling around on my words, until He got frustrated and told me to just speak whatever was on my mind. 

Finally, I asked...what, if anything, does He get out these maintenance spankings??

I didn't really want to describe them as "cold" and "unfeeling" but that's kinda what it seemed like to me.  I know that I shouldn't place any expectations on His actions but I really started to wonder why there is no outward show of emotion from Him before, during, or directly after.  It all had the feel of a business transaction.

His explanation actually made perfect sense and was a perspective I hadn't even considered.  It's simply how He chooses to reinforce our roles and transition after being apart all day.  As far as the "unemotional" aspect, that is done with intention. 

The goal of maintenance is still very much about reconnecting, but for Him, maintenance isn't about play. It isn't about passion. It's about "I am the Master, you are the slave".

Maintenance with a Cane

Sitting here on my deeply sore behind,

I have to admit, I'm not much of a fan!

Nope...not one little bit!!

Hidden Treasures

Today was another beautiful day on the lake.  Daddy caught plenty of fish and well...I just sat around in another one of my bikinis, eating like I had a tapeworm.  I don't know what it is about being out there, maybe it's the fresh air that makes me so hungry but I just can't help myself. 

This is becoming quite a regular habit on the weekends for us I suppose.  We enjoy it though.  Time spent in the peace and quiet is priceless. 

Today we went up into the mouth of a certain river and stumbled upon an amazing old looking dredge.  I was thinking...that would make a great photo backdrop and before the words came out of my mouth, He said the exact thing I was thinking.  It is almost too weird how much alike we are beginning to think! 

Anyways, He motored over to the dredge and nonchalantly looked around for a few minutes to make sure we were really alone. He finally pulled up beside it and I scooted off our boat, onto the dredge. Quickly, I posed for some pictures, hopped back on our boat and we went on our way.

 

 
After we got home, I was getting ready to shower and Daddy happened upon the long forgotten cane that had been tucked away in our closet.  I think when I was vacuuming the other day, I must have knocked it over, so it was lying where He could see it. 

You should have seen the look in His eyes and the joy in His voice.  He was a like a kid that just unwrapped a Christmas present.  

Today, we were up to a count of 16 in daily maintenance spankings, and I guess you can imagine what He couldn't wait to use!!





 

Mending Fences

It kind of goes without saying that this has been a week of reflection for us both.  We have spent quite a bit of time just being...relaxing together, catching up on the new show True Detective and talking about things a little at a time.

It upsets me that recent events threatened to unravel the fabric of our dynamic, but sometimes as unsettling as it can be, re-evaluation is necessary and in the end, hopefully helps us both to grow.

The issue was servicing others or being "loaned out" and it's not something I take lightly. I constantly struggle with the idea of it and always worry about any risks that could be introduced into our marriage and cause permanent damage.  While I had done it once in the past and did enjoy the experience, this time, the circumstances felt all wrong. I think He realizes that now as well.  Had I respectfully expressed my concerns at the time, He would have understood and agreed.  

Now, I don't consider myself at all bratty. He would never tolerate that. However, I admit to requiring a bit of affection and attention along with A LOT of reassurance.  Without proper attention given to the maintenance of our dynamic, the lack of intimacy and connection over the past few months have left me frustrated and feeling neglected, only working to steadily fuel my self-doubt and insecurities.  Rather than talk to Him about these issues, I withdrew into myself, hoping not to burden Him further.

I knew the moment He issued the order, I was far from the appropriate headspace and following through might very well have put my mental state in jeopardy.  Besides being angry, my first thought was he's too busy to want or need me for Himself so He is casting me aside and sending me elsewhere.   I needed Him and the security only He could provide me, not to be given away.

So, where are we now?

We know this isn't something that we want to give up.  It's not just something we do, it's who we are now.  We haven't been able to go about our days without feeling like something was just...missing.
 
He is determined to make more time for us so that our dynamic is fed and maintained because I need to feel His ownership.  It wouldn't be fair to expect me to meet all His needs, if I am left feeling that mine are not being met. 

We have discussed the issues I have with expectations of servicing other men and while I am not completely off the hook, He has offered me a reasonable compromise.

At this point, the ball is in my court.  The choice...whether I will accept the terms of my surrender with the understanding that if I disobey again, it will most definitely be the end of the dynamic.

 
Oh but there will be a little matter of punishment that I am due. Yikes...scary thinking how bad it's going to be, given that I stand accused of committing the cardinal sin in His book!

Decisions...decisions 

                

Why Maintenance Spankings Help

I guess seeing the pictures of my bruised ass this week has caused some questions about how I can tolerate the pain.  One answer...MAINTENANCE SPANKINGS! 

My introduction to this concept was around month 2 of our D/s relationship.  I can't even begin to describe how nervous I was that first day, instructed by my Master's text to be waiting naked in the corner of the bedroom on my knees with a wooden spoon in my mouth.  As I heard His footsteps thumping across the wooden floor, my pulse quickened and a lump rose in my throat.  At His direction. I stood and assumed my position...legs spread, hands clasped behind my head, and rotating my hips in seductive circles, which tend to become not so seductive after being spanked hard for a while!

Maintenance spankings always begin with a warm up of light tapping.  He likes to see my ass get rosy pink and then he gradually increases force.  The spanking that first day was a mere 46 licks with the wooden spoon.  They were meant to sting but not really hurt.  My Master determined the number of licks based on my age at the time which was 39 plus the day of the month which was the 7th. 

The next day was a different implement (a paddle) and the number increased to 54  The day after that was 63 and fairly uneventful except my butt was definitely feeling the effects of being spanked several days in a row.     

Ah...Friday, I am up to 73 but Master tries a different position.  This time I am face down and spread eagle on the bed.  Unfortunately, after failing to keep my hips rotating and earned myself 20 more licks and He chose the loopy for those, which is an spanking implement I never, ever find fun!

Saturday's spanking was a total of 84.  Because I was a bit sore, He started with 64 for the warm up and reserved the last 20 for intensity.  It was a good thing because today's implement was a belt and 20 of those was more than enough.

So, Sunday was to be the end of my maintenance spankings for the week and for a while in general but He had warned me it would be a tough one.  After warming my ass well, He chose the large plastic slotted spatula from the kitchen which hurt like a you know what and actually made me break out in a sweat.  But no tears, no break in form, and I am really starting to enjoy this special time of bonding between my Master and I.  The total count for that day...100!

Just some quick tidbits:

My Master always tells me the number of licks when He is doing maintenance spankings.  This allows me to get into a rhythm, focus, and achieve sub-space.

The warm-up is so very important and I cannot stress this point enough.  I can tolerate so much more when the intensity is gradually introduced. 

Punishment spankings are treated much differently. There are fewer, but they are more intense, and without warm-up. He will not tell me the number of licks beforehand because I am not meant to achieve sub-space.  Also, because they are more intense, he may have to determine how many based on how I am handling it.   

We go back over the maintenance spanking ritual every few months.  The last time, day one started at 100 and had progressed to 400 by the last day of the week!

Maintenance spankings are cathartic and stress relieving for me.  I feel like everything is washed away after it's all over...amazing how that works:)

Before last week, I would see pictures of other people's bruised bottoms and think..."NO WAY...  that's way too extreme...I could not take that".  Apparently my maintenance spankings prepared me better than I thought!!